Guzma Beats Down the World
by Fegglewords
Summary: Guzma liked to be the big boss, but Team Skull is no more. What lies in store for him now? A reluctant world trip with a weird old man, of course. Rated T for occasional coarse language or mature themes, contains some OCs.
1. Chapter 1

**AN:** **The events of this story take place after Pokemon Sun and Moon. The player character is the champion and Guzma has disbanded Team Skull. For reference, the setting of this story would be a decade or so Gold/Silver/HeartGold/Soulsilver. There may be a few errors as this is my first time submitting to this website. Other than that, enjoy.**

Stinkin' boat. Stinkin' Hala.

Guzma stood on the ferry, arms folded, a frown plastered on his face, staring with disdain at the happy, smiling faces. He couldn't believe Hala had convinced him to go on this trip. He was Guzma, the big, bad boss of a big, bad gang!

Or he used to be. Guzma's frown deepened, then became a toothy scowl. He let loose a small growl as he fixed his eyes on the twerp responsible for beating down him and his boys, standing there down on the dock. He was even younger than that Gladion kid, yet he beat Guzma three… no, four times! Guzma didn't care that the kid was the champion, he hated it when _anyone_ beat him down.

All these people were here to see off the old man, Hala. That day on the beach, a month or so ago, Hala had said he wanted to make a "fine trainer" out of Guzma. Guzma didn't know why he didn't just leave after hearing that. Maybe it was because he just wanted something to do after disbanding Team Skull… but seriously, being told what to do by someone else _blows._

"Guzma, smile. It's a beautiful day!"

The old man's constant smiling and cheeriness really got on Guzma's nerves. It was always "Smile, Guzma" and "stand tall, Guzma!" How was Guzma supposed to smile after everything that had happened recently?

Guzma looked to the people gathered on the dock. He didn't know them all by name, but he could at least hazard a guess as to whom most of them were. First, the kid with that rage-inducing toothy grin. Guzma remembered him as Hala's grandson. What was his name? Hugh? Howie? Guzma didn't care. He almost got beat by that kid, that time in Aether Paradise. Guzma didn't care to remember it. It freaked him out every time he thought about that day.

There was some old woman next to that Howie kid. Guzma didn't recognise her, but she had the same eye-gouging smile. There was a whole bunch of other people too. A young woman, a creepy-looking little girl, some teenager with a golf club. There was an old man next to the little girl, arms folded, a bored look on his face. Guzma felt like he recognised him and also really liked the look of him for some reason. There was also some girl riding a Mudsdale.

And then there he was. The twerp. The guy Guzma could never beat down. Just standing there… smiling. Guzma hated that. Not once when Guzma lost to the kid had he gloated, taunted, celebrated, or just shown any emotion like a damn normal person! Guzma swore to defeat him someday.

All these people were shouting and yelling and saying goodbyes, all to old Hala. Guzma's scowl faded and he found himself wondering: Why was no one here to see him off? Why wasn't anyone there happily waving off big bad Guzma, the hated boss who beats you down and beats you down and never lets up?

…Perhaps he answered his own question.

Still, over a hundred numskull grunts and not one showed up. Guzma felt strange. Not angry... but different. He didn't like it.

"Come on now, Guzma," it was Hala, nudging him, "give our friends a smile! And stand up straight! This is the last time you're going to see them for a while, after all."

Guzma continued to slouch. "They ain't my friends, old man." he sheepishly slid his hands into his pockets, "and I don't care. Alola's getting old anyway."

Hala gave a chuckle. "Come on, get excited, my boy! Have you ever been outside of Alola before?"

"Nah."

Hala thumped his hand on Guzma's back, causing Guzma to growl again, "I'll make a fine trainer out of you yet! A fine young man, too." He slid the hand off, and started waving to the crowd below, "You've got everything you need, right?"

Guzma put his hands on his hips. "Stop talkin' to me like I'm a kid. I packed everything, alright? I don't know why I even said yes to going on this trip in the first place… much less with someone like you."

Hala put his hand on his chin, smiling and looking down at Guzma. Guzma was not a particularly tall nor short man, but his persistent slouch made him appear the latter. "Did you remember your toothbrush?"

Guzma threw his arms out, "Seriously?!"

"Hahaha, I'm just messing with you, boy!"

They both felt a jerk as the ship began to take its leave. They rode a cruise ship, so it was not a fast departure. Hala continued to holler as they left. Guzma rolled his eyes and started towards the interior of the cruise ship.

Hala finished up his farewells and started to follow. He called over to Guzma, "Don't you worry, my boy. You're going to have a lot of fun in the Kanto region. More fun than you ever had in that gang of yours!"

Guzma replied without turning around, "Yeah. Right." Guzma turned around one last time, "and stop calling me boy!"

* * *

Dinnertime on the S.S Star was in session. Hala had ordered for the two of them when Guzma had refused to.

"Fine ship, isn't it?" said Hala, "Have something to eat, Guzma." Eating in fancy restaurants had never been a favourite thing of Guzma's. In fact, he freaking hated it. "You asked me earlier why you agreed to come with me?"

Guzma fixed the old man with a scowl. He put his elbows on the table and spoke, "I already figured it out. It was because I was bored, plain and simple. Team Skull was all I did, I dedicated all the time I got to my boys. I got thinking that Kanto could be interesting, I could make a new Team Skull, maybe. Recruit some new guys."

"So why did none of them show up to wave goodbye to you?"

Guzma raised his voice a little, stung by the remark, "That's because they were all busy! Probably, I dunno."

Hala picked up the glass of wine next to him and took a sip. He frowned and rolled his tongue a bit, mumbling something, before setting the glass back down. "I think what you said is somewhat the truth, you joined me because you were "bored". But I think it was a more deep-seated boredom, more in the vein of lacking real purpose in life."

"Are you dissing Team Skull? My boys gave me plenty o' purpose, old man!"

Hala spoke with certainty. "You do seem conflicted. You agreed to hop onto a boat with me after I happened across you trying to "beat down" the champion of the Alola region and now you're acting all moody and not eating anything. Did you even realise who you were up against? You need to listen to me, Guzma. Respect your opponent's strength, regardless of their age or anything else. You gave that lucky charm of yours to the champion the last time you lost to him. Surely that was the beginning of respect for your opponent's strength, why else would you do that?"

Guzma folded his arms, leaning back in the chair and causing it to creak, "Y'know nothing. I'm just bored, that's all. You'll see."

Hala chuckled. He picked up the wine glass as if to take another sip, then put it down again with a quiet groan.

A silence filled the table. Guzma looked at his gold watch, one of his proudest items of bling, along with his necklace. It was 8:30. He missed staying up late partying like when he was younger, but Team Skull had been more active in the daytime. Most of the boys had always been burned out in the evenings from stealing Pokemon and beating down fools all day.

"So Guzma, did you ever consider taking on the Pokemon League?"  
Guzma snapped out of his thoughts. "I told Kukui we didn't need a freaking Pokemon League. I was already the strongest trainer in the region, we didn't need to prove anything."

"Oh, but were you really? I think the current league champion would disagree."

"Look, old man. You got a point? I ain't challenging no crap-sack league."

"You know what I was thinking? With time and patience, I think you'd make a really good member of the elite four." Guzma raised an eyebrow. "I myself am a member, as you know. Hapu's filling in me for the time being, though."

"Eh?"

"Hapu. She was the girl riding the Mudsdale as we left. The Ground-type Kahuna of Poni Island."

"The one with the weird nose?"

Hala ignored the remark, "The Alola Elite Four lacks a Bug-type user such as yourself. I think someday you could be a valuable addition. Maybe take over from me after I cark it, HAHAHA!"

Guzma winced a little. The old man's laugh was _loud_ , and they received a few stares. "Quiet, will ya? We're in a restaurant here!" Hala's chuckles faded, "and I'm not being no damn elite four! Not in Kukui's league."

"But a bug-type elite four! There aren't many of those. It would make it very interesting. Besides, you'd be surrounded by pretty, young women. You're a single man, are you not, Guzma?"

"I ain't interested right now."

"But Guzma, the joy of love! Perhaps I'll set you up with our ghost-type elite four member, HAHAHAHA!"

"What? I don't get it."

Hala shuffled in his seat a bit, "Heh, perhaps that jab was a bit too far. For now, I suggest we eat. Do you know how to use a knife and fork?"

Guzma flashed his "What did you just say to me?" look. "I don't get your sense of humour, old man! Nobody makes fun of Guzma!"

"If Guzma bites, then Guzma will get made fun of more often."

Guzma sighed and picked up the knife and fork. His meal was a steak of some sort.

Bored, he was just bored, that was all it was. That was the only reason. "That's why I'm here", thought Guzma. "That's why I'm here, with an old man who gets under my skin."

This was gonna be a long trip.

* * *

Hala inhaled deeply, then sighed. "Vermilion City. Look, Guzma."

Guzma gazed at the admittedly pretty city before him. The night-time lights shone over the ocean water to create a pretty reflection. Guzma looked into the illuminated water below to see the millions of Tentacool bobbing through the water. He didn't like Tentacool, though he had to admit, it was a pretty cool sight.

"Our hotel for the night is this way," said Hala, "follow me."

Guzma found himself smirking a little as he moved towards his home for the night. Nobody would know who he was here. Maybe this trip wouldn't be so bad after all. He could start a new gang, maybe. Make some new friends, make a new Team Skull and go and take over Kukui's stupid Pokemon League! Or maybe take over _this_ Pokemon League. Guzma was going to find some way to _make_ this trip good, whether Hala liked it or not. Guzma had only one thing to say at a time like this.

"Here I come, Kanto region, say hello to ya boi Guzma!"


	2. Chapter 2

"Rise and shine, Guzma!"

Guzma groaned and rolled out of the hotel bed, "I'm awake already. Geez." Guzma rose up from the bed, still dressed in the uniform of the Team Skull boss. They were clothes that reminded him of his boys that he didn't plan to change any time soon. When he'd gone back to his parents place, he'd taken off his necklace, partly out of humiliation for failing his boys, partly because his Dad told him to. His Dad had demanded Guzma remove the tattoos and cross out the team skull symbol on his hood, too and refused to let him back into the house otherwise. Guzma hadn't really had a choice. Hala would definitely try and make him take the necklace off sometime. Guzma felt it was more important to him now that he was so far away form Team Skull. Guzma stretched his back, noticing slight pain.

"I've got a big day planned today for the two of us," Hala stood tall, hands on hips, a toothy smile aimed at Guzma. "You might want to let your Pokemon out. They're probably getting lonely."

"Yeah, yeah, I know already, quit ordering me around." Guzma picked up his backpack, rummaging around inside for his Poke Balls. Guzma was a lifelong lover of the bug type. His first Pokemon, though not his favourite, was a Spinarak he caught as a boy. He remembered being captivated by the spider Pokemon, he'd really appreciated the frightening look of the small bug type and enjoyed scaring his friends with it. His friends… had they really been his friends? Guzma wondered as he picked up the poke ball of Spinarak, who had long since evolved into Ariados. Though no longer his star Pokemon, Ariados held a special place in the trainer's heart.

"Hmm!" Hala drew the blinds, looking down upon Vermilion City, "Beautiful day outside. What say you and I head out onto Route 11 for some morning exercises?"

"Feh!" Guzma was not about to let something like "morning exercises" become a regular thing, "I'm plenty fit from squats. I don't need exercise!"

"Squats? Ha! I'd do those too if my knees could handle it" said Hala, smiling, "Anyway, let's get out of here, this place is stuffy." Guzma grabbed his travel backpack and headed towards the room's door.

* * *

Guzma gazed upon Kanto Route 11. It was beautiful and lush, exactly the sort of place he'd normally avoid. A snaking path had been mown through the tall grass, which waved in the morning breeze. The place appeared to be popular, while it wasn't bustling with people there was a fair amount out for a morning frolic. Two small children were having a Pokemon battle animatedly in the grass, Guzma craned his neck to see the participants. It was a boy and a girl, around the same age. Guzma couldn't quite place the name of the girl's Pokemon, but it was a small, four-legged fire-type. Growl-something. The boy's Pokemon of course would be recognizable to anyone in the world: Pikachu. The two were yelling and shouting commands, fire and electricity filled the air around them. Guzma was careful to steer clear, not just because of the Pokemon attacks, but because children annoyed him.

On his left was the entrance to a cave. The sign read "Diglett's Cave". Huh. Guzma found that interesting, thinking about Diglett's Tunnel in Alola. He wondered which came first.

"Ahhhh…" Hala sighed, breathing in the clean air, "It's a beautiful day! Makes me want to battle. Now, Guzma, how about you send our Pokemon out? There's plenty of space. You're a bug-type user, are you not?"

Guzma smirked, eager to impress. "Get ready, old man, this is what _real_ Pokemon look like!" He reached into his pocket, pulling out an ultra ball. All of Guzma's Pokemon were caught in ultra balls, they were his favourite kind. Guzma released the catch on the ball, and out came Ariados. Ariados gave a hiss, happy to see Guzma.

"Ah yes, Ariados. I believe it's Bug and Poison type?"

Guzma folded his arms proudly, "Hell yeah, and it's _awesome_!" Guzma felt for the next Poke Ball, picking it up and extending his arm out, releasing his next Pokemon in a flash of bright light. Masquerain, the Bug and Flying type Pokemon, had been a later addition to Guzma's party. Guzma had caught him in his late teens. The only reason he caught it as a Surskit was he'd liked its attitude, he'd ran into it while using Ariados and the wild Pokemon just refused to back down, even after he laid attack after attack into it. As it was now, the bug's unique eye pattern was intimidating and Guzma appreciated that.

Next, Guzma released Pinsir, deciding to save the best for last. Not that that was an insult to Pinsir, it was just that… his remaining two Pokemon were stronger and the coolest-looking. Come to think of it, that was basically an insult to Pinsir. Regardless, Guzma appreciated the mono-bug type for its impressive brute strength and how hard it could hit in battles.

Guzma felt a bit upset as he remembered leaving Pinsir and Masquerain in the PC the first two times he fought that twerp. He'd been aiming to train Golisopod and Ariados by themselves as they'd been falling behind the other two at the time. He didn't make that mistake a third time.

Second-last out was Scizor, who bore Guzma's favourite type combination. Scizor was an offensive and defensive powerhouse, in Guzma's opinion. The guy could sure tank a lot of attacks and really deal out damage as well. Besides, Guzma needed someone like Scizor to beat down Rock and Flying types. He was one of the best-looking Pokemon on Guzma's team, despite being a very recent addition. Guzma caught it as a Scyther, after seeing in a TV show what the Pokemon evolved into.

Though Scizor was one of the best-looking and most competent fighters of his team, Guzma had one more Poke Ball left. He grasped it, grinning, before releasing his fifth and final Pokemon.

Golisopod was the second Pokemon Guzma had ever caught, and he had regretted catching him at first. Wimpod's name was hugely appropriate, the Pokemon had been essentially useless, and Guzma had considered releasing him for a long time. Then, right as Guzma had decided the meek bug was useless, it evolved. Golisopod was Guzma's favourite Pokemon by far. It hit hard, it was Guzma's favourite-looking Pokemon ever, what was not to love?

The answer to that question was the particular trait of the Golisopod species. Eggheads called it the "Emergency Exit" ability. Most of the time, Guzma could respect his Pokemon wanting to get itself out of some hot water, but sometimes it really wasn't necessary. The moment it didn't have the upper hand, Golisopod retreated, refusing to use any more moves, forcing Guzma to switch it out. It really got under Guzma's skin sometimes. It was like Arceus had set out to create the perfect Bug Pokemon but flubbed it ever so slightly and made it a little bit of a wimp.

"A fine team", it was Hala, rubbing his chin, "But don't you have a sixth?"

Guzma raised an eyebrow, "Come again?"  
"A sixth Pokemon. Is Guzma too good for a Ribombee?"

"Shut it! I just didn't get around to it, okay? And if I wanted a sixth, I'd get a Vikavolt anyway."

"Ohoho! I'm just joking, young Guzma. After all, I'd be a hypocrite. I use only five Pokemon, too."

"Your sense of humour is _stupid_." Guzma growled and turned away, looking past his team to the people around. Besides the two kids, whose battle had finished in favour of the boy and his Pikachu, there weren't many others around. There was an older man who had the kid's same blondee hair, sitting next to a woman on a park bench. There was the little girl, who had now run back to two other children, apparently unaccompanied by adults. There was some guy sitting with an electric guitar… and an amp? Weirdo. There was also a solitary electrician some distance away in a taped-off area, presumably fiddling with wires in the ground.

"Woooooooow… _"_ What the heck? Guzma looked down to his right, to the source of the sudden voice. "Those are _cool_ Pokemon!" It was the blondee kid with the Pikachu. He was standing, jaw wide open, gazing at Golisopod. Golisopod took a wary step back. Golisopod would generally roar at people it didn't like, where Guzma just preferred a "beat it".

"Beat it, kid."

The kid puffed out his cheeks, "Hey, that's not nice!"

"I ain't nice. Beat it." Hala wasn't currently paying attention. He'd moved and was now talking with the couple on the bench.

"Battle me!" Guzma couldn't have heard that right. Was this kid for real?

"I ain't battling you, kid. You'd lose in one attack. Seriously. That Pikachu is all you have, right?"

The kid glared at Guzma, "You're mean! I wanna battle. The only way for me to learn is to battle people, even if I lose!" Guzma rolled his eyes. He was starting to get annoyed. Was this kid freaking serious?

"Guzma, are you being nice to that child?" It was Hala, accompanied by the couple from the bench. "I was just making some new acquaintances. I see you are too!" Guzma looked at the couple. The woman was dressed in a rather plain dress, while the man stood out. He was in his late forties. He wore a green shirt, camo shorts, boots and a tag of some sort around his neck, like Guzma's necklace. Guzma imagined he would've seen a grey hair or two in the man's bright blondee hair if he took a closer look. He would hazard a guess that the man standing before him was Pikachu-kid's dad.

The man spoke to the kid, "Magnus, what's going on over here?"

"I want to battle this old man and he won't let me!"

Guzma's face contorted into anger, "Old man?!"

The blonde guy looked at Guzma's Pokemon, who were watching the situation with interest. He whistled. "These yours? Impressive bunch. I see you're a bug-type user." He folded his arms and spoke to the boy, Magnus, "Sorry son, I think this guy is way out of your league!"

"But, Dad!"

Guzma snickered, "See? This guy knows who he's dealing with!"

Blonde-guy smirked. "Battle me instead."

Guzma raised an eyebrow, "Huh? You?"

"I'm… well, let's just say I'm a pretty good trainer. I haven't had any good battles recently, they were all folks that were too easy to beat. Looking at your Pokemon, I think I'd see better from you. I don't even recognize that one there," he gestured to Golisopod. "So, how about it?"

Guzma reached for his empty Poke Balls, smiling a wicked grin, "Heh, I like you. You got yourself a deal."

The woman, whom Guzma assumed to be the mother, took Magnus by the hand and began leading him away. He called back to Guzma, "You'll see, you meanie. My Dad's gonna destroy you!"

"Ohoho!" Hala laughed heartily, "I think you're going to find this battle _very_ interesting, Guzma!" Guzma ignored him and returned all his Pokemon to their balls, already knowing whom he was going to lead with.

"By the way," the blonde man was reaching into his pocket, taking out a plain Poke Ball, "I use Electric-Type Pokemon. Seeing as I've already seen your whole team, I thought you should know." Knowing that fact didn't change Guzma's lead. First impressions were important, hugely important.

Guzma and his blonde-haired opponent, whom Guzma realised he did not know the name of, each took several steps backward. "You ready?" said the blonde man.

"Heh, the real question is, are _you_ ready to get _beat down_?"

The man laughed, "I think the real question is are _you_ ready to get _electrified_? But I'll take that as a yes. Let's go."

"You're on!"

* * *

Guzma threw first, seeing his opponent's chosen Pokemon clasped in his hand already. "Let's go, Golisopod!"

Guzma chucked the ultra ball in what was really quite a ridiculous-looking fashion, putting his back into it too much and leaning forward as he threw, almost tripping. He thought it was cool. Golisopod burst from the ball, its menacing battle cry ringing out.

"You're up, Electrode!" Guzma's opponent chucked the Poke Ball with one of his muscular arms, and out came a Pokemon that looked like a giant, upside-down Poke Ball. What the heck was that? Guzma didn't care. He assumed the thing was an electric type and went for his first attack.

"Golisopod, use First Impression!"

Guzma's opponent was no slouch, "hit him with Discharge, Electrode!"

Of course, the nature of Guzma's move meant Golisopod hit first. As Electrode began charging up to release its attack, Golisopod moved at breakneck speed, stopping right in the face of its enemy. Then, it performed a spectacular uppercut on the enemy Electrode with one of its claws. Guzma smiled. A perfectly-executed attack.

The Electrode rolled backwards, stunned by the hit, and promptly fainted. Guzma laughed. What a great start!

"Now, hold up there a second. I got three more Pokemon. You haven't won yet, though I might need my ace against you." Guzma's opponent was quick to select their next Pokemon, throwing the ball with gusto, "Go, Raichu!"

Guzma knew _that_ Pokemon. It was the evolution to Pikachu, but this Raichu looked different to the ones Guzma had seen. Alolan Raichu floated in the air on their tails, while this Raichu merely stood on the ground, and was a darker colour.

The blonde man wasted no time. "Raichu, use Shock Wave!"

"Hit 'em with a Razor Shell, Golisopod!" Guzma released after the fact a Sucker Punch would have been smarter, especially with Raichu being part-psychic type.

But the Raichu was much too fast. The electric mouse Pokemon began charging electricity, before sending out the powerful shock wave towards Golisopod. The electricity travelled fast and Golisopod failed to move out of the way, copping the attack head-on.

Guzma frowned at first, then bared his teeth in anger as Golisopod wimped out, retreating back towards him in the panicky, crouched position that Guzma had come to recognise as the Emergency Exit ability. "Golisopod, what is _wrong_ with you?! You can't take even one attack?" Though he had to admit, that attack had _wrecked_ Golisopod. Guzma relented, switching Golisopod out.

Guzma's opponent raised an eyebrow "Switching out? That's an odd decision."

"I didn't make it, it's freakin' Golisopod's ability. He wimps out whenever he isn't winning!"

"But that's a pretty smart thing to do, don't you think? That way he'd never get KO'd."

Guzma shook his head, annoyed with where this battle was going. He thought about who would be the best to switch to in this situation, then made up his mind.

"Your turn, Pinsir!" Guzma thought it would be best to send someone in not weak to the electric type. Pinsir burst forth, baring its menacing teeth and raising its claws.

"Raichu, use Thunder Wave!" said Guzma's opponent, not missing a beat. Raichu responded before Guzma could make his move, sending out a weak pulse of electricity towards Pinsir. Pinsir convulsed after receiving the attack, its movement becoming jerky and slow. "Great", thought Guzma, "the paralysis condition".

"Hey, no fair!" Guzma hated moves like that. He hated when people used cheap and easy tactics instead of hitting fast and hard. He thought a little less of this opponent of his now. "Pinsir, hit em with an X-Scissor!" Pinsir struggled. It attempted to move forward, then, after several seconds, broke temporarily through the crippling status condition. Pinsir surged towards the Raichu, jumping at it and slashing in an X-shape with its claws. The Raichu recoiled, but still seemed to be in fair condition. Guzma grimaced as he knew what was coming next.

"Finish him off with a Thunder, Raichu!" Pinsir could not possibly have dodged the surging thunderbolt, taking the brunt of the powerful attack. Pinsir fainted, keeling over forward, Guzma could've sworn the Pokemon was smoking a bit.

"Goddamnit!" Guzma felt a surge of anger as he returned the Pokemon to its ball. Then he got an idea. Masquerain was one of his faster Pokemon. Maybe it could outspeed the Raichu?

Thinking this, Guzma chose it next, "Get em, Masquerain!" The strange yet intimidating Bug and Flying type Pokemon emerged, ready for a good fight.

"Go for another Thunder, Raichu!"

"Don't let 'em do it, Masquerain, hit that Raichu with Bug Buzz!"

Masquerain began to flap its wings faster for the attack, but was cut off abruptly as the lightning bolt hit it. Masquerain fell to the ground with a weak cry, completely cooked. It had fainted.

Guzma's jaw dropped, "What the hell, Masquerain?" This was getting real bad, real fast. Guzma was down two-and-a-half Pokemon and out of counters to his opponent's non-Alolan Raichu. He fumbled for Scizor's Poke Ball next, intending to let it take a hit from Raichu and deal some damage back.

"Come on out, Scizor." Guzma said with considerably less gusto. Scizor assumed a battle stance, sizing up his smaller opponent. Scizor was the second tallest out of Guzma's Pokemon, below Golisopod. It stood a few inches taller than Guzma himself.

"Bullet Punch him, Scizor!" Guzma hoped the move would work.

"Try Thunder one more time, Raichu!" Scizor moved first due to the power of Bullet Punch, rapidly striking Raichu with a series of metal-infused punches. Scizor aimed its punches well. Raichu swayed briefly, attempting to charge up sparks for Thunder, before keeling over forwards and fainting.

Guzma rejoiced, "Yeah, _that's_ how we do it!"

His opponent smirked. That wasn't right. Guzma was gonna beat this guy down, he just knew it. This guy should fear Guzma, the big boss of the bug-type. This guy? He was nothing. Just some washed-up has-been who doesn't know when to stop, just a few measly, fizzling sparks, that's all he was.

"I know what you're thinking, but I've still got two Pokemon left. Your turn, Magneton!" The blonde man released the Magnet Pokemon which gave a static, buzzing battle cry. Guzma knew of this Pokemon, and realised the problem he faced in a Steel/Electric type. To hell with type matchups, though, Scizor could hit hard! Fizzle-sparks would see.

"Hit that thing with a Night Slash, Scizor!" Scizor obeyed, its pincers glowing a menacing dark colour as it rushed towards the enemy Pokemon.

"Zap Cannon, Magneton!" Scizor got off the attack much faster, hitting the Magneton with dark energy. Guzma bared his teeth a little seeing the lack of reaction from the enemy Magneton, who had merely suffered visible scratches but appeared to be in little pain. In response, Magneton began to charge a large, electric sphere. With a metallic battle cry, it released the ball directly into the body of Scizor, who went flying backwards, landing on the ground with a thud.

Scizor was down for the count. In one attack. Guzma's jaw dropped again, " _Hell_ no!" His opponent chuckled.

"No giving up! I always see battles through to the end."  
That he would even suggest that was an insult to Guzma. Guzma wasn't always level-headed, but he _never_ walked away from a fight he'd started.

Guzma wordlessly reached for, then released, his last remaining healthy Pokemon: Ariados.

His opponent wasted no time, "Flash Cannon, Magneton!" Magneton's magnets glowed a grayish-white, aiming three concentrated beams of energy in front of it, forming a sphere. It sent the attack hurtling at Ariados, hitting the Pokemon hard before Guzma had a chance to give an order.

And with that, Ariados was down for the count. Guzma's eyes widened, a bead of sweat dripping down his brow. It was all up to Golisopod to take out two Pokemon.

Guzma, both very nervous and getting very angry, realised Golisopod for the second time. The Pokemon's cry rang out strongly, but Guzma could still see the nasty battle injury it had already sustained.

"Golisopod, First Impression! Hit 'em as hard as you can." Guzma yelled.

"Magneton, finish him off with a Shock Wave!"

"Finish him off"? This wasn't over! Guzma was gonna win! Still! Somehow?!

Golisopod charged into the enemy Magneton, slamming it with an uppercut with even more effort than before. The Magneton recoiled backwards, and, to Guzma's horror, recovered quite quickly. Guzma could only watch as Magneton charged an electric wave and swiftly discharged it into Golisopod's face.

This was nuts. This was _stupid_. Golisopod was knocked onto the ground. It held itself up briefly with its claws, shaking, then collapsed. Golisopod had fainted.

Guzma's jaw hit the floor. He couldn't believe his eyes. He clutched at his head and yelled, in complete disbelief at the loss, "Guzma, what is _wrong_ with you?!"  
"That was a pretty good match!" Guzma's opponent had his arms folded, a cheeky grin plastered on his face. "My friend here told me you two were foreigners" he said, gesturing to Hala, "but I didn't catch your name. I'm Lt. Surge, by the way. Call me Surge if you want, my army days are long behind me."

Guzma wasn't paying attention. He'd lost to some random, smug blonde. He'd lost his _first_ battle in the Kanto region. That was some seriously bad street cred, man.

Guzma stormed off in the other direction. "Hey!" called Surge, "I really liked your guts. You battled very well! What's wrong with a handshake?"

But Guzma was already gone.

Hala sighed, "I'll go get him."

"Is he your son?" asked Surge.

"No, no." Hala shook his head again. "And his name is Guzma, by the way. It's an Alolan name, like mine, but it's quite uncommon." Hala put his hands on his hips, "Ah, Guzma, Guzma, Guzma…"

"Is he taking the gym challenge yet?" asked Surge, "That was probably one of the best battles I've had in a while. Been getting some weak trainers to the gym lately. And he had _guts_. My Pokemon really enjoyed that fight."

Hala realised something. "Did we ever tell him that you're a gym leader?"

"Nope. Don't think so."

"Ah." Hala put both hands behind his head in a pose that his grandson had come to mimic, "Come to think of it, he probably doesn't even know what the gym challenge is. Alola has a very different and traditional system."

"Well you'll have to tell me all about it later! I might want to go there sometime."

Hala nodded. "For now, though, I'm going to go fetch our boy Guzma. I'll be needing to teach him some etiquette."

And with that, Hala started back towards Vermilion City.


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: Thank you to everyone who's reviewed, followed or favorited so far. It means a lot to me. I may also be able to update this more frequently than once a week, as right now my life is not very busy and I have quite a bit of free time.**

* * *

"Guzma, please come back." Guzma wished Hala would just go away. The old man obviously didn't understand how Guzma felt. "I've lost battles before too. I've lost to my own grandson. Believe me, others have suffered more embarrassing defeats than yours in the past."

Yep. He didn't get it. "Look, gramps. I lost my _first_ battle. In a place I've never been before! Don't you see how that makes me feel like crap? I should never have busted up the boys", said Guzma with a shake of his head, "If it weren't for that kid I'd still be chillin' with Team Skull right now!"

"Guzma." Guzma looked towards Hala, who was trying his best to be understanding. "I don't think any less of you for losing and neither does Surge. That's the name of the man you battled. That's a lesson you need to learn, as well. Do not get personal with your opponents. Pokemon battles are a friendly competition."

"Fine", said Guzma. "I'll shake his hand if that'll shut you up, but I ain't apologising."

"Fine. I'll accept that. Now come."

The two walked back towards the green grass of Route 11, where Surge stood beside his family. Guzma frowned, feeling what his Team Skull grunts would've termed as "salty". Losing to Surge… he couldn't see himself ever getting over it.

"Glad to see you're back." It was Surge. "No hard feelings, right?" Surge offered a hand in thanks for the battle, hoping Guzma would show some sportsmanship. Guzma took it with a firm grip, shaking it twice, perhaps a little too violently, before breaking from the grip.

"You should be nicer, Mister. My dad _owned_ you!" It was Magnus, the annoying scamp. He wore a smug grin.

Guzma growled and was about to respond, but Surge interrupted. "Now son, that's not fair. What Guzma here said before was true, you'd lose to him if you battled him. You don't have any right to taunt." Magnus puffed his cheeks out again and folded his arms, looking away from Guzma. "Besides" continued Surge, "I'm a gym leader."

Guzma raised an eyebrow "Gym leader?"

"That's right. Your friend here, I didn't catch his name?"

"His name's Hala."

"Hala here told me you two are from Alola. You have the island challenge there, right? You don't have gyms, or gym leaders, or a Pokemon League?"

"We got a Pokemon League. Not that we needed one."

Surge laughed, "Come on, everywhere needs a Pokemon League! Anyway, the gym challenge is kind of like Alola's island challenge."

This piqued Guzma's interest. "Really? How so?"

"Well, where in Alola you have trials, here we have gyms. There are eight gyms, each specialising in a particular Pokemon type. I'm the electric-type gym leader, and my gym is in Vermilion City. If you beat me, I'll give you the Thunder Badge."

"You don't have kahunas?"

Surge shook his head. "Of course, even if you had beaten me, I couldn't give you the Thunder Badge as it wasn't an official challenge. The rules say you need to beat me in my gym."

Guzma closed his eyes and thought. "So you're like a Trial Captain?"  
"Yeah, I guess I am. I've been a gym leader for over fifteen years, now." By this point, Magnus and his mother had moved off to the other children again. "Now that I think on it, this region doesn't have a Bug-Type gym leader or Elite Four member."

Guzma nodded. He and Surge stood silent for a few seconds, and Guzma noticed that Hala was smiling. "What's so funny?"  
"Oh, nothing! Say, Guzma, you're thinking about challenging the gyms now right?"

Guzma narrowed his eyes. "Was this your plan all along, old man? Get me to come here and take on some glorified knock-off of the Island Challenge?"

Surge interjected, "Hey, it's no knock-off! It's just a better version."

"Feh" huffed Guzma, "I guess I'll give it a go then. You better watch out for me Surge, I ain't forgettin' being beat down by you!"

Surge smiled toothily, "Ha! I'd happily battle you again."

The three of them stood there, an awkward silence filling the air. Guzma tried to think of a way to continue the conversation. "So, hey, that Magnus kid. He's your son?"

"Sure is." Surge said happily. "I wanted a name that sounded electrifying, but my wife thought "Volt" was a little too on-the-nose. So we went for my second pick, which was Magnus. It sounds kind of like Magnet!"

Frankly, it concerned Guzma that a parent would go for "something electrifying" as a theme for a child's name, but he decided to keep his mouth shut about that for now. "So _you_ got to name the kid, not your wife?"

"Yeah. Only because she kept insisting. Terrible with names, my wife is."

"Ah, the joy of having children!" It was Hala, rocking gently with laughter. "I remember it well. I haven't seen my son in quite some time. Don't know where he is at the moment, to be honest…" Guzma noticed a sad look in Hala's eyes, briefly. "Are those your children over there, too?" He gestured to the small group that Magnus had rejoined, chatting brightly with each other.

"Nah, Magnus is just the one. I'm an older dad, you see. I'm not going to have any more." Surge stretched before continuing, "Anyway. If you're going to be challenging me I'd better get back to the gym. Am I going to see you there today?" Guzma wondered if he was really gonna do this. This was just like the Island Challenge and Guzma had done very well at that in his youth.

Surge had beat him down. He was salty, angry, rekt, irate, volcanic, triggered, whatever you wanted to call it. Guzma wanted revenge for that crushing loss.

"Alright, Surge. I'm gonna beat that team of yours down!" Guzma stood tall, trying to be intimidating. "You'd better be ready for big, bad Guzma!"

"I will be! Be seeing you now, Guzma. Nice talking to you, Hala. Show up sometime after midday, everything should be ready by then. Bye now!"

And with that, Surge strutted away, his boots making a crunching noise against the ground.

"Alright now, Guzma. I think we ought to go heal your Pokemon up." Said Hala.

"Yeah."

"And then we're coming right back out here… and I'm teaching you a thing or two!"

* * *

With Guzma's Pokemon healed and raring to go, it was another trip to Route 11 for Guzma. He trailed behind Hala, who strode confidently forward.

Hala inhaled the clean air again. "Ahhhh…. I can never get enough of places like these." Nobody stood on the route now. The kids as well as Surge and his family had cleared out and the electrician and guitar man were nowhere to be seen. "Release one of your Pokemon, Guzma. Your choice."

Really, his choice would be obvious. Feeling through his pockets for the right Poke Ball, he pulled out Golisopod's. Without any theatrics this time, he pressed the button on the sleek Ultra Ball, releasing Golisopod onto the ground. The Pokemon looked around, seeing its trainer behind it and Hala in front, giving Guzma a quizzical look. "Now, let's get started."

Hala reached into his backpack, pulling out an ultra ball, to Guzma's surprise. "We're not so different after all. Like you, Guzma, I prefer the look of the Ultra Ball. It is cool, nice to look at, gives an air of power.

Guzma grinned a little. "Yeah, to be honest, I kind of expected you to use old man balls." Hala released the catch on the Poke Ball, sending out his Pokemon. Guzma recognized the angry-looking Pokemon as Primeape.

"Guzma, if I were to battle you right now, what move specifically would you use on this Pokemon?"

Guzma thought. "I dunno… I guess I'd use Razor Shell."

Hala nodded. "Good, good." He returned Primeape to its ball, the Pokemon appeared to give a disappointed look as it was withdrawn as quickly as it came out. "I of course am a user of the Fighting type. I wanted to test you. However, we are not going to have a competitive battle right now. This is a lesson. " Hala held one finger up as he made a point, "lesson number one: Know your weaknesses."

"Feh! I'm not an idiot, Hala. I get how type matchups work!"

"Oh? Then you could tell me all the weaknesses of the bug type."

"Fire, Rock and Flying." Guzma shook his head. "Don't test me, I ain't stupid."

"Well I "ain't" saying you are. Now, what about the weaknesses of the Water type?"

"Electric and… uh… grass! I got it all down pat."

Hala nodded sternly. "Weaknesses of the electric-type?"

"Just Ground."

"How about the weaknesses of Golisopod?"

Guzma frowned. He closed his eyes, trying to recall the shortcomings of his favourite Pokemon. If it was Bug and Water type, then that would mean… "Rock and Electric."

"You missed flying." Guzma cursed under his breath. "But that's not what I mean. Apply the knowledge to this context. Where can Surge, with his Pokemon, hit you hardest?"

"Golisopod," Guzma answered begrudgingly, "He's weak to electric moves. So is Masquerain."

"So the logical course of action would be to…?"  
"What? You want me to not use him? Golisopod is my ace, man!"

"That may be so, but the fact of the matter is he just won't be very helpful against Surge. Besides, you don't need to make a first impression any more. You've already battled and lost to Surge, he has a pretty good impression of you already."

Though that last remark stung a bit, Guzma had to admit, Hala had a point. "So what do you suggest I do, huh? Only use three Pokemon? That ain't gonna work. I need my whole squad if I want to get this beat down."

"Well, first off, all of Surge's Pokemon are weak to ground-type moves. Do you carry any of those?"

Guzma thought for a few seconds. "No, nah, I don't. You think that would help?"

"More than anything else. Know your opponent's weaknesses as much as your own, only then will you stand a chance at defeating someone as powerful as Surge."

"So what do I do?!"

Hala took his backpack off his back and into his hands, lowering it onto the ground with a grunt. Bending over, he rummaged through one of the flaps, taking out a tiny, brown disc. "This is TM26."

"A TM? I don't really use those much."

"It's easy. They work just like a USB. You've used those before right?"

Guzma rubbed his head. "I ain't good with computers. Best I can do is just bash stuff until it works. But I have used a couple o' TMs before."

Hala rolled his eyes. "All Poke Balls come equipped with a Technical Port. That's the little hole in the side." He handed Guzma the disc. "Guzma, whom out of your Pokemon do you think could learn Earthquake? It is a powerful, earthmoving attack, a Pokemon would have to be very strong to use it."

"Strong? Well that'd be Golisopod. Or maybe Scizor."

"I don't actually mean strongest in battle. I mean physically, which of your Pokemon is strongest?"

Oh. Guzma only had to think about for a few seconds. "Pinsir. Those stick arms are way, _way_ stronger than they look. Heh."

"What moves does Pinsir know now? You'll need to forget one to make room for Earthquake. Trust me on this, Guzma. This move may well win you the battle."

Guzma folded his arms and cocked his head to the side, deep in thought. Pinsir's moves were… X-Scissor, Storm Throw, Guillotine and… Stone Edge! But which one to forget? Pinsir was one of his more versatile Pokemon, and the only one with a Rock-type move or a Fighting-type move. Guzma guessed that ruled out forgetting Storm Throw or Stone Edge. And he sure as hell wasn't having a bug-type Pokemon without a bug-type move, which meant X-Scissor was a keeper. That left only one thing.

"I'll get him to forget Guillotine. It's cool, but it just ain't too useful." Guzma shook his head. "Why the hell would they give such a lame move such a cool name?! It only kills stuff that's weaker than Pinsir, but I don't fight weaklings!"

Hala nodded. "Fair enough. You know how to use a TM?"  
"Quit treating me like an idiot, gramps!"

"Right. Well here you go then." said Hala, handing Guzma the disc. Guzma held the small object in two fingers. He remembered something in the back of his mind about it not being a "disc" necessarily, but something else. What was it? TMs were… a piece, a bit, a clip. A chip. That's what they were. They were chips with information on them. Guzma suddenly realised how hungry he felt, and how chips would really hit the spot. Maybe as a celebration after he crushed Surge.

Guzma drew Pinsir's Ultra Ball, locating the small incision on the side. He clumsily shoved the disc into the slot, but found that it wouldn't go in. "What gives?! Pinsir, you're stupid!"

Hala watched with a neutral facial expression, laughing on the inside. "You're putting the disc in upside-down." Guzma didn't respond. He bared his teeth and growled, flipping the tiny brown object. He tried slotting it in again and this time found the disc went in. Guzma remembered what to do next.

"Pinsir, forget Guillotine." he said. There was a whirring from inside the Poke Ball, lasting five seconds, before the disc (or chip, rather) came out again.

"Excellent. Now release Pinsir." Said Hala. Guzma opened the Ultra Ball, releasing Pinsir once again. The Pokemon could tell something was different. "I think you know what to do next."  
Guzma nodded, smiling devilishly. "Pinsir, use Earthquake!"

Pinsir obeyed. It raised its thin yet strong arms up into the air, before swinging them hard into the ground. The ground shook violently around Hala and Guzma. Guzma panicked briefly as he felt himself tripping over backwards, only for Hala to swoop in and catch him. Guzma mumbled an embarrassed thanks. The earth continued shaking with a mighty rumble, Guzma noticed the attack was real noisy. Some of the rocks on the path were bouncing. Then, the shaking stopped abruptly. The move had finished as quickly as it started, the entire quake only lasting about five seconds.

Pinsir took its hands away from the ground. It turned around towards Guzma as if awaiting approval.

Guzma provided it. "That was… freaking awesome, Pinsir!" Pinsir jumped, pleased with its accomplishment. Guzma returned the Pokemon to its ball, turning to speak to Hala.

"Heheheh… that move _rocks_! Why do you have that TM anyway? "

Hala gave a toothy grin. "I packed ten or so ones I thought you might find useful. My team is of excellent variety and strength as is, whereas I think you could use some improvement."

Guzma ignored the backhanded insult, reflecting on what those words really meant. "Hala… did you mean for me to battle Surge the whole time? So I'd do the gym challenge? Is that the whole reason we came here?"

"Perhaps. I may or may not have researched the types of the eight gyms here before coming, and packed super effective technical machines accordingly. Running into Surge was a complete coincidence, though."

Guzma felt supremely unimpressed with that truth for some reason. "You totally dogged me! I just came here cause Alola was old and boring."

Hala rolled his eyes once again. "You can repeat that as many times as you like, it'll never become the truth." Hala frowned, his bushy eyebrows moving downward. "Besides, this is part of your deal."

Guzma frowned. "Make sense. Now."

Hala sighed before continuing. "I'll be blunt, Guzma, you oversaw and possibly committed a great amount of illegal acts as the boss of Team Skull. The charges Officer Nanu laid forward included Pokemon theft, assault, kidnapping, stealing all of the Buginium Z… and even the attempted theft of a street sign, if I recall correctly?"

Guzma wasn't about to let fancy legal jargon scare him. Only _one_ thing had ever scared him. "Yeah? And so what? Officer Whatsis can't catch me here, anyway. What are you gonna do, make me feel guilty and turn myself in?"  
Hala facepalmed. "My boy, you can be a tad thick sometimes. Normally Officer Nanu is the type not to care about… basically anything, really. But you and your lackeys were some of the worst disruptions in the Alola region, which is known for being a particularly relaxed and _crime-free_ place. Nanu is a police officer, not of the highest ranking, but his word as Island Kahuna carries large weight. Instead of arresting you and putting you in prison for quite a long time, Nanu overturned the opinion of the Chief of Police and posed an alternative for you. He thought it would be better to put out the fire at its source."

"What the hell are you saying?"

"The police force agreed to let you and your Skull buffoons go free if you cleaned up your act. That's my job. Get you to clean up your act. So here I am!" Hala smiled, a smug grin if Guzma ever knew one. Guzma hated being cornered almost as much being actually beat down. "I'm going to make you into a fine Pokemon trainer and a fine young man, so that Team Skull can never return! A brilliant plan of Nanu's, in my opinion."

"You cheeky… you little… you're _stupid_!"

"If not for yourself, Guzma, do it for the boys. None of your Grunts will do any time and you'll walk away a better man. Thanks to me. I'm to understand that Plumeria has already agreed to and fulfilled a similar deal as an administrator of Team Skull." Guzma was quite angry. His mouth twitched as he bared his teeth, growling at Hala. The old man didn't even flinch. "So, that's why you're doing the gym challenge!"

Guzma usually had a comeback when someone gave him crap like this, but… he just couldn't think of one! Damn you to hell, Hala! Why did you have to be so… stupid…?

Guzma gave up on a response. He turned around and began to walk away back towards Vermilion City, the angry, toothed frown not leaving his face. Hala called out.

"Where are you going?"  
"I'm challenging the freaking gym. And _you_ are staying out!" Guzma kept walking. "I don't need your damn help! I can fight gyms and beat down morons like Surge without anyone's help! Team Skull's gone, but I'm still a boss. I'll always be a boss! So… so…" Guzma thought. "So suck it!"

"But I just.. gave you..." Hala didn't bother finishing the thought. Guzma would be Guzma. And now Guzma was gone.

Hala turned around, stretching his back. This was going to be a long trip, but he knew it would be worth it. Hala took another sniff of the lush grass, then decided… he'd just stay here, for the time being.

Guzma would be fine.


	4. Chapter 4

"Why the hell is there a freakin' tree?!"

Right _there_. _Right_ in the path to the gym. Guzma had already checked the building thoroughly. Unless he crawled through the windows, it was impossible to get into the gym any way but straight through this _damn tree_. There was a short drop into the water below down the cliff on any side of the gym. What kind of moron plants a tree in front of something like this?

Guzma took a walk, heading back towards some of the residential buildings, seeking help. "Oi." Guzma gestured to one of the locals, a young man in a Sylveon shirt. He gestured to the gym. "How the hell am I supposed to get in there?"

The boy smiled. "Never seen a Wudo Tree before?" No, obviously Guzma had not. Guzma gave him an annoyed scowl. "They're the peskiest weed in the entire world. Near impossible to get rid of, grow back in a quarter of an hour."

"How do I get past this?" Looking at the guy again, Guzma realised he was pretty young, couldn't have been older than eighteen or nineteen.  
"Use the Cut HM, of course."

"Cut what?"

The guy gave Guzma a quizzical look. "A HM. Hidden Machine. You been living under a rock or something?"

Guzma didn't have time for this. "Just… tell me where to get one."

"No idea. And I don't have mine on me, sorry. "

"What do you mean "no idea"?! Isn't there a shop or something I can get one?"

The boy laughed. "Nah. Are you a foreigner? HMs and their rarity is sort of common knowledge around here. The tree's impossible to cut down any other way, too. Trust me. Fireproof as well, and hard as steel."

"There ain't no damn HMs where I come from."

The boy smirked. "Well, they're tricky to produce and high in demand." He put his hands in his pockets, rocking back and forth idly. "What's your name? If I didn't know better I'd say you look like someone in Team Rocket, with those clothes." He rubbed his chin, "But… your necklace has an "S". I wonder what that's for?"

"Man, I don't have time for this. Can I get a Cut HM some way or not?"

"Nope! Sorry, I'm not really willing to trudge all the way back to Viridian City just to lend my stuff to a stranger." While Guzma felt angry with how this situation was playing out, he couldn't blame this guy for it. Guzma walked away, back towards the gym. "Hey!" Said the guy, "I didn't even catch your name!"

Machines, machines, damn machines! How many different kind of machines were there? Guzma hated machines. Machines never worked, they'd ruined many of Guzma's days. Technical machines, Hidden Machines, electric machines, cooking machines, cooling machines, copy machines, steam machines. Stupid freakin' machines.

Guzma looked at the path to the gym, or lack thereof. "Time to be clever, Guzma" he thought. Guzma examined the tree closely. It was well over six feet tall, too tall and rigid for Guzma to climb over. The spaces around the side of the tree were much too small to squeeze through. Maybe he could cut it down with an axe? Nah, physical work was stupid. And Guzma didn't have an axe.

He did get an idea, however.

But before doing it, Guzma slung his backpack off his shoulders. He slotted it into the small space between the tree and the side of the gym and pushed the bag through. Good… Ah, crap. Guzma realised his plan required Poke Balls.

Grunting, Guzma reached his arm through the space to his backpack, pulling it back towards him. He clumsily fumbled at the flap, stretching to reach the Ultra Balls inside. He succeeded, and the small round objects spilled out onto the ground, along with some of Guzma's personal items. Quickly, he scooped up the five Poke Balls, finding the one he wanted and slipping the rest into his pocket.

"Go, Pinsir!" While the guy had said the tree was impossible to cut down, that wouldn't stop Guzma from trying. "Cut that tree down, Pinsir!" Pinsir obeyed, raising one of its pincers… and clumsily punching the tree with a loud "thunk". Pinsir drew its claw away, clutching it and crying out in pain. Guzma rolled his eyes and withdrew it. "Stupid."

Looks like Sylveon-shirt was right. Guzma decided to go with his original plan. He swapped Pinsir's ball for Golisopod's, then sent out Golisopod, who cocked its head at Guzma inquisitively. Guzma hoped this would work. Nah, nah he was sure it would! Golisopod was a water type, water types swam. "Golisopod, jump down into that water." Golisopod did as it was told, jumping into the water just below Guzma. "Alright… now I just need ya to catch me!" Golisopod, floating with its head pointed upward in the water, narrowed its eyes at Guzma. "Hey, don't give me that look. This is a great idea. Now catch me!" With that, Guzma jumped.

Guzma botched the landing, landing on Golisopod's head and sending it hurtling backwards. Golisopod flailed as it clutched at its face, one of the claws catching Guzma's undershirt and causing it to rip. Guzma plunged straight into the water.

"No, no… damnit, Golisopop, help me out!" Guzma treaded water, but did so incredibly poorly thanks to his shoes. "Ugh!" Guzma put his hands around Golisopod, holding onto him. "Just swim to the freakin' doors." Golisopod obeyed, swimming so it and Guzma were just below the sliding doors. "Lift me up!" Golisopod lifted Guzma, and Guzma flailed himself onto the ledge, landing with a wet splat.

"Freakin'… ouch!" Guzma lay flat on the ground, arms splayed out. He felt like a Pyukumuku right now. He wasn't even angry, just… ugh. Just ugh. He felt for his Poke Balls and found all five still there, thanking the baggy pants for their deep pockets. His white-dyed hair looked greyer when wet, making Guzma look a bit like the old man Magnus had mistaken him for. Somehow, his sunglasses had held fast to his head. He'd had to replace those, too. His old Sun and Moon sunglasses had been damaged while he was in ultra-space. The new ones were a bit too small, which Guzma currently felt thankful for. Guzma slowly pushed himself up off of the ground, turning around, dripping.

Golisopod floated in the water and gave a displeased cry, obviously annoyed with being kicked in the head. "Hey, it's not my fault you couldn't freakin' catch me! Geez." Guzma returned Golisopod to its ball from the water, inspecting the hole the Pokemon had torn in his undershirt. "Geez!" Guzma repeated, noticing the large tear on his shirt, on the left side of his abdomen. He considered it a small saving grace that the Pokemon had torn the shirt and not a left a large gash in _him_. Still, this shirt had seen a lot of usage. Guzma would be none too pleased to retire it.

"Well," thought Guzma, "That wasn't one of my best plans." But the fiasco was over. He was perfectly fine, had all his Pokemon, and was ready to beat down the world. He picked up his backpack, which made a _slop_ sound as he slung it on his back.

"Here I come, Surge." Said Guzma, stepping into the gym.

* * *

"Surge!" Guzma confidently strode into the gym. "It's time for you to get beat down!" Guzma sent out Pinsir, and proceeded to sweep Surge's entire team of Pokemon, every one going down in one hit. Earthquake destroyed Surge's entire team and demolished the gym, causing Surge to keel over and cry. Pinsir took no hits and struck a victorious pose as Guzma cheered, delighted at his victory.

At least, that was how Guzma imagined it would go. Instead, he made an awkward, sopping wet entrance into the gym. He weakly pointed an accusing finger forward, randomly. "Surge… I'm gonna get you and your damn product placement… I mean, your damn… uh, what the hell's it called…? Trying to make me go and buy a damn HM… well it didn't work! I got here with my smarts." Guzma took a few squelching steps forward. "Ha!" He added as an afterthought.

Surge wasn't there. Guzma found himself in a large room, with bins arranged neatly on the floor. What the hell? Bins? Beyond the bizarre arrangement was what appeared to be a wall of electricity. The only two people in the room were some old guy with a cane and that guy Guzma had seen on Route 11 earlier, the stupid-looking dude with the electric guitar.

Then Guzma saw him. Surge stood behind the wall of electricity. He gave Guzma a wave as he grinned, seeing that he'd been noticed. "Hey," Guzma stormed over to the man with the cane, who looked at Guzma with interest. "What gives? How do I get to Surge? What's this crap?"

The old man raised his eyebrows, standing up straight with surprise. "Oh! A gym challenger. Battle me if you will, young man."

"What? Are you crazy?!"

"If you're looking to get past the gate, I assume you want to get to Surge. Which means you're a challenger! Battle me."

Guzma was about to continue, but realised that this would be the perfect opportunity to test Pinsir. "Yeah, alright. I'll battle ya." Guzma was eager. He had already taken out Pinsir's Ultra Ball.

"Jolly good! If nothing else, this shall be a fine warmup for you." The gentleman gently tossed the poke ball, releasing a Pikachu.

Heh, this would be a piece of cake! "Get him, Pinsir." Guzma stepped back and released Pinsir. "Use Earthquake on that puny thing!"

The gentleman's moustache twitched. "Quick Attack, Pikachu!" Pikachu moved faster than the eye could see, striking Pinsir once, hard, before moving back to the gentleman. Pinsir clutched at its midsection in pain, briefly, before snapping out of it. It gave what Guzma thought was an angry look, and slammed its arms into the ground once again to use Earthquake.

The ground didn't shake as much, this time. Guzma imagined that Pinsir was directing the violent tremor somehow. After a few seconds, the Pikachu was flung around violently by the vibrations in the floor. The gentleman somehow did not lose his footing.

The Pikachu fell face-flat onto the steel floor, with a satisfying "thud". Guzma smiled devilishly. A sweet, sweet one-hit-KO. Surge was never going to know what hit him.

"Yes, yes, I lost." The gentleman frowned, returning Pikachu to its ball. "Pikachu is my only Pokemon. But I must say, I really did not appreciate the "puny" comment."

Guzma didn't care. "How do I get to Surge?"

The gentleman frowned deeper and muttered something. "There are two switches, side by side, in these bins somewhere. The bins sense your motion and if you look into the wrong one after triggering the first switch, they will reset."

Guzma closed his eyes in thought. This whole thing was… just like an island trial, but in a building! Well, not really. But it was a similar concept. Guzma immediately checked the bin behind him. There were just a few pieces of waste paper, nothing else. Feh.

He moved one place to the left, looking into the next bin. There was a switch on the bottom. Guzma promptly leaned over and pressed it. He smirked as one of the electric gates deactivated. He moved one space to the left, to the next bin and found a switch there too! Guzma pressed that one and deactivated the second gate.

There was Surge, just up ahead. "Alright. I solved it. What's the next challenge?"

"Next challenge? Do you mean challenging the gym leader?"

"Nah, I mean like, what's next? What do I do now?"  
"Challenge Lieutenant Surge." Guzma didn't believe it. That was seriously it? What a freakin' letdown. While the Island Challenge was pretty old now, Guzma remembered a couple of the trials being pretty fun. But this was just lame! The gentleman continued, gesturing to the guitarist in the gym, "Vincent over there is too busy "jamming out". Probably hasn't even noticed we battled. Unless you desperately need the experience, perhaps you should challenge Lieutenant Surge?" The man pointed his hand towards Lieutenant Surge, who waved playfully once again at Guzma.

"This sucks. I'm gonna give Surge a serious beatdown!" Guzma strutted towards the deactivated electric wall, up the staircase towards Surge. Guzma was not very happy to see him.

Surge, of course, had his usual confident grin. "Guzma, welcome back! You're here for our epic rematch?" Guzma could've sworn the man's teeth glinted. His eyes would've too were the man not wearing sunglasses.

"I'm here to beat you down for having such a damn weak trial! I mean… gym. All I did was come in here, beat some old man, press a couple of buttons and walk on over. Is that really all that's in here? I thought you'd been a gym leader for ages?"

Surge frowned. "Huh. Usually I get kids spending hours picking the first button right and then getting the location of the second one wrong as I sit here trying not to laugh. Well, not hours. But longer than the two minutes it took you…"

Guzma scoffed. "Oh, so was the real trial the tree then?"

"Oh? You mean the tree outside. Don't you get those in Alola?"

" _Hell no!_ What kind of sick joke is that? Are the machine people sponsoring you so I have to go and buy one of their freakin' Cuts? I don't wanna use freakin' Cut!"

Surge gave him a quizzical look. "Uh, well I half understand what you're talking about." He adjusted his sunglasses, "Anyway. Why are you dripping water everywhere? You do realise this is an electric gym?"

"Tree."

"Oh. So you…"

"Yeah."

"You uh-"

"I did."

"You swam in here."

" _You're damn well right I did!_ " Guzma was seething, but knew better than to punch Surge's dumb face. Punching dumb faces that sat on top of tall bodies with big muscles was a bad idea.

"Well I'm not going to ask about your shirt then. How about we get down to business- Wait, where's your necklace?"

Guzma's necklace? It was right- _Oh God freakin' damnit!_ Guzma looked down at his shirt, where his Team Skull necklace did not sit. Guzma facepalmed, but it would have to wait. The waters just outside the gym weren't too deep, just a foot or two too deep for Guzma to walk through. In hindsight, he should've just swam through the water himself. He'd have one extra intact shirt that way. "Dropped it in the freakin' water. I'll get it after I beat you, ya bastard!"

"Hey now, that's a bit harsh. You realise that tree is impossible to remove without a bulldozer or something similar?"  
Guzma palmed a Poke Ball in response. "Just fight me already."

"I like your spirit! Alright, let's get right to it." Surge took out a plain Poke Ball from one of his pants pockets. "You ready?"  
Guzma somehow felt less confident yet more angry compared to the the last battle. Instead of a confident, boss-like remark, Guzma merely replied "Yeah. Let's go."

* * *

Surge removed his sunglasses perhaps a bit too dramatically and threw the Poke Ball.

"You're first, Magneton!"

"Knock 'em out, Pinsir!"

Guzma processed Surge's lead as Pinsir's ball flew through the air. Guzma had to admit he'd expected Electrode first again, but it was only natural that Surge would switch up his lead.

"Heh." It was Surge. "Magneton, use Zap Cannon!"

Guzma had seen this before. "Pinsir, try to dodge it, and hit him with Earthquake!" Guzma took great pleasure in Surge's confused and slightly scared look when he said "Earthquake".

Magneton began to charge the menacing electrical projectile, like last time, before sending it hurtling towards Pinsir. Guzma mused that it was probably known for its poor accuracy on account of the electricity's slow speed. Guzma let out a victorious "Yes!" as Pinsir strafed to the left, avoiding the Zap Cannon altogether. Surge's expression became tense. Guzma smiled deviously as Pinsir made the now-familiar pound motion with its arms, sending shock waves through the floor of the gym. The Magneton seemed to somehow lose its… uh… balance in the air? It stopped levitating and crashed into the ground, being jerked and thrown around by the strong tremors.

A silence hung in the air. The magneton lay face, or rather eyes-down. Slowly, shaking, the Magneton got back up. Guzma couldn't believe it, what the hell was this?  
"Thank the lord for Sturdy!" said Surge, "Lets ol' Magneton survive anything once."

Guzma knew the ability well. Scizor had Technician, but lots of Alolan Pokemon had Sturdy. It was a huge pain in the ass. But Guzma could deal with it this time. "Finish him off with a Storm Throw, Pinsir!"

"Supersonic, Magneton!" Cheap, cheap, cheap! Guzma _hated_ that crap! First Thunder Wave, now Supersonic? What was wrong with good old-fashioned attacking moves? Before Guzma could order Pinsir's next move, Magneton sent a wave of high-pitched sound at Pinsir.

Guzma would liked to have said that Pinsir deftly dodged the high-pitched sound wave. But really, the Magneton has just missed. Guzma decided to twist the event around, Pinsir looked like he could use some encouragement. The Pokemon was so focused. "You _rock_ , Pinsir! Or, should I say… you ground! Use Earthquake!" Guzma vaguely registered a groan from Surge's direction at the pun.

Pinsir repeated the ground-shaking menaoure once again, knocking and flinging Magneton around. Honestly, Guzma found a little bit humorous. Once again Magneton landed face-down. It sparked pathetically a few times, before fizzling out and not moving.

The bewilderment on Surge's face was priceless. "Hahaha! That's what happens when you miss with _me!_ " taunted Guzma. Surge kept his composure, returning the fainted Steel and Electric type to its ball. Surge rubbed at his chin briefly, assumedly thinking about what to send out next. Arriving at a decision, Surge drew his next Poke Ball. He threw it, lacking gusto.

"Go, Raichu." The electric mouse Pokemon burst forth, assuming a battle stance. Guzma thought back to his previous battle with Surge. Raichu had used Thunder a lot as well as shock wave… and Thunder Wave. Guzma bared his teeth again. Cheap, cheap, _cheap_ tactics!

"Raichu, use Thunder Wave!" Guzma found that predictable. The Raichu charged itself up, then released a weak wave of electricity. The wave was too fast for Pinsir to dodge and it was struck with the paralysing wave once again.

"Aaaargh!" raged Guzma. This was freakin' unbelievable! "Pinsir, break through it and hit him with Earthquake!" Guzma was not about to have a _second_ embarrassing loss to the same guy. Pinsir, shaking and jerky, attempted to raise its arm for the Earthquake, but failed, convulsing and faceplanting into the ground. "Damn it, Pinsir!" Surge smirked, knowing just as well as Guzma that this could spell a loss for the Bug-Type user.

"Raichu, go for the Thunder!" No, no, no, _no!_ Pinsir could not possibly move out of the way of the gargantuan lightning bolt. Though the attack itself was inaccurate, the Raichu was skilled and aiming at a stationary target. Pinsir copped the massive electric shock. Guzma's heart raced as Pinsir fell face-down. Pinsir weakly got to its feet, not giving up, which meant Guzma wouldn't either. "Earthquake, Pinsir, give it all you got!" It was an agonising few seconds, as Pinsir rose in slow movements, before standing tall. It raised its arms and, breaking through the electrical paralysis, sent tremors through the ground once more.

Guzma began to laugh. A bead of sweat dripped down Surge's forehead. Pinsir concentrated through the paralysis. Raichu cringed as the earthquake violently threw it around.

The Raichu stopped moving and didn't get back up. Guzma had fainted Surge's ace! Hahaha!

"It's not over yet," said Surge, "I've gotten out of worse situations before." Surge clutched his next poke ball with confidence. "Your time to shine, Electabuzz!"

A Pokemon Guzma knew of burst forth. Electabuzz was a short Pokemon. The patterns on its body were quite captivating, the zig-zagging yellow and black stripes also intimidated anything smaller. The Electabuzz gave a battle cry, showing off its muscular arms and flashing with electricity.

Pinsir was taller, but in its current state didn't stand a chance against the Electric Pokemon. "Quick Attack, Electabuzz!" ordered Surge. Electabuzz moved at breakneck speed, quickly striking Pinsir before returning to its position in front of Surge. Even if Guzma had got a command in in time, Pinsir would have been fighting against paralysis and superior speed.

Pinsir fainted. With a shake of his head, Guzma returned it to its ball. He was a little annoyed at losing his ace for the battle, but took solace in the fact he was still winning by miles. If Guzma's memory served correctly, Surge had said after losing Electrode in the last battle…

" _Now, hold up there a second. I got three more Pokemon…_ "

Which meant it was a four versus two! Guzma was gonna beat him down for sure. Now, there was the matter of his next Pokemon. Much as Guzma loved him, Golisopod was weak to electric. So was Masquerain. So the smart thing to do would be…

"Go, Scizor!" Guzma flung the intimidating Bug and Steel type's Ultra Ball. Scizor emerged, flashing its claws menacingly. Electabuzz responded with an equally confident buzz and electrical flash. "Scizor, use X-Scissor!"

"Electabuzz, Low Kick!" What? Low freakin' kick? Guzma supposed he should have expected a curve-ball from someone like Surge. Guzma strained to remember how the move worked. It was fighting-type, that much he knew, but there was something there about variable power…

Scizor and Electabuzz rushed towards each other. The Electric Pokemon was much faster than the heavy Scizor, sliding in and whacking Scizor with the Low Kick. The move seemed to hit Scizor rather hard, causing it to slide back. Scizor shook off the damage like a boss, getting back up and rushing the surprised Electabuzz. The attack was a tad sluggish, but the Electabuzz failed to move out of the way. It took the two massive, sharp pincers to the face. Guzma threw his head back in a laugh. From the two Pokemons' heights it was like Scizor was beating up some dumb kid who thought he was tough. Electabuzz went flying, hitting the ground belly-up with an almost comical smack.

ELectabuzz was down for the count in one hit, having fainted after hitting the ground. This win was Guzma's for the taking!

"This win isn't yours for the taking," said Surge, "I'm not going down without one last spark!" Surge palmed his final Poke Ball. He threw it hard and out came Surge's final Pokemon, the one he had lead with in the previous battle: Electrode. The bizarre spherical electric-type gave a machine-like battle cry. Machine-like. Guzma hated machines. "Alright Electrode, take him out with a Discharge!"

"Don't let it get ya, Scizor, use Bullet Punch!" Scizor moved first with the bullet-speed move, punching Electrode several times in the… face? Guzma honestly didn't know. The attack sent it rolling backwards, but Electrode recovered quickly, appearing to shake its head. Obeying Surge's earlier command, the Electrode charged itself up, then released a powerful electrical discharge. Guzma moved backwards, making sure to get out of the way. The cluster of electricity hit Scizor, causing it to collapse face-first into the ground.

Damn it! Guzma knew that was going to happen. He wasn't going to lose this damn fight _now_. But two of his three Pokemon were weak to electric. That meant, in Guzma's mind, this was a one versus one. He was suddenly in much more trouble than he'd previously realised.

"Well? I told you, I can turn this around." Said Surge. Guzma palmed the Poke Ball of a Pokemon that had not seen much action recently, despite being the very first Pokemon he had ever obtained. He hoped it would be as reliable as always.

"Go, Ariados!" Out came the spider Pokemon, clicking its fangs at Electrode. Guzma was not about to drop the ball on this one. Well, he supposed from a certain point of view, defeating the Electrode would be dropping the ball. But anyway. "Ariados, use Cross Poison!"

"Hit him as hard you can, Electrode, use another Discharge!" Another Discharge? Ariados could tank it. Right? Guzma damn well hoped so.

Electrode's attack hit first, sending Ariados flying backward just as it was about to land the Cross Poison. Guzma gritted his teeth anxiously, waiting for Ariados to recover. Then, slowly but surely, Ariados steadied itself from the blow, readying its front two legs again, imbuing them with a poisonous glow. Then, the bug Pokemon pounced.

Electrode attempted to dodge the toxic attack, but ended up receiving the decisive blow to its face, leaving a glowing purple mark. It tried to move, sputtering weakly.

Then, Electrode's eyes crossed. Silence hung in the air as Guzma waited with bated breath and Surge waited with beady eyes. Seconds passed. More seconds passed.

Electrode had fainted.

" _Yeah! Big bad Guzma has beat you down!"_ Guzma posed dramatically. He laughed and danced around like a maniac, ecstatic at… well, winning! "I beat you down, I beat you down! Whatcha gonna say, Surge? Huh? Huh? I won! I'm the boss! I beat ya! In these parts I win, cause I'm the best there is. _BEAT. DOWN._ Uh! Yeah, Team Skull!" Surge didn't really seem to have a reaction beyond a quizzical look. He returned Electrode to its ball. Ariados had now climbed idly up onto the gym wall and was watching Guzma with beady eyes.

"Well, I can see you still have a lot to learn." Guzma turned around. That wasn't Surge. "That TM come in handy? I just thought I'd come in and watch, but it looks like its already over!" Stinkin' Hala.

Surge spoke, taking his sunglasses out of his pocket and looking over them in his hands. "Most of the time, Guzma, I gotta admit: I like you. You think fast and smart, you know your team well, you know your type well and you got _guts_. I thought I had you figured out, but I didn't think you'd not only change up your lead but that you'd teach your Pokemon the _one move_ that is the bane of my existence. And I really need to get magnet rise…" Surge added as an afterthought, "Anyway, that's what happens when I only deal with idiot trainers for weeks on end. It would be nice to have some great trainers from Kanto instead of having my first loss in a while be to a foreigner. But anyway, you won the battle, Guzma." Surge reached into the pocket on the back of his pants, pulling out a small, shiny object. "Take this. It's the Thunder Badge. With it… I was going to say it will help your Pokemon obey and respect you, but clearly they do that already. Let's just say it will make you look cool." Guzma took the shiny little badge out of Surge's hand. Weirdly, the badge looked more like a flower or a sun to Guzma than something representing "thunder".

"Huh. Alright then…?"

"This too." Surge now held a small yellow disc-chip-thingo. A technical machine. "It's the Shock Wave TM. I don't think any of your Pokemon can actually learn it, but you never know, it might come in handy."

Guzma supposed it would. "Yeah, alright, that's pretty good. Thanks."

"See, Guzma? Now _that's_ how you accept a loss." _Stinkin' Hala_.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever," replied Guzma, "I need to go find my freakin' necklace. Catch you chumps later." Guzma began to walk towards the exit. Hala called out after him. Guzma wondered if this was going to become a regular thing.

"What about Ariados?"  
Guzma pointed Ariados' empty ball back in Ariados' general direction and pressed the button, returning the spider Pokemon to its ball.

"What on Earth happened to your shirt?"

Guzma rolled his eyes. "I wrestled a Krookodile."

"Also, how on Earth did you get in here? I had to ask a young lady to cut the tree down for me with her Pokemon so I could get in."

No. Just… no. Guzma walked out the door.

* * *

While Guzma wished to internally gloat some more on his victory, more important matters were at hand. His undershirt was history, he'd probably have to replace his hoodie too so he sure as hell wasn't going to lose the necklace. He'd just about dried off by now sans his socks and shoes, but didn't intend to do any more impromptu swimming today.

"Golisopod, get out here." Guzma released the bug and water type again. It gave Guzma a look as if to say "Oh, what now?" Guzma pointed to the water. "Y'know my Team Skull necklace? Think you could dive down there and find it for me?" Golisopod narrowed its eyes.

"Please?" Golisopod stared. "Pretty please with a- Oh goddamn it. I'll get you some real tasty Poke Beans if you dive down there and find it. The gold thing on my neck all the time?" That got Golisopod's attention. It gave a loud cry and dove into the water callously, splashing copious amounts of water all over Guzma. Great. This hoodie was so ruined. These socks were so ruined. His current look was the extent of Guzma's fashion sense, he hoped to heck the clothing stores around here were good.

As Golisopod searched, Guzma turned around, noticing the sign on the gym. He hadn't seen it before in his vengeful rampage against Surge. Hala probably would have called it a "sopping shemozzle of an entrance." Screw him.

 **VERMILION CITY**

 **POKEMON GYM**

 **LEADER: LT. SURGE**

 **THE LIGHTNING AMERICAN**

Guzma mused to himself how much of a nerd Surge was for having a sign like that. It'd be like if he had a gym and put "Team Skull Guzma – The Hated Boss" on it. Guzma scrapped that line of thought upon realising those were the exact words he would have on a gym sign.

Guzma wondered if he'd make a good gym leader. There were no bug-type masters in this region, after all. Wasn't it Surge who said that? Maybe he could be a gym leader. Or even a member of the elite four.

No. He was the strongest trainer in Alola, right? Kanto had gyms and a league _way_ before Alola, so Kanto was probably stronger… so if Guzma could beat all the gyms in Kanto… then he'd be stronger than anyone in Alola. Heh, it was the perfect plan!

Guzma's train of thought was interrupted by Golisopod suddenly emerging from the water, wearing the Skull Necklace around his.. neck? Guzma chuckled. "Only one boss can rock that look, Golisopod, but ten out of ten for trying." He held up Golisopod's ball to return him, "Remind me to give you some cool beans later." He returned Golisopod to its ball and inspected his necklace. A little wet, unsurprisingly, but undamaged. He put it back on.

Guzma breathed in the calm ocean breeze. It smelt a bit like crap, to be honest. The water was probably full of Grimer and Muk. Guzma had heard about Kanto's abundance of poison types and lack of cleanliness compared to other, nicer regions.

Maybe Alola wasn't so lame after all.

"Guzma."

Uggggh. Hala _again_. Maybe he was just too old to get the message? "What do you want now?"

"To tell you something you'll find interesting." Hala looked out towards the ocean. "You are aware that Professor Kukui challenged the Pokemon gyms and league in this region in the past?"

Guzma was not. "Really? I thought he just travelled here or something."  
"I'm surprised. I thought you two knew each other."

"Not well. We just did our island challenges around the same time, is all. I don't like him."

"Well, Kukui told me once he took on the Kanto League when he was about fifteen or sixteen."

Guzma leaned in, intrigued. "Did he win it?"

Hala smiled, that same toothy grin. "That's the part I thought you'd be interested in. He didn't win. He lost in the Pokemon League to a man named Lance."

"Seriously?! Did he try again?"  
"No. He didn't see the point at the time. Wishes he'd done it again though." Hala scratched at his face nonchalantly, as if this quite significant bit of information was trivial. "But I was just thinking, if you beat Lance you'd have quite something to say to Kukui."

This was any last motivation Guzma needed. He remembered he'd never actually battled Kukui at all recently, as he'd pawned the challenge off on the twerp when Guzma challenged him at Malie Garden. "Alright, fine. I'll do the gym challenge. Way better than the stupid freakin' island challenge anyway."

Hala laughed. "Oho, excellent! But on to more urgent orders. We need to get you a new shirt!" Hala walked around to the side of the gym. "Oh. A tree."

…

What?

Guzma walked around to the side. There was indeed a tree. It was the same tree. He remembered the youth's words from earlier.

" _They're the peskiest weed in the entire world. Near impossible to get rid of, grow back in a quarter of an hour."_

Guzma clutched at his head and screamed to the air.

"Tree, what is WRONG with you?!"


	5. Chapter 5

"How about this one?" Hala held up a green shirt.

"No. Reminds me of nature."

"How about… this one?" Hala narrowed his eyes and held up another t-shirt.

"Reminds me of crap."

"It's beige!"

"Exactly, crap."

Hala threw his arms up in frustration, "You are _not_ wearing a torn shirt! Also, it's crusty somehow despite you getting it soaked. How old is that thing?"

"I dunno. Had it since I was like twenty, maybe?" Guzma rolled his eyes. "Anyway, I told you already, a white shirt and a black hoodie! That's what I want, that's all I'm gonna wear."

Hala perused the t-hisrts on the hangars, looking for something that might appease Guzma. "How about this?" said Hala, holding up the shirt.

It was plain white, only it had a picture of a Scizor head in the centre-front. Guzma was down with this. While this white shirt of his was one he'd had for quite some time, maybe it was time to bid it farewell. It was simple, yet cool. "Yeah… I kinda like this one. That works, buy that."

Hala rolled his eyes. "I was going to have you buy it yourself, but I can see that's not going to happen. You were seriously going to just keep moving with a torn shirt? It doesn't exactly make you look like a gentleman."

Guzma narrowed his eyes. "Do you really want me to respond to that?"

"No." Hala carried the shirt and the two of them moved moved to the area that contained hooded shirts. The red tape on the back of Guzma's current hood had proved impossible to remove by any means, despite Guzma's best efforts for hours. All he'd managed to do was rip the tape and even the clothing itself, so now he had to retire one of his only other pieces of Team Skull attire. His backpack had blocked the tape-covered logo anyway and the hoodie had suffered some wear and tear. Guzma began looking through the hangars and it didn't take long to find a simple black hoodie. It was a darker shade of black than the one he was wearing now, if that made sense. Guzma picked it up. There were no patterns on it, nothing flashy or cool.

"I'll take this too, I guess. Doesn't have a Team Skull logo though…" Guzma muttered.

"Oh, come now. You have your necklace and that fancy watch. Forget about Team Skull!"

"Hell no. And my watch isn't Team Skull, anyway." Guzma turned his head away, "Just… let's just buy the clothes."

"Hm. As you wish."

* * *

Guzma stood in the central area of Vermilion City. The shop they had just left, _Lavish Loins_ , was not particularly busy. Indeed, the whole city was quiet, but maybe it was always like that.

Guzma still had the crumpled, torn shirt in his bag, along with his Team Skull hoodie, unwilling to part with them just yet. His new clothes were good, but he felt more and more like he was dogging his Team Skull boys. All he had now was a necklace to remind him of the good old days. Guzma felt lame.

They'd got Guzma new socks while he was in there, too. Wet socks were truly nasty and Guzma didn't much like his old ones anyway. He found himself wondering when the last time was that he'd actually bought new clothes. It must have been… over three years ago. That was when he got his pants, which hadn't needed replacing today.

Guzma had to admit, despite being down to one solitary piece of Team Skull stuff, he really liked the Scizor shirt. Simple yet cool, that was Guzma's fashion in a nutshell. The only thing was, it was almost completely concealed below his necklace. Maybe he should've thought about that.

"Hi there, my favourite challenger! What's going on?" For Christ's sake. Lieutenant Surge had snuck up behind Guzma. What was worse, Magnus held his father's hand, giving Guzma that pouty look once again.

"I was just leaving."

"I was just getting ice cream for my boy and I. There's a great shop here, _Triple Vanilluxe_.""

"I'm leaving once Hala gets back."

"Ah, Lietuenant Surge, what a pleasant surprise!" Speak of the devil. Hala strolled over, smile on face. The old man had left something behind in the hotel earlier and had gone back to get it. "Are you well?"

"Peachy. Anyway, which gym is Guzma going to challenge next?" asked Surge.

Guzma tuned out of their small talk. Magnus was giving him a look that was bothering him. If Guzma's mother had to describe it, she'd probably call it a "withering look". He'd puffed out his cheeks, narrowed his eyes and balled his hands into fists at his sides. Heh. The kid was such a chump. Guzma almost wanted to battle him just so he could destroy the kid in one attack. He wondered which attack he's use. Bullet Punch would be most humiliating, it was Guzma's weakest move and not very effective on electric types, but the stupid Pikachu would still probably get wrecked in one hit.

"Well, Guzma?"  
"What?"  
"I think we ought to get going. Say goodbye to our friends."

Friends? Guzma grumbled, but figured it was better not to antagonise Hala right now. "Yeah. See ya Surge. And Magnus."  
"Right!" said Surge. "We'll get going. See you around." With that, Surge and his scowling spawn walked away, in the opposite direction to the gym. Guzma assumed they were going home. Good, he didn't want to see either of those jerks.

"You know, you really should treat your opponents better. If you had recognised Surge's strength to begin with, maybe you could have won the first time. Also, your exit after victory was unmanly. A handshake would do you much better in the future."

"Yeah, yeah, fine. Where we off to next?"

"Saffron City. The walk's not too long. Got everything?"

"My stuff, my Pokemon, my TM87. Let's go."

Hala raised an eyebrow. "You have the Swagger TM? I was not aware."

"No, no its-" Guzma shook his head. "Nevermind. Let's just go."

Hala took a sniff of the air. "Ahhh… you smell that, Guzma?"

Guzma did not. "All I smell is some freshly cut grass."

"That's exactly what I mean! Isn't it nice?"

"Nice?" thought Guzma. The only nice smells were fuel, torn upholstery and smashed machines. The familiar smells.

"Anyway, Route 6 is short. I'm going to enjoy the walk, so power on ahead if you want. Such a nice place, this is."

The only other people on the route were a couple having a picnic and two teenage girls whom Guzma realised were identical twins. Was Kanto always this quiet?

Guzma powered down the route while Hala had stopped to admire a pond. It was a plain place. Like Route 11, but with a pond and a couple of steep ledges. As Guzma came up to the ledges, he noticed something. A man was standing there, facing the trees, muttering something to himself. Guzma creeped closer, intrigued.

"Maybe this would be a good place to build my sixth holiday home…" The man was deep in thought. Hearing Guzma, he turned around abruptly. "Oh, hello there. Are you another fine citizen of this country come to congratulate me?"

"Uh, no."

"Oh." The peculiar man furrowed his brow. He wore a large, red suit, which reminded Guzma of a vampire for some odd reason. He was quite a tall man with an imposing figure. Guzma did noticed that he had ridiculous bright red hair that had obviously been dyed. The guy was easily over seventy and the bright red against his wrinkled face really looked quite silly. "You mean you didn't come to me here to congratulate me on my acquisition of Silph Co.? Everyone has been congratulating me. I wish it could've happened under different circumstances, but hey, who am I to argue with an addition to my fortune?"

"Sil-what?"

Red-hair raised an eyebrow. "Are you an immigrant?"

"Uh, I'm like a visitor."

"Oh , so you're a tourist!" the man gave a beaming smile. "How about I show you around? Saffron City contains many of my finest accomplishments!"

Guzma bared his teeth. "Look, man, I ain't no damn tourist. I'm just here visiting! I don't even know who the hell you are."

The man gave a white, toothy grin. His teeth shone like an amulet coin, it was almost blinding. He held out a wrinkled hand, which Guzma reluctantly shook. Very reluctantly. "I'm Eric Silph! I'm a businessman, a pretty great businessman. Until last year my brother was the president of Silph Co, but tragically we lost him." Eric rubbed his forehead. "Darn shame, he was only eighty. Heart failure is quite deadly, you know. Kills a lot of people. But anyway, he had no successors, so the business has now gone to me."

Guzma wanted to leave. "Yeah, alright. I'll be goin' off to Saffron City now."

"You said you were a visitor? Whom are you visiting?"

Guzma did not want to explain himself to this random weirdo. "Relatives."

"Really? Who?"

"Grandma."

"Oh, that's nice! I might know her, what's her name?"  
Guzma scrambed for an answer. "P… Pl... Penny."

Eric nodded. "Only Penny I know is an attractive young lady. Very attractive." He sniffed. "Treat your grandparents well… what's your name?"

"Guzma."

"Guzma! Treat your grandparents well, they won't be around forever."

Guzma's first grandmother had died ten years ago and the second four years after that. He did have one grandparent still living though, his father's father. The man was going on ninety, now. Guzma pushed his thoughts away from his family, there was no point dwelling on that. They didn't give a damn about him and he didn't give a damn about them.

Eric continued to nod, for some reason. "You're a Pokemon Trainer, right? I'd like to battle you sometime."

Now Guzma was interested. "Oh really?"

Eric again nodded, animatedly. "I'd warn you though, I'm very strong!" He grinned like an excitable child. "Wanna see my Gumshoos? He's my pride and joy!" Guzma realised how much the man himself resembled Gumshoos. All he'd need would be for his hair to be yellow. "I had him custom-ordered from the Alola region! Ever been to the Alola Region?"

"Yeah, a couple of times. Look, I need to be goin' off to Saffron City now. I'm gonna be late. "

"Late for what?"

"My grandma! She wants to have some tea and all that crap with me at 12!"

Eric glanced at his watch. Guzma could have sworn it was solid gold. "It's 9:30."

"There are preparations to be made, yo! She likes the table set out, the cloth on the table, everyone sittin' in their places, all the tea stuff right, you gotta put all the stuff in the tea… and yeah! It takes a while. Two and a half hours, to be exact."

"Really? I find I can make a nice cup of tea in under a minute." Guzma was screaming internally. GO. AWAY. ERIC SILPH.

"AH, Guzma. Made another friend?" Hala was here.

"Help me, please!" thought Guzma.  
"I'm sorry, sir, but Guzma and I need to be going. Have you had a good chin-wag?"  
"I was just getting to know this guy, you know? Getting to like him, all that…"

"Oh! Well I must apologise, but Guzma and I are very late. Don't want to keep a nice lady waiting, you see." Hala beamed with a smile.

Eric laughed. "Well don't let me keep you! And stop by Silph Co. We have _great products._ " He put a lot of emphasis on those last two words, as if trying to convince a child of them.

"Goodbye, sir." Hala led Guzma inside the passage into Saffron City. It was a surprisingly spacious building for being a route gate. Guzma made sure that Eric was safely engrossed in gazing at the trees and that the sliding door was closed before he spoke. He turned to Hala, grateful for once for the old man sticking his nose where it didn't belong.

"You are a freakin' lifesaver! I thought that guy would never shut up."

"Hm, yes, from where I was standing he sounded a little bit like a… massive airhead. I heard nearly the whole conversation by the way." Hala gave him a quizzical look. "I can honestly say, I can't believe he was dumb enough to buy your little tea time story. I was not aware you had a living grandmother."

"I don't. They're both dead."

Hala raised his eyebrows. "Oh! I'm sorry. That was quite an ad-lib though." Hala led forward toward Saffron City and Guzma followed him out the door.

Saffron City was a real big city, unlike Vermilion. There were tall buildings, Guzma could see some factories too. Many houses were also dotted around. It reminded a bit of Hau'oli City, just dirtier and more industrial. Guzma hated to repeat himself, but this was the sort of place he'd usually avoid. then stopped abruptly. "Wait just a minute."

"What is it now?! Can we just get to the freakin' gym so I can steamroll it?"  
"Guzma, before you left to come here…" Hala put his hands on his hips and looked to the floor, speaking quietly. "Did you tell your parents?"

"Come again?"

Hala facepalmed. "Oh, you can't be serious! I've definitely heard you mention your parents before. Did you stop by their house before you left? I just assumed you would!"

Guzma flared up. "Look, it ain't your damn business what happens with me and my family! The reason I'm wearing street clothes and not my Skull hood right now is because of my freakin' dad. He made me go and get my tattoos removed, too and that freaking hurt in more ways than one." He bared his teeth again, an expression Hala had come to know quite well. "Then after all that he kicked me out anyway! Said I couldn't just "lay about". I'm their freaking son! I ain't got any brothers or sisters, siblings or whatcha call 'em. Why should I tell them what happens in my life if they _obviously_ ain't interested?"

Hala maintained a neutral facial expression. "Hmph. I find it hard to sympathise, I'm afraid. My father and I were close in my youth, Guzma. But he died young. By young I mean he was just shy of sixty, but he was large in life and didn't deserve to be felled by something so trivial as an accident with Pokemon. I would have been just about your age when that happened."

"Gee, I uh… I didn't know that."

"Rest assured my three-year-old son was not happy to see his grandad go. My point is, of course, be thankful." Guzma could see Hala's face twitch a little, as if he was holding back something powerful.

For once, Guzma felt unsure of what to say or do next. "Look, I'm… real sorry about your dad. But what am I supposed to do? I'm here. I'm in Kanto, not Alola. I don't think my parents really care."

Hala really wondered about Guzma sometimes. "Do you know how to use a phone?"

* * *

 ***Ring* *Ring***

Awkward.

 ***Ring* *Ring***

"Hala, can you not stand there watching me while I do it?"  
Hala wordlessly moved to the other side of the Pokemon Center, sitting on one of the chairs and continuing to watch Guzma with beady eyes.

 ***Ring* *Ring***

This was a bad idea. This was the worst idea. What was he gonna-

 ***Click*** "Hello?"

It was mom. Guzma's mother, who had raised him for eighteen years.

Guzma swallowed. "Hey, mom."

He heard a faint gasp on the other end. "Guzma, is that you?"

"Uh, yeah. Hey."

"Where are you? Where have you been, your father's worried sick about you and so am I…!"

"Yeah, sorry Mom." Guzma felt bad. Not mad. Just bad. "So, uh, is Dad alright?"

"He's drinking and complaining about how he's a bad father. Oh, I'll tell him to stop and come over!"

"No, no, don't do-"

But the line was already silent on the other end. Guzma heard voices and shuffling, before someone picked up the phone.

"Hm."

"Hey, dad."

"Really. You run away from home, you come back, you leave again and now you're in another region?"

"I didn't think you'd wanna know." Said Guzma with indifference.

Guzma's father grumbled. "You're my damn son."

"I don't answer to you. I ain't a kid any more."

Guzma's father sighed deeply. "I know." Silence. Guzma held his breath. This was just as awkward as he'd imagined. "I just wonder where I went wrong…"

"What?"  
A pause. "You know, son, a police officer came by the other day. So did a kahuna. They were the same guy. He told me _aaaaaall_ about what you've been up to these past few years."

"…"

"Some people have been hurt because of you. Some have had their Pokemon stolen. Did you know I read that to some people Pokemon are like family?"

Guzma nodded, then realised he was on the phone. "Uh-huh."

"Why, though? I knew what were you were up to, you know. I'd heard about it. All this Team Skull rubbish. You've been on the news, you know. For bad things. It would have been cool to be on the news, I thought. I was wrong." Guzma's father paused for a few agonising seconds. "Your mother, you see, she didn't really know. I didn't let up on it. Didn't want to break her heart. Then this police officer guy just comes over and lays it all out."

"I… look, Dad, I…" Guzma sighed. "Geez."

"I haven't been on the golf course for about two weeks."  
"Uh, yeah." Guzma's voice shook. "…What the hell do you want me to say?"

Guzma's father shouted. "I don't want you to say anything!" Guzma heard an uneven sigh from the other end. "I just want my son back. I want Guzma, the fantastic Pokemon battler with tremendous ambition who never lets up… not Guzma, the boss who beats people down and is a _thief_."

Guzma twitched. No… he trembled. Not with fear, no, but with something else. "Yeah, well… I'm here with a guy called Hala… the kahuna, the elite four guy. He's…" Guzma's eye were close to watering. But he would never let that happen, ever. He shook his head and continued, "He wants to… to set me straight. Fix me right. Whatever… and… and I ain't a boss any more. I broke up Team Skull, over a month ago. Before I came back to live with you guys."

"Do you mean that?"

"What do you mean "Do you mean that"? I feel crap about it, yeah. But… I'm probably never gonna make another Team Skull."

"…Probably?"  
"Look, I'm tryin' here! Hala and the officer guy you talked to… they're getting me to do the gym challenge here."

Guzma's father's voice lightened. "The gym challenge… you're really doing that? It's just like the island challenge…"

"No, it's a freaking _ripoff!_ And I already got one badge, I _beat_ a gym guy! Colonel or Major Surge or whatever! I'm…" Guzma struggled to get the words out. "I'm gonna do something right, okay! There's _nothing wrong_ with me, Dad. I've got everything going great!"

Silence. Guzma heard nothing but static on the other end for a solid ten seconds, then, "Guzma, you will always be my son."

"…"

"You… do that challenge." Guzma could hear his father sniffling. The man was probably crying. He'd done that only once or twice that Guzma could ever remember. But Guzma refused to join him. "Call again when… _if_ you beat another bit of the gym challenge. But have Hala call. Please."

" _What?_ Why?"

"I want to hear his take on things. A lot of things. Can you do that for me?"

Guzma wondered why the hell a man would want to talk to _Hala_ instead of his own son. But in this situation, Guzma had no comebacks, no verbal beatdowns, no skull-wisecracks. So he relented. "Yeah, Dad. I can do that."

"Call me then."

"…Okay."  
"I love you, son, okay? You're always my boy… Guzma."

"…Yeah. You too, Dad. Tell Mum I'm sorry for the stealing… and stuff."

"I will."

There was a pause. Then a click. Guzma hung the phone up. It was done.

Seeing the phone back on the hook, Hala walked on over. "So… did it go well?"

"I… got no idea."

"Are you going to elaborate?"

Guzma had tuned out. "Gym."

"What?"

"Gym now."

Hala raised an eyebrow. "Gym now?"

"Take me to the gym... do I can beat it." Said Guzma firmly.

"Ah… all right." Hala turned to leave the Pokemon Center. "I suppose we can chat later, then."

"Mhm."

"All right then! Follow me to the Saffron City gym!"


	6. Chapter 6

Guzma sighed, looking at the Saffron City gym. Its design on the outside was identical to Surge's.

"You don't need any TMs?" asked Hala.

Guzma grunted. "I have a type advantage. Literally every single one of my Pokemon can hit this gym hard."

Hala nodded. "My advice is keep Ariados out. The gym leader changed a few years ago. Used to be a young lady. Sandy or Sandra, something like that. I don't know who it is now, but the gym is still psychic-type. Other than that, I'll leave you to it." With that, Hala walked away.

Guzma's conversation with his father was still fresh in his mind. He felt… off. He wanted to punch something, but at the same time wanted to just slump against the gym wall and stare into space.

But neither of those were options. Lance was waiting. If Guzma beat Lance, that meant be beat Kukui. The only way to get to Lance was through the gyms. And a gym stood right in front of him.

There was a sign out in front of this one, too.

 **SAFFRON CITY**

 **POKEMON GYM**

 **LEADER: CLARISSA**

 **THE ECCENTRIC MIND-READER.**

Guzma huffed. Were they all going to have some lame-sounding tagline? Guzma decided that deliberation would do him no good. He shook his head and strutted forward, moving through the sliding doors into the gym.

* * *

"Whoa." This was one of the weirder places Guzma had been inside recently. It was futuristic-looking; the room was of blue-and-white coloration. The floor appeared to flash periodically with green lines of energy.

The only thing Guzma wondered was where the rest of the gym was.

The only features of the room were a green square on the floor, two statues with several names visibly engraved on them and a man standing next to them. Guzma decided to talk to the guy.

"Hey," said Guzma, "What's with this gym, yo? Where's the leader at?"

The man, who was both moustachioed and bespectacled, smiled. The glasses gave Guzma the creeps, actually. "Ah, you're a challenger? The green tiles you see on the ground here are warp tiles." The man gestured to the green thing on the floor. "It will warp you to one of the rooms in the gym. There are eight other rooms. The leader, Clarissa, waits in the middle room. She uses Psychic-Type Pokemon, which are weak to-"

Guzma interrupted. "Yeah, yeah, I got it. Trust me, this gym'll be a piece of cake."

"Oh, okay. So you-"

"Peace out." Guzma ignored him, brusquely stepping onto the green tile.

Guzma instantly began spinning at breakneck speed. Hell no, this was gonna make him puke! Thankfully, the spinning stopped as soon as it started. Guzma found himself in a room, this time with three other warp tiles on the floor and a person levitating a Poke Ball in the centre of the room. While he had heard much of psychic powers before, this was Guzma's first time seeing them in person. It was pretty impressive.

"Oh…" said the psychic, who was a young man. "A challenger. Let us battle to determine our fates…" Dude sure was creepy.

Guzma glanced at one of the other warp panels, mere steps to his left. " _Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah_ nah." Guzma jumped straight onto the next warp panel and was spun again. Heheh. There was some unwritten rule for battling trainers if you made eye contact, that much Guzma knew, but…

The only rules _he_ followed were his own.

"Oh, a challenger." Ugh. Guzma had warped straight into another room. This one had an old woman, with eyes like glass that stared straight through Guzma. "I can see into your _soul_ …" Guzma had considered this strategy a few seconds earlier. Now he knew exactly how he was going to get to the gym leader.

"That's cool, yo. But see ya later." Guzma jumped again on to another warp panel, being warped into an empty room. Two encounters but he'd avoided any pointless battles. This was going to work fine.

Guzma repeated this, over and over. Jump, repeat. Jump, repeat. Jump, ignore weird psychic, repeat. Jump, jump, jump.

 _Uh, uh, Team Skull, jump up and down_.

And then…

"Ah… a challenger to my gym. This is no surprise to me, of course…"

To his right, the gym leader stood atop a short staircase. She was a bizarre-looking woman. She was in her mid-forties and wore a large purple dress, covered in what seemed to be stars. It reminded Guzma of something a child pretending to be a wizard would wear and it didn't seem very original. Her hair was royal blue, it was let down and almost appeared to flow. Guzma could have sworn her eyes were glowing a faint blue as well. Guzma knew the word to describe her, but couldn't quite pinpoint it.

"Tell me… your name."

Ethereal, that was the word. Guzma thought that was it. "I'm your boy Guzma. I'm here to win, lady, so let's go!"

She closed her eyes. "No, no… bask in the calm. Can't you feel it? There is a tense energy in the air… oh what am I saying, you have no psychic power, do you?"

Great. Another weirdo. This entire region was weirdos and it was getting to Guzma. "No. I don't."

"Hm…" The gym leader stared into the distance. "I am Clarissa. I am known for my mind-reading abilities, for which I have previously made a long career out of."

"Can we just battle already?"

Clarissa ignored him, or didn't appear to have heard. "My predecessor, Sabrina… she became very interested in film-making some years ago. Eventually, such a hobby became impossible to do part-time. So young Sabrina had to make a choice." She stared into the distance. "Act as a gym leader… or act as many other things. She chose the latter."

"Ok."

"I understand that she is very well-known now. She is known for using her psychic abilities to great effect while in her roles. I hope I will be a worthy successor. Before you, I have had twenty-seven challenges. Nine have defeated me, the other eighteen I have defeated. Twelve of those defeated challenged me a second time." She smiled, "In addition to being able to read minds, I possess a worthy mind myself."

Guzma was beginning to tune out. This was not in line with his plan of "Get to gym, get in, get win, get badge."

"She foresaw me as her successor… I was unsure of whether to take the role. I am a master of everything psychic, I thought, but Pokemon? My innate ability to communicate with my team members is what has allowed to me win so far, not so much my battling ability."

"So you got a cheap gimmick instead of just being strong?"

"I have improved by a large amount since taking on this position. And indeed, your statement just then would have been true when I started." She nodded sadly, "But now, I am very competent. Of that I am sure." Clarissa raised her eyebrows and formed an "O" with her mouth, realising she'd been droning on. "Oh, you got me monologuing! Perhaps we should battle?"

"YES!"

"Are you sure you don't want me to read your mind first?"

"YES!"

"Ok, let me see if I can …"  
" _What?_ I said yes! Don't read me… ah, nevermind."

Clarissa put her hands to the sides of her head and closed her eyes. "Your thoughts… you are quite a single-minded man. Right now, you are very driven towards a goal. The gym challenge, perhaps? No, no, that's not quite it. There are also many things that weigh heavily on your mind." She pressed harder, appearing to strain herself… mentally? "Skulls are on your mind for some reason. There is also grief, but you are pushing it away, to the back of your mind. I see uncertainty, some anger, even a twinge of guilt at your past actions."

"Geez, lady, quit it. That's … kind of impressive, actually." Guzma shook his head, "But quit looking in my brain and _fight me_!"

"Yes, I suppose we should battle."

"I'll even freaking lead so you shut up!"

* * *

"Go, Golisopod!" Guzma was eager to get this over and done with. Golisopod burst forth, ready to fight. Guzma had fed it the Poke Beans he'd promised it after finding the necklace, but he imagined the Pokemon was a little hungry now. Guzma himself was too, but that was irrelevant right now.

"For my lead… I will choose you, Espeon!" Clarissa gracefully threw the Heal Ball her Pokemon was kept in. Pink, really? Guzma would not understand why someone would choose _Heal Balls_ over pretty much any other type.

Espeon narrowed its eyes on Golisopod. Guzma knew Espeon was a fast Pokemon and he knew that wouldn't matter. "Golisopod, First Impression!"

"Espeon… open with a Psychic." Straight into the trap. Clarissa had obviously not anticipated the speed and efficiency of First Impression, even if Golisopod itself was a slow Pokemon. Golisopod rushed the Espeon as it began to charge the psychic attack in the front of its head. The Sun Pokemon was taken completely by surprise as Golispod's claw slammed into its head. It was thrown backwards and slid onto the floor. Espeon didn't make any further moves, it was down in one hit.

Guzma smiled devilishly. This would be an easy fight. "Heheh, what gives? I thought you could read minds?"

"Yes, yes, that is true. But not to the extent of reading live the moves you're planning… and even if I could, I would not use those abilities in battle. Don't think that this will be an easy victory, young Guzma." Clarissa appeared to palm her next Poke Ball without touching it. How weird, thought Guzma.

She threw the next ball, the next Pokemon appearing with a battle cry in a flash of white light. It was Xatu, the strange-looking bird Pokemon. Its eyes seemed to see without seeing. The thing creeped Guzma out.

Clarissa's eyes filled with determination. "Xatu, attack using Air Slash." Heheh, perfect.

"Golisopod, use Sucker Punch!" Guzma chuckled as he saw the fear in Clarissa's eyes. Sucker Punch, like First Impression, would always go first if used correctly. The idea of the move was to anticipate an enemy using an attacking move and hitting them hard before they used it. Golisopod's claw glowed a dark colour as it rushed towards Xatu at breakneck speed. It wasn't so much of a punch as a slap due to Golisopod's inability to make a fist, but it still sent Xatu hurtling backward. The bird Pokemon's wings splayed out onto the floor. It tried to prop itself back up briefly, before collapsing and fainting.

Geez. Guzma supposed this was how a battle where he had the type advantage was always going to go. She was down two Pokemon while he hadn't taken a hit. Clarissa's frustration could only just be seen on her face. Her brow had creased and she had narrowed her glowing eyes somewhat.

She returned the fainted Xatu to its ball, releasing her next Pokemon. "It is your turn, Mr. Mime!" Yet another Pokemon that gave Guzma the creeps, Mr. Mime stood not-very-tall. The psychic and fairy type was making mimes, acting as if it was in a glass box. How anyone could put up with a Pokemon that weird was beyond Guzma. Oh well. He wouldn't have to look at it for long.

"Sucker Punch, Golisopod!"  
"Mr. Mime, use Substitute!" _Ah, crap_. Guzma facepalmed at his own stupidity. He'd gone and gotten overconfident, now Clarissa had anticipated his move. Sucker Punch would be very slow, easy to dodge and pitifully weak if not used to thwart an attacking move, which Substitute was not. Since the priority of the move had failed, Mr. Mime initiated its Substitute, creating out of thin air a doll.

Guzma didn't understand how the move worked, but somehow this doll would, without fail, fool the enemy Pokemon into thinking it was real. So, of course Golisopod went straight for the doll. The Sucker Punch was pitiful, barely moving the substitute doll.

Clarissa was smiling slightly. Guzma bared his teeth. He'd hoped for a clean sweep of this team, now Clarissa had gone and ruined all that.

"Golisopod, take it out with a Razor Shell!" Golisopod currently would be perceiving the doll as Mr. Mime.

"Mr. Mime, use Psychic!" Mr. Mime was much faster than Golisopod. It began charging the mind-based attack, before releasing a powerful energy. Golisopod collapsed, the mental attack causing significant damage.

But not significant enough. Golisopod rose back up to its feet, apparently not having taken enough damage to activate Emergency Exit. Guzma smiled.

Golisopod conjured up a sharp shell, clutching it in one of its claws. It pounced on the substitute, slashing at it several times. The attack tore the toy to pieces and it faded away into nothingness. Golisopod looked around, confused, then narrowed its eyes at Mr. Mime as it realised it had been duped. "Nothing worse than realising someone's pulled a fast one on you", thought Guzma. He'd never understand how that attack worked.

"Mr. Mime, attempt another Psychic!" said Clarissa confidently.

"Sucker Punch him, Golisopod!" Guzma was not going to let this drag on. He liked battling, but this one felt like a drag. Substitute wasn't as cheap a tactic as something like Thunder Wave, but he still considered it needless time wasting.

Golisopod succeeded first, slamming another Sucker Punch into Mr. Mime's midsection. To Guzma's surprise, the mime Pokemon lay face-flat and didn't get up. To be honest, he'd expected to land the attack, then get hit with a psychic and be forced to switch out. Maybe Mr. Mime had terrible defences?

Clarissa sighed, before returning the fainted Pokemon to its ball. Guzma didn't want to jump the gun, but… there was no way he was losing this. He'd not lost a five-against-one before and he'd never seen anyone else fail _that_ catastrophically. He wouldn't have put it past some of his more bone-headed Team Skull grunts, though.

"My last one… you have done very well, Guzma. To back me into a corner with just one Pokemon of yours. No matter. Perhaps I can turn this around, go, Girafarig!" Clarissa released Girafarig, her final Pokemon. This Pokemon was completely unfamiliar to Guzma, but it was obviously at least part-psychic type. He did remember one of his grunts saying it was the "brain-in-the-ass Pokemon", whatever that meant.

Guzma knew better than to try to Sucker Punch again. The two trainers gave their orders at almost the exact same time.

"Golisopod, use Razor Shell!"

"Girafarig, hit him with Hyper Voice!"

Crap. Guzma had been duped this time, he cursed that he should've gone for a Sucker Punch. Girafarig's attack was a loud, screamed wave which sent a visible shimmering in the air at Golisopod. Golisopod was knocked over backwards by the attack.

Oh, no. Golisopod wasn't getting up. "Ugh, Golisopod, what is wrong with you…?" The attack hadn't even activated Emergency Exit; Golisopod had fainted.

It didn't matter. Guzma was still going to win. He palmed his next ultra-ball with certainty, throwing with "style".

"You're up, Masquerain!" Girafarig had KO'd Golisopod with a sound-based attack. Guzma thought it was only fair that he ended the battle with his own one. "Finish him off with Bug Buzz!"

"Girafarig, you must use Psychic!"

Girafarig outsped Guzma's bug and flying Pokemon, charging and using another Psychic. Masquerain looked pretty hurt from the attack, but stood its ground, or "flew" its ground. Wait, that didn't make sense, thought Guzma. It stood its… air, he guessed?

Masquerain, remembering it was supposed to attack, flew right into Girafarig's face, before beginning to flap its wings at ridiculous speed. A buzzing sound filled the room. Girafarig attempted to cover its ears with its hooves, unsuccessfully. It collapsed from the concussive, super-effective attack.

Masquerain had the same devilish smile as Guzma.

That was that. Guzma smirked, but… it just didn't feel like much of a victory. Clarissa returned her final Pokemon to her ball, Guzma returned Masquerain. Four whole Pokemon left… it was a total beatdown. Guzma didn't feel that same victorious surge of emotion he'd had after beating… Surge. Guzma resented the inadvertent pun. Maybe it was because the battle had been so easy? But he thought he loved easy wins…

Clarissa spoke. "You are one of the strongest, if not the strongest challenger I've ever had." She closed her eyes.

Guzma felt like he should say something. "Look, I'm not sayin' you're wrong… but I'm a bug-type user. It's not like you were ever gonna win, even if you're real strong. This beat down was always going to happen." Guzma shrugged, "Sorry."

"It is fine." She shook her head. "For now, you shall take the Marsh Badge." Seemingly out of nowhere, a tiny badge levitated towards Guzma. It floated in the air in front of him briefly before he grabbed it. Man, psychics were weird. The badge was weird, too, but shiny. It was just a golden circle within a golden circle. When Guzma thought of a "marsh" he thought of a swamp of some sort. How was this badge a swamp? "This badge will help your Pokemon to respect you more, but I think you and your Pokemon respect each other already."

"Heheh, yeah, respect is where it's at! Golisopod is _awesome_."

Clarissa nodded. Geez, the way she was just… devoid of emotion. At this point, Guzma was really wanting to meet someone in this region who wasn't creepy or weird or irritating. "Would you care for the Psychic TM? It is my favourite Pokemon move. My bread and butter, if you will."

"Sure."

Once again, the small TM levitated over, seemingly out of nowhere. Guzma plucked it out of the air. It was pink. Ew.

"That move, Psychic, is a powerful psychic move. It allows you to attack your opponents with psychic power for a powerful psychic attack. Do you understand?"

"No."

"Oh, then let me-"

"Yes, I understand. Geez, I was being sarcastic."

"Oh, I see."

There was an awkward silence.

"Before you leave, Guzma, would you like me… to read your future?"

Guzma put his hands on his hips. "If you can tell me when I beat Lance and Kukui, sure!"

"No, I can't. But I can tell you what pieces I can see."

Guzma shrugged. "Eh, what's the worst that could happen? Go on."

Once again, she held her hands to her head and closed her eyes. Clarissa began to speak, in a focused, yet distant voice. "You… I see great strength surrounding you in your future."

"Uh-huh."

"Something around you will not be as it seems. Be wary of deception by one who knows of the dark."

"Real edgy, but ok."

"I see something green and slimy. It will be yours."

"Um, what?"

"And… in time you will learn the value of a journey."

Guzma sneered. "This what you made a career out of? Saying a bunch of obvious or ambiguous stuff and conning people? What's wrong with "You will beat Lance in a Pokemon Battle", huh?"

"Every one of my previous predictions has come true, Guzma. As they will too for you."

"Try me."

"I once talked to Lance when he was a six-year-old boy. I told him his future held great power and great responsibility. "

"Uh-huh, sure."

"I once talked to a grunt of Team Rocket who wanted to revive it. I predicted a person would come into his life that would make him move on from that which he was focused on. I understand he tried to start a new Team Rocket in a faraway region only to meet the girl of his dreams and start a family, pushing Team Rocket out of his mind forever."

"Sure you did."

Clarissa narrowed her eyes. "Alright, how about this? One of my earliest predictions was to a man named Giovanni-"

"Look, I don't care. You're just spinning around what you said so it sounds right!"

"I promise I am not."

Guzma shook his head. "Thanks for the badge." He strutted onto the red panel in the side of the room, assuming it was the exit. His assumption was confirmed when, after another queasy spin, he found himself back in the first room.

"Oh!" said the gym guide man, "you're back! How did it go?"

Guzma walked towards the door. "I won."

* * *

Early the next morning, Guzma dialled his parents' number. He wasn't happy. Guzma and Hala had got themselves a hotel room for the night, where Guzma had trouble sleeping. He didn't want to go calling his parents twice in one day. After breakfast, the two had headed over to the Pokemon center.

Guzma shot Hala a look. "Why the hell do they want to talk to you instead o' me?"

Hala wondered too as Guzma dialled the number on the Pokemon Center phone. "I suppose I'll find out."Guzma begrudgingly handed his travel partner the receiver.

Guzma walked away, ordered by Hala not to listen to the conversation. Hala listened to the dial tone on the other end, wondering what was in store for him. There was a click, then a voice.

"Hello, David speaking."

"Good evening." Hala wasn't sure what kind of man he was dealing with. In these situations, he felt it best to act friendly unless otherwise required. "Would I be speaking to the father of one Guzma?"

"Yes, that's me. Is this Hala? I think I recognise your voice."

"Yes, yes it is! Guzma told me you wanted me to be next to call, rather than him. Is that true?"  
There was a slight gasp on the other end. "Yes, yes it is… he actually let you know that?"

"Indeed, he did."

"Huh."

"So, David, what did you want to say?"  
"I want to check up on my son. Apparently he's doing the gym challenge."

"Indeed he is, he's doing fine if I do say so myself! Defeated his second gym yesterday."

"That's… amazing. I wish I could see him have drive to do something again. Are you keeping him out of trouble? I'm told you're a trustworthy man."

Hala glowed a little at the compliment. "I assure you, you can trust me with your son."

"Hmm. I just don't want him getting up to any mischief. I don't want my only child in jail."

"Tell me… I don't mean to pry, but is there something else between you and him? I was quite shocked to find he hadn't said a word to you before accepting my offer to go to Kanto."

"No trouble at all." David sighed, "We… had quite a falling out. Years ago."

"I'm not forcing you to talk about it."

"It doesn't matter. I'm sober right now, so I won't go into any fits of rage. Been getting those a lot lately." He sighed again, "You've probably noticed our boy Guzma is quite the Pokemon Trainer. He always has been." David paused. "My wife and I have never cared for Pokemon battling. I wanted to get him interested in golf, like me… but all he ever wanted to do was catch Pokemon."

"Hm. I can relate, believe it or not. My own son has avoided me for a long time due to my role as kahuna. It looks like the title will be passed on to my grandson, instead. Though that's up to Tapu Koko, not me."

"So you know how painful it is to see your son reject you? Even though he rejected me for his Pokemon… I'll have to admit he was a natural. Excellent at Pokemon fighting. He won all sorts of little competitions as well as some tournaments and he blitzed the island challenge, if I recall correctly." Hala took all of this in. He remembered taking his own island challenge over fifty years ago. Things really hadn't changed. "After all those wins and defeating the island challenge, all he wanted was to become a trial captain."

"Ah, yes."

"I am to understand you yourself had to reject him?"  
Hala's memory of the time was faint. "No, not exactly. While Kahunas are supposed to appoint trial captains, the burden of finding a successor usually falls to the Captains themselves. That was the problem with Guzma, you see. None of the captains wished for him to replace them."

"I see. Was that because there were "stronger" trainers that were better than my son?"  
"Partly. I think with Guzma… it was more of an attitude thing."

"Go on."

"While he wasn't the way he is now, there's always been something inside Guzma. He's had a lot of natural talent and persistence, but his motivations were never quite with it. He was always much more concerned with winning Pokemon battles than simply enjoying and learning from the experience. Someone like that would be likely to build impossible trials so they could enjoy a "victory" over the challengers."

"He's always talking about beating people down…"

Hala nodded. "That's exactly right, I'm afraid. And that attitude is what cost him a position as trial captain, even as a teenager. It was not something that was up to me, so much, but that attitude made him undesirable for the job." Hala sighed, "and indeed, there were some candidates who were stronger trainers than him at the time. I'm sorry if this is too harsh. Despite everything, your boy is certainly not a bad person. I can see him learning already. It'll take time, but I'll make him into a great man you'll be proud of."

"Thank you.. so much, Island Kahuna. I just wish it was something I could do myself."

"So Guzma just stormed out of the house one day after failing to become a captain? I just still can't believe he said nothing to you."

David sighed deeply and talked with a heavy voice. "He was eighteen at the time. Guzma had been vying to be one of those trial captains for almost two years and I could see he just wasn't going to have any success. So I tried to talk him into some alternate options. You can't be a captain past twenty anyway, so it wouldn't be worth it even if he did land a position now." Hala had an idea of where this was going. "You know how he is. Well, he inherited his temper from me, one hundred percent. We got into a big argument. He was telling me that I didn't own him, I couldn't control his life… I told him he was an adult living in my house and didn't have a job. With us two being stubborn, I… I'd had a few drinks that night. I got very, very angry. I picked up one of my good golf clubs and I started towards him…"

"Oh dear. Did you hurt him?"

David scoffed. "I still firmly believe _he_ was in the wrong too… but I shouldn't have done what I did. I tried to smack him with the damn club. I was inebriated, he was young and somewhat athletic. He wrestled it off and beat me down with it until the club broke. I was bruised for weeks and I could hardly walk."

"Oh…" Hala shot a nervous glance towards Guzma.

"Then the blasted boy went over and broke the rest of my golf clubs. Five bent and four broken golf clubs. I still have them."  
"Oh my goodness."

"He stormed out and we hardly heard from him for close to ten years. My wife and I were so surprised when he finally came back, we didn't know what to do."

"…And then he left without a word."

"My golfing career has done a long, terrible roll downhill. Every time I pick a club up I think of that terrible night. My wife has always been a very optimistic woman, she blamed me for Guzma walking out. She's been a mess recently, not only seeing her son walk out on her once again, but finding out that he was in charge of those Team Skull hooligans."

There was a silence as Hala processed this. He made a mental note to teach Guzma the importance of family. Or, as ya boi might say, "Don't be a freakin' jerk to your folks, yo!"

"Hala, I don't expect Guzma to magically change who he is and come crying back here, but please tell him that we do… well, we still love him."

"I will."

Hala heard a sniffle on the other end. "Hala.. how old are you?"

Odd question. "Erm… sixty-five. Why?"

"I'm close to sixty. I'm at the time of my life where regrets are going to start catching up to me. Guzma was a blessing when he arrived. My wife and I had troubles having children for years. Now the only child we have has rejected us and, as much it pains me to admit it, we haven't properly accepted him either."

Hala stroked at his chin. "This has been an enlightening conversation, David."

"I want to be called again when Guzma has earned another gym badge or whenever you think he's bettered himself."

"It's a promise."

"Now I must go. Please, bring my son back to me, Hala."

"That's also a promise."

Click. David had hung the phone up.

That certainly _was_ an enlightening conversation. Guzma's father was a golfer and Guzma had golfed his father.

Before heading to the third gym, Hala would have a few things to say to young Guzma. His thoughts drifted back to a teenage Guzma beating his own father with a golf club until it snapped. How could an argument possibly escalate to such levels?

Regardless, thought Hala, Guzma was the one who needed to fix this. Not him. But he could nudge him along.

It was time for one of Hala's Lessons in Decent Human Being-ness: Don't be a freakin' jerk to your folks, yo!


	7. Chapter 7

The road to Celadon City was short. Hala made sure to let his thoughts be known on the way, to Guzma's disdain. Guzma's family matters were none of the old man's business. Guzma felt very upset with the whole ordeal, but hey, apparently his Dad still loved him or whatever.

The guy had said to call back again, but who did he want to talk to? Hala hadn't said so. Guzma wondered if it would be better to just focus on the task at hand.

They'd arrived at Celadon City already. Guzma kind of liked it, there were lots of alleyways. Too many high buildings, though and it stank like the other cities. He wondered why the air was perpetually less clean and pure than in Alola.

"Hmm." Grunted Hala. "I know you probably want to get straight onto the next gym, but while we're here I want to see the sights."

"Like what? What could be more interesting than a gym?"

"A game corner, for example?"

Guzma raised an eyebrow, intrigued. "What? Like video games? That ain't my sort of thing."

"Slot machines."  
Guzma frowned. "I don't like machines."

"Well, you might like these ones." Hala led Guzma to a central area of the city. This time, the area was decently busy. There were some people in business suits walking brusquely, a few women out walking, one with a baby in a pram. Yeesh. Guzma could never imagine himself as a parent.

They came in front of a long building. It was flashy, decked in neon colours in stark contrast to the faded greens and greys of the city buildings. Hala walked right on inside, through the sliding doors and Guzma followed.

* * *

The place shone. Guzma's eyes widened a little bit as he took in his surroundings. There were at least a dozen people at the various slot machines, which were a sort of bronze colour, complimenting the golden floor. As for the people, some were young, some were old, there was a mix of men and women. Some seemed quite fixated on their machines.

"Guzma, come here." Hala had moved over to an empty machine. Guzma saw there were icons on the screen. A number seven, a Pikachu and a Shellder. It looked a bit childish to Guzma, to be honest. "Let's go get some coins."

They walked over to a counter at the back room, attended by a man and a woman. Hala took off his backpack, grunting as he bent over. He rummaged around and pulled out what looked like a pencil case. Hala walked up to the man and asked for something, handing him a handful of 100 PokeDollar coins. Hala handed the man the small purple case and he filled it with a type of coin Guzma had never seen before.

"So!" said Hala, "the process is as follows: insert one to three coins in a slot machine, then attempt to stop the icons so they line up."

"Uh… I don't get it."  
"Just watch." Hala demonstrated, sitting at an empty slot machine. He inserted three coins into a slit on the machine, then pressed a red button on it. Suddenly, the pictures on the machine began spinning. Hala focused, then pressed the button once, landing it on a Pikachu icon. He pressed it again, landing a 7 in the middle. "Drat." He pressed the button one last time, landing it also on a 7. Hala grunted. The other two rows on the screen, above and below the centre one, had also not lined up. "You need to line three of the same icons up on any one of the rows. That's when you put three coins in, at least." Hala glared at the machine.

"Uh, okay. So what's the point of that?"

"You get a payout of Game Corner Coins if you win."

"Huh. How much do you win?"

"Varies. Actually, I don't know. But it's probably a lot!"

Guzma tried to get this straight. "So you get coins and then you play a game so you can… get more coins?"

"Exactly! But there are trainer prizes as well, like technical machines-"

"This looks stupid."

Hala frowned. "Have you tried it, though? Here." Hala unzipped the case, dropping about ten of the coins in Guzma's hands. "Have a go, see what you think. The only way you'll find out whether you like something or not is if you try it." Normally Guzma would think that a fair statement, but he'd already watched Hala do this slot crap. It didn't look fun, but Guzma supposed he should give it a go if only to get him out of here faster.

Hala moved to the adjacent slot machine, putting in three coins. Guzma followed suit, putting three in his machine and pressing the button. The pictures began to move very fast. Guzma couldn't possibly make sense of them. Deciding to get this over with, Guzma pressed the button three times in rapid succession.

A Pikachu, another Pikachu… and a seven. The screen buzzed a few times and nothing else happened. He could already tell there'd be no point to this.

"Haha!" Hala pumped his fists and smiled in rejoice. Several coins dispensed out of the machine. "I'm a winner, Guzma. Looks like I haven't lost my touch. How are you doing there?"

" _Yeah_ … I think I'm just gonna go to the gym."

"Oh. Well, suit yourself. You'll probably still find me here. If you're not going to use those coins, put them back in my coin case." Guzma obliged, scooping the game corner coins and sealing them back in the case. Guzma made for the door, content that he'd rather be battling someone.

Guzma looked around outside the game corner? Maybe it was time to go to the gym.

* * *

Guzma turned left left out of the building, walking straight into someone. "Gah!"

"Aw, geez." Guzma had walked straight into them, hitting his head against theirs. Guzma tried to see the person who'd walked into him. The cogs of recognition started to turn in Guzma's brain.

"Hey! You're Sylveon shirt guy!"

Sylveon shirt guy had falled onto the ground. He got up, rubbing his head. He was still wearing the same shirt, coloured black with a decal of the Pokemon called Sylveon. "Yeah… that's me. Man, your head is hard." He chuckled. "So, S-Necklace Guy. You're in Celadon City now. What are you up to?"

"Beating the gym. You know where it is?"

"Sure do." He smiled, "Aren't you the guy who swam into the Vermilion Gym to get around the tree?"

Guzma didn't like where this was going. "Uh, yeah, but how the hell do you know that?"

Sylveon-shirt smirked. "You've become a bit of a running joke with the gym staff there. The way you walked in all dripping and confident made quite an impression. Top top it all off, Surge said you were a brilliant battler."

"What?! I'm a joke?"

"Kind of. If we had a larger population you'd probably be an internet meme. I still don't even know your name. I wonder what you'd be." He thought, tapping his chin, "The Gym Water Guy? The Big Dripper? The Gymmer Swimmer? I still don't know your name, after all."

Guzma grumbled. "Guzma."

"Aha. I had you figured for a foreigner. Where are you from? I'm Randall, by the way."

So that was his name. Guzma had one more burning question. "Why the heck are you wearing a Sylveon shirt? I thought that Pokemon was for girls."

Randall rolled his eyes. "It's like… my signature Pokemon? I don't get people's stigma against fairy types." He pointed a finger at Guzma. "They're among the strongest types, both offensively and defensively, many can cover for their weaknesses. In fact, I examined things, and a Ground type move will cover both weaknesses, rendering a fairy essentially invulnerable."

"Whatever."

"I use other types as well, of course. What about you?"

"Can't I go to the gym?"

"Nah, take a walk with me first. Trust me, I'm smart."

That was exactly the sort of thing someone who had no idea what they were talking about would say. "I'll find it myself."

"There's a Wudo Tree in front of it."

Guzma's eye twitched. "That's a joke, right?"

"And there's no water for you swim in this time. Unless you're willing to cut down the other thick trees around it, for which the police would arrest you for desecrating public property, you're out of luck without Cut."

Guzma huffed, speaking through gritted teeth. "I'll just find another way around it like I did last time. Why are you here anyway?"

"And make a fool of yourself again? And I'm here to visit my grandma. This time you're in luck, my grandma's Scyther knows Cut."

"…Why does your grandma have a Scyther? I thought old ladies had Meowth or something."

"She was quite the battler back in her day. Liked her bug types. Do you specialise in a type, by chance?"

Guzma sure was surprised. "I use bug-types."

Randall clapped his hands together. "Oh, I simply _must_ introduce you to my grandma. Follow me. Her house is a bit out of sight, though." He smiled.

"Eh, fine. But lend me the Scyther."

"Sure. Right this way."

They began to walk, Randall leading the way. Celadon City was pretty big, Guzma was glad to have someone who knew their way around. "So, uh, Randall, your granny uses bugs?"

"Sure does. Scyther, Pinsir, Beedrill, Butterfree, Parasect and Volcarona. Five of those she caught herself, the Volcarona was a present from my father. He's a world traveller and he hit Unova five or six years back. Ever been to Unova?"

"No, just Alola and here."

"You're Alolan?"

"Yeah."

"Cool. Kanto may look much more developed and urban to you compared to Alola, but man. You should see Unova. I went there when I was sixteen. So many big, flashy cities. Big lights, big city, big on Pokemon… big people, too" he added as an afterthought. "Castelia City's got to be the biggest city I've ever seen. Not my type of place, but impressive."

Guzma was interested in a different topic. "Your family… they're big on Pokemon battling?"

"Oho, now you've got me started. My grandparents, all four are alive, they've all been trainers in their time. My granny, the eldest one, she used to use ground types. Her husband used rock types, so naturally they were a pretty good couple. Their daughter, who is my mother, uses water types. I don't think she ever lost to her parents, they always get so mad when they lose!" Guzma found himself wishing he had a family like that. "My nan uses bugs, as you know, her husband uses ghost types. Funny old man, he is. My dad's a fire-type user. He's off in Kalos with my mom now. I'm sure they're having a great time, haha!"

Guzma hadn't asked for a life story. This was getting old. Randall continued, "And my brother… uses…" Randall trailed off. He was focusing on something just ahead of them.

Something was going on in the alleyway. There were two men dressed in black. There were two Pokemon out, a Sandslash and a Raticate.

A little girl stood backed against the wall, a fearful gaze aimed at the two men. They didn't appear to notice as Guzma and Randall approached them.

"C'mon, just give us your Pokemon!" said one of the men, "Give 'em over, or it's going to be real painful for you." The Raticate flashed its fangs at the girl.

"Stop it… just go away!" the girl had some Poke Balls, but wasn't using them for some reason. Randall's facial expression contorted into a frown, with his mouth agape in surprise. Then it became a glare.

"Been a long time since I've seen one of those outfits." Said Randall. "How about you just step away from her and we can figure this out?"

Guzma examined one of the men, who glared at Randall. They were dressed in identical outfits. They were both clad in black, with grey boots, grey gloves and a black cap. It was among the shadier things Guzma had seen. The defining feature of the uniform was a big orange "R" in the centre of the chest. It was menacing, but Team Skull's uniform was simply better. Guzma wondered who these guys were.

"Buzz off, stupid kid. We're Team Rocket and we'll do what we want! In fact, you hand over your Pokemon too." The team rocket man pointed at Randall, and the Raticate bared his teeth at him and Guzma.

Randall was unfazed. He raised an eyebrow. "Stupid kid? Now there's a funny one. To be frank it amuses me that you want to battle me. But I'll indulge you."

"Ha!" said the other grunt, "You don't stand a chance! Get 'em, Sandslash!" Sandslash looked at Guzma menacingly. Guzma countered with an even more menacing look and an aggressive growl. To his amusement, the Sandslash cowered back.

"Hm." Grunted Randall. "Two against one. Spineless, just like my family used to tell me." He glared at the grunts. "Yo, Guzma? Care to help me out here? Lieutenant Surge said you were an excellent trainer. Not to gloat, but I happen to be as well. What say we crush these numbskulls?"  
Guzma understood where these Rocket guys were coming from. Normally they'd be the kind of people he'd be in charge of, actually. Under different circumstances, maybe he'd have helped them out, if they were working for him. But they weren't and frankly, their style sucked and they were just a lot less cool than Team Skull.

"Yeah, I'll help you out. These guys look kinda weak." Guzma palmed a Poke Ball.

One of the Rocket guys looked shocked. "You bastard! No-one insults Team Rocket's style. Raticate is gonna get you, so hard!"

"I'd like to see that little mouse try!" taunted Guzma.

"Let's show these morons, Guzma. Get ready!"

* * *

"Go, Golisopod!" Guzma threw with gusto, eager to show these guys who was boss.

"Let's go, Tauros!" Randall threw a type of Poke Ball Guzma did not recognize, and a Tauros burst-forth. The bull-like Pokemon scraped its hoof against the ground to intimidate its opponents.

Guzma chuckled a bit. Between Golisopod and a Tauros, the two enemy Pokemon were really cringing.

"Raticate, hit that Tauros with a Super Fang!"

"You too, Sandslash, Slash Golisopod!"

"Golisopod, hit Raticate with First Impression" ordered Guzma, pointing at his target.

"Tauros, use Giga Impact!"

Naturally, First Impression went first. It was a smart move on Guzma's part, as it would block Raticate, who was probably naturally the fastest of the bunch, from attacking Tauros.

Golisopod rushed Raticate and struck it hard with its claw. That was easily a one-hit KO, the Raticate lay sprawled out already. If Randall's Tauros was strong, this would be over quickly.

Tauros charged into Sandslash at very high speed, sending it flying. The rodent Pokemon landed a a fair few feet away from everyone else.

Well then. Both Pokemon down and not a hit taken. The expressions of the two Team Rocket members were shocked and scared, respectively. One looked to the other and said "Man, screw this! These guys are _tough!_ Let's scram!" And scram they did, the two sprinting away, arms flailing.

Randall continued to glare at them as they fled, before kneeling down to talk to the girl. "They didn't hurt you at all, did they?"

"N-no."

"You have Poke Balls… why didn't you try and fight them?"

"I did… but I only have two Pokemon… and they beat me" she snivelled.

"Hm. Run on home, okay? I'll tell the police about this."

"Okay… thank you."

As she left, Randall turned to Guzma. "I'm sorry you had to see that. Thanks for your help, though. I could've taken them on alone, but… heh, sorry, I realise that sounds bad." He shook his head. "Those two were members of an organisation I thought was long-gone, called Team Rocket."

"Yeah, I heard of 'em. They're like a, uh, a gang, right?"

"They're a criminal organization. Or were. They haven't been seen in years. The original Team Rocket got beat when I was just a little kid, _by_ a little kid. They were quite the laughing stock, I remember."

"So they're back?"

"That's what I'm wondering. I've never seen any in person before." He rubbed his head. "Look, I'll take you to my nan's, then I'm going straight to the police to report that. Pokemon theft, or attempting it, is a crime and we caught them in the act" Randall said, frowning.

They kept walking to their destination. Guzma wondered: what were Team Rocket really like? Were they cool cat gangstas like Team Skull? He didn't know. Maybe they were just a couple of wannabes, the way they handled the situation earlier didn't look so great. Only two guys, with one Pokemon each? If they wanted to steal Pokemon, they should've had a good team and lots of backup.

Guzma would be sure to find out what they were really like. But now?

Guzma needed to pay the gym a visit.


	8. Chapter 8

**AN: Slightly slack on my upload speed for this one. I'll try and get the next one out sooner.**

Guzma glared at the tree outside of the Celadon City gym. If he lived in Kanto and had ten million PokeDollars, he'd bulldoze every one of these blasted trees and drop them in a volcano. Thanks to this tree, he was stuck waiting for Randall.

Randall had gone to report the Team Rocket incident to the police. The dudes were real stupid to get caught like that _and_ get pummelled by two strong trainers. Guzma hadn't seen much of the team of Randall, formerly Sylveon-shirt-guy, but he had to admit that Tauros was pretty scary.

Not that it _scared_ him. The Pokemon was intimidating, but not _that_ intimidating.

"Heyo, I'm back." It was Randall, Scyther in tow. Guzma had had to put off the visit with Randall's nan. He'd been hoping to meet some badass granny who he could banter with about bug-types, but Team Rocket had squashed that idea for now. That made Guzma dislike them slightly. "I've reported that little incident to the police. Realistically, I should've reported it the moment those guys walked away, but what's done is done."

"Can you cut the tree?"  
Randall smiled. "I'll just get Scyther to cut the tree." He rummaged around in his pocket. I'll wait around here. I brought my game console, I can wait." He pulled an object out of his pocket that looked kind of like a phone, only it had screens and a bunch of buttons. "Besides, you helped me out with those grunts. I owe you one."

"Really, you're just gonna wait here?"

"Got a problem with that?"

"No, no… thanks, actually." Guzma was surprised at the gesture.

"Stand back." Guzma did. Randall gestured to the tree, facing Scyther. "Scyther, cut that tree down!" Scyther moved so it was very close to the tree, then brought its claws (scythes?) back. In a movement that was faster than Guzma's eyes could track, it sliced the trunk of the tree, cutting it at least in half. Scyther hopped out of the way as the trunk fell, then moved the felled tree out of the way by pushing it with its head. Guzma was impressed.

"Neat. Thanks… Randall."

"See you in a while, alright?"

Guzma nodded and headed through, stepping over the tree stump. He'd come prepared just in case and purchased a few hyper potions and two revives from the Poke Mart. Guzma found it weird how the Pokemon Mart and Center were separate here. Why not just have them together? He thought it an unnecessary inconvenience.

He found himself wondering why, after however many years, was there still not a path to the gym that wasn't through a tree? It was weird, inconvenient and stupid.

Guzma would stew about it later. Gym challenge number three awaited… but as he walked down the path, he noticed he was not alone. Heading straight towards him from the gym was someone else.

As he got closer, he noticed they seemed angry. It was a short girl, probably in her mid-teens. She wore a long, billowing cape that looked a bit silly with her small frame. Other than that, her clothes were simple and her hair brunette.

She walked up to Guzma, glaring.

"Hmmm." She grunted. "Why do I keep losing? I'm a great trainer."

"Uh… hi. Ok."

She threw her arms up in the air. "This gym is ridiculous! I didn't really lose that because it wasn't fair. They used too many moves that weren't grass-type!" Her voice sure was whiny, gee it got on Guzma's nerves. Every single person in this freakin' region (except maybe Randall) was either stupid, crazy or irritating.

"Look, sorry, but I don't really care. I need to get to the gym myself."

She pointed an accusing finger and shook her head. "Oh no, I need to vent to someone about how stupid that was. Like-"

"Look, lady, what do you want? I need to challenge the gym. Either tell me something I care about or beat it."

She twirled her hair, thinking. "Welllllll… do you use a Pokemon type?"

"Yeah, bug. Why?"

Her eyes lit up. "Oh, perfect. You'll be easy. Battle me, please."

Ohoho. This was stupid, irritating _and_ crazy. "Excuse me? I ain't easy. I never lose a battle easily. In fact, let me correct that: I hardly lose battles ever." Somewhere in the back of Guzma's mind, the words "Lieutenant Surge" were trying to push themselves forward. He ignored them.

"Oh come on, I'm good." She smiled as if she was certain of everything she was saying, oblivious to her own arrogance. This would be close to the fastest time on record a stranger had got Guzma to dislike them. "I graduated with straight As from the Trainers School in Pewter City. You're probably too old to have gone there, though. It's a pretty new one. Only got built six years ago."

Guzma's eye was twitching. If he saw a psychologist, they would probably be telling him to "take deep breaths" right now. "Lady, you don't know what you're sayin' to me. You're all high and mighty here, but you just said you lost to a grass gym."

"Well, no, I didn't. They used lots of ridiculous moves and things like Toxic and silly things that fainted my Pokemon." She shook her head.

"…So you lost?"

She bunched her hands into fists at her sides. "You're not listening!"

"Do you use water types or something? Look, if you lose, it's okay to be mad. I _always_ get mad if I get beat down. Not that that ever happens." In the back of his mind, the words nagged, "Lieutenant Surge, Lieutenant Surge". Guzma wished his brain would shut up.

"I'm _not_ mad." Liar. She was mad. "And I use flying types? They're the best type."

Guzma thought for a few seconds. "…Doesn't this gym leader use Grass-types?" She gestured to him as if to say "So what?" Guzma narrowed his eyes. "You lost to a grass gym… with flying-type Pokemon?"

She gave an "agh!" and rolled her eyes, "It wasn't a real loss! It was cheap and it wasn't a real battle."

"Cheap, huh?"

"Anyway, I want a real win today. Battle me, would you?"

Guzma realised there was no other way to get rid of her. Surge was a buffoon, sure, but Guzma was going to _enjoy_ crushing this arrogant lady. "I'll give you the most real battle ever, girl! You seriously think I'm gonna be easy because I use bug-types. Bet you thought the same when you fought the gym leader, too."

"Agh! I'm going to win this one. Just you wait and see! Glada, the majestic and graceful battler from Pewter City, will achieve a stunning victory."

"Yeah, well big bad Guzma's just gonna crush you. Prepare to get beat down."

Glada glared. "You are really rude, you know that? I'll lead, too. How about… this?"

* * *

She palmed a Great Ball. "You're up, Pidgeot!" the girl named Glada stared Guzma down with an overconfident glare. Pidgeot burst forth in the air from a Great Ball, flying into the air and hovering.

Guzma's lead was the same as always. "Crush 'em, Golisopod!" The tall bug-Pokemon gave a battle cry. Glada was quick to act.

"Pidgeot, crush that puny bug with an Air Slash!"

Guzma had the fleeting thought to call her out on the stupidity of a "slash" "crushing" something, but decided it would be better to let Golisopod do the talking. "Razor Shell, Golisopod!"

Naturally, the fast, airborne Bird Pokemon was faster than Golisopod. With its wings, Pidgeot created waves of sharp air and propelled them at Golisopod. It was another attack Guzma didn't understand the workings of, but he wasn't a Move Technician.

Guzma gasped as the waves missed Golisopod completely, landing to the right of it. "You go, Golisopod! Now hit 'em with that attack!" Golisopod did so, conjuring a razor-sharp shell and slicing Pidgeot with it. The cut was nasty, but the Pokemon remained airborne.

"What the hell, Pidgeot? Are you stupid?!" raged Glada. "It doesn't matter. I'll still win. Air Slash him again, Pidgeot!"

Guzma grinned. Right into the trap. "Stop it with a Sucker Punch, Golisopod!" Golisopod moved at breakneck speed, slamming its dark-glowing claw into Pidgeot's chin. Glada's jaw dropped, to Guzma's delight.

Pidgeot could remain airborne no longer. It fell like a piece of paper to the ground and made no effort to prop itself back up. Another quality job by Golisopod, 1 KO and no damage taken!

"What the hell, Pidgeot?" She glared at Guzma. "You cheat! I don't know those moves and Sucker Punch is _so_ cheap. How can you battle like that?"

Guzma had to admit the Air Slash miss was lucky, but everything else was rubbish. "It's literally strategy, lady! I ain't even that smart and I _still_ got ya!"

She acted as if that statement was supremely offensive. "You are _not_ smarter than me."

"Just send out your next Pokemon so we can get this over with."

"You say that as if you're going to win."

Guzma bared his teeth. "Next. Pokemon."

"Go, Charizard! I'll hit you with my hardest!" Huh, Charizard. Charizard was an iconic Pokemon and one well-known as Kanto native. Unlike Pikachu, however, Guzma thought it was pretty cool. If he used fire types or flying types he'd get himself a Charizard for sure.

Guzma questioned in his mind Glada's tactics. He'd literally just used a water-type move to take out her last Pokemon, so she sends in… a fire type? All the easier win for Guzma.

"Charizard, use Wing Attack!" Ever the aggressive playstyle. Guzma understood that, but he still preferred to think a bit.

"Razor Shell, Golisopod!" Charizard was faster. It glided towards Golisopod and struck the Pokemon twice with its wings. Golisopod took the attack badly, appearing injured. Guzma watched Golisopod hesitate, likely considering whether to wimp out or not.

Thankfully, Golisopod's decision was not to. It conjured another Razor Shell, leaping at Charizard and slicing it to bits with it. Well, not to bits. But the dragon-like Pokemon was down for the count in that one powerful, supereffective attack.

"Ha!" said Guzma to Golisopod. "Forget Charizard. Golisopod, _you're_ the one on fire!" Golisopod appreciated the compliment and gave a battle cry.

Glada kept trying to start a sentence, something to soften the impending loss. What, was she going to say that using supereffective attacks was unfair?

She wordlessly released her next Pokemon, Golbat. Guzma liked its look. Golbat and Crobat were favourites of many of his Team Skull grunts. Plumeria too, even Gladion.

But it was in the hands of someone incompetent. "Golbat, we're going for a good strategy now. Use Confuse Ray!"

Guzma wasn't sure how to feel. Earlier, she'd seemed to hate "cheap tactics" in the same vein as Guzma, yet was using such a move?

The ball of light enveloped Golisopod, causing it to give an amused cry and become very disoriented. This was the confusion status condition. Not Guzma's most hated one, but still highly annoying.

"Golisopod, break through and use Razor Shell!" Golisopod conjured up a shell, staggering like a drunkard towards Golbat. Despite its impairment, it managed to slice the Bat Pokemon. The attack hit pretty hard, but Golbat was not down for the count.

"Golbat, use Poison Fang! Poison him!" Golbat flew down and clung to Golisopod, before sinking its fangs into its back. It flew back off and Golisopod could take no more. It moved backwards towards Guzma, crouching. Guzma growled. It wouldn't respond to any commands now. Thanks, Emergency Exit.

Guzma returned Golisopod to its ball in a flash of light. He knew how to finish this battle off, but Glada wasn't giving up, somehow.

"Your turn, Scizor!" the Bug/Steel type Pokemon would take neutral damage from flying moves. Since Charizard was out, Scizor would be able to tank attacks from her entire team, unless she had another fire and flying type.

"Golbat, Poison Fang!"

Wait, what? But Scizor was… "Scizor, tank it and use Iron Head." "Tank it" wasn't exactly the right phrase, as Glada would soon see.

Golbat, being slightly faster, moved first. It moved down on Scizor and attempted to sink its fangs into the Bug and Steel Pokemon. Guzma would've smirked normally, but in the face of someone who claimed to be an amazing trainer yet tried to hit a Steel-type with a Poison-type move… he just frowned.

"What the hell? Are you cheating or something?" Glada's teeth were gritted.

"Ugh…" Guzma wished he'd just had a straight walk into the gym. "Scizor, hurry up and finish him off." Scizor did, charging its head with a metallic aura and headbutting Golbat. The bat, dinged up from Golisopod's earlier attack, did not tank the attack.

Glada, in disbelief, returned the Pokemon to her ball. She sent no more out. "What?" said Guzma, "That's all of your Pokemon?"

She pointed accusingly at Guzma. "How did you do that? Poison Fang is a great attack! Scizor should've been down in one hit!"

Guzma was confused. "Look, are you a rookie? I get it if you just don't know how the type matchups work yet. I made dumb mistakes too when I was a kid, but you really need to get good."

Glada fumed. " _Kid? Dumb mistakes?_ "

Guzma sighed in irritation. "Scizor is a Steel-Type, Glada."

"So?"

"Poison-type moves can't hit steel-type Pokemon? Geez, how freaking dumb are you, kid? _"_

"Um, yes they do."

For pity's sake. "No, no they don't."

"Yes they do, they definitely do! I don't know why you think that." Said Glada. "They've always been able to hit steel-types. Your Scizor must have some shiny skin ability or something that makes it invincible!"

Guzma bared his teeth and growled. He clenched his fists at his sides. "Look, you are _wasting_ my time. I don't know how else to say it: You have got _no_ idea, girl. You can't accept when you got beat down. And that's just the thing, you got owned! Even _if_ you'd taken out my Scizor, I'd have another three Pokemon."

"I would have won. Flying moves hit bugs supereffectively."

Guzma was not the sort of man to hit people. The only people he'd hit were ones that had pushed him to his breaking point. He had to admit, it was very tempting… but he decided it wasn't worth getting in trouble with the police on an assault charge. "Geez. You're really not so great of a person, y'know? That ain't something you should be hearing from _me."_

"You know what? I'm done talking with you. Goodbye, Guzma. Technically I won that, but okay, I can see you're not going to give up. Goodbye." And with that, she walked back towards the city, to the tree.

Thus far, Guzma was unimpressed with the efforts of the Pewter City Trainer School. Of all the basket cases in this region so far, Glada the Flying-type trainer would probably take the cake. Sure, Surge was annoying, Clarissa was damn weird, and that Eric guy hadn't known when to shut his mouth, but _geez._

Guzma, still stewing, powered on towards the gym. He was mildly amused to hear a distant female cry of "Why the hell is this freaking tree back?" He wondered if Randall would cut the tree down for her.

He noticed someone staring into the window of the gym as he arrived. He heard them chuckling and murmuring to himself. The guy turned to Guzma and said "Heheh… this gym is great, it's full of women!"

"Uh, ok." The dude would have to have been at least seventy, maybe eighty. Guzma ignored him and began to enter the gym. He had enough irritating old men in his life right now.

The gym sign read:

 **CELADON CITY**

 **POKEMON GYM**

 **LEADER: ERIKA**

 **THE NATURE-LOVING PRINCESS!**

Oh boy. Guzma knew not to expect some nice, graceful lady based on previous gyms. It would probably be some sick twist on a princess. Maybe Erika was a dude.

Yeah, probably not.

Guzma headed on inside.

* * *

Minimal effort was always best in Guzma's book! That was why he'd made sure to avoid all trainers in the gym. All it had taken was some careful moves, some sneaking around and being careful not to make a sound. The gym leader was right in front of him, facing away.

Guzma walked up to her, expecting her to turn around. She was looking out of the window. It was if she was staring into space, lost in the realms of her own thoughts, surrounded by the peaceful aromas of her gym…

"Oh" she said, turning around, "Hello. I'm just looking out for some old pervert who likes to peep in here. Don't mind me… are you a challenger?"

She would have been about Guzma's age. She was dressed in a kimono, with medium length black hair and pretty, brown eyes. "Yeah, that's me. Big bad Guzma is here to beat down this grass gym!"

"Oh, but… none of my girls said you were coming."

"Yeah, well, I have a way of makin' people speechless." Guzma waved his hand, as if deflecting the question. "No offense, lady, but I got held up real bad when I tried to get in here. Can we skip the intros and get straight to the battle?"

"But why was I not informed… of a challenger…?"  
"Because I snuck past all your girls, okay? Now can we battle?"

Erika nodded calmly. "Of course, I understand. I will lead."

* * *

Gently throwing a Poke Ball, Erika released her first Pokemon. "Go, Jumpluff." Out came a puffed-out, fluffy, floaty Pokemon Guzma had never seen before. He guessed it was grass-type, right?

"Go, Golisopod!" Golisopod burst forth to do battle for the second time that day. Guzma had remembered to spray him up with a potion before coming in, so Golisopod would be fully healed now.

"Jumpluff, use… Giga Drain."

"First Impression, Golisopod!" It would be Grass-type, so naturally, First Impression would be supereffective. Golisopod rushed Jumpluff, hitting it hard and sending the incredibly light Pokemon flying.

Surprisingly, it survived. The attack didn't seem to do as much damage as Guzma thought it would, he'd expected a one-hit KO. Though injured, the Jumpluff moved closer to Golisopod, before concentrating and drawing green energy out of Golisopod. That was Giga Drain.

Golisopod staggered a bit. Erika wasn't saying anything, but if Guzma recalled correctly, Giga Drain would heal the enemy some amount.

"Jumpluff… Giga Drain again."

"Golisopod, use X-Scissor!" Guzma had considered going for the Sucker Punch, but he wasn't sure the Dark-Type move would result in a KO. Unfortunately for Golisopod and Guzma, Jumpluff moved first, sapping more green energy out of Golisopod and into itself.

Golisopod was wimping out. Emergency Exit was the continual bane of Guzma's relationship with Golisopod. Guzma grunted and returned the sheepish Pokemon to its ball.

Guzma considered his options. Really, any of his Pokemon would work just fine, so he just picked a random Poke Ball and chucked it.

And out came… Pinsir! Guzma smirked, this would do just fine. "Get that Jumpluff, Pinsir. Use X-Scissor!"

"Jumpluff, use Leech Seed!" Guzma muttered something under his breath about cheap tactics. Leech Seed, really? Jumpluff shot several seeds out of its mouth (gross) which latched and stuck onto Pinsir. Pinsir unsuccessfully tried to shake them off.

"Pinsir, ignore those! Use X-Scissor on it!" Pinsir obliged, jumping on Jumpluff and doing a cross-slice with its arms. Jumpluff gave a distraught cry and fell to the ground, no longer floating. It was down and out.

Guzma smirked. Erika exhaled, before calmly sending out her next Pokemon. "Tangrowth, now it is your turn." Out came what looked like a giant, unholy mess of vines. Guzma recoiled a bit. That was a grass type? It was ghastly. He could only just make out two eyes amongst the growth of vines that was most of its body.

Abruptly, Pinsir writhed in pain. More energy was sapped out of Pinsir and went to Tangrowth. It's life essence, or something, Guzma supposed. Leech Seed would damage Pinsir at regular intervals and heal his enemy for the damage. Guzma decided to take it out.

"Tangrowth… use Rock Slide."

Guzma cringed a bit. Pinsir would be a goner. "Pinsir, use X-Scissor!" The giant made of vines was too slow, Pinsir jumped it with another X-Scissor, slicing off a fair amount of the vines and sending Tangrowth reeling backward. Guzma was annoyed to see the attack had failed to KO once again. Was Pinsir being stupid or was this just a really strong enemy?

It was Tangrowth's turn now. The Pokemon conjured rocks out of thin air, somehow and then threw them at rapid speed down onto Pinsir. The much shorter Bug Pokemon couldn't tank the attack and fainted in one hit from the onslaught of stones.

Erika smiled slightly. Honestly, her lack of gloating was… refreshing, after fighting Glada. Guzma didn't know how many Pokemon she had left, but wasn't about to let his game down. She could have five as well, even six, which would put Guzma at a disadvantage.

Best not to get mad, better to win the battle. So Guzma palmed an ultra ball and released his next Pokemon: Masquerain.

Guzma figured one last, fast hit would be enough to finish off Tangrowth. He pointed at Tangrowth, "Masquerain, use Air Slash!"

"Rock Slide again, Tangrowth!" Masquerain propelled blades of air towards its vined opponent. The sluggish Pokemon couldn't possibly have dodged the waves. It was hit consecutively by all three, many of its green vines being lopped off. Tangrowth fell over forwards before it could attack, fainted. Guzma wiped a bead of sweat from his brow, thinks had gone exactly as planned. Masquerain would have been downed in one hit from a Rock Slide, that much Guzma knew for sure.

"My last Pokemon…" said Erika as she drew her final Poke Ball. Guzma raised an eyebrow. Only three Pokemon? If Gym leaders were Pokemon type masters, then surely, they should have close to a full team? "It is your turn, Bellossom." Erika released a Pokemon that all grass and flowers. It was tiny, not even two feet tall. Guzma thought to himself that this would be a cinch, but was careful not to underestimate the small Pokemon.

Ah, what the heck, it was gonna get _beat down_!

"Masquerain, hit that Pokemon with Bug Buzz!" Guzma hoped this would be over in one turn.

"Bellossom, charge a Solar Beam!" Bellossom acted immediately, charging itself with a sort of light. Guzma knew this attack was powerful, but Masquerain would totally resist it. Masquerain approached Bellossom and beat its wings at rapid speed, creating a concussive buzz. Bellossom was not knocked out. Geez, would it hurt for him to get just _one_ KO in one shot?

Bellossom was ready to fire the Solar Beam. Guzma wasn't letting it happen. "Masquerain, quick finish it off with Ice Beam!" Ice Beam was not a move Masquerain learned naturally. Guzma had had it taught to the Pokemon with a technical machine, but the machine wasn't his and he'd had one of his tech-savvy grunts do it for him. Looking back, he felt a bit stupid knowing how simple TMs were to use. He still hated machines, though.

Masquerain obliged, quickly firing a beam of icy energy at Bellosssom, just as the tiny Blossom Pokemon was going to fire a Solar Beam. The supereffective ice-type left the poor Pokemon shivering as it fell over backwards, defeated. The solar energy it had charged dissipated into the air.

Guzma threw his head back and laughed. "Man, what was that? Three Pokemon? I thought you were supposed to be a gym leader, but with Pokemon like those. Lady, of course you're going to lose!" Although, Guzma thought, the Tangrowth had been pretty formidable and intimidating.

Erika returned the fainted Bellossom to its ball. She nodded sadly, "Yes, I apologise for my lacklustre battling. Ever since my Victreebel died my skill just hasn't been the same… She was my beauty, my star player…"

Though he questioned the labelling of Victreebel as a "beauty", Guzma now felt like a jerk. "Oh, uh… sorry."

"You are right… It has taken a serious toll on my battling. The only person I've won against recently… was a girl who challenged me just before you… who had no idea what she was doing. But everyone else…" Guzma ruffled his hair sheepishly. Hala would be ripping into him right now if he were here. "I had that Pokemon for fifteen years. She was only around twenty years old, too. It is quite the regrettable tragedy, as grass-type Pokemon are known for their often very long lifespans… but Victreebel suffered from a debilitating illness that can affect only plant-based Pokemon. It is like cancer in humans and it kills in a matter of weeks. Coping has been very difficult for me… she was the first Pokemon I ever caught."

Guzma wasn't sure what to say. He couldn't imagine losing someone like Golisopod or Ariados, or any of his team members. "Geez, lady I… man. I'm real sorry. I shouldn't' have gloated like that."

"It is… of no matter. I shouldn't let my personal feelings interfere in my job. Take this." She reached into a pocket, taking out a gym badge. Guzma was glad to collect another one. It was a bit like a flower, with eight "petals", each a different colour. "This is the Rainbow Badge. Congratulations. Unfortunately, I do not have the Giga Drain TM on me right now as I have run out of them. Would you care to meet me here or at the Pokemon Center later to receive it?"

Guzma shook his head. "Nah, that's fine. My Masquerain can use a grass-type move already." Guzma avoided looking Erika in the eye. He wasn't sure why. "Anyway… uh, yeah. See ya. Have a nice day."

"Yes, yes…" her voice was distant, "Perhaps I should resign as a gym leader and dedicate myself to floral endeavours full-time… I could be like Sabrina and pursue what I really love…"

"Floral endeavours" did not sound like a valid occupation to Guzma. "Nah, don't do that. I'm sure you'll get good like you used to be. You just gotta… well, I dunno how to help you. But you'll get better."

She nodded. "Thank, you Guzma. I hope you continue to succeed in your gym challenge. Where are you headed to next?"

"Uh, I dunno. My travel partner tells me where to go."

"Oh, I see. Well you should go to them, then." Guzma gave her a thumb up. "Farewell.

As Guzma left the gym, he realised that he'd just met someone that wasn't crazy, finally. He supposed Randall counted as well, but Erika was really… well, nice, he guessed. Guzma wasn't very nice and didn't tend to make friends with nice people, but he preferred nice people over the Gladas and Surges of this world.

Guzma arrived at the tree, which, while he was not surprised to see it had grown back, still annoyed him. This tree was hell. This tree was Pokerus. This tree was not what he wanted to see.

Randall noticed him and looked up. The guy was sitting on the ground, headphones plugged in, playing a game device. He took off the headphones and spoke, "Oh hey, Guzma. How'd it go?"

"Good, I won. And she wasn't crazy."

"You expected Erika to be crazy? She's not known as a princess for nothing, you know."

"Yeah, whatever. Can you cut the tree again?"

"I'm a man of my word." He gestured to Scyther, who was standing in a guard-like pose several feet away. "Scyther, could you cut the tree again, please?"

Scyther did and Guzma stepped over the short stump. He supposed he'd best get back to Hala. "Thanks, Randall. You're kinda cool."

"You too. As a side note, did you happen to run into a girl with a cape in the gym?"

"I battled her on the way in." said Guzma. "Why? Didn't you hear that?"

He shook his head. "I was plugged in. It was a bit embarrassing, actually, she sort of just stood there yelling for like twenty minutes before I realised she was there. Scyther ignored her too. Not sure why it didn't occur to her to reach through the gap and tap my shoulder, or something. I heard her yelling eventually, though. You battled her, what was she like?"

Guzma rolled his eyes. "Long story, but I won."

Randall nodded. "Ah, excellent. Alright, Gym Swimmer. I'd better be going and I suppose you should be too?"  
"Yeah, see ya."

"You're travelling with a partner, right? What's his name?"  
"Hala."

* * *

Hala stepped out of the game corner. He stretched his back, something that was a little bit painful. Moderate amounts of exercise helped, though.

Guzma would probably be back soon. Hala began to stroll along the path, looking towards the gym to see if there was any sign of Guzma. He hoped the gym battle had gone well.

"You!"

Hala jumped, startled. Behind him had snuck a girl. She wore a tacky cape and was quite short. Hala didn't like the look of her or the way she was looking at him. "Erm, good afternoon."

"What Pokemon do you use?!"

Hala recoiled a bit. "Uh, Fighting-types."

The girl's mouth stretched into a devilish grin. "Great! Battle me. An easy win, finally, this will be it! This will be the time I really get a great battle!"  
Hala narrowed his eyes. "Oh, easy, you say? I hate to disappoint you, but I am a member of the Alola-"

"I don't care! Just fight me, alright? I want to improve this day I'm having, because it's been crap so far."

Hala realised how long it had been since he had battled someone. He'd not battled Guzma or any Kanto trainers on this trip, which meant he hadn't battled anyone since whomever his last challenger was in the Alola Pokemon League.

Well, there was only one thing to do, of course. He disliked this girl's attitude already, so he thought it fitting to put her in her place while having some fun at the same time.

"Alright, young lady. Get ready for old Hala's big, bad Pokemon team!"


	9. Chapter 9

"And she just had no idea what she was doing!" Hala was discussing his battle with Glada, on the path to Cerulean City. "It was wondrous, like a great tirade of incompetence... and arrogance."

Guzma sniggered. "Yeah. That sounds about right."

"And when I won, she just stormed off and started spouting drivel about how _she_ really won!"

They continued the light banter was they entered the city. Cerulean City was quieter and more peaceful than any previous Kanto settlement Guzma had been to. He liked it. The city was quiet and small, the buildings weren't too flashy and were painted in mild colours, mostly blue and grey. There were a couple of businesses that were open, some with customers, but there weren't enough people around to be a disruption. Guzma noticed the sidewalk was cleaner than in someplace like Saffron City and wondered why that was.

"Nice place, isn't it?" said Hala, echoing Guzma's thoughts. "I assume you'll want to get straight to the Cerulean City gym?"

"You assume right, old man! I need to go see what type this gym is."

Hala huffed. "We've barely had time to see the sights! You've gone through three Pokemon gyms in a week. I understand you want to prove your strength, but maybe slow down a little and enjoy the trip, hm?"

"I don't give a crap about the sights. The only sight I wanna see is Kukui's dumb face once he realises I'm better than him."

Hala rolled his eyes. "This city has a restaurant renowned for its fish. Do you not have any desire to indulge in the pleasures a place like this has to offer?"

"That's exactly what I'm doing, gramps! Alola doesn't have gyms."

Hala could see he wasn't going to get through to him. "Fine. Let's go to _another_ gym…"

Guzma started off towards the gym. Its shape and structure was visible from a distance and he cut through an alleyway to get to it. He navigated his way around to the front, noticing the sign out front.

 **CERULEAN CITY  
POKEMON GYM**

 **LEADER: MISTY**

 **THE TOMBOYISH MERMAID**

Not as lame as "The Lightning American" or "The Eccentric Mind-Reader", but still a cheesy tagline. The more important thing to Guzma right now though, was the sign plastered on the sliding doors.

 **THE CERULEAN GYM IS CLOSED UNTIL 12PM WEDNESDAY. WE APOLOGISE FOR THE INCONVENIENCE.**

Guzma's jaw dropped. "What the heck? They ain't even gonna tell me _why?!_ "

Hala smirked, "So, who's up for some sightseeing?"

"You knew this, didn't you? You knew this was closed and didn't tell me!"

"Actually, I had no idea. But isn't it a fortunate coincidence?" He smiled, a goofy and irritating grin. This had totally wrecked Guzma's day! Now what was he supposed to do? "Let's see the sights, Guzma! It will be an enriching experience."  
"I bet your idea of a sight is the lawn bowling course."

"Oh goodness, Guzma. What am I, an eighty-year-old? I was thinking more along the lines of the Nugget Bridge and Cerulean Cape. Pretty sights!"

"I don't do pretty."

"You will remain single forever."

"That ain't what I meant!"

Hala tutted. "Let's go. Come on, there are no available gyms around here but this one. Occupy yourself. Enrich your life. Embrace new experiences."

Guzma rolled his eyes. "If it'll shut you up."

* * *

The Nugget Bridge was sweet, sweet gold. Guzma thought it was made of gold at first, but was disappointed to find it was just painted steel. His grunts would totally have tried to steal the entire bridge, he mused.

The whole thing was shiny, but Guzma noticed a lack of shine in some places. That was probably the result of countless feet scuffling along, making scratches and marks and leaving dirt. Guzma doubted anyone cleaned it regularly. If the bridge were, say, white, it would probably be covered in dirt and grime. The bridge itself was long, covering a stretch of water that was at least a good fifty feet.

Guzma had to admit, it was a cool landmark. This was still a much worse use of his time than fighting a gym, though. He leaned on the bridge, looking down into the water. The area was quiet.

Hala approached, bearing fries. He'd offered to get Guzma some "contemplative food" from a local seafood restaurant. Guzma, feeling a craving for salt, had requested fries. "Quaint little spot, isn't it?"

"I like that there ain't any morons around."

"Oh, you'd be surprised. According to the locals this used to be a Pokemon battle hotspot."

"Oh really?"

Hala nodded. "It used to be occupied by five young trainers who made a habit of challenging passer-by to beat them all in a row."

"Ha!" Guzma smirked. "Take me right to 'em. I can beat on a dumb bunch of kids."

"I said "used to". Those trainers are all grown-up now. They've got better things to be doing than camping on a bridge."

"Then why'd you even bring it up?"

"Interesting piece of history, of which this bridge has seen a lot. It's stood here for a long time."

Guzma was a little confused. "How do you even know all this? I thought us two were born and raised in Alola."

"Guzma, it's available in _any_ Pokemon Center. Do you ever bother to check the bookshelves?"

"Uh… no, can't say I have. No, not even once." he added, silencing Hala's next question.

"Well they're like a tiny public library filled with choice information selected by the people who run the Pokemon Centers. This includes a wealth of information on the local lore and culture, as well as information on the Pokemon, geography and various other useful things to know… also, take your fries." Hala handed Guzma his container of fries, which Guzma began to dig into hungrily. They were damn good. Guzma would ask Hala the restaurant name later.

"Yeah, thanks. No offense, old man, but I really don't care about local history. It's boring and I'm from Alola. Why should I care about some place I'm gonna be gone from in a while?"

Hala ignored him. Sometimes there was just no getting through to Guzma. The boy… man, rather, was stubborn. "Guzma, have you ever read a book from cover to cover?"

"Uh, not one with lotsa words. Why do you ask?"

Hala reached into his pocket and pulled out his snack of choice: an apple. It turned out the menu items at the seafood place were all either too big or too fatty for him. So, a fresh apple from a local grocery store would have to do. "No reason." He took a big bite into the apple, chewing loudly.

Hala stared at Guzma. Guzma started at Hala. Guzma stared at the apple. Hala chewed loudly. "Are you just eating that apple to look like more of a jerk?"

"No, it's a healthy snack!" Hala paused, then grinned toothily. "Actually, on second thought, I can taste the pesticides. Pass me a fry."

Guzma did. He had nothing more to say for now. Right now it was fry noon. Seriously though, it was getting close to midday.

Hala was not finished. "Say, Guzma. Do you remember Lusamine?" he took another bite from the apple.

The name brought forward a lot of mixed feelings within Guzma. No, not _those_ feelings. "How could I not remember that psycho? She totally screwed me over."

"Hmm. "Psycho". She was part of what led you to disband Team Skull in the first place, correct?"

"Kinda. It was more I felt there was no point to it anymore."

"What do you mean?"

Guzma sighed. "When I went inside that freaky ultra space thing, one of those… geez, I can't even describe them, the weird, fleshy, armless, flying ultra beasts. One of them freakin' possessed me. It was the first time anything ever really… well, _scared_ me. I didn't know what was happening. It was like I wasn't in control of _me_ anymore."

"I see."

"Y'know, I just felt like I let down the boys after that. I'm Guzma, damn it. I'm the hated boss who beats you down and beats you down… and… and…" Guzma forgot it. His freakin' catchphrase and he'd forgotten it. "And… and he's awesome! That kind of guy, the real boss, he _never_ gets scared. I couldn't look my grunts in the eye any more knowing I… gee, I don't wanna say it like this, but… I wasn't as strong as I thought I was."

"But you are. The ultra beast you are referring to, Nihilego, injects its victims with a toxin."

"I know, but I still got scared, for real. I felt like a stupid kid again."

Hala knew pressing the subject would do no good. "That's not why I brought her up, though. I brought her up because we are in close proximity to the house of Bill. Do you know which Bill I am referring to?"

"Oh, gee, I don't know. Bill Gates? Bill Murray? Bill Nye?"

"Last guess was closest. This is the Bill who pioneered the Pokemon Storage system and was the inventor of what became the basis of much of our transportation technology today."

"So what? Kudos to him and all that. Why do I care?"

"While in Ultra Space, Lusamine too was possessed by a Nihilego. But unlike you, she did so voluntarily and was fused for over fifteen minutes. The beast pumped a lot of the toxin into her system, so traces of it remained even after Lusamine separated with the ghastly thing."

"Really? Is she still alive?"

"She was when they left. You see, Lillie came to Kanto with the aim of removing any traces of the Nihilego toxin from her mother, using Bill's splicing technology. There's a good chance the toxin lingering would have permanent effects on Lusamine's mind, you see."

"Huh. Did it work?"

"I thought we might go ask Bill that."

Guzma was intrigued. That wimp Lillie and that psycho Lusamine had come here? Were they still in Kanto? "Yeah, I'm kind of interested to know that. It'll pass the time some more, I guess." Guzma sniffed. "Where's he at?"

"Just up ahead."

* * *

Hala's other sightseeing venture for the day was the Cerulean Cape. Save for the small cottage which Guzma assumed belonged to Bill, this was a stretch of nature untouched by urban development. Guzma stared out over the unguarded cliff-side. The view into the ocean was infinite, Guzma could see no end to the expansive water. It unsettled him a bit. If someone fell into that vast expanse they'd be swallowed right up…

Nobody was here. Guzma had seen a couple of people strolling and some battling Pokemon on the way here. He hadn't had to tell any of them to rack off as none had asked him for a battle. He was okay with that. While some time-passing was needed right now, Guzma didn't want to battle weaklings. It was just a bunch of kids… and he'd only ever battled one strong kid. Well, maybe two.

Hala knocked on Bill's door, startling Guzma. "Hey, we goin' in already?"

Hala smirked. "Enjoying the view, are we?"

There was a lengthy pause as footsteps were heard inside of the house. They came closer and became louder, before the door opened slightly. An eye peered through the crack. Guzma moved behind Hala. The eye examined them, checking the two up and down. "Who are you?"  
"Hi, are you Bill?"

The eye narrowed. "I asked you first."

"I'm Hala. This here is Guzma. We're travellers from the Alola region. I was just wondering if you'd talked to a mother and daughter recently. Names Lillie and Lusamine? You are Bill, are you not?"

Bill took a few seconds to answer and Guzma realised it was because he was unlocking multiple locks on the door. Bill opened the door and stared at his visitors. He matched perfectly Guzma's image of a shut-in lab geek, or as Guzma preferred, a "machine man". He was a little bit taller than Guzma and rather shaggy, he had a beard that looked several days old. His hair was messy and unkempt and he wore glasses, which were small. His blue shirt had a couple of stains from God-knows-what. Guzma estimated he was in his thirties.

"And who are you?" asked Bill, "You her family or something? Friends?"

"More like friends." Replied Hala, "I suppose you could say Guzma was an employee." Guzma wasn't going to argue with that.

Bill nodded. "Alright, come on in."

Hala and Gumz a filed in through the door and headed on inside. Guzma looked at his surroundings. The place was just one big room and there were no doors Guzma could see other than the one they'd just entered through.

Boxes, files and papers were strewn about the room. There was a small kitchenette, a desk with a computer and chair at it, and a well-worn bed. It was kind of a nice place, though it smelled.

He also noticed something else. There were cameras in two of the upper corners of the room, gazing down at Guzma. Guzma hated cameras. He was extremely unphotogenic when smiling, always looking like he was on drugs or something, even though he never touched those.

Towards the back, Guzma also noticed a device of some sort. It had two human-sized chambers. He wondered what that was for.

"So, Lusamine has been here?" asked Hala.

"Sure has." said Bill, "I got the whole thing on record."

Guzma narrowed his eyes. "On record? You mean, like filming? Are you recording us right now?"

"Yeah, for security reasons."

"…You film everything in your house? That's real weird, don't you think?"

Bill sighed. "I told you, it's for security reasons."

"Geez, how old are you? That's the sort of crap weird, paranoid old dudes do."

Bill scowled. "I'm thirty-five. And it's because I had a break-in five years ago where some rivals of mine stole important documents. Obviously I keep at least three backup copies of all documents relating to intellectual property, but I still had some ideas compromised. I'm making sure that it never happens again and if it does…" He adjusted his glasses, "I catch the bastards responsible."

Guzma was a bit stunned. "Uh, alright. You sure are a careful dude." Guzma wasn't sure what else to say. This situation was a little awkward. "I get that."

"That incident changed the way I do a lot of things. Anyway, that's not why you're here."

"Yes," said Hala, "Could you tell us what happened with Lillie and her mother? I've not got in contact with them. Was the… "operation" successful, with Lusamine?"

Bill moved over to the desk with the computer on it and opened its drawer. He rummaged around in it, mumbling, before pulling out a little stick thing. Guzma remembered it was called… a couple of letters followed by "stick". Bill plugged it into his computer.

He faced Guzma and Hala. "I was in the middle of tampering with the transporter. Just click play on that screen there once it loads."

"You recorded your conversation with them?" asked Hala.

"Like I said, everything that's happened in this house in the last few years exists on a USB stick. Call me paranoid, but I'm not having any more "incidents"."

"Everything…?" asked Guzma with concern.

"Guzma, come here. This is wondrous technology." Hala had seated himself at the desk. Guzma positioned himself behind him so he could see the screen, then Hala clicked on the "play" arrow.

Guzma watched as a video focusing on the very computer they were watching played. The timestamp of the video was at 12:06pm… over a month ago. The camera turned to the right, focusing on the unmistakable figures of Lillie and Lusamine. They looked the same as always, only Lillie had her hair tied up and didn't have that stupid hat on. Guzma thought she looked a lot less dorky that way. Lusamine was also in casual clothes, starkly in contrast to the official-looking outfit of an Aether President.

Bill, who Guzma realised was holding the camera, began to speak.

" _Date is December 21_ _st_ _. I have here Lillie and Lusamine of the Alola Region, who have travelled here to see me for help."_ Guzma felt like he was exploring ruins or something and had unearthed some ancient, super important recording. _"Excuse me, Lillie? Could you tell me what the problem is?"_

Lilile looked to Bill. Guzma remembered her as being constantly nervous and backing out of situations if they didn't go her way. But here? She seemed more sure of herself, her facial expression held more conviction. _"Well, it's a bit of a long story. My mother called these Pokemon-like creatures named Ultra Beasts into our world, from another dimension…_

" _Yes, I recall seeing that in the news."_

" _Well, one of them…"_ Lusamine was wandering around the lab, seemingly spaced out. _"One called Nihilego possessed my mother and injected its toxin into her. It controlled her mind. We were hoping you could get rid of any of the poison that remained.'_

Bill nodded. _"And how old is your mother?"_

" _Forty-two."_

Bill sniggered. _"Very funny. How old is she really?"_

"… _Forty-two."_

"… _Oh. Okay then."_

" _Can you help us? We've come all this way…"_

Bill nodded. _"I invented the cell separation system fifteen years ago. It's one of the available functions of my transporter, right there in the back of the room."_ Bill set the camera down on the desk, facing the rest of the room so it captured the entire scene. Lusamine, Lillie and the transporter device were in frame. Bill walked over to the transporter, gesturing to it. _"I originally made this to be a particular type of teleporter, designed to teleport large living things from one location to another. I made the unfortunate design decision of making it two-way, so when my Clefairy wandered into the second chamber while I tried the transporter on myself… let's just say it wasn't one of my finest moments. I got mixed with Clefairy, fortunately I'd been designing another program the transporter can run specifically if this sort of thing happened."_

" _You were combined with a Pokemon?"_ asked Lillie. _"But… if you knew this would happen, why didn't you just make the teleporter one-way?"_

Bill rubbed his head sheepishly. _"Yeah, in hindsight, that was pretty dumb. But I was much younger and less scientifically experienced. Some random trainer came in and helped me out, I got him to run the Cell Separation Program through the transporter. Worked like a charm. I haven't used it in a while, so I essentially haven't modified it since then."_

" _It works?"_ asked Lillie, " _So you could help my mother?"_

" _I'm not making any promises, I don't know what those ultra beast things do. But... I should be able to make the program target its cells."_

" _Really?! Oh, thank you so much!"_

" _It's nothing."_ Said Bill, _"I just need your mother to step into the left chamber on the transporter."_

Lillie moved over to Lusamine and took her by the hand. " _Mother, could you please do as he asks? Just get in there?"_

Lusamine spoke for the first time. _"That… will remove my sweet beast forever…"_

" _Mother, I told you, Nihilego is poisonous. Even if it_ is _beautiful, it hurt you! I don't want you to be hurt… so please, go inside the transporter!"_

Lusamine closed her eyes and spoke. " _Very well…"_ She walked, slowly, into the chamber. Bill moved over to the computer Guzma and Hala were watching in the present day, out of frame. His voice was loud and clear, though.

" _Try to stand still, Lusamine. You may feel some tingling sensations in your body, your head in particular based on my knowledge of the Ultra Beast._ Lusamine nodded. _"Alright, just give me a sec to get the program ready."_ Guzma could hear typing sounds in the recording that lasted a good thirty seconds. Lillie glanced around the room and at her mother a few times. _"Okay,"_ said Bill _, "I'm able to target what I think are the Ultra Beasts cells."_

" _You think?"_ asked a concerned Lillie.

" _Well unless there's anything else that's been possessing your mother recently…"_

" _Okay then."_

" _I'm ready to run the process. Lusamine, are you ready?"_

Guzma noticed a slight movement inside the chamber, but he couldn't see Lusamine very well from this angle. _"My sweet beast… why have you done this to me? Yes… yes, I am ready."_

" _Okay. Running the program now."_ Guzma heard typing, then the machine began to make a whirring noise. It began to beep and some lights began to flash.

Then it was over as quickly as it had begun. " _Okay,"_ said Bill as Lusamine exited the machine, " _You should be ultra-beast free, now."_

" _Thank you, thank you so much! What can we do to repay you?"_ asked Lillie.

" _Nothing that I can think of."_

Then the recording ended.

Guzma was confused. Wasn't there more to it than that? "Bill!" he called out, "it just ended. What gives, man?"

"Hm? Oh, that was all the interesting stuff. I cut the rest onto a different clip. They just leave and thank me, no more noteworthy information."

"But where are they now, yo?" asked Guzma, "this video is dated five weeks ago. They could be back in Alola by now."

"No," said Hala, "I certainly would've heard about it. They must still be here in Kanto, somewhere. I don't know, but if I had to guess, they're travelling. Maybe we'll run into them out there somewhere."

"Don't know if that'd be so great…" muttered Guzma.

"Whatever." Said Bill, "Now leave if there's nothing else you want."

Hala looked at the man, concerned. "Bill, you seem… a tad miserable. What's up?"

Bill stood and faced him. "Oh, just that I've changed and I'm not who I used to be, I've pushed away a lot of people I shouldn't have, my work's starting to feel less fulfilling and I'm running out of ideas and I'm thirty-five without a successful romantic relationship in sight."

"Oh, well…" Hala wasn't sure how to deal with the situation. "Good day to you, Bill. And, erm… thanks for your help."

"Yeah. Don't mention it."

* * *

Night-time at Cerulean City was even quieter than in the day. Standing at the beginning area of Nugget Bridge, Guzma and Hala looked down upon the few citizens going about their night business.

"So," said Hala, "I wonder if we'll run into Lillie and her mother."

"Not sure if I wanna." Guzma associated Lusamine with ultra beasts. He didn't like anything about ultra beasts.

"They could be in this city right now for all we know."

"You know what's _definitely_ in this city right now? A gym."

Hala rolled his eyes. "You really are single-minded, aren't you? Oh well. I'm pleased with what we've accomplished today. Some valuable, enriching sightseeing as well as valuable information on the whereabouts of our friends."

"They ain't my friends."

"Whatever you say. Regardless, it's been a long day. I think it's time to hit the hotel."

So did Guzma. "Yeah, I'm beat." He smirked, "And I'm gonna need a good sleep for the gym tomorrow!"


	10. Chapter 10

**AN: Last chapter made me hit 30 followers. I am very happy with this.**

 **Life about to get busier, expect updates roughly once a week from now on.**

The problem with being excited and waking up early is when things don't happen until later. It would be like if the opening of Christmas presents on Christmas morning was moved to 12pm.

While a bit of an exaggeration, that was how Guzma felt now. It was 8 in the morning and he had hours to kill. But what was there to do?

Guzma leaned against a random building and folded his arms. It was probably someone's house, but he'd deal with them if they had a problem with him. Cerulean City was busier by morning, some people were walking the streets. There were some suited businessmen and women, a few parents with children, a group of young trainers…

Guzma twirled his thumbs. Hala had offered to go ask as to why the gym was closed and that was where he was now. It was a hot morning and Guzma preferred to recline in the shade most days anyway. Right now, he stood under an awning.

Guzma caught sight of Hala, walking back towards him. Guzma mused that he strode quite confidently for an old man.

"Guzma," he said as he approached, "It's closed because the gym leader is out. She's not there."

"What?! What kind of lame leader ditches their gym?"

"I don't know. There could be any of a number of plausible reasons."

Guzma waved his hand. "Nah. I don't care. It's screwing up my day." He snarled. "I'm taking a walk."

Hala rolled his eyes. "I'll join you. Take me somewhere."

"I'm going where I want."

Guzma had no idea where that was. He let his feet begin to carry him along the path, glancing at passerby. Hala followed behind. The sun was beating down upon him and the sky was a clear blue. Guzma just plodded along peacefully, taking in his surroundings. Ugh, Hala would totally be proud of that.

Guzma came to a side street. It was mostly empty save for a couple of kids… and someone else.

As he approached, the cogs started turning in Guzma's brain. That person, that outfit, it rang a bell.

"Hey," he called to the figure, "Hey, yo!"

They turned around and Guzma's suspicions were confirmed. "…Whoa… boss! Holy skulls, it's the boss!" said the young man.

"Mix, what's up! Whatcha doin' here?"

The man known as "Mix" or "Meta-mix", was the resident musician of Team Skull. Any song, if it was of the trap genre at least, he could make it. And he could make it _good._ The man was a year or two younger than Guzma and a fair amount shorter. To top that off, he had a bit of a baby face, so it would have been possible to mistake him for a teenager. Guzma himself had done so the first time he met him.

The Mix was still in a classic Team Skull outfit. Mustn't have grouchy parents, thought Guzma. He wore a Skull singlet, black pants and sneakers. Though grunts usually had the face mask and cap, Meta-mix preferred neither, leaving his blue-dyed hair exposed and wearing simple sunglasses over his eyes. The man's defining feature, however, was his golden teeth. He had two, one on the top and one on the bottom row of teeth. Mix's gold teeth were his pride and joy. Other than his music, that was, judging by the boom box he had attached to his back. Guzma couldn't quite see, but there must've been a strap or something holding it there.

Hala was frowning. "If you don't mind me asking, Guzma, who on Earth is this?"

Guzma smiled at Mix, who introduced himself and struck poses as he talked. "Yo, M to the E to the T to the A! My stage name, you know you know it, its Meta-mix! Meta cause I'm meta and mix cause I make a _sweet_ mix, yo!"

Hala was incredulous at his peculiarity. "So you're a baker, then?"

"Wut? No, no, man! I make sweet beats!"

"Sweet beats? Is that a treat? My grandson loves sweets."

Metamix was frustrated. "Nah, nah, old man. I'm the Team Skull music guy! I wrote the theme song. Guzma, the hell is this guy?"

"Uh, this is Hala. Y'know, the Kahuna?"

Hala felt displeased. Friends or acquaintances like this would explain many things about Guzma. "I'm the Kahuna of Melemele Island. I was wondering, "Metamix", what are you doing in Kanto?"

Mix smiled, his gold teeth glinting in the sun. "I'm working on a fresh album, you dig? People just ain't buyin' Team Skull stuff in Alola any more. It's like they think we ain't cool, yo!"  
"Huh," said Guzma, "That's cool. What's it called?"

"The Sound of Skull!" Metamix beamed, basking in his perceived originality. "I'm workin' on all the hit tracks! You wanna hear?"

"Sure, hit me up!" said Guzma.

"Well, I'm workin' on lots. _Team Skull Life, Team Skull are Number One, Team Skull Paradise, How Bad Can Team Skull Be_ and the hottest track of all: _Cranium Rhapsody!"_ He stood proudly, hands on hips. "My new album's comin' out two months from tomorrow. So boss, I gotta ask, when's the new team skull coming out?"

Hala shot Guzma a withering look. Guzma shuffled his feet. "Yeah, Mix, about that… it probably ain't happenin'."

"WUT? But I need the boys, boss! How are you gonna be the hated boss who beats me down and beats me down and never lets up? You need to lead us all, yo!"

Guzma shook his head. "Mix, I'd love to do that. But I can't right now." Hala glared at Guzma. "Well… can't ever. Probably. I'm busy now anyway, I'm doin' the gym challenge."

"WUT? Who the heck does some lame-ass gym challenge? Boss, you're supposed to be the boss! _Be the boss!"_

Hala was tired of this conversation. Enormously so. One of the principal reasons for this trip was to _distract and forget about Team Skull_. Right then, Hala had an idea. He mulled it over, then decided it was a good one. "Say, Mister… Metamix. Do you have Pokemon?" Guzma glanced at Hala curiously.

"Yo, you know, I got the Po! Meaning I got Pokemon. I'm also "meta" for "meta _l"_. Meaning, my Pokemon are seriously hard! Meaning, I use steel types."

Hala liked where this was going. "Wouldn't it be a great opportunity for you… to battle the boss?"

Mix's jaw dropped. Guzma gave Hala his "What the hell are you doing?" look. "Wut…" said Mix, "I'd lose to the boss, though! The boss'd beat me down."

"He's right, Hala" said Guzma, "I'd win. Why should I bother?"  
"So the two of you can grow as trainers. Guzma, haven't you learned yet? Battling is not about winning, or beating people down-"

"I totally need to get better, actually," interjected Mix, "Boss… maybe you could fight me? I wanna see your awesome Pokemon again! The old dude's right, I'm already an awesome musician… but I could be an even awesomer trainer!"

Hala raised his eyebrow. "I never said-"

"Fine," said Guzma, "Just so you know, Mix, I'm gonna win."

"S'all good, I got it."

Guzma smirked. "Then let's go."

* * *

"Hold up! If we're gonna fight, we need to have my theme song going." Metamix unhooked the Boom Box from his back and slammed it on the ground. "I got some of my very own sweet beats right on this Team Skull Box o' Beats! Check it out!" Mix pressed some buttons, then, with flair, pressed one last button.

Music blared. " _To the M, to the E, to the T to the A, metamix!"_

It was pretty cool. Not as good as the theme song the Mix had made for Guzma, but it was good.

"Okay, yo!" yelled Mix over the music, "Let's go!"

Guzma led, throwing Golisopod straight out into the fray. "Cool cat, yo!" commented Metamix. "I'm goin' for good first impressions, too!" Like Guzma, Metamix used Ultra Balls. "Go, Skarmory!"

Metamix's first steel-type, a Skarmory, burst forth and began floating in the air. The steel bird Pokemon was resilient, Guzma knew that much. Naturally, his lead would not change. "It's on you, Golisopod!" Out came Golisopod, ready for battle.

"Golisopod…" Guzma realised, much as he loved the move, that First Impression would be a poor choice. Being Steel and Flying type, Skarmory would have a quadruple resistance to bug-type attacks. "Use Razor Shell!"

"Yo, Skarmory, use Slash!" Golisopod would be able to tank that. Metamix's Pokemon was faster, flying down towards Golisopod. It reared back, then slashed Golisopod with its razor-sharp wings.

Golisopod was cut, but stood its ground just fine. It conjured a Razor Shell and leaped at Skarmory, landing the attack with style. Though it seemed to hit hard, Skarmory merely flinched and didn't otherwise react at all. The attack caused but a scratch, thanks to Skarmory's metallic skin.

"Skarmory, you gotta hit him harder!" Guzma could only just hear him over the loud music. People in the street were giving them questioning looks. Guzma couldn't blame them, there was some guy in the street in a weird outfit with a boom box, playing loud music and having a Pokemon battle. "Slash that guy again!"

Guzma didn't know a lot about Skarmory, except that it was much more a defensive Pokemon than an offensive one. "Golisopod, Razor Shell him again!" Golisopod was still holding the shell from its previous attack. This turn played out exactly the same as the last one, Skarmory slashed Golisopod, then Golisopod followed through with a shell. Golisopod was looking a bit beat up, Skarmory too.

And then, the same turn again. "Same attack again, Golisopod!" Metamix was busy dancing to his music. Guzma facepalmed. "Oi, Mix!"

Metamix snapped out of it. "Whoops, yo! Skarmory, Slash him again!" Guzma could've sworn he saw Skarmory roll its eyes, as if to say "my trainer is totally going to lose."

Once again, Skarmory moved in, slashed Golisopod with its wings and returned. Golisopod triggered its Emergency Exit and began moving back towards Guzma.

Guzma was thankful for once, this was getting old. Skarmory was a tank. Guzma's physical attacks weren't going to break through anyway. If it had strong physical defence, then maybe special attacks would work.

Withdrawing Golisopod, Guzma sent out Masquerain instead. "Wow!" said Metamix, "Sweet Pokemon, boss!"

"Thanks, Mix, but it's gonna destroy you." Guzma indicated Skarmory to Masquerain with his pointer finger. "Masquerain, take that bird out with an Ice Beam!" Guzma didn't think he had anything to actually hit Skarmory supereffectively.

"Skarmory, you need to use Iron Head, yo!" Iron Head would hurt. Thankfully, Masquerain was slightly faster. It charged an Ice Beam and sent it straight at Skarmory, causing an icy glow to appear on the steel Pokemon's skin. To Guzma's annoyance, Skarmory was still conscious, but with how damaged it was looking the next attack would be a surefire KO. Skarmory charged its head with a metallic energy and flew at Masquerain. Masquerain tried to move out of the way of the attack, but Iron Head was fast and accurate. Guzma imagined the attack would have been like taking a hammer to the face.

Masquerain was hurt bad. Guzma was surprised how this battle wasn't going in his favour, but there was no way in hell he was losing to a glorified grunt. "Masquerain, one more Ice Beam!"

"Take him down with an Iron Head, Skarmory, man!" Masquerain was faster, once again. Skarmory began to charge an iron head, but Masquerain beat it to it, launching another ice beam.

Guzma exhaled. Skarmory fell to the ground. Finally. Guzma wiped some sweat from his brow. Golisopod was half-down and Masquerain was close to done. He didn't know how many Pokemon Metamix had, but he did know he wasn't happy with how the first one had gone down.

"You're strong, boss! But I got more! You're up now, Tangles!" Tangles was not a Pokemon Guzma had heard of, but once Mix threw the ball and the Pokemon emerged, he understood.

It was an Alolan Dugtrio, a form which Dugtrio was known for its luscious locks of hair. Dugtrio was bald elsewhere, the hair itself was metallic enough that Dugtrio became part steel-type. It was kind of like wire, Guzma had been told.

"Yo, Tangles," said Metamix, snapping Guzma to attention, "Use Iron Head!"

"Don't let him do it, use Ice Beam!" commanded Guzma. Dugtrio was an extremely fast Pokemon. Digging through the ground, Dugtrio sprang up and headbutted Masquerain before the bug Pokemon could launch ice beam. Guzma had not thought to tell Masquerain to dodge, for which he now felt stupid as it fluttered downwards and fell face-first into the ground.

Metamix struck poses. "Yo, yo, yo! I dropped one of the boss's beasts, I must be the best trainer in Team Skull. Freakin' sweet!"

Guzma glared at him, the Mix sure was a dork. Guzma realised he had one Pokemon to counter all of Metamix's, considering the man was a steel-type user. "Go, Pinsir!" Guzma chucked the ball and out came Pinsir, raring to go. Guzma would be sure to thank Hala again for the Earthquake TM. Tangles the Dugtrio would be history soon.

"Pinsir, it's time for…" Guzma realised the issue of causing an Earthquake in the street. A few kids had actually stopped to watch the fight and Guzma didn't want to get in trouble for Dangerous Battling Causing Injury. "…It's time for you to use Storm Throw!" Dugtrio was a glass cannon if Guzma's memory served him correctly. Could dish out damage fast and hard but couldn't take any.

"Tangles, man, use Iron Head again!" Guzma was really starting to notice Metamix's strategy, or lack thereof. The guy seemed to be fond of just spamming a particular attack until one of the Pokemon in battle were down. Didn't Dugtrio have other moves?

Dugtrio rushed Pinsir and headbutted with great speed, surprising the bug Pokemon. Pinsir was a bit dazed from the hard impact, but stood its ground. It remembered Guzma's command and began to attack.

Storm Throw was much more of a push attack. This was fortunate, throwing a Dugtrio would require pulling it out of the ground, which was not going to be possible. Pinsir approached Dugtrio and Guzma wondered why the mole Pokemon didn't just dig to avoid the attack. Pinsir hit Dugtrio hard in a sort of shoving motion, making the Pokemon's three heads snap back.

Dugtrio stopped moving. It had fainted in one attack. Guzma didn't feel particularly victorious, to be honest. He'd wanted this battle to go off without a hitch, but had gone and lost one Pokemon and now two others were injured.

"Man, this is sweet! But the battle's nearly over, yo!" Said Metamix, returning Dugtrio to its ball. "But boss, I saved my best Pokemon for last!" With a cheeky smile, Metamix palmed his final Poke Ball. "Big Meta, you're up!"

Big Meta? Another nickname, thought Guzma. He slapped himself mentally when he saw what Metamix's ace was: Metagross. An awesome, scary Pokemon. If Guzma used steel-types, he was sure beyond doubt he would use a Metagross.

The menacing four-legged Pokemon stared Pinsir down. Metamix grinned toothily, showing off his teeth with pride. He pointed with gusto at Pinsir, who was looking a little nervous. "Big Meta, use Meteor Mash! Crush that bug!"

Though it might cause an upset, Guzma didn't have a choice right now. "Pinsir, hit him with an Earthquake!" called Guzma extra loud. The kids and few adults watching the battle had moved out of the way.

They were just in time. Pinsir struck the ground, shaking the Earth Guzma stood on. The shockwave interrupted Metagross as it charged one of its arms (legs?) for Meteor Mash, causing the metal-bodied Pokemon to slip, fall over and be thrown around by the tremors.

Thankfully, Pinsir directed the Earthquake so it didn't damage the surrounding buildings. Metagross had taken some damage, which for a steel-type Pokemon meant visible chips and scratches.

It narrowed its eyes at Pinsir and began charging its attack again. Pinsir readied itself to attempt a dodge as Metagross came at it full-force.

Pinsir attempted to sidestep, but the attack was much too fast. A hulking metal fist sent the bug Pokemon flying. Pinsir landed face-down near Guzma and didn't move.

"Damn", thought Guzma as he returned Pinsir to the ball. "This is getting real bad…" He clutched his next Poke Ball and called to Metamix, "Nice play, yo, but I'm still gonna win!"

"That's all good, boss. Show me what ya got!"

Guzma matched Metamix's toothy grin with his own and chucked the ball, releasing Scizor. "Scizor, use Night Slash!"

"Big Meta, use Meteor Mash!" The two Pokemon began to charge up for their respective attacks, Metagross being ready just a bit quicker than Scizor. It charged at Scizor, landing the powerful punch on Scizor. Guzma watched with bated breath as Scizor rose, not even close to being out of the game. Scizor, eyes narrowed, charged at Metagross to use Night Slash.

Its darkly glowing claw smacked Metagross in the face. Guzma hoped the hard-hitting attack would be enough to finish to finish the job…

And it was. Guzma exhaled. That was game. He felt a little mad that the Mix had beaten close to half of his team with fewer Pokemon, but at the same time felt pleased to have fought someone strong. "Damn, Mix! You got real good. With a little practise, you could beat anyone! Except me, of course."

Mix returned Metagross, or Big Meta as he'd named it, to its ball. He leaned down to the boom box and switched it off. Guzma was sure the song had looped several times during the battle. It was a pretty good theme song, very fitting for someone as flashy and confident as the Mix.

Metamix walked over to Guzma, smiling. "That was _sweet,_ boss! Your Pokemon rule. You know, I need to make a song about you for the Sound of Skull album!"

Guzma shifted his feet awkwardly. "Uh, Mix, you already made me a theme song."

"Nah, nah. I need one with lyrics, yo! Sweet words and funky rhymes that speak of the skull boss, the hated boss- no, the _respected_ boss that beats you down and beats you down…"

"Mix, I don't really think-"

"The tunes are already flowin' into my brain! I got it, I got it… something about the white death, maybe, cause like, you got that _sick_ white hair!"

"Mix, dude, that ain't really-"

"I'll make a verse all about your Pokemon, too! They're some inspiring stuff, yo! Golisopod, Golisopod… uh, what rhymes with Golisopod?"

" _Marvin_!" cried Guzma, "I don't need another song, k? You've done enough for me. Maybe you should make some other kind of music?"  
Metamix recoiled, shocked. "Boss!" he hissed, "not cool! I'm Metamix here, you dig? It's my stage name! Noone needs to know anything else." He made a hushing gesture, "That's how it's always gotta be, yo!"

There was a pause. Hala was watching with interest, or disdain, or something. He decided to break the silence. "Excuse me, mister Mix, but Guzma and I have places to be. It's been nice meeting you, but we need to get going."

Metamix adjusted his sunglasses. "Hey, wait… Mister Mix… that sounds like a great idea! Old man, you've just given me the title for my next theme song!"

"Great!" said Hala, "How about you go write it, then?"

"Yeah, sure, will do! I'm gonna catch you later, boss. You too, old man! I've got places to go and mixes to mix and famousness to be! Peace out!" Metamix made a peace gesture with two fingers, then picked up his boombox. He reattached it to himself and walked away, humming his theme song as he left.

Hala approached and stood next to Guzma. "So, that's the sort of company you _prefer_ to keep?"

"Hey, chill out, Hala. The Mix is cool. You just gotta get to know him, is all."

Hala nodded. "I can "dig" that. Perhaps my first impressions are wrong."

Before Guzma could process that last remark, he noticed someone approaching. Who was it now? Guzma sure wasn't ready for another battle so soon. He realised that this person had been watching them earlier as they battled.

It was a man. His face didn't really match his outfit, it was that of someone trying too hard to stand out. The man was the same height as Guzma and wore a black shirt and long black pants. The shirt, to Guzma's amusement, had a skull on it. It was good, scary clothing, but looked weird on a man who must have been at least forty.

His hair was jet black and covered one of his eyes, Guzma could see that he was wearing eyeliner. Other than the fact that he was clearly trying to be edgy but had gone overboard, Guzma felt there was something else really off about him.

He spoke. "I see you appreciate the nuances of a skull motif." His voice was a deep drawl and didn't sound right, like he'd deliberately lowered it to sound more intimidating.

"Uh, yeah."

He gave a bow. "I am Romulus. I am a gym leader. It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance, Guzma." He held out a hand to shake. Guzma shook it with uncertainty. The fact that he was a gym leader meant Guzma should be trying to fight him as soon as possible, but fighting Metamix had really taken it out of him and his Pokemon.

"Uh, neat. Hey. You were watching the battle?"

He nodded. "I was. I want you to come with me. I have a quite brilliant battling program I want you to take part in."

Guzma smiled. "Sure, just lead me right to it. I've still got time to kill before the gym leader is back. But you've got something to heal my team, right?"

He nodded, smiling creepily. "Yes, yes, of course. Follow me, right this way."

"Excuse me, am I coming too?" asked Hala.

Romulus nodded. "You have Pokemon, too?"

"Yes."

"Then follow me, right this way."

Romulus led them through several streets, past houses and into Cerulean City's business area. It was quaint, thought Hala. He looked upward, to the sign of the business.

 _PETREL'S PETROLS: AUTOMOTIVE CARE_

"I am good friends with the man who owns this store." Continued Romulus. "He is looking for those… with great Pokemon." He smiled. "Come right this way."

Hala and Guzma headed right on inside as Romulus held the door open for them. He smiled, a small one at first.

Then, the smile became wider, larger. He grinned with his teeth as he closed the door behind Hala and Guzma. "I can't wait to see your Pokemon… step right this way."


	11. Chapter 11

**AN: Life has become very busy. Updates will be quite irregular. I'm not going to abandon this, there's nothing I hate more than reading a fanfic that will never be finished. But yeah, slow and unsteady. Sorry about that.**

"Hey, hey, wait a minute!"

Guzma looked around. The basement of "Petrel's Petrols" didn't look how he'd expected it to. Hala had narrowed his eyes and was grunting. What was wrong with this picture? For a place he assumed was supposed to look after cars or sell gas or something, this didn't look right. It was just a spacious basement with some a couple of large crates, all backed close to the wall.

"What gives?" continued Guzma, "This don't look like a place for doing things with cars. Where's the car stuff?" Romulus, standing a few feet behind them, was moving… away from them. He was smiling… not in the way Guzma would expect him to. It was a smug, almost devilish smile. "And where are the battle things? You said this was something for great Pokemon trainers?"  
Romulus spoke. "Actually… I said it was a place for trainers with great Pokemon."

Hala glared. "This is just a wild guess, Romulus… but you're not really a gym leader, are you?"

The dark man smirked. Then, he began to laugh. "I think it might be time to _come clean_!" On those words, Guzma heard shuffling and other noises from around him. From all around the area, hidden, they emerged: Team Rocket grunts. Guzma threw his hands to the side in a surprised gesture. From behind the crates, shelves and even one from behind the door, in a short time Guzma and Hala were surrounded by team rocket grunts.

There were at least twenty of them.

Romulus smirked and flipped his hair. "This plan has gone off without a hitch, hasn't it? As soon as I said the code words " _come clean_ ", my band of loyal grunts came out to help me!"

"You realise you're stating the obvious?" asked Hala.

"Oh, and you're right." Romulus moved one hand up to his head, then grasped his head of black hair. He pulled the entire head of hair off to Guzma's surprise, but then Guzma realised; it was a wig. Underneath was a head of ghastly purple hair. To Guzma's further horror, the man who claimed to be Romulus began to take his clothes off… but there was more underneath. Underneath the black clothes were more black clothes, only the shirt was painted with a large orange "R".

"What the… Team Rocket?!" cried Guzma.

"Allow me to introduce myself," said not-Romulus, "I am Petrel, master of disguise and executive of Team Rocket!" Guzma stared at him, confused. "This is certainly one of my greatest schemes to date! News of two travellers, both supposedly with _great_ Pokemon, who know nothing of the Kanto region? Of course, this is exactly the perfect opportunity to steal some more Pokemon! To top it all off, you have no idea about who the gym leaders are in this region!"

"Hmm," grunted Hala, "I thought something was off about you. Should've listened to my gut." Touche, thought Guzma. "The real Romulus is much younger and heads the gym in Viridian City."

Petrel put his hands on his hips. "My disguise game has only got better with age!"

Guzma stared in disbelief. "So what, this was a cheap con? I got duped?"

"Heh. No, Guzma. This was a _great_ con."

Guzma crossed his fists. "This ain't freakin' happening… I'm the boss here! Not you clowns. You think you can just come in here and mess with me? Y'all are _stupid_ , 'cos _nobody_ messes with Guzma!

Petrel laughed. "I think that's enough deliberation…" He reached into a pocket, pulling out a regular Poke Ball. "I think twenty Pokemon at once will mess with Guzma just fine. It's time for my grunts and I to beat you and your Pokemon senseless!"

"Guzma," murmured Hala, "your Pokemon are injured."

A bead of sweat ran down Guzma's forehead. Losing to a kid was humiliating, sure, but actually getting his Pokemon stolen would probably take the cake. "I know, I know, but what the heck am I supposed to do?"  
"Get em boys!" said Petrel, pointing at Guzma. Guzma fumbled for his Poke Balls, palming two. The grunts all around him released their Pokemon, and he felt overwhelmed. Guzma threw the two Poke balls in his hands, releasing Ariados and Scizor. The team members of the grunts surrounded him, various Pokemon from Raticate to Arbok to Golbat. Guzma fished out his other conscious Pokemon, "come on out, Golisopod…" he muttered nervously. He heard the pops of Hala's Pokemon being released behind him.

Commands and Pokemon came at Guzma from all sides. Guzma tried to respond to the many Pokemon attacking him at once. "Ariados, hit that Raticate with a Cross Poison! And Scizor… use, uh, Bullet Punch! On whoever, I don't care! And Golisopod-"

Too slow. Golisopod had already been hit and downed for the count. Scizor, obeying its command, rushed his nearest target, a Vileplume, with a Bullet Punch. Ariados landed its Cross Poison on the Raticate.

Then, the other two were swamped from various angles by enemy attacks. Ariados and Scizor could do very little to deflect the flurry of fangs, claws, fists and wings. Guzma trembled a bit as he saw his last two Pokemon go down. Guzma knew better than to panic.

Petrel was nowhere to be seen for some reason. Guzma hated to admit it, but right now Hala was his only hope. Guzma moved closer to Hala, who had been defending his Pokemon on one side of the room. Realising Guzma's situation, he directed his Pokemon to fight in a circle, the five fighting-types now warding off attacks from all sides, protecting both their master and Guzma.

Guzma could do little but watch. Hala was spouting commands at lightning speed, telling his Pokemon in sequence which moves to use on which of their attackers. He was defending against twenty with a party of five, and damn, he was succeeding.

Guzma noticed it was not to be forever though. Though he'd felled a few of the Rockets' Pokemon, Hala's five were taking a few hits, but they continued to hold out. Guzma wondered how much longer they could keep it up.

Just as it seemed Hala's team were going to fall, Guzma heard a shout. "Goddamnit, Petrel, I thought this was over!"

The fighting stopped as all heads turned to look to the entrance of the room. At the bottom of the stairs stood a woman. She was clad in black clothes and wore high heels, and some flashy sunglasses Guzma could appreciate. Her hair was a flaming red colour of the dyed variety. He could appreciate that too. Normally Guzma would have found someone like this to be very good-looking, but this woman was much older than Guzma.

She shook her head. "I know you're in here somewhere, Petrel, you sly dog! Come out now and maybe I won't hand your sorry ass over to the police." Some of the grunts were murmuring to each other. "Why are you still clinging to Team Rocket, after all these years?"

The murmurs continued, before one grunt spoke out. "Who the hell do you think you are, lady?! How'd you find this place?"  
She shook her head. "Has so much time that I'm not even a _slightly_ familiar face around here? I was a Team Rocket executive for Christ's sake! Geez. I suppose some of you are too young to have been members of the old rocket." She smirked, "And after all, who would expect a member of the Elite Four to be a veteran of Team Rocket?"

The Elite Four? This woman was one of them? That meant she was a crazy strong trainer… Guzma would've challenged her on the spot, but, well… now wasn't really the time or place.

She continued. "I know "learn the error of your ways" is a corny line, but that's what you're all now _required_ to do, by order of _me!_ " She reached into a pocket of her pants and pulled out an ultra ball. Guzma felt validated, knowing other people appreciated his style. "And as for how I found you: I know how you operate. I've suspected there was a base of operations here in Cerulean City for a while. I just needed to wait for the right time for Petrel to blow his cover like the moron he is."

Another one of the grunts sneered. Looking at him from the distance he was at, Guzma realised it was Petrel, disguised and blending in with his grunts. "It doesn't matter if you're in the Elite Four! We have twenty-six grunts on our side. You'll lose anyway, noone can fight us all at once."

The red-haired lady nodded. "Good call! Perhaps you've all smartened up from the Giovanni days. Of course I didn't come alone!"

As if on cue, more figures emerged from behind her, down the darkness of the stairwell.

First, a woman in a swimsuit with bright orange hair. "Surprise!" she yelled, "You nasty Team Rocket, you made me come back here early. I hope you're all ready for a crushing tidal wave!" Guzma felt he should recognize her, but couldn't quite put his finger on it.

Behind her, emerged someone that looked remarkably like Romulus, only younger and taller. He stared at the grunts, "Which one of you is the _imbecile_ that tried to impersonate me?" Guzma realised that was probably the actual Romulus. Guzma felt very stupid in hindsight, seeing Romulus in person made Petrel's disguise look pathetic. The two looked nothing alike. The young man fixed the grunts with a withering glare that would wilt all but the toughest of men. Even Guzma found himself a bit unnerved by it.

Finally, in walked a face that was more properly familiar to Guzma. Randall, still in the same damn Sylveon shirt, smiled at Guzma. "Say, Gym Swimmer, how convenient was our timing?"

"Seriously, it's like we're in a movie or something, you guys walked in at _exactly the right time_!"

Randall shrugged. "Heh. Anyway, I came here to wreck Rockets and train Pokemon. I intend to do both at the same time."

"Alright, everyone, let loose. Randall, get those tourists back over here!" Almost in sync, the four new arrivals sent out their Pokemon, in a chorus of "Go, (Pokemon)!"

The red-haired Elite Four woman who'd still not been named send out an Arbok, which hissed at its much less intimidating opponents. Some of the grunts cowered. Romulus sent out a black, four-legged Pokemon Guzma couldn't recall the name of, but he remembered it was evolution of Eevee. The lady in the swimsuit sent out a Pokemon that looked like a star, with a red core in its center. He wondered what type it was.

Randall had sent out his Tauros yet again and was circling with it over to Guzma and Hala. Hala continued to hold his attackers off. Guzma remembered briefly that he should probably return his Pokemon to their balls, as the three were still lying fainted on the floor. He recalled them into their ultra balls.

"Follow me! And guy with the fighting-types, keep your Pokemon out!" said Randall. Hala continued to fend off attacks as he, Guzma and Randall made their way back to the basement entrance. Hala swiftly returned one of his Pokemon, Crabominable, to its ball as it fainted.

They reached the wall just next to the entrance (which was now their exit) as Randall and the rest of the backup fought off the grunts. The battle was much more one-sided. Between a gym leader, two elite four members and whatever Randall and the swimsuit lady were, the Rocket Pokemon were dropping fast.

Before Guzma knew it, they had cut down what had seemed like an army of enemies, until a solitary Pokemon remained. It was what looked like two big, conjoined, floating poisonous balls. It looked as weird as it sounded. It too fell, its owner bearing a look of shock.

Throwing their Team Rocket cap to the ground, the grunt looked towards his attackers. Guzma realised it was Petrel once again. "What is _with_ you, Ariana? Does the world hate Team Rocket, or are we just… _fated_ for failure?"

The red-haired woman, whom Petrel had addressed as Ariana, spoke, "I suppose your answer would be the latter," she said, "Petrel, I'll give you one more chance. That extends to your little group of lackeys here, too. I'll be making sure all your activities are watched for the foreseeable future. From here on out, it's legitimate business only. And if you try and run, I'm hunting your ass down. Got it?"

Petrel smiled sheepishly and shrugged. "Ariana, bills are hard to pay. I've got a family, you know, running a car repair shop just doesn't cut it!" He glowered at her, "What do you know, anyway? You were a Team Rocket Executive, just like me! You know what it's like. Money, fun, and you get to be yourself around people!"

Ariana took her sunglasses off. Her red eyes were piercing. "I moved on. My strength in Pokemon battling was a large part of what made me an executive, and that was all I had after Team Rocket split up for good. You seem to have missed the "for good" part. It pained me for a long time, but Giovanni's never coming back and neither is Team Rocket. It was fun while it lasted, but ask yourself, Petrel, is it worth the trouble? Reviving this dead bunch of thugs?" Petrel grunted. He opened his mouth to say something, but stopped himself. "It took me a long time, but I've moved on. Team Rocket is history. Look how far _I've_ come, Petrel."

Petrel's glare softened. "What the hell am I supposed to do? I've got mortgages to pay and this business isn't getting me anywhere."

Ariana nodded. "I'll help you, Petrel. I'll set your life straight, that's a promise."

* * *

Guzma stood outside the building with Hala as Ariana cleared things up. He had a lot of mixed feelings right now.

"Cheer up," said Hala, "Just be glad we got out of there with all of our Pokemon."

Guzma shook his head. "Nah."

"Why not? We came very close to having all our Pokemon stolen by thieves, never to be seen again. If not for Randall, Ariana and the rest of them, that's exactly what would have happened.

Guzma threw his arms up. "That's exactly what I hate, that some randoms and a guy I kinda know had to bail me out. And I didn't get to pummel the guys who duped me in the first place. Stupid disguise…"

Randall approached them, smiling. "Hey, guys. You all right?" Hala nudged Guzma.

"Yeah. Um, Randall…" Guzma glanced around, a bit embarrassed. "Thanks… for helping me out in there."

"What are friends for?" said Randall. Friends? Guzma wasn't sure how to feel about that. "And it's not me you should be thanking. Ariana was the one who found that hideout in the first place. She's now got the names of every grunt in there and she'll make sure they don't get up to anything else."

"Can't you just chuck 'em in jail?" asked Guzma.

"Eh. That's not how she does things. She's a member of the elite four, so she's got a fair amount of say in how this whole thing plays out."

Guzma remembered something. "Why were you in there anyway? And who were the others?"

"Ariana rounded up some strong trainers in the area before storming the hideout. That included myself, this city's gym leader, and, ironically enough, Romulus."  
The penny dropped for Guzma. "Wait, so the lady in the swimsuit…"

Randall nodded. "That's Misty, the gym leader. I suppose you'll want to challenge her?"

"I thought she wasn't supposed to be back yet?"

"Her date went badly. She came back early."

Guzma narrowed his eyes. "She was away… for a date?'  
"Eeyup! That's Misty."

"She was away for like, ages!"

"I'm told she had to travel a considerable distance for it."

"Regardless, she's back now," said Hala, deliberately interrupting the imminent rage from Guzma. "Would it be possible for Guzma to challenge her later today? Perhaps after a bit of rest for him and his Pokemon."

"I don't need to rest, Hala!"

"Ask her yourself" said Randall, gesturing to two people heading their way. It was Ariana, with Misty by her side."

"I'm sorry for the actions of Team Rocket," said Ariana, "but this should eliminate their presence for the time being."

"You were one of them?" asked Guzma.

"I was, a long time ago. I was dedicated to them, too, an executive of our operations when we tried to return and bring Giovanni back. But I realised it was pointless. We were destroyed twice in the span of three years, both times by a single child." Guzma knew that feel. "My dedication slowly ebbed away as I avoided the authorities. How incompetent were we to have our entire organization wiped out, on two separate occasions, by a single person?" Guzma _really_ knew that feel. "Anyway. The authorities never got my name, so they haven't been able to prove who I was."

"Yet you are freely admitting this to us?" asked Hala.

"My colleagues at the Pokemon League have accepted me for it. They can see I've changed."

"And you are a member of the Elite Four?" asked Hala, "it may surprise you to learn this, but so too am I, in the Alola Region. I use Fighting types."

Ariana laughed. "What a coincidence! We'll have to battle sometime, when you're up for it. Come see me at the Pokemon League. I use Poison-types, undoubtedly the best."

"Ohoho!" laughed Hala, "I think you're more likely to run into Guzma here than me. He's taking the gym challenge after all. On that note…" he looked at the swimsuit lady, the gym leader, "You are Misty, is that correct?"

Misty nodded. "That's right! And you want to challenge me?" she said to Guzma.

"As soon as possible, yo!" he replied.

Ariana nodded. "Alright then. Romulus has already left and I've got things to handle that Randall's helping me with. Shall I leave you three to it?"

"Sure, I'm up for a challenger," said Misty, "See you later, Ariana. You too, Randall."

"Bye."

"See you 'round Guzma and… Hala?" asked Randall.

"Yes. I hope we meet again. Bye now."

They left, leaving Guzma, Randall and Misty. Misty spoke. "My Pokemon are tuckered out from crushing those nasty Rockets. What say we go heal up and I'll meet you at the gym for a battle in twenty minutes."

Guzma grinned and folded his arms. "Heck yeah. I'll see you there."

* * *

The Cerulean Gym was much simpler than the others Guzma had visited. There didn't seem to be any gimmicks. No electric walls, no teleporters and most importantly, no freakin' _trees_. Inside the gym was merely a pool that had earlier had two people in it, but they'd been kicked out by Misty. Guzma had requested to skip the formalities of fighting the gym trainers and Misty had obliged.

Misty moved to the side of the room to a small control board and pressed a button. A covering closed over the pool and Misty told Guzma to stand on it. He was reluctant, but found it solid and able to support his weight. "That's a state-of-the-art pool cover! It can hold loads of up to a tonne!"

"What if you use a Pokemon that wears more than a tonne?"

Misty glared at him, apparently considering the question to be sarcastic. She moved to the opposite side of the cover to Guzma. "So, are you ready to witness the power of water-types?'

She and Guzma had stopped at the Pokemon Center to refresh their teams. Hala stood to the side, watching. "Heh, are _you_ ready to.. witness… uh… the power of bug types?" countered Guzma.

Misty already had a ball out, and Guzma followed suit. Her Poke Balls were a light blue, and Guzma recognised them as Dive Balls. Kind of cool, but a bit too bright for him.

Misty threw the ball. "Let's go, team!"

Guzma readied his lead as he looked at Misty's. It was a fish-like Pokemon that lay on the ground. Sea-something, Guzma remembered. Guzma would answer a water-type with a water-type. "Let's show 'em, Golisopod!"

Golisopod emerged, making its usual battle cry. A good first impression to be sure. On that note… "Golisopod, use First Impression!"

"Seaking, Horn Attack!" Seaking, that was its name. It was red, a fish-like Pokemon. Golisopod moved first, the priority of First Impression allowing it to rush Seaking. It slammed the Pokemon hard with its claw, sending Seaking flying backward.

The fish Pokemon was able to bounce itself back and propel itself towards Golisopod, charging its horn as it flew. In style, it penetrated Golisopod's midsection with its horn.

Golisopod batted the fish off. The wound was nasty, but Golisopod stayed up. Guzma imagined any more damage at all would activate Emergency Exit. He wasn't going to let that happen. Misty commanded Seaking, "Use Horn Attack again!"

Baited. "Golisopod, use Sucker Punch!" ordered Guzma. With that added to the damage from First Impression, Seaking would be history. It went just as Guzma had wanted. Misty's face formed an expression of shock. That was the face of being duped.

Seaking began to charge Golisopod, but Sucker Punch was a very fast attack when used correctly as it was now. Golisopod charged its claw with dark energy and slammed it at top speed into Seaking.

The fish Pokemon flopped around for a bit in pain from the attack, then stopped. Knockout number one to Guzma.

"Whoa," said Misty, "I've never seen that Pokemon before. It's very cool."

Guzma smirked. "It ain't cool, it's the coolest. It's water-type, too."

"Really?! Wow… I'd get one, but I before beautiful Pokemon."

"Hey! Golisopod's a beauty, too. He's got an awesome head, yo!"

Misty chuckled. "I have a lot of respect for anyone who can use a water type well. Let's keep this going. Go, Golduck!" Misty's next Pokemon was the blue Pokemon known for its swimming abilities, Golduck.

It opened its mouth in what Guzma assumed was a roar. It came out as a loud quack. Guzma sniggered.

"Alright, Golduck, hit him with a Zen Headbutt!" Golduck's head began glowing and before long it was charging Golisopod.

"X-Scissor, Golisopod!" Golisopod barely moved a few feet before Golduck's Zen Headbutt smashed it. Golisopod staggered and fell over backwards, but didn't get back up. Oh, boi…

Guzma returned the tall bug Pokemon to its ball, switching him out for Masquerain. Masquerain flew in place and awaited Guzma's command. "Masquerain, hit him with an Energy Ball!" It occurred to Guzma that maybe he should have saved his only Pokemon with a supereffective move against Misty for later. It didn't matter now.

"Golduck, Water Pulse!" Golduck was faster to ready its attack, which, like Masquerain's, was an energy attack. Golduck propelled a blue ring of energy towards Masquerain, who moved too slow to avoid the attack. Masquerain shook the residual water off and continued to charge the Energy Ball, sending it hurtling at Golduck.

The unfortunate duck Pokemon was hit right in the face. Golduck was sent down to the ground, fainted in one hit. Misty groaned, "Wow, I'm not doing so great, am I?" She returned Golduck to its ball and readied her next party member. "Go… Quagsire!"

Out came a derpy-looking Pokemon. Guzma stifled a laugh at how small the water fish Pokemon's eyes were. They were little black dots on its giant face, with which it was giving Guzma an open-mouthed smile.

Oh well, nothing to do but faint it, too. Misty was muttering angrily to herself across the room for some reason. "Quagsire, hit that Pokemon with Water Pulse!"

Masquerain wouldn't be able to take another hit. Though it was one of the more versatile members of Guzma's party, it was also one of the most fragile. "Masquerain, use Energy Ball again!"

Guzma heard Misty groan loudly. Masquerain charged its attack much faster and shot a green ball of energy at Quagsire. The attack made contact and appeared to hit with extreme intensity. Quagsire gave a weak cry of pain as it flopped over weakly. The attack had destroyed it in one hit again. Geez. Guzma realised he'd essentially lost earlier in the day to the Rocket Grunts, but he'd wanted a more challenging battle than this.

"You're really good at this, Guzma! I may be down to my last Pokemon, but it's my ace, so you'd better watch out!" Geez. A four versus one. This would be over quickly. "Go, Starmie!" Misty's last Pokemon emerged. It was the many-pronged star with a red core that Guzma had seen her use against Team Rocket. "Use Ice Beam!"

Straight into the action. Guzma liked that. "Masquerain, use Energy Ball one more time!" Unfortunately, there was no chance. Masquerain was hit by the beam just after if began to charge Energy Ball. The supereffective ice type sent the Pokemon plummeting to the ground. Guzma frowned. He'd kind of expected this, so he wasn't too mad. Still, it made a battle he was definitely going to win become unnecessarily long.

Guzma sent out his next Pokemon. "Go, Scizor!" All going well, this should be enough to end the battle. Misty's Starmie was a very fast-moving Pokemon, unfortunately. "Scizor, tank its attack and hit it with an X-Scissor!"

"Starmie, use Water Pulse! Hit him as hard as you can!" As he'd anticipated, Starmie charged the blue pulse very quickly, sending it at Scizor. Scizor took the attack pretty hard, Guzma assumed Water Pulse was a special attack and Scizor's major strengths were physical. Scizor seemed dinged up pretty bad, but having survived the attack, Guzma hoped the game was decided.

Misty was looking upset. Scizor charged Starmie with its two pincers ready to slash with X-Scissor. It brought the attack down into the red gem-like centre of the star Pokemon, sending it sliding across the floor in an almost comical way.

Comical indeed, as that attack had won Guzma the battle. Despite Misty's pleas of "get up, Starmie, come on!" the Pokemon was down and out.

"Heheh!" taunted Guzma, "You just got…" he noticed Hala's withering glare from the side. Guzma had forgotten he was there. "…beaten. But it was a… a uh, good battle!"

Misty nodded sadly. "I really flubbed this one, though. I sent out Quagsire to be put by a quadruple damage attack, and saved my ace for last to let it get wiped out in one attack…" She shook her head, "This is convincing me more and more that I need to get away from the gym."

Guzma started to approach her. "What?! No, no, don't do that!

"You don't get it, I've been wanting to travel for years! Being here, cooped up all day… the battles are fun, but it sure gets repetitive." She fiddled with Starmie's Poke Ball in her hands. "I need to do it as soon as possible. I'm not getting any younger, you know!"

Guzma had frankly had enough of getting involved in the personal lives of gym leaders, but Hala interjected. "I think that's a swell idea. I'm sure this region has plenty of strong trainers, a stand-in for your gym shouldn't be a hard find, hmm?"

"Yeah!" replied Misty, "There are some great water-type trainers in this town. I could battle them to find the best one… then go and do as I please."

Guzma rolled his eyes. "Do I get a gym badge?"  
"Oh, yeah, sorry." She reached… into her swimsuit? Come to think of it, where was she storing the Poke Balls? "This is the Cascade Badge. It'll make your Pokemon respect you more and make them more obedient."

Now _this_ was a badge that said "water". It was just a raindrop. Guzma took it from her hand. "And let me guess, you were gonna give me the Water Pulse TM?"

Misty was taken aback. "How did you know?"

"All your Pokemon used it. And I don't want the TM, thanks."

"Oh, uh… alright then!" She smiled. "Have a good day, Guzma."

"Yeah, I will."

"Get right onto finding that substitute!" called Hala, "Trust me, it will be worth it!"

"Hey Hala," said Guzma, outside the gym, "Why didn't you offer me any TMs to use for this gym? Or the last one, for that matter? I thought you brought a bunch?"

"For reasons I've validated after watching you fight today," replied Hala, "You fought very well and won against Metamix despite being at the type disadvantage and you demonstrated the right combination of strategy and brute force against Misty."

"I don't get it."

"You haven't needed TMs since Surge, because you've got better at battling. I'm also noticing you're starting to battle more for the fun of it and less to beat people down."

"Nah, nah… shut up." Guzma kept trying to formulate a comeback, but decided it wasn't worth the effort. "I'll be straight, after today, I really need a break. I need some fries and a steak, right now."

"Perhaps I could interest you in some vegetables? They're very healthy, very good for you. I eat vegetables lots and I'm hoping it'll let me reach a grand old age."

"What, you haven't done that already?"  
"I'm sixty-five!" retorted Hala, "Anyway. You'll regret your eating habits in the not-too-distant future. My metabolism started to slow at thirty."

"I don't care."

Hala shook his head. Guzma would be Guzma. "Well, the next gym's a fair distance away. Let's get you some well-deserved steak."


	12. Chapter 12

**AN: I was doing university stuff. While I am choosing the "upload whenever I get around to it" mentality, nearly 6 whole weeks without a new chapter is slack. I've said before that one of my pet peeves is coming across dead fanfictions that their authors never finished, so I damn well don't want to be one of those authors myself.**

 **I find it strange and remarkable that this kept getting followers even during these last six weeks. 42 people now get a notification when I post a chapter, I think that's pretty cool.** **I will continue this and try to not to take quite so much time for chapter 13. Other than that, enjoy.**

It didn't take long for Guzma to want to get right back into the gym challenge. Soon enough, he'd been asking Hala where the next gym was.

He hadn't liked the answers. His options were to head West towards Pewter City, which would involve a lot of climbing thanks to Mt. Moon being in the way. Guzma hated climbing and the monorail under construction between Cerulean and Pewter City wasn't going to be completed for another few weeks.

That had left his other option, to head to the gym in Fuchsia City. Guzma and Hala couldn't take Cycling Road as they lacked bicycles. The road had additionally suffered some damage recently from a Pokemon battle gone wrong. Someone had hit the wrong part with an attack and sent a section of the bridge down into the water.

With one route under construction and the other in partial destruction, Guzma and Hala had two paths to the next gym. One was to cut through Saffron and Vermilion Cities, then head along Route 12, the longest one in Kanto.

Hala, of course, had insisted on "the scenic route." This involved a lengthy trek along Route 9 towards the Kanto Power Plant, through Rock Tunnel, then a walk along Route 12. Guzma had made his frustration at this choice known. If inconvenient and unlikely circumstances forced them from four paths down to two, why the hell would he choose the _incredibly long path with lots of walking_ over the way shorter detour?

Guzma knew what old Hala's answer would be. "There are so many more sights to see, more people to meet and most importantly, more _Pokemon to battle_! Why should we go back to places we've already been when we can go to places we've never been, you just need to-"

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Guzma had rolled his eyes and tuned out. But he'd complied. He'd called his father before leaving, too. Guzma and Hala both realised they'd left him hanging, so had got him up to speed on Guzma's gym challenge. He was pleased to hear his son was halfway-done… and would be home all the sooner.

On Route 9, Guzma had had a couple of fourth-rate trainers challenge him and Hala had forced him to stop and look inside the Power Plant.

Machines. That was all Guzma needed to remember about that place. Not worth visiting again, not worth visiting in the first place.

Rock Tunnel was similarly crap. Instead of loud machines, loud engineers and bright lights, he had Zubat hordes, loud kid trainers and no lights.

Guzma wouldn't say he'd hated every minute of it… but maybe every second minute. At the end of Rock Tunnel, Guzma stood in a new place.

Lavender Town seemed alright. The least dislikeable city so far had been Celadon, but Lavender Town topped it.

Maybe it was something to do with the "Town" part rather than "City", but Lavender Town was quiet. There were no loud kids, no loud machines. All he needed to find out now was if there were any trainers that used cheap techniques. If not, then this was the least annoying town of Kanto by far.

"What a nice little town," said Hala, echoing Guzma's thoughts. "Now we just have a walk over a ridiculously long bridge, then we're in Fuchsia City!"

Guzma nodded. "What type's the gym?"

"Poison. Gym Leader took over from her father, she's been in charge for ten years now."

"Huh." Guzma walked slowly into the centre of the town. There were only a handful of people out and about, most of them old. The only interesting thing in the town was a tall, colourful tower. Other than that, it was just houses.

"Hmm. The sort of place I'd retire to." Hala smirked, then chuckled. "That was a joke. I intend to stay as Kahuna until I damn well drop dead."

"Anything interesting in this town?" asked Guzma, ignoring him.

"The Radio Tower. That's right over there," he gestured to the tall, colourful building. "Honestly? That's about it. Lots of folks were and still are opposed to its building, so the town has seen very little development. Folks here prefer their peace and quiet, I'm told."

Guzma nodded. With introductions out of the way… "So what do I do now?"

Hala shrugged. "Whatever you like. I'm going to take a look inside the radio tower." He moved off to do just that, leaving Guzma standing alone in the middle of town.

Guzma knew he'd need a rest after all that walking. Eager as he was to reach the Fuchsia City gym, he knew his limitations. To be honest, Guzma found it remarkable that Hala had been able to keep up with him despite being an old man. Guzma had to admit, he was starting to respect Hala.

Just a little bit.

* * *

Guzma wandered slowly about town, huffing. There was nothing to do. He wished he had his vaunted team right now. Team Skull was not and never would be a distant memory for Guzma, as Hala so clearly wanted it to be. Right now, if he was still the Team Skull Boss, Lavender Town would be all theirs! Heh.

Guzma needed to sit down. After walking all the way from Cerulean City to here, he needed a park bench or something. There was one just nearby.

Somebody was already sitting on it, but Guzma's feet were killing him. If the person gave him trouble, he'd just tell them to rack off. Guzma moved over to the bench and sat down, feeling the sweet relief.

"I'm plenty fit from doing squats!" Guzma had said to his travel partner. Geez… intense physical activity sure was lame.

"So you're a traveller…" it was the stranger sitting next to Guzma. They were shady, clad in a black coat, hat and pants. Guzma found it hard to see who they were from the way they kept their head down. "What brings you to Lavender Town?"

Guzma wanted to tell him to buzz off, but something about the man… intrigued him. "I'm just… passing through. On my way to Fooshy City or whatever the heck it's called."

"You're fighting the gym leaders, then."

"Yeah."

"Interesting." Guzma stole a glance at the man. Guzma could see he was an older man, but younger than Hala, wrinkles were beginning to set in on his face. "So you've travelled a lot here?"

"I dunno. I've been to most of this place's big cities."

"And what are they like?"  
"I dunno. Noisy and they stink. Not that I necessarily don't like those, it's just that… it's a bunch of annoying kids making noise, usually, and it smells like Poison Pokemon."

The man gave a slight smile. "I get what you mean, completely! That's why I'm here, after all, to distance myself from…" he shook his head, "from all that."

"You live here?"

"Yes. It's nice, I don't have to talk to anyone."

Guzma smirked. "I get you, man. The name's Guzma. What about you?"  
"Hm?"

"What's your name?"

"Oh, just call me..." He appeared to consider his answer for quite a while, before answering "Giovanni." Guzma finally got a good look at his face. It wasn't particularly distinctive, but he felt like he'd seen it before, somewhere. Regardless, Guzma was quickly taking a liking to him.

"Nice to meetcha, Giovanni. You a trainer?"

Giovanni smiled. "Not so much these days, but that was just what was on my mind. Guzma, I was wondering… would you be able to give me a quick Pokemon battle?"

Guzma raised an eyebrow. "Huh, really? Why me?"

"I'm just confirming… Guzma, you're a foreigner? A tourist?"

"Yeah, I'm from Alola. Why?"  
"Oh, no reason." He shifted in his seat, to face Guzma. "So? Would you like to have a battle with me? I've found my fitness taking a dip lately, so I don't want a full-blown battle. We could send out just one Pokemon each, if that's alright with you."

Guzma thought back to the previous time he went off with someone alone. "Only if we're like, where people can't see me."

"I see you are cautious."

"That freakin' Team Rocket almost stole all my Pokemon the last time I went off with a stranger."

Giovanni suddenly became very interested. "Team Rocket? What the blazes are they doing?"  
"They tried to steal my Pokemon. And my travel partner's Pokemon."

"And? Then what? What else did they do?"

"Some Elite Four lady came in and stomped them. Told the guy leading it, Petty or Petto or something, to stop or he'd be going to jail.

Giovanni was deep in thought. "Hmm…"

"So… are we gonna battle?"

Giovanni nodded and stood up. "I think we most certainly are. Follow me. We'll be on the path, just a little bit outside of town."

* * *

Guzma was almost about satisfied that nothing fishy was going on. They now stood on a path which was indeed just outside of town.

"So…" said Giovanni, taking out a Poke Ball. To Guzma's amusement, it was an ultra ball. He felt even more validated. Cool people used Ultra Balls! "I want to keep this short. You choose your best Pokemon… and I'll choose mine. A one versus one. Is that alright with you?"

Guzma was down with that. "Yeah, sure." He palmed the poke ball of whom he thought was his best Pokemon. "Let's do this!"

Giovanni smirked and didn't say anything as he released his Pokemon.

"Go, Steelix!" Giovanni's Pokemon emerged. Guzma did not recognise it, but was immediately impressed. It was a gigantic steel snake Pokemon, around thirty feet tall. It had several barbs sticking out of the sides of its enormous body, which ended in a pointed tail.

Size didn't matter. Pinsir was pretty short, after all. But Pinsir was not Guzma's choice this time. "Go, Golisopod!"

Despite being Guzma's tallest Pokemon, Golisopod was dwarfed by Steelix. Guzma didn't consider it a problem, even if Golisopod was shrinking back a bit. Its battle cry was slightly weakened. Freakin' wimp! Guzma wouldn't let this stand. Assuming Steelix was a steel type, Guzma decided not to use First Impression. "Golisopod, use Razor Shell!"

Giovanni slipped his sleeve upwards, and Guzma saw that he was wearing a bracelet. Jewellery, he could respect that. But what Giovanni did with it was strange.

He pressed his hand onto the ring. "Steelix, mega evolve now!" Mega-what? Giovanni raised the ring, which was now glowing pink, up into the air. Guzma watched, bewildered, as Steelix became enveloped in a purple energy. The Pokemon was concealed within this great orb of energy for several seconds, then, in a flash, it emerged.

Steelix's appearance had changed. The spikes sticking out of its body had now all transformed into brightly-coloured gems. Stones or gems of some sort were now orbiting the Pokemon itself and its chin had grown jagged protrusions. Its body also had unnatural-looking black-and-blue spots, one on every second segment.

It was bizarre, but at the same time it was brilliant. Giovanni snapped Guzma out of his stupor "Now, Steelix, use Iron Tail!" Golisopod had already began its move, conjuring a shell to slice at Steelix's metallic body. It created a large gash in Steelix's… steel? Pokemon sure were weird. It grunted in pain, but then began to follow through with Giovanni's command.

Steelix moved its tail in a great, hulking movement, bringing it down on Golisopod. Golisopod was sent flying over backwards. The attack hit really damn hard, even though it was not very effective thanks to Golisopod's water-typing.

It was here Guzma realised his mistake. Golisopod crouched, backing away.

Guzma facepalmed.

"What's the matter?" taunted Giovanni, "Is your Pokemon backing down already? I am a strong trainer, it's true, but I thought you would be more of a challenge than this…"  
Guzma grunted "Golisopod… he's got this ability. He wimps out whenever he gets beat up."

Giovanni nodded. "So I suppose that's it, then."  
"Ugh… yeah, fine, whatever." Guzma aimed a piercing glare at Golisopod, then returned the cowering bug to its ball. Giovanni responded in kind, recalling the superpowered Steelix. Guzma didn't even care that he'd technically lost right now, there were more interesting things to attend to. "Yo, man," said Guzma, "what was _that_?"

"What was what, Guzma?"

" _That_! With Steelix, and the flashes, and the lights and the bracelet and stuff!"

Giovanni chuckled. "What? Mega evolution? You are amazed?"  
"Totally! I don't even care that I lost, tell me about _that_ stuff!"

"What I just used is called Mega Evolution." Giovanni had a prideful expression on his face. "Have you not seen it before?"

"Heck no. I've never seen anything like that in Alola!"

Giovanni approached him, reaching into his pocket. He held a silver ring, close in appearance to the one under Giovanni's sleeve. "This is a Mega Ring. It allows certain Pokemon to achieve an advanced state of evolution temporarily, in which they are much more powerful, undergo drastic changes in appearance and can even change their type."

"Whoa, man… How can I do that? Can any Pokemon do that? How the heck do I not know about this?" exclaimed Guzma.

Giovanni pressed the small, rainbow stone embedded in the ring, which caused it to glow. "It requires the use of a mega stone relevant to the Pokemon. I had Steelix's one affixed to it, you probably wouldn't have been able to see it in the battle. There are currently 44 Pokemon that have discovered mega evolutions." He handed the ring to Guzma. "I have collected quite a number of these. I need only one to use and one spare. I think you would use one of these well, so it is yours to keep."

"Whoa, geez… thanks a lot!"

"Come with me. I have a small house here in Lavender Town."

* * *

Giovanni's house was indeed small. In a town apparently full of retirees, Giovanni owned a house that was just two rooms. He directed Guzma into the further back of the two rooms, to a large case.

It was a light-brown trunk. Giovanni unlatched it, opening the case with a creak and revealing to Guzma the items inside. To say that Guzma's eyes sparkled at the contents would not be at all inaccurate.

"What are those?"

"These are Mega Stones, the ones which allow Pokemon to mega evolve." Other than Golisopod, what other Pokemon do you use? Do you specialise in the bug type?"

"Yeah, yeah I do," answered Guzma, "my other guys are Pinsir, Scizor, Masquerain… and Ariados."

Giovanni examined the stones held in different compartments inside the large box, muttering to himself, before picking one out with an "Ah, there it is." The stone appeared to be perfectly spherical, two-toned in red and white. Normally Guzma didn't find things "pretty" or "beautiful", but this palm-sized stone was a certain exception. "This is a Scizorite. What you must do is have Scizor hold the mega ring in some way or another, then touch the multicoloured stone inside the mega ring. Command Scizor to mega evolve, and it will change into a far more powerful version of itself."

Guzma took the stone, staring in awe at it in his hands. "Dude, this is awesome, but, uh…" He tried to figure out how best to phrase it. "You're some random guy I met on a park bench. I… uh… I basically lost a 1-on-1 against you. And now you're giving me cool stuff?"

"It's because…" Giovanni closed his eyes "I think I understand you, Guzma. I haven't found anyone like you in a long time."

"I sure don't get you." That had just confused Guzma more. "Who even are you?"

Giovanni closed the case and paced around the room for a few seconds of awkward silence. He was like a movie villain, as if pausing for effect. "Guzma, I'd like to tell you a secret of mine."

"Yeah?"

"I was the boss of Team Rocket."

Guzma did a double-take. "You were what, now?"

"Thirteen years ago, I was the boss of Team Rocket. I was the leader."

Guzma did a double take. " _Dude, what?!"  
_ "I can tell just from looking at your clothes, from the way you act… Guzma, you've lived a similar life to me, have you not?"

Guzma took a moment to process what he meant. "Yeah, yeah, I get your drift! I was the Team Skull Boss! In Alola, I was in charge of a gang."

"You understand how thrilling that life is? That craving for power, wanting to be the ultimate boss… you understand it?"

Guzma closed his eyes and put his hands on his hands. "Not in the same way as you. I like to be the boss, sure. Heck, I loved that. It was my life for quite a while."

"Yet you stopped. Why was that?"  
"Cause… cause I failed my team."

"We really are so alike. This is just a hunch, but were you defeated on more than one occasion by a child, which led to your pride being damaged to the point of no return?"

Guzma narrowed his eyes. "What? How did you…" he shook his head, "No, no, no, man! We ain't like each other." Guzma grimaced, "Some of your guys tried to steal my Pokemon in Cerulean City!"

"Those were not my grunts. I said I *was* the boss of Team Rocket. I was not aware it was still in operation at all. Who was in charge?"

"Some guy with weird purple hair that disguised himself as a gym leader."

Giovanni chuckled and nodded knowingly. "Yes… that was an old, rather notorious grunt of mine. But that aside, can you really say that your team, Skull was it? Did you not try and steal Pokemon as well?" Guzma tried to formulate a comeback but came up blank. "But it does not matter. We have both fallen from grace. I sensed a connection there…"

"You could tell I was a gang boss from my clothes and how I act?"

Giovanni shrugged, "Well… and because I've heard a few things about you. It's quite the story, a foreign former gang boss travelling here to take on the gyms. I was once a gym leader, too."

"Dude… you were a gym leader _and_ the Team Rocket Boss?"

"Yes, I was. But that was a long time ago." He turned to stare out the window. Guzma got movie villain vibes again. First the pausing for effect, then the staring out the window while beginning a dramatic monologue… "I too was crushed by a mere child," Giovanni lamented, "I lived in solitude for a long time. Even when some of my old grunts and executives tried to revive the team a few years later, guess what happened? I was literally _getting ready to leave and answer their calls for me to return_ , but guess what happened?" He raised his voice, "A _random child_ showed up and beat me again. I, the great Giovanni, defeated like a lowly worm!" He raised his voice towards the end. "This house belonged to my parents, years ago. They gave it to me in old age, though I did not move in for quite some time. They both had to move into nursing homes, then they died while I was in hiding."

"Ouch, man…"

"I don't understand how Ariana can just turn to Pokemon battling as a means of escaping her past and present. I tried that, too, only to find there were _more_ trainers that defeated me! I could barely hold my own in the Pokemon World Tournament… and so I have retreated here. My hobby, as you can see, is collecting mega stones as well as the Pokemon to use them with. I enjoy how powerful they can make my Pokemon, they make me feel like I can crush the world all over again…" He shook his head, "But that is a farce. I lack dreams anymore."

Guzma felt like he completely understood this guy, yet at the same time he was nothing like him. Guzma realised Hala would probably be waiting for him somewhere, unless he'd gone and gotten lost inside the Radio Tower. "Man… maybe it isn't-" Guzma stopped himself, but decided… even if it were false, Giovanni needed some good words to help him. "Maybe it just ain't about winning? Maybe Ari-what's-her-name just… likes to fight. Or something like that."

"Oh, and I suppose you're going to tell me that trainers battle for the fun of it?"

Guzma didn't answer that. He realised he wasn't sure how to answer that. "Giovanni, man… I gotta go."

Giovanni grunted. "You're welcome for the stone. I'm giving it to you because frankly you're the first person I've had a real conversation with in months. Hiding from the police for your whole life is a bleak existence."

"I guess I'll come back sometime. Maybe visit you after I crush Lance."

"Whatever. Use that Mega Stone in your next battle. Just do as I did, Scizor will change. He will become much stronger and hit much harder."

"Thanks, Giovanni."

* * *

"Oh, Guzma." Guzma's familiar travel partner stood outside the Radio Tower, waiting. "You're back. Run into anyone interesting? The locals are quite friendly here, although a bit superstitious if I understand correctly."

"I didn't really meet anyone at all." Lied Guzma.

Hala chuckled. "Antisocial as ever, I see. Oh, and I had it wrong. This building was not "built" as a radio tower. It was repurposed from a cemetery. Isn't that fascinating?"

"Uh, kind of, but what did they do with all the dead bodies?"

"That varied. Some were cremated, some were moved to other grave sites. It's caused enough of an outcry that this town has seen effectively no industrial development in the last ten years. That's why you might say it looks a bit "old".

"Yeah, I'd say that."

Hala clapped his hands together. "So! I think we ought to find a place to stay for the night."

"Yeah." Guzma had tuned out. He was thinking about his talk with Giovanni. It wasn't the fact that he'd run into the boss of Team Rocket by chance, Guzma was thinking about the wordshe himself said during the discussion.

They left him confused.

"Guzma, were you listening? It's late and my knees are not pleased with all the stairs in that blasted tower. Let's go."  
Guzma followed him to a nearby hotel. "Yeah. Sure."


	13. Chapter 13

**AN: Alright, fine, I'm a lazy bitch. I enjoy seeing the universe nag me to update this story by having new people follow and favourite despite the fic not having updated in months. 51 followers is pretty damn nice. Also, this ended up being my longest chapter yet, somehow? At 5800+ words. Weird.**

 **Have a chapter. I'll get started on the next one.**

* * *

"I've got a better idea," said Hala, "Let's get to know each other!"

"I already know you, gramps."

"I mean really _know me_. How about we ask some questions? I'll start…"

It was as if the universe had deliberately picked the most torturous person to force Guzma on a journey with. They were getting towards the halfway point of the longest path in Kanto, which was all of Routes 13, 14 and 15 combined. There had been a lot of rickety bridges which they thankfully were just coming to the end of, but Guzma had feared he'd need to go swimming again. Stupid unstable planks.

Apparently, Hala had decided a nice, quiet trip was too much for Guzma to ask for. His idea of passing the time involved "getting to know each other" more. What was this, a middle school field trip?

"So…" said Hala, "Why do you dye your hair?"  
"What?" said Guzma, abrasively.

"I said, why do you dye your hair? I'm curious."

"Oh, uh…" Guzma wasn't sure, "It's cool, I guess." Guzma was reminded that he needed to re-dye his hair.

"What colour is it naturally? I mean, I've just gone white over time, but you're white by choice…"

"Nah, nah, I was born white."

"But you just said- I mean your _hair_ , Guzma." Hala uncharacteristically rolled his eyes. "Are you tuning me out again?" Guzma merely huffed in reply. "Alright, how about I switch it around? You can ask me a question."

"Like what?" asked Guzma.

"Anything."

"Okay…" Guzma thought, "Well… You said you got a wife, right?"

"Yes."

"How'd you meet her?"

Hala smiled fondly. "Ah, yes. Well, that's an easy one. She lived in the same town as me in my childhood, and we would battle Pokemon regularly. Rule number one, Guzma, you can't win a fight against your wife."

"Huh? I thought that was supposed to be in, like, arguments…"

"Well it applies to Pokemon battling too. Even in all the times I won, she insisted that I still lost. In fact… she's a bit like you, in a way."

Guzma glared. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Ohoho, nothing! But anyway, she rarely fights any more. Her health has not been as good as mine, Pokemon battles prove too much for her body and mind nowadays. I fear I will outlive her."

"You… fear that, huh?"  
Hala nodded. "Naturally. My wife is my life. Well, that's not strictly true, but if I were to draw you a table… or maybe a pie graph. You'd probably find that more relatable."

"What."

"Nothing. As I was saying, if I were to draw a pie graph of my life, it would probably be fifty-percent family, forty-percent Pokemon… and I suppose ten percent in the "other" or "miscellaneous" category."

"Look, Hala, no offense, but I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Have you not learned about pie charts? One of the methods of representing statistics? I thought that stuff was taught in high school."

"I didn't pay attention in high school."

"I should've known that would be your answer." Hala paused for a few seconds, as if unsure how to continue. Guzma could see irritation in his face too. "How about I put it this way: Your wife is a huge part of your life. If she dies, part of you dies with her."

"Really? Which part?"

Hala groaned. "It's a figure of speech."

"So… you're telling me that you feel really really bad when your wife dies? Isn't that like, totally obvious?"

Hala sighed. "I should've known you wouldn't understand. Come talk to me once you find the girl of your dreams, okay?"

"Pfft. Whatever. You're really weird, Hala. This whole conversation is weird!"

"But it passed the time, didn't it?" said Hala, "Look where we are."

Guzma looked to the road sign that pointed to the route checkpoint ahead, saying "Fuchsia City." They'd arrived. Gym number five was now a short walk away.

Guzma both hated Hala for wasting his time with meaningless banter and liked how it had made the walk go quickly. But why did it? Guzma didn't like talking to him, right?

Pushing his thoughts aside, Guzma powered on through into Fuchsia City.

Fuchsia City reminded Guzma of a smaller, less bustling version of Celadon City. It stank a bit less, too. The residential buildings looked a little old and weathered, the paths of the city were a yellowish dirt. He could see a large wall of some sort of rock towards the South. The gym and the Pokemon Center were not in sight. There were not a lot of residential buildings, the thing Guzma noticed the most was the pens. There were several enclosures that held Pokemon, some of which he had never seen before.

"Oo, Guzma!" exclaimed Hala, "Let's go look at the rare Pokemon!"

"What are you, twelve? I'm gonna go fight the gym, Hala, you dummy. I don't have time for pens."

Hala rolls his eyes. "Oh, fine. Spoilsport. I'll go by myself. I think I'll take a trip into the Safari Zone after that. Enjoy your gym battle, "dummy". This gym leader uses poison types, if that helps you. That might be a little bit troublesome, poison resists bug."

"Hey, I've won all the gyms so far. There's no reason I'd lose this one."

Hala raised his eyebrows. "Touchwood, Guzma! Also, Lieutenant Surge."

"Shut up!"

Hala chuckled, happy to mess with his travel partner. "I'll see you later. Meet me in the Pokemon Center at 3 o' clock."

With that, Hala strutted off. Guzma decided to begin his search for the gym, trekking through the city.

There were a fair few people out on the streets. A Pokemon battle was going on nearby between two teenagers. Turning a corner, the gym was now right in front of Guzma. Grinning, he ran his hand over his Poke Balls. Taking his bag off his back, he took out a few more items.

Giovanni's Mega Ring and Scizorite. He still hadn't had a chance to do that freaking sweet Mega Evolution stuff.

Cracking his knuckles, Guzma headed on inside.

* * *

"What?!"

"She's not here." said the bespectacled, moustachioed gym guide. "The leader, Janine, is currently out at the new Safari Zone."

"What the hell?!" raged Guzma, "It's the middle of the day. Isn't she supposed to be here for challengers?"  
"Yes, well…" the gym guide fumbled his words a bit, unsure how to answer, "She can be like that sometimes. I'm afraid if you want to battle her so badly, you'll have to go find her."

Guzma felt like his life was just a bunch of dumb side-quests sometimes. "It's not just her, all the gym leaders are so damn…" he tried to find the word, "dodgy!"

"Calm down, sir."

Guzma bared his teeth, and the gym guide recoiled. "Fine. I'll go find your stupid gym leader and I'll freaking _destroy_ her!"

"Sir, if there are threats of violence, I will have no choice but to call the police."

Guzma growled at him. "I'm gonna destroy her in a Pokemon battle, you stupid numpty!

"Oh, um, okay. Anyway, I suggest you wait until she gets back-"

"No. I'm going to find her. What's her name again?"  
"Janine…" the gym guide said weakly.

"Alright, Janine, I'm coming for you!"

* * *

Guzma left the gym, muttering angrily to himself. Were the trial captains in Alola this useless and unreliable?

The battle between the two teenagers had finished. Guzma recognised one of the voices as he got closer.

"Unbelievable!" raged a female voice, "That was totally unfair!"

"Uh… how, exactly?" said a male voice. Guzma moved closer to see the girl, who he realised was none other than Glada, the arrogant teenager who had challenged him outside of Celadon Gym.

"I couldn't counter that, you weren't fighting fair!" she screeched.

The boy, a cool-looking trainer, looked at her blankly. "Listen, can't you just accept that you lost?"

"Ha," Guzma interjected, "That ain't likely!"

Glada's eyes went wide. She pointed a shaking finger at Guzma. "It's you! That _cheater_ from Celadon City."

Guzma would normally just let his anger loose, but he already knew it would have zero effect on this girl. He rolled his eyes. "I ain't talkin' to you. Beat it." Guzma turned to Glada's opponent, "You should too, kid. I'm sure you won that fight fair n' square."

Glada puffed out her cheeks. "What do you want, bug cheater? I'm busy."

"Busy losing?" Taunted Guzma. The other trainer shrugged and began to leave. "I don't want anything. I'm goin' to the Safari Zone to find the gym leader."

"Oh!" gasped Glada, "Well in that case, I'll be right behind you. I must fight the gym leader as well. Just don't annoy me."

Guzma growled again. " _No."_ he said, loudly.

"Let's go!" Guzma ignored her, walking towards the Safari Zone. It was easily visible thanks to the big, neon sign. Glada began to follow him.

" _Beat it, bird twerp."_ Said Guzma, getting right in her face.

Glada did not flinch. "Nope!" she said, smiling. "I'm going to challenge the leader first."

"Nah, you-" Guzma cut himself off mid-sentence. In this sort of situation, he'd challenge her to a battle, which he absolutely would win. But that would solve nothing, only be a waste of time, and he wouldn't get to enjoy the victory anyway.

Guzma relented. "Fine," he said. "But don't piss me off."

"You're more likely to annoy _me_ , actually" said Glada, "Your trashy personality is no match for my civilized self."

She just had to have the last word. Guzma groaned loudly, but managed enough self-control to not respond to her. Just calm down, Guzma, he told himself. There's no point fighting her. You're a heck of a lot of harder and better than her.

He picked up his pace, heading toward the Safari Zone.

* * *

Guzma didn't have much of a problem with getting dirty, most of the time. He was quickly starting to think that mud would be an exception. He'd asked directions to the gym leader from a person in the Safari Zone, and of course she'd gone straight through the mud. It was sticky stuff and got all in his pants. Couldn't they just have grass or something?

He trudged along. Glada… complained.

"Ugh, this mud is _ruining_ my cape! This is custom-tailored. Do you have any idea how much this cost? Oh, jeez, why? Stupid gym leader, this is all her fault!"

Guzma still saw himself as a boss, but surely a boss didn't get _this_ annoyed by a teenage girl? He'd take Hala next to him chattering away over this, _any_ day. He wondered where Hala was, actually.

Just as Guzma realised he didn't actually know what the gym leader looked like, he saw a lady in a cape that stood out from everyone else. She had a Pokemon out, and was fighting a Muk, only it didn't look like Muk how Guzma knew it. She yelled something and her Pokemon responded, attacking the Muk. Hers was a strange moth of some sort. The Muk sank back away, defeated.

"Neat", Guzma thought to himself, "She looks kind of tough."

He looked away for what must have been just a couple of seconds and Glada was talking to the gym leader. Guzma growled, loudly. He sprinted over to her…

…and fell straight into a puddle of mud. Great. Mud ran down Guzma's face and front. His white shirt with the Scizor print was now covered in mud. Geez. There was nothing wrong with a little dirt. Hell, Guzma _liked_ a bit of dirt. He wiped off his face and body and kept walking, aware of how he must look.

"Well, you have caught me at a good time." the gym leader said to Glada, "but do you have any other gym badges? I'm among the stronger of the leaders in this region!"

Glada rubbed her head. "Ah… well not physical badges, but I totally did well against Erika and Lieutenant Surge and Misty!"

The leader raised an eyebrow. "But you have no badges for proof of the victory? Leaders are required to distribute a badge against official victors."

"She ain't got any," interjected Guzma, "because she lost all the fights. Unlike me…" Guzma opened his bag, amidst Glada's objections, and produced his four gym badges.

The leader narrowed her eyes at Guzma. "Fair enough, Mud Man. Accompany me back to the gym and I will battle you. I am Janine, ninja master. Also, user of poison types."

Guzma basked in Glada's stomping rage. "Sure, see you there." He looked at the gym leader's moth-like Pokemon, curious. "Why do you have a Pokemon out in here, anyway? The weird girls at the gate gave me some balls and said I can't use my Pokemon."

"As the gym leader, I have a few special privileges. I am attempting to clear out the Muk from this zone. You see, this Safari Zone was closed down until recently. The area became quite derelict, poison types started making their home here."

"But you like poison types," said Guzma. Glada was storming off. "Why would you want to get rid of them?"

"Well, they're a danger to the rest of the Safari Pokemon," said Janine. "The man who decided to reopen this place, Baoba, brought in even more new and exotic Pokemon than last time. Ones from all over. Sinnoh, Unova… even a couple from the Alola region! But due to quite a number of years of neglect… this place became infested. Mostly with Grimer and Muk, but also with Garbodor, which isn't native to Kanto."

"Yeah, yeah…" Guzma said, "I know Garbodor. Gross thing. Never got why it existed. It's literally trash."

Janine nodded. "That's essentially correct. I've been here attempting to weaken the intruders… but there are too many. I require strong Poke Balls to capture and relocate them." She spoke with a certain sadness. Guzma actually felt kind of sorry for her. But that didn't really matter right now.

"So," he said, "how about a battle?"

"Yes," said Janine, "accompany me back to the gym, post-haste!"

* * *

Guzma was confused. "So, uh… where's the gym challenge stuff?" Before Guzma was nothing but an expansive, empty room. He wandered around a bit, wondering if there were, like, pressure plates or something?

Janine chuckled. "Oh. The invisible walls are being fixed. I'm afraid if you wanted a challenge in the gym itself, you will have to bide your time. Are you okay with just battling me?"

Invisible… walls? Guzma didn't feel like questioning that right now. "Yeah. Actually, that would be even better for me." He had a fleeting thought of Glada, wondering where she was. Oh well. Who cares?

Janine drew a Poke Ball. It was the standard variety. "Hmm… I haven't had a gym challenge in quite some time."

"Yeah?" said Guzma, "Why not?"

"My life became busy." She shook her head, "The responsibilities of a gym leader can sometimes become too much. My father taught me that well."  
"Your dad? He a gym leader too?"  
She nodded. "He was for many years, even before I was born. Until recently, he was a member of the elite four, too."

Guzma raised his eyebrows in interest. "The Elite Four? Really? How tough is he? What type does he use?"  
"Twice as tough as I. And I said _until recently._ He stepped down just several months ago." Guzma lost interest then. If he wasn't going to be fighting Janine's dad, he wasn't interested in her damn life story. But she kept talking. "He left for his family, to spend time with them… with us. I have become a mother recently, you see. My father could not bear to miss spending time with his grandson! The bond between ninjas is strong…"

Guzma rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah, okay. Can we fight now? My Pokemon are bored."

"Stronger than anything," She was ignoring him now. "I am daughter of a ninja, the wife of a ninja, and the mother of a future ninja!"

"Oi! Can we get to the fightin' already?"

"Oh!" exclaimed Janine, "Of course. My apologies. Prepare to suffer the power and strategy of my Poison-type team!"

"Now that's what I'm talkin' about." Guzma fidgeted with his Mega Ring, remembering what he needed to do. "Let's go!"

* * *

Janine's Pokemon were in… Dust Balls? Was that they were called? The ball was green with a black pattern, and reminded Guzma of darkness for some reason. "I will lead with Crobat!" Janine threw the ball, out emerged a Crobat. It was a Pokemon Guzma knew fairly well, but this time it made him bare his teeth. He'd planning to lead with Golisopod, as always… but against a Poison/Flying type?  
Eh, he decided, screw it. It was entirely possible that Golisopod wasn't even his strongest right now. He took the tall bug Pokemon's ball and released the catch, chucking it.

"Try this on for size, poison lady! One of my best and brightest bug types! Golisopod, use…." Uh… Guzma drew a blank. First Impression would be double-resisted. "Ah…"

"Crobat, open with a Wing Attack! We must gauge our opponent's strength."  
A lightbulb went off in Guzma's head. "Oh yeah, Sucker Punch him, Golisopod!" Crobat was enough that is already half way to Golisopod when Guzma gave the command. Golisopod charged the bat Pokemon with a darkly-glowing claw, slamming it square into the Crobat's face. Guzma couldn't help but admire Golisopod's reflexes. Crobat was a very, very fast Pokemon, yet Golisopod had landed the hit.

The bat Pokemon recovered, a visible scratch mark on its face. It was still going strong, unfortunately, as it sliced a wing across Golisopod at breakneck speed. Thankfully, Golisopod's strong shell saved it from most of the damage, and it was clearly still fine. Guzma was ready to continue. "Alright, Golisopod, time for a Razor Shell!"

"Crobat, time for tactical manoeuvres, use Screech!" Screech? Cheap, cheap, _cheap!_ Guzma covered his ears in anticipation. Crobat opened its mouth and let forth an ear-splitting cry. Such an attack did not damage the hearing of Pokemon, Guzma knew, but actually messed with their brains a bit, making them much more susceptible to attacks.

Golisopod cowered, shaking for a bit. The attack did not injure the Pokemon further, so Golisopod successfully conjured the small, sharp shell for Razor Shell, and charged Crobat. This attack also landed, despite Crobat's attempts to dodge it. The cut was very deep, and Guzma knew Golisopod had landed a perfect hit.

 _Real_ perfect. Crobat dropped out of the air, fainted. Janine grunted while Guzma folded his arms and laughed.

"Perhaps a more defensive approach is necessary," said Janine, "Go, Weezing!" Janine's next Pokemon was one Guzma had heard of, yet could not recall encountering. Two nasty poison balls with faces. That was how Guzma described it, at least. "Weezing," continued Janine, "Double Hit!"

"Another Razor Shell, Golisopod!" ordered Guzma. Unfortunately, Golisopod was still a sluggish Pokemon when not executing a move such as First Impression. The Weezing wheezed and coughed as it floated towards Golisopod. Golisopod's reflexes somehow were not good enough this time, as Weezing…

Guzma would've laughed if it weren't his Pokemon getting hit. Weezing smacked it's two faces into Golisopod in quick succession. Whatever works? It did indeed work, Guzma noticed, as Golisopod had… fainted? Huh?!

"Damn it!" cried Guzma. Screech. That move would've made it much easier for Weezing to hit Golisopod's weakest spots. With its _face._ Guzma would laugh about such a ridiculous attack later. He palmed his choice of Pokemon to counter this floating poison ball of death. He threw the ball, "You're up, Masquerain!"

The flying bug Pokemon burst forth, keen to fight. "Masquerain, hit that thing with an Air Slash!" commanded Guzma.

Masquerain obeyed, sending razor sharp blades of air (also a weird attack, now that Guzma thought about it) as Janine commanded Weezing, "Weezing, dodge the attack and use Sludge Bomb!"

The "dodge it" command was ineffectual, of course, as Weezing was far too slow to evade the… air. The Pokemon sustained several cuts, where a yucky liquid began to seep through. Weezing began to retaliate… by coughing up sludge. _Gross._

Guzma covered his eyes and groaned as Weezing essentially vomited a wave of poison onto his beloved Pokemon. Masquerain fell to the ground, felled from just the single attack, coughing and looking like it wanted to die. Geez. No offense to Ariados, thought Guzma, but Poison types were disgusting.

Perhaps a harder-hitting Pokemon would be good. Guzma would save his best until last. "Go, Pinsir!" Pinsir emerged, clicking its pincers together. Guzma realised after the fact that an Earthquake would be completely useless thanks to Weezing never touching the ground. He facepalmed. All was not lost, though. Pinsir had other moves.

Janine was awaiting Guzma's move. Fine. "Pinsir, whip up a Stone Edge and stab that bastard!"

"Weezing, use Explosion!" Explosion? Guzma's stomach dropped as Weezing rushed (floated) towards Pinsir, glowing white. Pinsir had just finished successfully conjuring a sharp stone when Weezing got right in its face. Guzma remembered what this move did.

Exactly what it sounded like.

Weezing let loose a spectacular explosion as Guzma took many steps back. The move did not actually explode the Pokemon itself, but caused them to create one around them, causing catastrophic damage to anything in the way. Thankfully, the gym was an open enough space that the blast didn't damage the structure of the gym…

But Pinsir was history. Both it and Weezing lay fainted on the ground, Weezing looking crispy. Guzma stomped his feet. "Cheap as heck, Janine! Why does nobody use good moves any more?"  
"It is called strategy, challenger." Guzma had the fleeting realisation that Janine did not know his name. "It is not the strategy of a ninja to use brute force. Thus, my strategies are structured strategically.

"Geez, stop sayin' "strategy" and get your next Pokemon!"

"Of course," said Janine. Guzma palmed his choice as well, realising he was down to just two Pokemon. Damn. It didn't really matter, though: his final one would surely be the strongest.

"Release your Pokemon on 3," said Janine. Guzma nodded. "1, 2… 3!"

"Go, Ariados!" Screamed the two in unison. Guzma chuckled. Perhaps Janine didn't have such bad taste in Pokemon after all. Guzma's Ariados and Janine's Ariados faced each other, both glaring defensively. "Heh!" said Guzma, "not bad, Janine. Let's see whose Ariados is stronger!"

"That would be yours," said Janine, surprising Guzma, "though mine is smarter, I am sure."  
Guzma gritted his teeth at the comeback. "Yeah, we'll see. Ariados, use Sucker Punch!"

"Ariados," said Janine, "use Psychic!" The two Ariados seemed confused briefly, before making sense of their owners' orders. Guzma's jaw dropped at Janine's command. Who the hell teaches _Psychic_ to an Ariados? Guzma's one went first, due to the nature of Sucker Punch. It was not so much of a punch as a poke due to Ariados' lack of a fist, but still hit hard. Janine's Ariados recoiled, shaking its head, before obeying its owner's command. It began charging a blue aura around its head, which then transferring onto Guzma's Ariados.

Guzma's Ariados flailed around, trapped in the surge of psychic power. The attack was supereffective, and, thanks to Ariados' lacklustre defensive stats, Guzma was looking at yet another of his Pokemon fainted in one hit.

"Crap!" he cried. Janine wasn't kidding about the strategy. Guzma was at a disadvantage now, but maybe not. He had to take down one injured Pokemon and one more at perfect health… but the one Pokemon he had left was the man for the job.

Guzma took and held his final Poke Ball, glancing briefly at the Mega Ring on his wrist. He threw the ball with gusto. "Take this sucker down, Scizor!"

Scizor emerged in all its shiny glory. With Giovanni's help, Guzma had affixed the mega stone with a clasp to Scizor's left arm, before its large pincer. Matching bracelets.

"Ariados!" ordered Janine, wasting no time, "use Night Shade."

"Scizor!" yelled Guzma, louder than usual, "do the thing!"

Scizor looked at him blankly.

Guzma's cheeky grin dropped. He groaned, facepalming. "Mega evolve!" Guzma touched the Mega Ring on his arm, causing it to glow. He held it up, hoping he was doing all this correctly. It would definitely suck to get all this way and botch the damn thing.

But it was working. Scizor glowed in sync with the ring, becoming enveloped in a purple energy, just like Giovanni's Steelix. After a few seconds, Scizor burst forth, and Guzma's jaw dropped in awe.

The Pokemon was still clearly Scizor, only different. Its pincers had elongated and now almost resembled metal heads with teeth. The Pokemon had gained _sick_ black armour over several areas of its body. Additionally, its normally foot-like appendages had become straighter and sharper. Scizor's legs kind of looked like poles, now… Guzma didn't really like that too much. But the rest was totally awesome.

He snapped himself out of the stupor, remembering that mega evolution not only made Pokemon look awesome, or more awesome, but made them more powerful. "Scizor, hit this bullet with a Sucker Punch! I mean, _no, no no_. Hit this sucker with a Bullet Punch!"

Ariados was just about to perform the Night Shade move, but Scizor cut him short in under a second, rushing the bug Pokemon and punching it. The attack was devastating and sent Ariados flying quite a large distance. The bug Pokemon's legs curled up and it did not rise again. Ariados had been defeated.

Guzma pumped his fist. This was freaking sweet! Now, for Janine's fourth and final Pokemon. She held off, briefly. "My, my challenger… mega evolution. Such an impressive technique. I have seen it before, but never used it myself. This will make for an interesting climax." Interesting… what? Janine released her final Pokemon, just as Guzma realised what it must have been. "Go, Venomoth!" It was the moth Pokemon Janine had used in the Safari Zone. It was mostly a pink-purplish colour and had large wings. Pfft, come on. Guzma's amazing Bug Pokemon had _limbs!_

"Let us finish this," said Janine, likely less confident than she looked. "Venomoth. Psychic!" Not this time. Scizor was a steel type, which meant it was freakin' invincible.

"Scizor," said Guzma, "Finish him with an Iron Head!" "Finish him" may have been a bit pretentious, but Guzma imagined it would hit hard anyway.

Venomoth outsped Scizor, hitting the Steel and Bug Type with blue psychic energy. Scizor was largely unfazed. Janine's face fell. There was nothing she could do at this point as Scizor's head glowed a silver, metallic colour. Guzma wondered about the logistics of that. Scizor already had metal skin. Did it just get… more metally with iron head? Eh.

Regardless, the attack hit hard. Venomoth's eyes drooped after the concussive blow to its midsection. It flew higher in an attempt to avoid Scizor, who stayed back, awaiting more direction from Guzma.

Venomoth was badly injured. This was over. "Bullet Punch him, Scizor."

"Don't allow it, Venomoth! Use Double Team!" Guzma respected Janine as a battler, but these dodgy damn moves were reducing that respect. Venomoth split itself into three copies, which flew around with the intention of confusing Scizor. Scizor was intelligent enough to spot the real Venomoth from the fakes, easily landing a bullet punch. Good. Guzma had had battles once or twice where someone had spammed that move over and over, until there were like thirty fakes of the Pokemon moving around, making it impossible to hit the real one. It was _really_ cheap.

Not today. Venomoth fluttered down weakly, faceplanting into the ground.

Guzma rejoiced. "Alright! How's _that,_ Janine?"

Janine nodded gracefully. "A ninja must know when to concede. You have won… challenger."

Guzma snapped out of his victory daze. "Name's Guzma, by the way. Kind of forgot that. Don't _you_ forget my name!"

Janine rolled her eyes. "Indeed. Forgive me for asking, but is that a Kanto name?"

"Nah, man. Alola all the way."

"Alola…" Janine mused, "Do you have any good poison types?"

Guzma considered the question. "Can't think of any you can't find here. Except, we have Muk, but it looks different."

Janine smiled. "A regional form," she reached into her pocket, "but that is enough of that. You have bested me in battle." She produced another gym badge. "This is the soul badge. It will earn the respect of your Pokemon."

"I got respect already." Said Guzma. He took the badge, which was shaped like a heart. Ew.

"Would you like the Toxic TM? I believe I can guess the answer already based on your fighting style."

"Yeah, nah. I don't need it." Said Guzma. That would just be a waste of a move slot.

"Well, add the gym badge to your collection. I believe that makes five." Janine turned around, "thank you for the battle, Guzma. Based on that collection, you still have not fought Brock, Blaine or Romulus, is that correct?"

"Ayep."

"I recommend you find a method of traversing Route _ next, and head to Cinnabar Island. They recently completed the reconstruction of the gym there. You ought to get there and get a fight in before Blaine retires." Janine began to walk away, "now, I'll politely ask you to leave. I must re-erect the invisible walls so the gym contains some challenge. And messes with the unenlightened."

Guzma nodded, genuinely a little bit grateful for the advice. "Neat. What type does he use?"

Janine smirked. "Fire."

* * *

Leaving the gym with his shiny gym badge, Guzma had the brief thought of wondering where Hala was. He'd gone into the Safari Zone and so had Guzma, yet the two had not run into each other at all.

As if answering his question, Hala saw and Guzma and waved. He began to walk over.

He was covered in mud.

Guzma sighed, remembering that he too was caked in dried mud. Janine wouldn't have got to see anything of his awesome shirt. "I ain't even gonna ask."

"Mud, Guzma," said Hala, "good for the skin! The Safari Zone has a few pleasant corners of nature."

"I said I ain't gonna ask."

Hala laughed. "Was the gym successful?"

"Heck yeah. That makes five, now."

Hala chuckled again. He was pleased at where the young man was going. "Say, I ran into that pesky teenager on the way out. What was her name?"

"Eh?"

"The one who could use lessons in manners and basic Pokemon type matchups."

"Oh, Glada? Yeah. She was around here."

Hala chuckled. "Unfortunate. Maybe I'll go scoop her up and teach her a lesson when I'm done with you."

Guzma shuffled his feet. "Right. That totally doesn't sound bad or anything. And the fact that you're like, a seventy-year-old man "scooping up" a teenage girl ain't weird at all."

"I'm sixty-five!"

Guzma shook his head. "Hala, you know how you say to me sometimes that I missed the point?"

"Ah… hahaha. But there's a reason I brought it up, Guzma."  
"Yeah?"  
"I want you to answer me this: what can you _learn_ from someone like her."

Guzma wheezed. "Pfft. Learn? _Nothin'!_ That chick's way too stupid to teach me anything."

"Perhaps she can not impart any knowledge upon you… but what I mean is, what can you learn from _interacting_ with her?"

"Uhh…" Guzma thought. He thought he understood what Hala was getting at now. "That some people just ain't good and they'll never get good?"

"Hm…" said Hala, "You're on the right track, but not quite."

"Well, get this, Hala. I know I'm tough, right? I'm hard."

Hala nodded. "While some humility might be nice, it's true that you are a formidable trainer."

"Yeah, well, I guess…" Guzma strained for an answer that would please the old guy, yet at the same time was truthful, "you're never gonna get better if you don't listen to… what's-it-called, criticism?"  
"Hmm!" said Hala, clearly pleased, "I'd say that's a fine lesson to be learned. Very well done, Guzma. Now, what say we go take a bath in the ocean?"

"You two, there!" A voice interjected, interrupting Guzma's response of "hell, no." A man approached them. There was a glimmer of recognition in Guzma's eyes. He'd definitely met this person before. Tall, in a business suit, with flamboyant hair… it was red, last time, but was now dyed an eye-gouging bright blonde. Guzma couldn't remember who he was. How was he supposed to remember the names of every bland numskull he interacted with? The businessman continued, "I would like some help. You two are strong trainers, right? I can tell, I've got a good eye for these things. Great eye, in fact."

"Uh, yeah," responded Guzma, "yeah, we're both real good, actually. What is it?"

"Provided you take a very long bath, would you like to help me out? I have a business trip to the Sevii Islands very shortly. There's a certain task that requires… strong trainers."

Guzma smiled. "I'm the guy for the job! What is it?"  
"I can give you more details on the way there. I can pay you, too. Generously. Just name what you want. Some money, a shiny Pokemon… I can probably get you sorted."

"What is your name?" asked Hala.

"My name is Eric. Heard of me at all? Current President of Silph Co. I'm quite famous, it's true. I mean, I don't flaunt it, but it's true, I'm famous."

Guzma remembered seeing him before, but couldn't quite pinpoint where. "How are we gettin' to these island things?" asked Guzma, "it's gonna be a waste of my time unless you pay me lots. I'm on a gym challenge, here!"

"A gym challenge?" asked Eric, "I can help you with that. I could even get you the badges, if you wanted."

"No." said Hala, firmly, "we're doing everything legitimately."

"As for how we get there," said Eric, "it will be on my great, great boat. It's quite magnificent. It's docked South of here. You're going to be on it with me. I have an offer for you if you help me with this job. It's nothing suss or anything, just requires some good trainers. Which you look like." Guzma didn't quite understand how he could be looking good when covered in all this mud, but the guy was right.

"What's your offer?"

"Help me out, and I'll transport you directly to wherever you need to go next. We can do that by boat or by plane. And I'll throw in a significant boost to your wallet size."

"Heh, sounds good!" said Guzma.

"Careful, Guzma," said Hala, "this seems dodgy."

"No, not dodgy. I'm completely honest, I swear. Transport wherever you like and a Pokemon of your choice."

Guzma looked at Hala. "Alright. I'm down for this. What's the job?"

"Come right this way," said Eric, "let me give you the details. And let me show you my great, great boat!"


	14. Chapter 14

**AN: Took me long enough. I'm on holidays now so let me just go make some more chapters of this story. I promise I won't take 3 months this time. This one's a little bit left-of-field, hope you still enjoy it. Also, holy crap I inundated this with references… -_-**

The boat was clean, real clean, and made of fancy materials. Guzma liked certain shiny things, but this was on a whole new level. They were out on the open waters. The island that was their destination was already within sight, but it was still a whole bunch of miles away.

The boat was kind of loud, too. Fast, yeah, but loud. Eric, the prideful, weird-haired dude, was talking loudly over the sound of the engine.

"So, I have for you a great, yet simple task!"

"What?" replied Hala.

"Just spit it out!" said Guzma.

Eric stat forward, his hair appearing to lean with the rest of him. "There is a beach on one of the magnificent, beautiful islands here. It's called Kindle Road, on One Island. Beautiful place. On this road, I'd like to build myself a fantastic beachside resort, but something poses a problem."

"Yeah?" asked Guzma.

"The beach is infested with the Pokemon known as Pyukumuku. That's where you come in. I need you to get in there and clear them out for me, then I'll send in a crew to build a wall so that they can't get up on the beach."

"Wait, uh… what?" That wasn't quite what Guzma expected. But what _did_ he expect?

"Thank you for so graciously agreeing to this! You two are great, hardworking citizens."

"Wait a sec, you literally want us to chuck a bunch of slimy Pokemon back in the sea? _That's_ what you need great trainers for?" questioned Guzma.  
"Indeed, I'm confused," said Hala, "why does this require Pokemon trainers? I'm sure you have access to plenty of workers who can accomplish this just fine."

Eric grunted. "These Pyukumuku… I'm afraid there's something weird going on with them. I'll be getting my scientists to have a look, but they're very aggressive. You'll have to knock them out."

"How strange…" remarked Hala.

"Yeah, yeah but hold up a sec. Pyukumuku ain't a Kanto Pokemon!" said Guzma.

"Oh, I know the story of that." Said Eric, "It was six, maybe seven years ago, I'm told there was a traveller from the Alola region. Are you familiar with that location?"

"Yeah. Very." Answered Guzma, deciding not to interrupt.

"Well, a traveller from that place had a team of six Pyukumuku. Weird, in my opinion." Guzma agreed. "They called him "Slimy Pete." One day he decided to relax on Kindle Road, and he let his Pokemon out. He went swimming and…" Eric shrugged, "well, he was never seen again. His Pyukumuku all banded together and moved into the sea. Years later, hundreds of them infest the water and sand around this area."

"That makes a bit of sense in that case, what you said before," said Hala, "if they're all descended from the Pyukumuku of a Pokemon trainer, perhaps they enjoy battling? Not that Pyukumuku can really "battle", per se…"

"Yeah, cool story," said Guzma, not meaning it, "but seriously, can't you just wait? Pyukumuku starve and die once they run out of food."

"Well," said Eric, "to make matters worse, dead water-type Pokemon keep washing up on the shore, giving those slimy bastards all the food they need. _And_ the tide is variable enough that it keeps them moisturised." Eric threw his arms up in the air. "It's like, it's like the perfect combination of terrible things! Why would anyone use such a slimy, irritating Pokemon?"

"Y'know," said Guzma, "I wonder the same thing."

"This all sounds simple enough. What did you say the payment was again?" said Hala, "Not that I'm interested, I'm just tagging along wherever he goes." He gestured to Guzma.

"Well, whatever you like, really," said Eric, "Guzma, your name was? It's up to you."

"A gajillion dollars!" blurted Guzma.

Eric chuckled. "Alright, I'll make you an offer. How does £100,000 sound?

Guzma's jaw dropped. Screw it, this would be worth it no matter how boring the job was! "Hell yeah!"

"That's awfully generous." Said Hala.

"I am indeed great and generous, thank you for recognizing such a thing. But there are no catches. It will be a trickier job than you think. Slimy Pyukumuku are nasty!"

Hala rolled his eyes. "Are we there yet?"

* * *

Kindle Road was the kind of place Hala would retire to if he ever did. It was not Guzma's sort of place. Too bright, too much sand. Guzma hated sand, it was all… sandy… and it got into freaking _everywhere._ He shook some off his shoe.

There were no other people on the road, of course. The beach was covered in the slimy bodies of Pyukumuku. Guzma grimaced.

"Geez," he said, "old guy wasn't kidding."

Hala huffed. He took out one of his Poke Balls. "Well, I suppose we should get to work?"

"Hold up, Hala. Lemme just…" Guzma approached a Pyukumuku, intending to confirm if what Eric said was true. He moved his foot back and kicked the small Pokemon as hard as he could. "Agh!" the Pokemon was harder than it looked, and resulted in some slimy gunk getting on Guzma's shoe. The kick did have the desired effect, however, as the Pyukumuku fell into the sea with an angry cry. "Pfft!" chided Guzma, "too easy! Put your ball away, Hala. We're kicking these things!"

But then Guzma noticed something coming back towards him, out of the ocean. The Pyukumuku he'd just kicked was… propelling itself towards him with its internal organs. Dear God, this Pokemon was gross. It was moving extremely quickly, which for a Pyukumuku was a human's walking speed. It was enough for Guzma to start freaking out as the enraged Pokemon approached his shoes.

"No, no, no, not today!" shrieked Guzma, "I like my shoes!" he began to move back, but just as he was about to turn and run, a large fist smashed down onto the Pyukumuku, then struck it several more times in a vicious combination. The Pokemon quickly fainted, eyes going crossed.

Hala's Crabominable stood, victorious. "Hm!" exclaimed Hala, "I see Crabominable continues to be an excellent user of Close Combat. We really must have a battle sometime, Guzma."

"Jeez," said Guzma, "that thing was ready to just go and slime my good shoes!"

"Indeed. Perhaps we should get rid of the… remaining hundred or so?"

Guzma rubbed his head. "I guess so… geez, these guys are nuts. I thought Pyukumuku were total couch potatoes?"  
"Well, like Eric said, these ones descend from strong fighters."

"Keh, whatever," said Guzma with a wave of his hand, "Let's crush these slimeballs. Go, Golisopod!"

"Ugh… is it over yet?"

"That was knockout number forty-seven. We're almost half-done."

Guzma slouched in the blazing hot sunlight. Hala had been kind enough to supply sunscreen to his traveling buddy, so Guzma hadn't burnt. Hala was clearly beginning to tire as well, though he was trying not to show it. Fit or not, he simply wasn't a young man any more.

Guzma trudged through the Pyukumuku, watching his feet. Golisopod was down already, Ariados and Masquerain were injured badly. He hadn't busted Mega Scizor out yet, though.

Guzma huffed as he moved past the sludgy Pokemon. He wanted to get all the way to one side, to count just how many of them they'd really have to deal with. Was it really over a hundred total? Couldn't they just clear enough to make it manageable for Eric and his goons to build on?

"Agh!" Guzma stood on another of the bastards, and it punched his leg. He fell over backwards, swept. Great, sand all over my back, thought Guzma. He lay there motionless for a second, before baring his teeth and getting up to confront the offending Pokemon. "Listen here ya little-"he stopped mid-sentence.

This Pyukumuku was different. Instead of the unappealing, slimy blackness of any normal Pyukumuku, this one was a glistening green. Yellowish-orange spikes adorned its back. It was glaring furiously at Guzma.

"What the hell?" The Pokemon punched him with its innards again (bizarre) and Guzma moved back. The thing totally stuck out amongst its all-black comrades. Guzma felt a bit stupid for not noticing it earlier.

"Hala!" yelled Guzma, "get over here. There's a weird one!"

"Hm?" Hala moved over, his eyes going wide as he saw what Guzma was gesturing to. Guzma could even _actually see his eyes_ for a few seconds – Hala did actually have them amongst those giant eyebrows. " _By_ _jove_ , Guzma!'

"…Did you really just say "by jove"? Are you kidding me?"

"Do you not understand the significance of this? This is a shiny variant! A shiny Pyukumuku!"

Guzma vaguely remembered something about shiny Pokemon. "Aw, yeah. Those are like, a rare version of Pokemon, right? That's why it's a different colour?"  
" _Rare?!"_ hollered Hala, "They're practically unique! Antique. Priceless! You must catch it at once."

Guzma narrowed his eyes. "Really. Like I want a glorified slime ball."

Hala gave a childish growl. "I do not think you understand the gravity of the situation. One in over eight thousand Pokemon are born with this genetic mutation! Something in that ballpark. Eric might even pay you money for it, hmm? You love money, don't you?"

"I can't really be stuffed. Plus, my Pokemon are wrecked. I gotta go back to the Pokemon Center."

"Well… just chuck some balls at it, why don't you? Do you have any?"

Guzma fiddled around in one of his backpack's pockets. "Yep. I got eight, nine… nine ultra-balls."

Hala clapped his hands together. "What a magnificent encounter. Some people go their entire lives without ever encountering a shiny Pokemon. I myself have only seen two in the wild. In _sixty-five years."_

"Alright, geez, fine, I'll catch the guy! I still don't get why it's so great…"

Guzma positioned himself over the Pyukumuky, in a sort of battle stance. "Alright, so… just get in the ball, I guess." He took his first ultra-ball, aiming it at the Pyukumuku, who eyed him quizzically. Guzma closed one eye, aiming, before pitching the Poke Ball at the small, green Pokemon. It closed, shook once, and the Pyukumuku came right back out in a flash of light. "Crap!" cried Guzma.

Pyukumuku gave Guzma an icy stare. It formed its innard into a fist and punched Guzma again, knocking him over.

"Hey!" he cried, "alright, ya little runt, that does it!" Guzma drew back his foot and propelled it at the Pyukumuku. The Pokemon flew a short distance. It fumed, its funny little eyes becoming very angry, before punching Guzma with its internal organs again, sending his right leg into a world of pain. He was covered in sand now. "It's on, punk! We're doing this Team Skull style!"

Guzma cracked his knuckles, before repeatedly stomping on the green Pyukumuku. The Pokemon gave what Guzma hoped was a cry of pain, before punching him with its innard fist again. He fell to the ground, now wrestling the green Pokemon. Maybe if he punched its organs? That was super gross, of course, and Pyukumuku guts were slimy. But it was basically impossible for humans to fatally or critically injure Pokemon due to their fundamental differences in… bilo-something. Whatever body science was called. Bi-something. Bideology? Binary? Bytes? Guzma didn't know.

Pyukumuku landed an organ-punch in Guzma's face, but the former Skull Boss didn't let it flinch him. He did the exact same thing to Pyukumuku, hitting its eye with a bony punch, before throwing it backwards with both of his arms and getting into a different position. His pose now was a sort of situational combat stance. He was in a squad with both arms raised in fists, ready to counter his opponent's next move.

Hala watched, rolling his eyes and wondering if he was in a cartoon right now. Or one of those television comedies. The situation was simply too ridiculous, as was Guzma's pose right now.

The Pyukumuku propelled itself back, but this time as Guzma tried to kick it, it launched itself up into his face and gut-punched his face, then punched his gut as it fell down. Guzma, knocked on his back again, attempted to recover as the Pokemon came at him again, aiming another punch at his face as it propelled itself into the air. He managed to dodge the blow this time, aiming a hard downward kick at the Pokemon's back, impacting one of its spines. That one clearly hurt, and the Pyukumuku flailed its organ-hand-thing wildly as Guzma landed a series of punches right in it's face. Take that, bastard!

The two were both looking pretty beat up now. Guzma backed up a bit as the Pyukumuku pulled a different move: it opened its mouth wide and sprayed water all over him. Only it wasn't water. It was… exactly like water, same colour and everything, only very slightly stickier. The heck?

Hala hollered with laughter. "Looks like he hit you with a Soak! You're a water type now, Guzma! Whohohohohoho!"

Guzma didn't respond as the Pokemon launched purple liquid at him. Hala immediately stopped laughing. "Back, back, Guzma! That's Toxic!"

Guzma wrangled the small green bastard some more. "Nah, I've almost got him! I totally got this!"

"I'm serious, Toxic can kill you! Not immediately, but if it hits you you'll need to go to the hospital!"

Guzma punched the Pyukumuku's eye again as it weakly launched more Toxic liquid. "Freakin' hell, this thing is gross!"

"Guzma!" Guzma ignored him. He almost had this! He wasn't going to lose to some green, slimy, no-good-

The Pyukumuku turned into energy in his arms and was zapped away.

"What the hell?" yelled Guzma. He turned to see Hala walking towards him, holding an Ultra Ball. It shook a few times, then stopped. The shiny, slimy bastard of a Pyukumuku was now trapped inside.

"Goodness, what is it they say? "Top ten cartoon fights?" That was quite a spectacle, Guzma."

"Damn it!" Guzma bellowed, "Hala, what is _wrong_ with you?"  
"I could ask you the same. Only one of us decided to fight a wild Pokemon in close combat on a whim. Didn't your mother ever tell you "Hey! Wait! Don't go out! It's unsafe to venture outside without POKEMON"?"

"My ma wasn't too bright. _Isn't_ too bright," he corrected himself, "so, no."

Hala sighed. "You're covered in bruises. And your nose is bleeding."

"What?" Guzma put a hand to his face. "Huh. It sure is. What the heck?"

"You really are a marvel, sometimes, Guzma. And don't take that as a compliment." He shook his head, "this Pyukumuku likely isn't too much stronger than other wild ones. It just has an incredibly rare genetic mutation."

"Heh," chuckled Guzma, "It's not any stronger? My ass! That thing hits like a truck. I ain't even mad about all these bruises. Not even a bit."

Hala raised an eyebrow. "Seriously?"

"Hehe, yeah!" Guzma threw his head back in laughter. "I ain't had a good fight like that in _ages!_ None of my grunts were ever game to try and beat me down, and I split Team Skull, like, ages ago. Normally nobody can beat me, but this bastard managed to seriously ding me up. I won, of course, but damn! He ain't bad at all."

Hala looked at him, neutral. "Well, this is it. This is truly the pinnacle of Guzma's _astounding peculiarity_. Nothing beyond this can ever surprise me. Also, you only "won" because I stepped in before you could get seriously hurt."

"Yeah, yeah, shut up. Bet you couldn't fight him."

Hala stroked his facial fair. "Actually, I probably could. I've told you this before, but I'm really not that old. Only thing really holding me back from a fight like that is my knees. And, admittedly, also my gut. And my brain, because I'm not a reckless idiot."

"Heh, don't go dissin' me, old man!"

"This conversation is going nowhere." Hala gestured to the still-vast sea of black Pyukumuku. "I'll hold onto this mean green bean for a bit." Guzma chuckled at "mean green bean." "But first, I'm insisting on a trip back to the Pokemon Center. And yes, I will drag you if I have to."

Guzma rolled his eyes. "Freakin' fine. I'm not a complete idiot, even if you think it, old man. My Pokemon can't handle the rest of these bastards without a rest stop."

"Let's be off then."

* * *

"Amazing, amazing!" Eric clapped his hands. "This is exactly what I needed. You two are wonderful. I shall get to erecting a Pyukumuku-proof wall post-haste."

"Such a shame that you intend to defile such a beautiful landscape… " muttered Hala, quietly.

"Anyway," the aging businessman turned to Guzma, "the promised compensation. If you can just give me your Trainer Cards, I'll write down your IDs and transfer you the funds as soon as possible."

"Can't you just give it to me in coins, or something?" asked Guzma.

"Coins?" scoffed Eric, "What age is this, again? I may be old but I'm still a great businessman. The future is e-lec-tronic!" Hala seemed disengaged with this conversation, Guzma noticed. That was uncharacteristic for him. Guzma did as the man asked, locating his trainer card and handing it over.

"Hey," Guzma spoke as Eric wrote down the details, "hey!"

"Talk as I'm writing, I'm a great multitasker."

"What's a shiny Pokemon worth to ya, just wonderin'?"

"Oh, I don't really care about those. I've got specialised breeders just for that. Wonderful breeders, two excellent young ladies. Pretty, too. But mostly excellent. They had my whole Pokemon team custom-bred. I really should give those ladies a raise, you know. You know, this one time I went there to see them about Kangaskhan, and…"

Guzma glared at Hala as Eric kept droning on. Hala shrugged. "Well, I guess you're the proud owner of a shiny Pokemon." He handed the Ultra Ball containing Pyukumuku to Guzma.

"Eh… what am I supposed to do? He ain't a bug-type. And he looks uncool as heck, even if he can fight."

"Looks are not everything, Guzma. Everyone gets old eventually."

"Yeah, but Pokemon stay almost the same way their whole life. Sure, they get kinda slow eventually, but bug-types especially never go grey!"

Hala was startled by the comeback. "…Fair point. But bug-types also have the shortest average lifespan of all Pokemon."

Guzma growled. "Don't remind me."

"What are you going to name him?"

"What? What are you smoking? I don't name my guys. And I'm not going to use the slimy bastard anyway."

"You realise a supportive, tanky Pokemon would be extremely beneficial to your team which is all offensive?"

"I don't care if you find it offensive, bug-types rule."

Hala felt like bashing his head against a wall. Guzma's intelligence was offensive to him. "Regardless. It's a shiny. You should name him."

"Hmm…" murmured Guzma, "alright, old man. Since _you're_ so eager for it, gimme names."

Hala pondered briefly before answering, "Slimy."

"No."

"Slimer."

"No. He ain't ghost-type."

"Slimeball."

"Makes me wanna throw him."

"Greenie?"

"That's what a preteen would name him."

"Spew."

"Totally gross and stupid."

"Guzma."

"Screw you."

"Sticky."

"Well we ain't goin' to Big Town, so no."

"Excretion."

"You think I'm stupid, Hala?"

"Shrek."

"Brilliant, but probably not original."

"Grinch?"

"Pretty good, but… not quite."

"Meanie."

Guzma thought. "Actually, now that I think about it, how about I call him Bean?"

Hala shrugged. "Fitting, I suppose. He's green, the right shape… and might be worth some comic relief as well."  
Guzma held the ball. "Of all the Pokemon for me to freakin' get…" he clenched his teeth together, "I got a… what was it you said, Hala? Mean, green bean. Whatever. Guy thinks he's tough, huh?"

"Perhaps."

"Well," Guzma smirked, "He's gonna have to damn well prove it!"

…

…

"Yeah…" said Guzma, "I totally don't want to use this guy. But maybe… just maybe… I'll give the dude a chance. Ha! After all, everyone deserves to show off a good beat down!"


	15. Chapter 15

**AN: I do read every single review (I should probably respond to them more often, they're not exactly numerous) and new people following or favouring is always good motivation for me to continue. Still took me too long to write this, but enjoy.**

Guzma was happy to be away from another irritating person as Eric's boat disappeared into the distance. At least he'd got some money for his troubles. A heckload of it. Still, Guzma could definitely live the next fifty-something years without dealing with the guy. He wouldn't mind that at all.

Their current location was Cinnabar Island. Hala thought now would be the appropriate time for a history lesson.

"So, quite some time ago, about… ten or eleven years? There was a volcanic eruption here."

"Really?" asked Guzma, "that's freakin' cool!"

Hala shook his head. "It's really not. It wiped out the entire Cinnabar Island town. Miraculously, noone was killed, but as a result everyone had to leave all their homes and possessions to be destroyed. They resettled around the region. Of course, in the interluding ten years, the place has been rebuilt considerably."

Guzma could see that. The place was no city: he counted fifteen, maybe twenty buildings. Most looked like residential buildings, other than that there was just the Pokemon Center, Poke Mart and… the gym! Guzma put on his trademark confident grin.

"Anyway," continued Hala, "It's almost back to how it was before the eruption hit it. The gym was rebuilt a few years back and the old gym leader returned to it."

"Sweet. Who is he? Or her."  
"His name is Blaine, and he'll be your biggest challenge yet," said Hala with a smirk, "not only is he one of the region's most veteran leaders, he also-"  
"Yeah, yeah, he's got great strategy or somethin', or he's super strong, or he has some special Pokemon… look, Hala, I can handle anything. I get the strategy thing now, kay? You can't always just beat your opponent down till they stop – sometimes it ain't that easy! Although…" he threw his head back and laughed, " _most_ of the time you can just beat 'em down!"

"Guzma, just listen."

"Nah."

"Listen to… three… no, four words I have to say?"

Guzma rolled his eyes. "Geez, fine. What do you have to say?"

"My four words are "fire-type gym leader.""

"…" Guzma scratched at the back of his head. "Geez… that's a real problem." He folded his arms in thought, then shrugged. "Meh. I'll figure something out. I always win in the end."

"Lieutenant Sur-"

"Shut up." Guzma glared at him. "And I _still_ won that in the end."

"Even so, Guzma. I know you're eager to defeat all the gyms, go to the league, prove you're better than Kukui, yada yada…" Hala recited as if it were a boring poem. "But I strongly recommend you just take a bit of time to think. That's all. Then you can charge in there with a clear head and a well-prepared team."  
Guzma stared at him blankly a bit, before narrowing his eyes. "You know what?"  
"Hm?"  
"I'll give it to you this time. Maybe you're right. It's still early in the morning, too. I think I'll take a look 'round this dump."  
"It isn't a dump, damn it." Hala did tire of his travel partner's hostility on occasion, but right now Guzma actually taking his advice for once offset it. "But even if it is, there are a few interesting things you should check out."

"Yeah? Like what?"

"There's a small business right next to the gym. Popular with the gym trainers and Blaine himself. He might even be in there right now."  
Guzma guffawed. "Yeah, knowing my luck, he'll be in Alola or something."  
"If that were the case, he'd leave a stand-in. But anyway, the place is called the Qwilfish Café. I heard great things about it from a friend who visited here a few years back. How about you go in? I'm told it's a gathering place for unique individuals and those interested in battling."

"Huh." Guzma bit his lip. "Well, I'm both of those. I'm the unique-est of the unique, you know."

"Whatever, young man."  
"Hey, that's my line!" Guzma blocked out the sun with his hand, scanning for the café. It was a short walk's away. The island itself was very small, too. Guzma was no scientist, but didn't sea levels rise over time or something like that? Or like, there were storms, and tsunamis and stuff? He didn't understand how an island so low to the ground functioned, but decided to put it down to Kanto being a weird place. "Okay then," said Guzma, "I might go check it out. What about you? Gonna go do… old-man stuff? Heh."

"I'm not sure if that was a joke or if you were trying to roast me. Either way… how about I tag along with you this time?" Hala stroked at his facial hair contemplatively, "I seem to always just… leave you to your own devices. I wonder how much serious crime you've got away with while my back was turned? Hmmmm?!"  
"You're real funny. But sure, I don't see any reason why not." Guzma clapped his hands together, "now let's go bust this café! They'd better have fries."

* * *

"They don't have any freakin' fries!"

Hala sighed, again. "Let's just sit. You can eat something else."  
"Agh… they got steak, at least. I'll probably get that. But… steak and no fries? What?"

"Let's sit. I'm old. Not really, though, but I want to sit." Hala picked a table. It was long and wooden, with four seats. They sat at either end. "Ah… so Guzma…"

"Yeah?"

"…"

"Gym plan?"  
"Eh, I dunno."

" _Did someone say gym battle?_ " Guzma must have jumped ten feet in the air. A familiar face was standing behind him, holding a coffee.

"Holy Ass of Arceus! Geez!" Guzma looked at the guy who'd spoken. "Hey, it's you! Sylveon shirt guy! And no… nobody said that, actually."  
"Ah well. Morning, gym swimmer. Enjoying a little break from the greatest challenge this region has to offer? Also, I heard you beat Janine." He clacked his tongue. " _Nice."_

"Hello there." Greeted Hala with a wave, "what did you say your name was again?"  
"Randall, my man. Just look for the sunglasses and the Sylveon shirt."  
"Geez… what is it?" asked Guzma, "we were kinda gonna discuss how to beat the gym."

"Ah yes," Randall sat down, inviting himself. "I won't stay long. Got places to be. But I can give you some pointers."

Guzma remembered the guy's battle skills, way back in that Rocket hideout. He couldn't for the life of him remember which Pokemon he used, but Guzma remembered thinking it was cool. Probably not a Sylveon. "Yeah, go on."

"As for the gym itself, the only way you'll win is strategy. You simply can't win by brute force with that terrible of a type disadvantage. Unless one of your Pokemon is part-water or rock type, you'll be getting wrecked by super effective moves."

Guzma had an idea. It was freaking stupid. "Water type, huh…"

"Yeah. Blaine's style is kind of like yours. All-out fire except he covers his weaknesses well."

"Hey, Randall."  
"Yo?"

"You know what I could do with a, uh… Pyukumuku?"

Guzma expected the guy to laugh, but Randall just paused for a few seconds. "Hm. Yeah, I do. There's a professional move tutor who lives on the south of this island. He'll help you out."  
Guzma's jaw dropped. "Seriously?!"

"For a price. A hefty one, but one you might be able to afford. He's an old authority from some place or other."

"I see," said Hala, "and he would…?"

Randall sat forward. "He'd run a moveset by your boy Guzma, then you'd pay him, and he'd teach whichever ones were needed, be it via TM or certain specialised exercises. Whole thing is doable in a couple of hours. Dude's a master, but kind of pricey. You interested?"  
"Damn right I am!" replied Guzma, "where's he at?"

"I'll point you to him, but then I really gotta go. I'm glad for the chance meeting, Guzma."

"Yeah, me too! What are you, anyway? Some kind of Ace Trainer?"

Randall smiled. "You could say that. Anyway, the guy's about eighty or so. Long, smooth white hair. Tell him I sent you. See you round, Guzma."

* * *

"So he can just… do this stuff now?"

"That's right," the elderly tutor nodded, "I've done exactly what I said I would. Your Pyukumuku has a new moveset."

Guzma hoped it would be worth the 20,000 PokeDollars and three-hour wait time. He'd just had to sit in the café and let Hala ramble. The dude always had stories to tell. Part of being old, Guzma guessed. "And that was Soak, and… what again?"  
"Soak, Toxic, Recover and Counter." Replied the Move Tutor. "It's the most effective combination for a Pokemon like this one."

"So… no attacking moves at all."  
"That is what we agreed to. This moveset is likely the most effective. Against the right team, it can still wipe it out. Against the wrong one, it could be useless."  
Guzma rubbed at his chin. "So, how would it be against a team of all fire-types?"

The old man chuckled. "Fire-types? Well… they'd be in quite a lot of trouble."

"Sweet!" Guzma clenched his fists together, "alright, Bean… this is your chance to show me you aren't completely useless."

Bean made a rude gesture with its organs towards Guzma. Guzma bared at his teeth at it. "Go hug a Slugma, you runt." He turned back to the Move Tutor, "it just seems like kind of a waste… this guy can actually hit hard."

"Well, it could probably beat up a human pretty well, which is unusual for such a lethargic species. But otherwise, it's much better off with status and defensive moves. Also, Counter does utilise its strength in a way, even if the overall damage is fixed according to Pokemon physics principles."

"Oh really?" Guzma pretended to understand.

"You see… Guzma, was it?"

"That's right."

"This Pokemon's greatest strength is not its… well, "strength". It's the brain. "Bean" is quite intelligent, if my measurements are correct. If you have a good strategy in mind, he will be that much more likely to understand you, giving great synergy between Pokemon and trainer-"

Guzma didn't care. "Yeah, yeah, cut the philosophy. Thanks, and all that crap."

Guzma walked away. As he did, the Move Tutor muttered to himself. "Jackass…" Guzma was heading towards the gym. "Well, at least I got paid."

* * *

This gym was just as weird as the rest of them. Guzma sighed as he looked at some kind of maze. Entering the gym, there were walls around him, a large, metal capsule big enough for a human to be in on the left side, and a metal gate ahead. Honestly, the capsule was more like a room, it was very large. The floor was oddly warm, as was the air of the gym itself. Naturally, considering it was a fire-type gym. It was probably full of fire all the time. Guzma wondered if the steel and the concrete-like floor material were fireproof.

Guzma huffed. What the hell was this, anyway? The gym guide dude was absent again, for whatever reason. Guzma rolled his eyes, grunted, and walked up to the large gate. There was also a small screen in front of it. It flashed letters, startling Guzma, and began to speak in a mechanical voice.

" _Welcome to the Cinnabar Island Gym! There's no question that you're strong – the real question is: are you smart?"_

"Shut up, gym."

" _It's time for a quiz!"_

"Hell no, buzz off, quiz!"  
" _Question One: Is it true that there are 19 types of Pokemon?_ "

Guzma growled, loud. "Hell if I know!" He paused, then punched the screen thing several times. It didn't work. Actually… Guzma thought better of it. Smashing things was great and all, but there was a pretty good chance he'd get found out for this. He didn't feel like getting an earful from Hala or the local police. "Uh, yeah?" he tried to answer the question.

The screen flashed a big red x. " _Unfortunately, that's wrong!"_

The metallic capsule to the side opened, startling Guzma again. A teenager trainer wearing a smirk waltzed out. "Uh oh, looks like we've gotta battle, challenger!"  
"Like hell. Where's Blaine?"  
"Doesn't matter right now." God, the kid was intensely punchable for some reason. Might've been the green hair that really didn't suit him.

"Seriously, though, what's the deal?"

The trainer huffed. "He's in the back, past all the quizzes. Not that it matters. You ready to face the wrath of my Rapidash?"

"Geez, I ain't here for you third-rate chumps! I'm here to fight Blaine." Guzma looked around, quickly, getting an idea. An unorthodox one, but an idea no less. Satisfied that there was noone around him, he turned to face the gym trainer.

Guzma promptly shoved him back into the large compartment, amidst the guy's shouting. He slammed the door shut, and suddenly the guy sounded much quieter. Nice. The thing was, whaddayacallit, soundpoof. Or something.

Guzma took another look at the quiz screen, meandering around as the trainer banged on the door of his compartment. He could care less. It made Guzma chuckle a bit, actually. How many more of these stupid traps and puzzles would he have to find a way to cheat past? Hopefully not many, geez.

The gate opened by itself, startling Guzma. "Huh." He said, to noone in particular, "alright then." He walked on through. The next room was just like the last, complete with one of those human-sized capsules. Guzma guessed that someone was inside this one as well. The question was: how to prevent them from getting out and bothering him some more?

The next quiz question started up automatically.

" _Question Number Two! I hope you're ready._ " Guzma decided to shut his mouth this time, and listen. " _Question_ : _Growlithe is a normal-type Pokemon. True or False."_

Guzma had to guess. "Uhhh… I guess that's false?"

The quiz made a dinging noise. " _That's correct! Please proceed!"_ Guzma raised an eyebrow. He hated quizzes and similar time-wasting things quite a bit, but he could probably get through the whole gym in a couple of minutes if he got everything right. He wouldn't be able to guess every question, though. He needed ones that he knew the answer to.

Next up, question number three.

" _Question: Fire is supereffective against four types. Is this true?"_

"I don't know… yeah. Yeah it is."

Another dinging noise. " _That's correct! Please proceed."_

"Whatever, quiz." Guzma did.

Question four. Guzma estimated the overall space of the gym… he'd be about a good halfway through it by now.

" _Question: Flash Fire is a fire-type move. True or false?"_

This one seemed kind of obvious. Guzma knew he was hard-headed sometimes, but he wasn't a complete idiot. "Ima say that's false."

Ding ding. " _That's correct! Please proceed."_

Guzma laughed. "Dumbass quiz. Who the hell designed this?"

Question five. Guzma must have been nearly there. " _Question: There is no Pokemon that exists that is both Poison and Fire type. True or false?"_

Guzma laughed. One of his most trusted Team Skull members had used a Salazzle. "That's false as heck, yo!"

Ding ding again. " _That's correct! Please proceed."_

"Hell yeah."

That was most of the gym space now. Guzma wouldn't be surprised if the gym leader was beyond this next door. " _It's time for the final question! You're almost there. Question Six!"_ Guzma rolled his eyes. " _Question: The leader of this gym is Blake. True or False?"_

"No, you stupid freaking quiz! It's Blaine!"  
" _That's correct! Go on and fight the gym leader! His real name is Blaine."_

"I know!" Guzma waited for the doors to open. "Geez, what a stupid, dumb, bad gym."

He strutted towards a man in a white coat, atop a few stairs, facing the wall. "Oi!" he shrieked, "You Blaine?"

The man turned around, startled. He was bald, probably around Hala's age, wearing a hat, a strange pair of rounded sunglasses and bearing an aged white moustache. He was on the shorter side, Guzma stood above him by several inches. "Oh!" said the man, "yes, that's me! You are the challenger I sighted at the entrance. As I'm sure you know already, I am Blaine."

"Yeah, I know!" Guzma rolled his eyes. "Geez, this is really getting old…"  
Blaine raised an eyebrow. "The gym, or your challenge of the gyms? I assume this isn't your first one."

"Both! And I got five badges already."

Blaine nodded. "That seems about right. If you've got this far, you also know that I use-"

"Fire types," interrupted Guzma, "I got that memo. I use…" he paused, "mostly bug types."

"Oh my!" Blaine grinned, "well, you'll have quite a challenge ahead of you! And I have quite hefty embarrassment to face if I lose against someone with a team like yours."

Guzma shrugged. "Well, uh…" he took out an Ultra Ball, "we're the strongest in the world, so prepare to be… embarrassed?" Not the best opening taunt for a battle… but it would do.

* * *

"Don't think I'll slip up!" Blaine took out a Poke Ball. It was only the standard red-and-white variant. Guzma found that strange, for some reason. "For my lead, I choose Magcargo!"

Out emerged a Pokemon that was, simply put, ugly. Guzma grimaced. "Yeesh. What the hell is that?"  
"A powerful and versatile Pokemon. Quickly now, your turn!"  
Guzma's leading strategy didn't change, but there was no way around the truth: this time, he needed a plan. No matter how awesome he was, four out of his five… well, now six, team members were weak to fire. "Let's start this off, Golisopod!"  
Like so many times before, Golisopod emerged, poised and ready. It gave its opponent what Guzma assumed was a quizzical look. "Golisopod, we're not doing the usual shtick, this time! Use Razor Shell!" First Impressions didn't _really_ matter this time. Blaine must have been, like seventy or older. Guzma could care less what the guy thought. Golisopod began to conjure the shell, ready to strike his opponent.

"Magcargo, avoid it if possible, then use Stone Edge!" Guzma growled. Golisopod was the only bug on his team not weak to fire. So of course, Blaine had a wild card of a move. Stone Edge packed serious punch.

Not that it would matter. Though slow when not utilising moves like First Impression, Magcargo moved at a literal snail's pace. Golisopod landed the Razor Shell before the Magcargo had even finished conjuring the Stone Edge.

It was a one-hit ko. The sluggish Pokemon went flying, instantly down for the count. Perhaps this would be easier than Guzma thought.

Blaine adjusted his glasses. "A poor start for me. But this is far from over." He drew his next ball, "your turn, Rapidash!" Guzma didn't recognize this Pokemon either. It was… majestic, was that the word? Not that that mattered too much. It wasn't cool enough for Guzma. "Rapidash, attack with Flare Blitz!"

"Don't let it happen, Golisopod! Razor Shell!"

Golisopod's luck was to run out very quickly. The torpedo of flame that was Rapidash's Flare Blitz collided with the Pokemon before it could commit to Razor Shell. Golisopod was pushed far back, burns visible on its body, but did not retreat into Emergency Exit. It clutched the Razor Shell in its claw, before charging the Rapidash and slashing at it. The attack sent the fiery horse sideways, going with the momentum of the swing. It did not get up.

"Nice!" cheered Guzma, "Golisopod, you da man!"

Blaine fiddled at his glasses nervously. "Th-this is shaping up poorly." He took out his next ball. "Houndoom, it's your turn, now!" Out came Houndoom. Guzma knew of it well, because it was exactly the sort of Pokemon he'd use if he specialised in Dark or Fire-types. But he didn't. Golisopod was still in this fight. Strategy? Guzma shook his head. Looks like good old strength and force was what he needed after all.

"Flamethrower, Houndoom!" Guzma clenched his fist. Houndoom was getting that charged up fast. Before he knew it, a torrent of flame engulfed Golisopod. It cried out. Guzma hoped his Pokemon's outer shell prevented that from hurting too much…

But it was too grave of an injury, regardless. Golisopod returned to him, refusing to execute his move or fight any further. Guzma facepalmed. "Golisopod, my dude… you seriously get on my nerves, sometimes, you know?"  
"Hm, what's this?" queried Blaine, "I've not seen this before. Is this an ability of yours?"

Guzma shook his head. "It don't matter." He returned Golisopod.

Blaine smiled toothily. "How interesting! Bug-types truly are among the most fascinating species."

Guzma considered his options. There weren't many. It looked like he'd have to use…

Nah, not yet.

"Ariados, hit this guy!"  
Even before Guzma's Pokemon was fully out, Blaine issued a command, "Flamethrower again, Houndoom, stat!"

"Ariados, Toxic Thread!" But Ariados was already crispy. The Pokemon had not even had time to ready the attack before it had keeled over backwards from the roaring flames, fainted in one hit. Guzma stomped his foot. "That's one of my best ones, damn it!"

"As was my Rapidash. I'd say we're almost even, now. Almost."

"All right, that does it!" Guzma clenched his next Pokemon, "You're up, Scizor!"

Blaine raised an eyebrow. "Bold of you, sending out a Pokemon like that against my Houndoom. I wonder what your strategy is."

"Y-yeah, I wonder! And here it is!" Guzma touched the Mega Ring on his wrist, "Scizor, mega evolve and use X-Scissor. Go, go go!"

"Flamethrower again, Houndoom."  
What happened next should not have been unexpected to Guzma. Even in its mega-evolved state, Scizor was not much faster than normal. Guzma swore he could see Scizor's skin melting off. Geez. Quadruple weaknesses sucked Miltank ass.

* * *

The story was much the same continuing on. Masquerain almost got an Air Slash off, but was still burned down. Pinsir wasn't even close to fast enough.

Guzma felt for his remaining Pokemon, realising how dire the situation was. "Come now, don't concede," said Blaine, "you should never give up!"

"The hell made you think I was givin' up?! The big, bad Guzma doesn't back down, old man!"

"Whoa, okay! Good grief."

He fingered the release on his last healthy Pokemon. "Let's hope you can come through, weirdo…" he muttered, "You're up… Bean."

And out came the shiny Pyukumuku. It looked around quizzically. Blaine raised an eyebrow, then grinned widely. "Hahahaha! Now _this_ will be an interesting fight."

Guzma punched his fists together. "You know it!" He cricked his neck, "Alright, Bean, start it all off with Toxic!"

Bean, rolling its eyes, readied the poison jet that was Toxic. "Houndoom," commanded Blaine, "Use Dark Pulse!" Houndoom completed its energy-based attack, sending out a powerful pulse towards Bean. The Pokemon gave a cry of pain, but shook the attack off, still in good condition. It gave Houndoom the same irate look it had given to Guzma. Good, thought Guzma.

Bean launched the poisonous jet towards Houndoom, making contact with the demonic Pokemon, the purple liquid seeping into its skin as Toxic did. Houndoom gave a yelp and scratched at its skin, but the poison was beginning to do its work. "Drat," remarked Blaine. Guzma thought that was a seriously lame thing to say. "Houndoom, don't let up, use Dark Pulse again!"

Guzma knew now was the time for true strategy. "Bean, use Recover, alright?" Bean began to glow with a white energy as Houndoom readied another Dark Pulse. Bean tanked it just as well, before the effects of Recover did their work. It was good as new, the strange dark marks that Dark Pulse left were no longer to be seen. Blaine growled as Houndoom flinched from the toxic poison. Was this plan really going to work?  
"Shadow Ball, Houndoom!" Houndoom charged up a black ball of energy, firing it at Bean as Guzma ordered it to use Recover again. The ball of energy pushed Bean back a bit, ineffectually.

This continued for quite some time.

"Houndoom, attempt a Sucker Punch!" Guzma respected that move, but it was near-totally useless against Bean. The poison continued.

"Houndoom, try Flamethrower again! Burn him!" But Bran was still resilient. After several turns, Houndoom was clearly about to collapse.

"Use… Dark Pulse again, Houndoom!"

"Recover once more, Bean!" Guzma chuckled and grinned at the weak Dark Pulse by Houndoom. Just a moment after Bean recovered from all damage once again, the hound Pokemon collapsed entirely. Guzma laughed.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, Bean is the man for real. Man, of all the Pokemon to help me out…" Blaine was sweating a bit. Besides the intense battle, it was kind of hot in here. Blaine readied what Guzma hoped was his final Pokemon.

"Don't get ahead of yourself, challenger. I did save the best for last." If Guzma could see past the glasses, there would surely be a twinkle in Blaine's eyes. "Magmortar, finish this!" Guzma whistled at the tall, intimidating Pokemon. This Pokemon he knew of, Magmar could be caught in Alola and evolved, though apparently the latter part was difficult. "Magmortar, use Thunderbolt!"

Guzma felt a pang of dread. Thunderbolt? Damn it. "Toxic, Bean, poison him!"

Magmortar was much faster. Hell, literally anything was faster than a Pyukumuku. The powerful bolt of electricity struck Bean, causing it to convulse. Bean glared even harder at the Pokemon that towered over it, before showing Magmortar in purple liquid. Though it attempted to dodge, it was no use. Bean aimed really well!

"It seems this battle is on a timer now," said Blaine, "whose Pokemon will fall first – yours or mine?"  
"You know the answer to that, fool!" said Guzma. "Bean, Soak him!"

"Thunderbolt again, Magmortar!"

"Wait, no!" Guzma realised his mistake a second before it was too late, "Bean, Recover. Recover now!"

Once the electricity from the second thunderbolt subsided, Bean obeyed his command, stopping itself from spewing the bizarre, watery liquid used for Soak. It recovered, looking considerably better, but still a bit fried.

"Thunderbolt, Magmortar!"

"Recover again, Bean. Keep alive!"

This sequence of events repeated itself for some time. Bean was able to keep itself in near-perfect health, while Magmortar withered away. The fire Pokemon was looking seriously terrible when things started to go poorly for Guzma.

"Thunderbolt, again!" This time, after the electrical attack subsided, Bean still had the occasional convulses and crackles of electricity. Paralysis.

Blaine recognised it straight away, as the poison did even more damage to Magmortar. The pokemon was about to collapse. "Quickly, quickly, Magmortar, another thunderbolt! Finish him!"

"Bean, please, Recover again!" But it wouldn't work. Bean could not break through the paralysis as one final thunderbolt struck. Bean wobbled, about to collapse…

And toughed it out, remaining conscious.

Magmortar clutched at itself with its non-cannon hand, before collapsing from the poison.

Guzma laughed hysterically. "I DID IT! AW YEAH!" He struck a pose. "BEAN, YOU ARE THE MAN!" He picked up the small, shiny green Pokemon, holding it up despite the unpleasant texture of its body. Bean objected vocally, bopping Guzma on the head with its innards, which hurt a surprising amount. "Ah, geez, alright, ok. You did real good. I don't care if you ain't a bug. You're _smart_ , and you _kill stuff_. Well, not "kill", but you know what I mean."

Blaine stroked at his moustache. He removed his sunglasses, rubbing them. Guzma immediately realised he looked better with them on; his eyes gave away his age much more than the rest of his face. They were sunken and wrinkled.

"Hm…" Blaine said, with little emotion. "Congratulations. Here's the Volcano Badge…"  
"Yeah, yeah, thanks. I don't need your TM, either."

Blaine nodded. "Understandable. By my knowledge, none of your team can learn Fire Blast, anyway."

There was a pause. Guzma stood there. Normally he'd have turned away and left, but he decided to stop this time. "Hey, uh, Blaine, man, something wrong? Not that I really care, but uh… yeah."

Blaine nodded, putting his sunglasses back on. "Not wrong, per se. It's just that that was a rather disappointing final gym battle for me."

Guzma raised an eyebrow. "Really? Last one? As in…?"  
"As in my last as a gym leader. I'm seventy-three, you know. I haven't been a gym leader for as long as some, but I've trained fire types my whole life. I think… my skills are finally starting to wind down a bit." He rubbed at his head sheepishly, "I did just lose with a type advantage, after all…"  
"Hey, man… it shouldn't be your last one!" Guzma found himself strangely sympathetic to the old man, "you fight real good! And I only won because of-" Guzma stopped himself. He was the strongest and best. The boss. He didn't need to get sappy. "What I mean is, you're real good. Also, seventy-three? I had you figured for younger."

Blaine grunted. "Well, I'm feeling it, I'm afraid. Blaine's brain isn't working quite as well it used to. I hate that… my intelligence and keen ability to learn is something I've relied on my whole life, pompous as that sounds. What am I to do without it?" Guzma didn't know what to say. How could he relate? Pokemon battles and being the boss were the only things he was smart at. Not science-y crap… or _quizzes_. "Ugh. I was fine at fifty. Same story at sixty, I just didn't feel old. But as of late, I'm thinking about one of those cottage homes on One Island. Maybe go relax on the beach. Some of the friends I've had since my youth have already retired, as well."

"I don't know, man… you can still battle pretty good."  
"But not good enough." Guzma said nothing. "Don't get me wrong, the day I give up Pokemon battling all together is the day I die. I just don't think I can keep my skills up enough to be the gym leader anymore." He grumbled quietly "lost a bug-type matchup… ugh…"

Guzma nodded. "Well, if you really want, you can just get someone to replace you, right?"  
Blaine smiled. "Sure! In fact, there's a young man by the entrance who is highly skilled in fire-types. Did you encounter him? You'd have to have failed the first quiz question."  
Guzma avoided meeting his eye. "Yeah, uh, he was… great. Totally good."

"I'll bid you farewell for now, Mr…"

"Oh, right! Guzma's my name. Remember it!"

"I'm sure I will, Guzma. I'm sure I will."

* * *

Guzma strode away from the gym, counting his badges. 4… 5… 6. Two to go.

Then it was off to Lance.

A voice called after him as he left. A teenager stood in the gym doorway. It was the guy from question 1. "Come back here, bastard! You're breaking the gym rules. How dare you upstage me! Fight me. Fight me, _now!_ "

Guzma sprinted in the opposite direction.

 **AN: I might try making a super long chapter next time. This story is slowly but surely reaching its end. Certainly not with next chapter or the one after that, but it will in a little while.**

 **Looking at the viewing stats I have for this story makes me wonder how many people are finding this and reading it without me knowing because they don't have a FanFiction account. Pretty cool.**

 **Looking at the dates of stuff, I think it would be cool to try and land its completion exactly a year after I started it. So that would be January 6. Wish me luck, lol.**


	16. Chapter 16

**AN: I've long since finished USUM now – I felt it was a bit underwhelming… but what matters is that Guzma was pretty good! I lol'd at his interactions with Rainbow Rocket. I was pretty on the mark with how his character would act with Team Rocket, I think. I was a bit salty that a certain someone wasn't in the Elite Four, and that a certain person** _ **still was.**_

 **All that said, I would believe SM and USUM take place in different universes. They are extremely similar games with differences, after all. This story would therefore be in the universe of SM – no Rainbow Rocket exists here. I think the "retired" Giovanni would not be a thing in the Ultra Sun and Moon universe.**

 **Moving on, two things:**

 **1- I've been a lazy bugger because I got a job quite recently. Who knows, if you go to a specific Woolworths in Australia, you might be talking right to me. I'm liking it because I now have money, but unfortunately as a result I've been neglecting this story. I'm also just naturally lazy and not very good at getting around to things.**

 **2- No, this is** _ **not**_ **the final chapter, lol. I just thought I should still upload something on the 1-year anniversary. All-up there should be either 3 or 4 chapters left after this.**

 **Hope you enjoy, not much I can do but apologise for another long-ass wait and get started on the next one.**

Guzma poked at the grass. He stood up and stretched, gazing at the small town. Team Skull could cause some easy mayhem here. Taking over Po Town had been all too easy – Pallet Town would be a cakewalk.

Guzma kicked himself, remembering the status of Team Skull.

"Ah! Would you smell that fresh air, young man? This is a nice place."  
"I don't really like it too much."

Hala sniffed. "As you say: "whatever"".

"So what's the plan?" asked Guzma, "there's all of like, nine or ten buildings here. This is a total hole."

"I wouldn't mind popping in to see the Pokemon Professor of this town."

Guzma raised an eyebrow. "A professor? Like… Kukui."  
"Yes! Except forty years older."

"No thanks."

Hala shrugged. "Well, you're welcome to see the sights!"

"Real funny." Guzma gritted his teeth. "The hell am I supposed to do in this place?"  
"Perhaps you could take a walk." Guzma growled at him. "I'm serious! Viridian City is a stone's throw away."

Guzma thought, briefly. "Then… why don't just make this slum a part of Virida-whatsis City?"

"That's… a good point, I suppose. Either way, how about you walk to Viridian City? I myself could do with a walk after the boat ride here."

Guzma stretched his legs. "Eh… I guess you're right. A boss has gotta be fit. Even if he ain't the Team Skull boss no more."

"Right you are, Guzma! I'll go see if the Professor is in. I wouldn't mind meeting him. I've ran into his cousin plenty of times back in Alola… what were their names again?"  
"Heck if I know." Guzma turned towards the way out of town, Route 1. "I'm off, I guess. Suit yourself, old man."

Hala nodded and started towards the Pokemon Lab. "How about I meet you in Viridian City? It's a short, straight path, so you can't get lost."

Guzma rolled his eyes. "Yeah, I'm not a dumbass, Hala. I'll meet you there, right?"  
"Right."

* * *

Guzma waded through the tall grass onto Route 1… and was immediately jumped by a wild Pidgey. He rolled his eyes. "Beat it, bird." The Pidgey screeched at him and flew at his head. Guzma flailed his arms around wildly, trying to through the small bird Pokemon off. "Beat it, moron!" Guzma landed a punch on the bird's face, sending it flying backwards. "Pinsir will tear your freakin' head off, bird! I swear it. Beat it!"

But the Pidgey had already been spooked by Guzma. He grumbled to himself, coming out onto the other side of the tall grass. Wild Pokemon were always such a pain in the ass. Except if they were awesome bug types! Guzma reconsidered that immediately, on second thought. Some of them were annoying as hell. Golisopod had not been the easiest catch, all those years ago. The Pokemon's wimpy side was mostly suppressed now, but back then, the little guy was a total… well, wimp. Guzma must have chased it around for an hour, when first catching the guy as an eleven-year-old boy.

Guzma shook his head. Parts of those times hurt to remember. He decided to focus on the here and now. He wasn't an eleven-year-old boy, he wasn't on an island challenge. He was a twenty-seven-year-old on a gym rampage. Only two to go. On Route 1, there were some kid trainers. Guzma thought about climbing ledges to get around them…

But thought better of it.

A lotta his previous battles had been legitimately difficult. Now? It was time for an easy beatdown. Guzma approached a group of children.

"Hey chumps. Wanna battle?"

* * *

Hala edged slowly into the Pokemon Lab, looking around. "Hello?" he called. "I'm a visitor!"

A man in a lab coat pointed his head around the corner of an object and smiled, "hi there!"

"Good afternoon! Are you the professor?"

The man laughed. "No, no! The professor should be back in just a minute. He's visiting someone."

Hala nodded. "Ah, yes. And what is his name?"

"Oak. Samuel Oak."

Hala snapped his fingers. "I knew it! I thought it started with O… Olsen or Olimar or something. Oak!" The scientist chuckled. "I just think it would be nice to have a chat."

Hala sat on the couch, awaiting the professor. The TV in the lab was on. Hala wondered what purpose it served in a place of scientific research. It was playing a documentary about Bug-types in the Sinnoh region.

 _"According to all known laws of Pokemon, there is no way a Combee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to lift its chubby, segmented body from the ground. The Combee, of course, flies anyway, because it does not care what humans think is possible."_

The show continued with similar ramblings. This would be interesting on a quiet Sunday afternoon, but not so much right now.

At that instant, the door to the lab opened, and in walked the professor man himself. Hala stood up to meet him, smiling.

"Professor Oak, I presume? So nice to meet you!"

Oak offered a hand to shake, which Hala took. Hala thought the professor looked a bit older than him, or perhaps had just not aged well. Not that any of that mattered. A Pokemon Professor would be spry in mind, if not body! "Nice to meet you, dear friend! What brings you to the Oak Pokemon Lab, all the way here in Pallet Town? Not here for your first Pokemon, are you? Ahaha!"

"Hahaha! Good one. My name's Hala, by the way. I'm seeing the sights here in Kanto with a friend. I'm from the Alola region."

"Oh! I have family in Alola." Oak beamed a smile, "wonderful place. I'm considering retiring there in a few years."  
Hala scoffed. "Oh, but who retires? Haha." Hala put his hands on his hips, "but I wanted to ask you about something, Professor Oak."

"Oh, Samuel is fine. "Professor" is only for the kids, nowadays."

"Samuel… my grandson obtained himself a sixth Pokemon recently. Within the past couple of days. I spoke with him over the phone about it."

"Yes?"  
"It is a Garchomp. He's very pleased, as it rounds out his team nicely. Professor- Samuel. Garchomp is able to mega evolve, isn't it?"

Oak's eyes sparkled. "The most fascinating topic of our time, mega evolution! My associate, Professor Elm, is highly interested in the matter."

Hala stroked his chin. "I see. Perhaps I am seeing the wrong person."

"Oh, go on, though! Is there something you need?"  
"Well, said grandson is turning twelve soon-"

"Oh, good for you! My grandson is…" Oak pondered briefly, "twenty-five later this year! Oh, how time flies." So Oak probably was older than him, then. The thought of Hau as an adult made Hala nervous. Not in a bad way, though, he couldn't wait to see how the boy would turn out.

"Indeed! But as I was saying, it's his birthday. He finished his island challenge not too long ago, as well. I had something in mind for a present for him…"

"I think I see where you're going with this, Hala!"  
Hala smiled. "You wouldn't happen to have a Garchompite, would you? Or know where I could locate one."

Oak grunted. "I'm afraid I have none. I only have a mega stone for Venusaur, at the moment. They are rare and difficult to come by."

"Blast."

"However, that associate I mentioned, Professor Elm. There's a good chance he'll have one. If not him, then the Professor specifically researching mega evolution is Augustine Sycamore, in the Kalos region."

"Hmm. Bother. But you've been a great help, Samuel. I'll be sure to pop over and see one of those two."

"Thank you for visiting, Hala from Alola! Say, have you ever run into my cousin, Samson?"

Samson! That was it. "Yes, yes I have! A few times. Quite a fascinating man, he is. Always seems to be an aficionado of Poke Balls."

"Yes, indeed, he collects exotic types. We all have our passions, us Oaks!" Hala felt quite impressed by the man. He couldn't say he related to the want of retire… though maybe that was because he lived in Alola full-time anyway. Pokemon Professors were always such intriguing people.

That reminded him… "Say, Samuel, have you met Professor Kukui of the Alola region?"  
"Of course I have! I worked on a paper with him a while back on Pokemon that evolve by learning certain moves. Tangela, Piloswine, Aipom, Yanma… and a few others as well. It was called "A Case Study: Pokemon Evolution Through Bio-Evolutional Move Links".

"Hm. Afraid it's not my sort of field. I'm more of a Pokemon battler."

"Haha! You should meet my grandson, Blue."

Feeling that the conversation was over, Hala made to leave. "I'd best go find my travel partner. He's probably causing havoc in Viridian City."

"As they do!" Oak waved to him, "goodbye, Hala."

* * *

Guzma shuffled his feet, leaning against Viridian's Pokemon Center. Hala approached. "Geez, get over here, Hala, will ya?"  
"Hello! My business is finished. You beaten the gym yet?"  
"I tell ya, Hala, these gym leaders are the flakiest bunch of morons I ever seen! The leader ain't here. You hear that? _He ain't here_."

"Yes, yes. Let's go to the one in Pewter City instead."

"…Huh? But, I-"

"I think it would be a waste of time anyway. Viridian City gym leaders have historically demanded that challengers already possess seven gym badges. This one, who uses Dark-Types, is no exception. I think…"

"What? That's stupid!"

Hala smiled. "It sort of is, isn't it? But it can't be helped. We must challenge the Pewter Gym Leader."  
"Geez, what a pain in the ass…" Guzma ruffled at his air, grumbling, "how big's the walk?"

"A very short path, then Viridian Forest, then a very short path."

"Whatever. I hate forests."

"Forests would be the primary habit of… hmm… bug-type Pokemon?"  
"I got six already."

"Ah well." Hala started to walk, "let's get this over and done with."

"Hey, mister!" Guzma stopped in his tracks, knee deep in tall grass. "Betcha can't beat my awesome bug-type team!"

Guzma said nothing, merely baring his teeth at the kid who'd spoken. He had a big, stupid hat and a net. He reminded Guzma of himself as a kid, only he hadn't worn stupid-looking clothes. You don't need a net for bug-types, you could just get out there and grab 'em.

Not really, though. What was wrong with Poke Balls?

"Beat it, kid. I bet your bugs are trash."  
The kid got angry. "Don't insult my awesome team! Go, Kakuna!" Guzma stared unamused at the small, yellow Pokemon as it emerged. The Kakuna… fell over. Onto the ground.

Guzma sighed. "Not fighting you, kid. Lemme show you why." Guzma palmed one of his ultra balls and released Golisopod, who gave a battle cry, but stopped midway through as it noticed its opponent. It turned to Guzma with a face that said "are you serious?"  
"Woooooow!" said the kid, "this is gonna be awesome. Kakuna, use Harden!"

Guzma facepalmed. So did Hala, actually. There were times to be polite and understanding, and there were times when a young child sent out a Kakuna. "Golisopod," said Guzma, "just… just get rid of it. Seriously. Razor Shell or something."

Golisopod obliged, conjuring a shell, before walking at snail's pace over to the Kakuna, which could only give it a death stare. Golisopod made a rather light cut on the smaller Pokemon. The Kakuna fainted instantly from the blow.

"Wooooow!" said the bug catcher, "you're strong, mister, but I'm stronger. But it's not over yet."

"Yeah it is. Beat it, kid."  
"Go, Kakuna!"

Guzma returned Golisopod. " _ALRIGHT_ , _ENOUGH OF THIS, I'M OUTTA HERE!"_

* * *

"Where's the gym?"  
"Guzma."

"Where's the gym?!"  
"Guzma!"

"Tell me where the gym's at!"

"Perhaps we should just wait a little while?"

"Give me one good reason not to challenge the gym right now."

Hala thought. "Alright, fine. I just wanted to say that once again, you'll be at a type disadvantage. That's all."

"Freaking seriously? Bug types are only weak to three things, yo! How the hell can I get that unlucky?"

"Well, as you might say, "beats me"." Hala chuckled at his own joke. "It's rock-type, by the way. I think now would be the time for you to put Scizor to use, if you catch my meaning."

Guzma remembered. "Oh yeah… I haven't had the chance to really kick ass with his mega evolution yet."

Hala nodded. "The time is now. Go forth and kick ass."

"Damn right I will."

* * *

"Huh?"

Guzma looked at the gym. It was just a straight path directly to the gym leader. Fenced areas were present all along the sides, made out of some tough-looking metallic material. Occupying the areas were Pokemon clearly of the Rock-type. Graveller, Golem, lots of Rhyhorn and Rhydon, a weird-looking blue crablike thing with a shell, as well as a tall brown Pokemon with sick blade arms. Guzma had never seen the last two before. The one with the blade arms would totally have been his scene if he were into rock-types.

Guzma approached who he assumed was the gym leader. He was the only person in the gym, and facing the other way. "Yo. You the gym leader?"

The man turned around. He had the same strange look in his eyes as Hala often seemed to. Like he was pretty relaxed. "Hi there, I'm Brock! Sorry, I was just feeding the Geodudes. Geodude. Well, you know, it's not grammatically correct, but Geodudes is more fun to say."

Guzma briefly wondered what Geodude ate. "You the gym leader or not? What is this place?"

Brock nodded. "I sure am! The best user of Rock-types around, that's me. But this place also doubles as a day care and preserve for rock and steel-type Pokemon!

"Yeah, I'm not here to watch Graveler screw."  
"Haha! But still, I've realised my dreams over here… it's a great feeling."

Guzma huffed. "Whatever."

"Come to think of it, we'd be about the same age. You realised your dreams yet? What are your dreams?"

"Don't matter. I'm here to defeat you, not talk sappy stuff."

Brock rubbed at his chin. "I see, you're not one of the chatty types. That's fine. I've been alone here almost all day. My helping hands both double as my gym trainers, but they're both away. On a honeymoon, in fact! That'll be quite the story for their kids. "Son, I met your mother while training in a gym!" And then he clarifies that he means a Pokemon gym."

"Brock, geez! You know when you said I ain't the chatty type? You're damn right!"

"Alright, alright, calm down." He palmed a regular Poke Ball. "I hope you're ready to face the hardest rock types around!"  
"Oi! "Hard" is my word. Also, I was _born_ ready!" He took out Golisopod's ball. "Bring it!"

* * *

"I'll go with my usual lead. My longtime partner, Golem!" Out came Golem, a rotund, incredibly heavy rock-type. Guzma knew just what to do.

"Alright! You first, Golisopod!" Golisopod emerged with a satisfying battle cry. The two Pokemon stood, both with arms out, as if two sumo wrestlers about to fight. "Razor Shell!"  
"Golem, use Stone Edge!" Golisopod conjured the shell, like always. Guzma had decided against First Impression when he had a supereffective attack. Looking good was important, winning the battle was better. Golisopod was slow, Golem was slower, and the stone Pokemon copped a powerful slash with the Razor Shell. The cut was very visible against the rock Pokemon's skin. Golem seemed to be hanging on by a thread… but was not down for the count. Guzma bared his teeth. That should have killed the thing!

"Haha!" laughed Brock, "Sturdy never lets me down! Aren't Pokemon abilities great?"  
"Arrrrrgh!" cried Guzma. Brock clearly didn't realise how much of a backhand jab that was at Golisopod. Golem, taking its turn, conjured a horribly sharp rock. Charging Golisopod, the bug Pokemon tried to get out of the way, but failed. The stone plunged horribly into Golisopod, knocking the Pokemon out immediately. Guzma cried out again.

"Hahaha, a great start! Golem may be real slow, but he's a real sweetheart with Stone Edge!"

Guzma decided not to delay. "You're up now, Pinsir!" Pinsir emerged, calm and ready. Guzma considered a Storm Throw for a fleeting second, but realised it would be impractical. "Finish him off with an X-Scissor, Pinsir!"

"Stone Edge again, Golem!" Pinsir was much faster, charging and cross-slicing Golem and taking it out. That was one down.

"Alright. I guess we're even. But it's not over yet!" Brock readied his next Poke Ball. "Onix, you go!" The gargantuan rock snake Pokemon emerged, intimidating even Guzma a little bit. Now _that_ was a rock-type Pokemon. Real nice. "Onix, begin with a Rock Slide!"

"Earthquake, Pinsir!" Pinsir's attack was ready much quicker. It shook the guornd around it violently, impacting Onix. The giant Pokemon suffered a variety of dings, knocks and chips, but survived.

"Haha! Like I said, Sturdy never lets me-"

"Shut up, ya cheap bastard! That ain't fair!" Onix began to rain conjured rocks down upon Pinsir, who could not possibly withstand the onslaught. Down for the count in one hit. Still, Guzma felt he was doing really well. He was only a little bit down with a full-on type disadvantage. If not for the cheap crap that was the Sturdy ability, he'd surely have the upper hand by now. "Masquerain, you do it!"

Guzma had confidence in this one. Masquerain had the best attacks for rock-types. "Masquerain, hit that snake bitch with an Energy Ball!"

"Dodge it, Onix, and use Rock Slide!" "Dodge it?" That was kind of a dumb thing to say most of the time. Especially for such a fast-moving attack. Masquerain was charged and ready before Onix had even conjured a few rocks. The Energy Ball flew at breakneck speed, striking Onix. The Pokemon slowly and dramatically keeled over, though right as it was about to hit the ground, Brock recalled it. Brock's expression was more serious now.

"I'll have to leave it to my last two, I guess. Your turn, Omastar!" Out came the strange, squid-like Pokemon Guzma had seen earlier. "Omastar was restored from a fossil. Over the past thirteen years, I personally have been working hard alongside Professor Oak and to restore the population of Pokemon that once lived in prehistoric times. Now, there are quite a few trainers all in this region using Omastar and Kabutops!"

"Huh. That's kinda neat, actually." Guzma shook his head. "But anyway. Energy Ball, Masquerain!"

"Geez, all these bugs… I can't afford to lose. Omastar, use Ancient Power!" Yet again, Masquerain was a decent amount faster. The Energy Ball impacted the strange Pokemon, knocking Omastar out in one hit. "Wow? Seriously?"

Guzma did his trademark pose, throwing his head back and laughing. "Tough luck, Brock! Whatcha gonna do now?"  
"It's not over yet, I've got one more. Go, Kabutops!" There it was again, the Pokemon with the magnificient blade arms.

"Heheh. I gotta admit, man, that's a freakin' sweet Pokemon!"

"Don't attempt to distract me with empty words, challenger! Kabutops, Ancient Power!"

"Aw, Geez. Uhhh, Energy Ball again, Masquerain!" The Pokemon charged their attacks, fast, and Guzma's stomach dropped for a second as he saw Kabutops launch Ancient Power, only for Energy Ball to fire at the same time.

The rocks collided one by one with Masquerain, crushing the bug Pokemon.

Kabutops, the same, did not get back up. Brock rubbed at his head. "Geez. I must be losing my touch…"

Guzma sighed. Normally after a great beatdown he'd feel top of the world. But this time… eh. It just didn't feel all that worth it. That fight was kind of lame. And he _still_ didn't get to give Mega Scizor a chance to shine! Geez, how lame. "What the heck was that? That was short as heck! When I fought Blaine, he had me right on the ropes! It was tough as… and he's like, forty years older than you."

Brock rubbed at his chin. "Might be that I've been putting too much time into my Pokemon Breeding, and not enough into the gym."

"I dunno." Guzma shrugged. "I mean, you weren't a big challenge for me, and I use all Bugs. You use Rocks. Like, maybe you should just give up on life?"

"I don't know… I love battling too much!"

"Geez, this conversation is giving me some serious… uh, whaddyacallit? Day-jo somethin'."

"Oh, Déjà vu?"

"Yeah, yeah! I had this same convo with Blaine. Dude was wondering if he should retire."

"Hmm… I don't really know. But whatever. Here's your Boulder Badge! How many you got now?"

"Seven."

"Seven? Wow! That means you've only got Rom to go, down in Viridian City."

"Is he any good?"

Brock chuckled. "To be honest, you probably won't even battle him at all. All I'm saying."

Guzma raised an eyebrow. "Eh. Whatever. Beatin' the gyms is a whaddyacallit anyway. A… a, uh, a memes to a…?"  
"A means to an end?"

Guzma snapped his fingers. "Yeah, that!"

"Hmhm. Well, I guess I'll see you later. Actually, I kinda won't. But bye."  
"Farewell. You've left me with some… contemplative thoughts. Maybe I should give up the gym… no, I just can't."

Guzma rolled his eyes as he turned away. Same story twice in a row. He was gonna be real mad if the last gym guy was all "Oh poor me, I'm getting old/bad at my trade, maybe I should retire?!". Nah. That shtick got old fast.

Leaving the gym, he wandered around town, taking it all in this time. Once again, not really his sort of place. Buildings were a bit too big, though some were pretty old. Po Town had all the real old buildings without any dumb machines in them, and there were strong trainers to push them out once they rolled in.

He and… Team Skull. Geez, it already seemed so long ago. Stupid Hala. Stupid Kanto. Making him forget about his vaunted team. And Po Town. And the bonehead grunts. And Plumeria. And the Aether Foundation. And Lusamine. Okay, maybe the last two he didn't need to remember, but still, those were the where he was the biggest, greatest boss in the world.

"was". "Stupid brain, I still am the boss!" muttered Guzma, talking to himself. Seeing the orange-coat that was Hala's back side, he strutted over.

Guzma tapped him. "Ah, Guzma my boy! Fine day, Sunday." Today was a Sunday. Guzma realised he hadn't known that at all until now. Hala would say something stupid like "time flies". If there was a time Pokemon, it would totally be a dragon type or something. "Best day of the week, in fact. Why is that, Guzma?"

"What? You're asking me? You think I just _magically_ know what it is?"  
"Well, maybe you're a wizard!"

"I dunno. Tell me."  
"It's because that's when everybody goes out! No blasted social isolation today, no sir. Plenty of people all around, tons of them!"

"You're stupid, Hala."

"Thanks, you too! Shall we head to Viridian City?"

"Whatever."

* * *

Guzma, now back in Viridian City, made his way to the gym. The kid in the forest had tried to pester him again, so he had Bean use Soak on him. That was another thing that made the Brock fight kinda lame. Didn't even get to mess with him with the mad Pyukumuku strats. Maybe this gym leader. What was his type again?"

Guzma walked over to the Viridian Gym, and narrowed his eyes as he got closer. "Hala," he called behind himself, "the hell is this?"  
Hala squinted at the gym door. "Hm. Hmmmm. Hmmmmm! _Very_ slack."

Guzma moved over to get a closer look. "Geez," he said, "you've seriously gotta be kidding me this time."


	17. Chapter 17

**Another Damn AN:**

 **I swear to god I am finishing this story. It's legit been 5 months since I posted the chapter before this (6th January 2018 – 25th June 2018. At 1:20 in the morning, no less)**

 **Fair warning, btw – this story is nearing its end. Not just yet, but soon.**

 **I'm on a break right now for a couple of weeks. I will see if I can finish this story in that time, without rushing it, mind you. No promises, but it's going to be a bit ridiculous if I'm still writing this when the Switch games come out.**

 **I am not super pleased with the Pokémon Let's Go announcements, though it might have been compounded by not being super pleased about the Fallout 76 announcement around the same time. And I thought "X and Y" were silly titles! Good lord. I can't wait to be a guy in his late teens asking for "Pokemon Let's Go" at a game store. Yeah, you're damn right I'm still going to buy it...**

 **They do seem to effectively be spin-offs, at least, and a main series game is confirmed for 2019.**

 **Plenty of unrelated good stuff at E3, though. I love the Smash Bros concept of "we're not adding tons of new characters, but everyone is here!" Excellent marketing.**

 **Take a moment to remind yourself where we left off, and let's get right into chapter 17. Hopefully I'll have 18 headed your way within a reasonable timeframe.**

* * *

Guzma squinted at the small piece of paper sticky-taped to the front of the gym.

"Aplogies, gym closed due to lack of caring. Gym leader has better things to do."

Taped next to the note were several gym badges. They all appeared to be in the shape of some sort of plant. Guzma picked one off, holding it in two fingers.

"Erm..." Began Hala, "well this... this is unacceptable!"  
"It kind of is, huh..."

"We shall find the gym leader at once and have a proper final battle!"

"What?" Guzma held his hands out and gave Hala an exasperated look. "You freakin' serious? I'm going straight to the Pokémon League. That's all the badges, ain't it?"

Hala inspected the small badge. "It is... but this is- this is..." He huffed, "anticlimactic!"

"Who freakin' cares? I can finally go to the league and beat the crap out of Lance!"

Hala said nothing. He had an idea... but let Guzma walk.

* * *

The building that led directly into Victory Road stood tall. Guzma took a brief second to admire it – the place was pretty neat. But it didn't matter. As he made to open the door, Guzma recognized somebody standing outside.

"Hey," Guzma walked over, "Mix! My man!"

Metamix, the musician of Team Skull whom Guzma had battled back in Cerulean City, leant against the building. So did someone else. "Yo, yo, yo, the big bad boss of Team Skull himself!" The two exchanged some hand gestures. Hala rolled his eyes, slightly out of view. "What's shakin', boss?"

"Not much, yo. I'm here to beat down the best in Kanto!"  
"Boss, you could beat down the whole world if you tried. Uh, uh Team Skull! Yeah, when's the new Team Skull coming, boss?"  
Guzma closed his eyes. "Hey, uh, listen Mix..."

He was interrupted by a grating, familiar voice. "You!"

Guzma got a better look at the person next to Mix, their long, flowing cape, short height, and a face that wasn't at all ugly yet managed to be super annoying. "Hey!" He cried, "Its... you. Who are you again?"  
"You cheated, white hair guy! I want a legitimate battle. Fight me now!"  
Guzma felt unsure how to react. "Right... Sorry, girl, but who are you?"  
"In Celadon! You... you cheated in a battle against me. But I guess you wouldn't remember it if you're some kind of serial cheater."  
Guzma snapped his fingers. "Oh yeah. You were that whiny girl I totally destroyed. What was your name again? Ginny? Gary? Garfield?" Hala snickered at "Garfield."

"Glada, you idiot Fight me now, I want even!"  
"Ehhhh..." Guzma held his hands, palms out, sideways. "I ain't got any reason to. Beating down morons is good sometimes, but I sure ain't in the mood. I'm about to fight some real strong trainers."

"Hey, hey, boss, not cool!" Chimed in Mix, "don't diss my girl like that, man?"  
Guzma noticed something. "Mix, like, half your mouth is gold teeth now..."

"Yeah, yeah, it's sweet, ain't it? Once my album starts selling more I can pay for 'em all!"

To be honest, it did not suit the young man at all. Guzma wasn't concerned about that right now. "Mix, my dude... ain't you like twenty-five?"

"Nah, nah, boss."

"Alright."

"I'm twenty-six!"

Guzma bared his teeth. "Crap, Mix, how old is she?"

Glada stomped her feet. "I am sixteen, not that that matters! Why won't you just battle me?"

"Mix, man, what the hell? That shit's not cool!"

"Ay, boss you ain't my dad!" Mix angrily bared his shining, somewhat unsettling teeth. "Not that I know who he is anyway... but yo, this girl is my life, man! We go together like Slowpoke and bein' slow. Like Alakazam and... and spoons! I already got startin' on a song about us, "Two Thick Skulls"! Yeah, boss, anyway, when's the new Team Skull comin', dawg?"

Guzma clutched at his head. "I ain't makin' another Team Skull!"

"...What? You crazy, boss?"

"You!" He pointed at Metamix, "you need to get your life in order, Mix! You can't just go around screwing around and picking up teenage girls all your life. Your music was good for our vaunted team, man, but that's all over now! It ain't gonna work out. Hell, I lost to a freaking kid. FOUR TIMES. What kind of boss loses to some random kid? I've gotten good now, I could take him down, but geez. Team Skull is over, man. Get... I don't know, a job or something?" Mix's draw dropped. Guzma aimed an accusatory finger at Glada. "And you. I can't believe I of all people am saying this, but grow up. You're a freakin' ten-year-old child. Not literally, but, like, in your stupid head. Act like a real freakin' trainer and get good when you lose. Sure, I got freakin' salty when I lose. Fighting..." He sighed, "losing to Surge a while back, that hurt me, but I got good and beat his ass! I know you don't know who I mean, but still. I don't cheat. I may be a real mean guy, but... how do you even cheat in a Pokémon battle? It's stupid and you're stupid. Y'all are stupid!"

Glada spluttered. "You... you... degenerate..."

"The hell, boss? I'm outta here. You're freakin' nuts, now!" Mix grabbed his "girl" by the arm, leading her away. "I'm gonna go let off some steam with my girl. By battling really hard! This ain't over, boss. My girl and I could both beat you down, in the, the whatsitcalled, postgame? Nah, that ain't right. "

"I don't know what you mean, Mix. I'm too busy getting' ready to strut into the Pokémon League and kick ass." Metamix ignored him.

"Hey, wait!" Screeched Glada, "I still want to beat hiiiiim!"

Metamix ignored her too. They faded into the distance.

Guzma turned around to a surprising sound. Hala was chuckling quietly. "See, this is why I dragged you on this journey."

"Shut up, gramps. I'm going in here. What should I expect?"  
"I suppose you'll still never change. Let me give you a rundown of what to expect inside Victory Road."

Guzma raised an eyebrow. "Victory Road?"

* * *

Guzma trudged through the rocky space, Hala at his side. The old man had given them his name and title, (Kahuna and Elite Four member of the Alola Region) and they'd let him right past. Guzma had grunted and moaned a bit as they inspected each and every one of his badges, inspecting them with funny little flashlights. Did people seriously try to fake them? Actually, on a second thought, that totally made sense.

Guzma took one look at the tall, dark, rocky room and sighed. "Dump. Total dump."  
"It's rather dark, isn't it? I wonder if any of our Pokémon can use Flash."

Guzma shook his head, turning around and heading back into the Victory Road checkpoint. Hala continued to gaze at his surroundings, before noticing his companion had turned back. He trotted after him. "Guzma?"

Guzma ignored him, hanging a left back the way he came. He wondered where the other two ways led. There was an extra guard on the path to his right, and he could feel a quite chilly breeze from the direction. It felt... what was the word? Ol... o... ominous. He ignored it and walked through the sliding door and outside. Hala tailed him.

"Hold it right there, what exactly are you doing?"

Guzma ignored him, taking a good look at the area around the entranceway. It wasn't too high. He felt for his Poke Balls.

Hala caught on. "Oh, come on. Honestly."

Guzma released Scizor in a flash of blinding light. "Yo, Scizor. C'mere." Guzma muttered something in the heavy Pokémon's ear. Scizor gave a buzz and spread its arms out. It moved into the air so its legs were around Guzma's eye level. He grabbed them, causing the Pokémon to fall slightly, before righting itself.

"Come on. Seriously."

"Alright, Scizor," Guzma gripped tightly, "three, two, one, go!" In a quite quick movement, Scizor lifted its trainer high and forward. Guzma let go of his Pokémon's legs, deftly dropping down onto the top of the Victory Road checkpoint.  
"Guzma. Surely not?"

Guzma looked at the rock face connected directly to the checkpoint. It went way higher up than he realised, but eh. Climbing wasn't hard. He was young and fit. As he laid a foot on the ascending rock face that was the outer roof of Victory Road, Hala sighed. If his time in Kanto had taught him one thing, it was that Guzma: Guzma never changes. Hala started at a leisurely pace back inside the checkpoint, with the intention of a nice walk through a rocky cave and maybe a few battles with bright young trainers.

Guzma climbed higher and higher. He took the lack of intervention from people to mean he was good to go. The climb was rough, hills and low ridges formed the top. He traversed them all as fast as he could. Heh, not a wild Pokémon or a trainer in sight. He came up over a hill, grunting as he rose to his feet. There was a flat area, and he could see the tall frame of the Pokémon League building not far ahead. This was it.

He trudged over the final few hills, before jogging down the rock face and dropping down in front of the exit. The great frame of the Pokémon League stood before him. He had to admit, it was impressive. Shiny.

The whole journey had taken all of five minutes. Heh. He wondered what that Sylveon shirt guy would say right now. What was his name again? Not that it mattered. Guzma supposed he should wait for Hala. He sat down at the side of the exit and gathered his thoughts. He was finally going to beat Lance after all this time. It would be awesome. There'd be fights worthy of a real boss.

"Er-hem," he was snapped out of his thoughts by someone clearing their throat. Hala approached from inside the cavern, breathing heavy. "You have a nice stroll?"  
"Why ain't there something to stop me from doin' that?"

"Beats me, Guzma. Beats me."

There was a pause. "Guess I'm goin' in. I've come all this way, I ain't gonna stop now!" Guzma turned, calm and ready, prepared for a real challenge and to become-

"Wait."

He spun back around. "What?"

"Well, just hold up a minute."  
"What the hell's your problem now?! I got all this way. Just like you wanted. I've beaten down lots of people..."

"Well, Guzma." Hala stood tall and proud, facial expression stern. He still seemed old to Guzma, but right now, looked pretty cool. "You avoided the eighth gym leader entirely, which is supposed to be a final test of sorts. You climbed over Victory Road, which somehow does not surprise me. That was also supposed to be a final test. You even rejected that challenge from your old... associate... although, in my opinion, that was actually the mature decision."

Guzma had a clue of what he was saying. "Not that I need one, but... I bet you've got a real final test for me in mind?"  
Hala nodded, smiling in a devilish way Guzma had never seen before. "As I'm sure you know... I am the Kahuna of Melemele Island and a member of the Alolan Elite Four." He took a step forward, hand already moving to his side. "Ahead of you lies an Elite Four... prove it, right here, right now, that you can defeat me. That you're still, as you say, a boss."

Guzma grinned, throwing his head back in laughter. "Yeah, yeah, yeah! This has been a long time comin', old man... Hala. You're gonna suffer the wrath of big bad Guzma."  
Hala put one foot forward, getting into a battle pose, arms out in a defensive move as if about to fight himself. "Are you ready?"  
"I've never been readier, gramps! I'm gonna make ya holler... in pain!"

* * *

Hala picked first. Throwing a Poke Ball of the same, sleek design as the ones Guzma favoured, Hala announced his lead. "Hariyama, go!"

Guzma's tried-and-true tactic of leading with Golisopod didn't change. He released the intimidating Pokémon, which gave a cry of confidence. Guzma felt a fleeting moment of pride for his Pokémon. They'd been together almost since he'd started being a trainer and grown strong and badass together.  
"You know what to do, Golisopod! First Impression!"  
"Fake Out." Said Hala, calmly. Hariyama moved at breakneck speed that should not have been possible for such a portly Pokémon, striking Golisopod in the face with a quick slap. The bug Pokémon staggered and moved back and forth, as if dizzy. It was stunned. "Come on, Golisopod, use-" Guzma remembered something. Type matchups. Brute strength was always good, but only an idiot would forget their type matchups. Bug didn't hit fighting well. Might be better to use... "-Razor Shell!"

"Hariyama, use Knock Off!" The Pokémon were both bulky, but Guzma thought Hariyama would be slower. The two Pokémon seemed to be about the same, and spent a few seconds trying to get the drop on each other with their physical attacks. Golisopod struck first with the wet, razor-sharp shell, causing quite a cut mark on Hariyama and sending it flying backwards. That was far more impressive than usual.

In fact, it was a one-hit KO. Guzma laughed. "Suck it!"  
"Hm. Must have landed a critical hit. What a poor start." Hala recalled Hariyama. "I've crawled out of worse situations before. Your turn, Primeape!" Out burst the angry-looking Pokémon. Whenever he saw them, Guzma always chuckled at how ridiculous the nose of a Primeape looked. He also remembered with a a shock how fast a Pokémon it was. "Rock Slide now, Primeape!" Commanded Hala.

"Golisopod, Razor Shell again!" But Golisopod could do little before the tirade of rocks rained down upon it. The large stones caused Golisopod to cover its head, attempting and failing to shield itself from damage. It moved back towards Guzma, staring at Primeape and keeping low to the ground. Guzma slapped himself in the face with his palm. "...What am I supposed to say to you, Golisopod?" He shook his head, accepting the Emergency Exit and taking a moment to think. Bug-types versus Fighting types. That meant his ace for the battle would effectively be... Masquerain? He supposed so. This battle was still anyone's game, so he decided to keep his best option healthy. In that case... "Go, Scizor!"

Guzma's steely companion burst forth, staring down Primeape. "Scizor," Guzma made a small touch at his wrist, not forgetting one of his best weapons. "Mega evolve, now!" The mega stone began to react with the one affixed to Scizor's body, causing the Pokémon to become enveloped in a purple light. Bursting forth, Guzma marveled at its appearance. Scizor, now with 50% sharper pincer thingies. And pointy legs. Bigger, scarier, and badasserier.

"Primeape, Cross Chop!" Damn it. He wondered how much faster Scizor would be.

"Scizor, Iron Head!" Wait, how did steel hit fighting? Guzma couldn't remember. It was neutral, right? Stupid Pokémon science. Stupid essential knowledge. Regardless, Primeape landed its attack first, drawing both hands across Scizor in a quick swiping movement. Scizor seemed not much worse for wear, its steely skin absorbing much more of the attack than usual when mega-evolved. This thing was so great. Scizor responded to the surprised Primeape by smacking its grey-glowing head into its face. Primeape clutched at its nose in pain, flying backward. It started to get back to its feet, but faceplanted, having fainted.

Guzma didn't gloat, despite the clear lead. He'd be inviting an embarassing loss at a time he didn't need one. Hala's thick eyebrows furrowed as he released his third Pokémon, "you're next, Bewear!" The Pokémon with a pun for a name burst forth, giving a growl as its heavy frame hit the ground.

"Scizor, Iron Head again!"

"Use Hammer Arm, Bewear!" Scizor got its attack in first, impacting very hard against the slightly creepy bear Pokémon. It hardly seemed to make a dent. Huh? It didn't look super hard or steely or anything, but maybe... dense? Was that the word? There must have been a reason; Guzma would've at least expected the Bewear to be on low health. Sciozor failed to avoid the powerful Arm slamming into its midscetion, disappointing Guzma a little. The bug Pokémon was now visibly slowed down and having a bit of trouble staying in the air. Not that it could stand normally right now. It seemed more generally sluggish.

"One last Iron Head, Scizor!"  
"Bewear, use Hammer Arm again!" What a climactic battle, not. They were just spamming the same attacks. High-level competitive battling, right here. What else could we do? Hala was strong, no doubt about that, and their teams had an unusual matchup. Scizor was too sluggish to avoid the killing blow of Hammer Arm, fainting and falling down to the ground. It faceplanted ungracefully. A good enough effort. Man, mega evolution was so cool. He wondered if any of his other Pokémon could do it? Guzma weighed up his options. This Pokémon of Hala's showed a lot of resistance to his attacks. Maybe...

It was a risky play, but it would be worth it. Guzma released his next Pokémon, "You next, Masquerain!" Out came the flying Pokémon. Bewear seemed to glare at it. "Masquerain, hit him with an Air Slash right now!"

"Bewear, use Dragon Claw!" Dragon Claw? Yeesh. Hala had some cool and dangerous stuff on this team. Masquerain, of course, was much faster, sending blasts of visible air at the bear Pokémon while it was still beginning to charge the blue-hued attack. This was much more effective, appearing to cause a series of nasty tears on the stuffed animal Pokémon. It keeled over backwards, already defeated before it could attack. Hala recalled the strange Pokémon, and Guzma was glad not to have to deal with it any more. Only thing was, Masquerain was no vulnerable to whatever Hala sent out.

Hala wasted no time. "You next, Poliwrath!" Guzma was winning so far. He didn't think some tadpole-looking weirdo would change that. "Use Payback!"

"Masquerain, try another Air Slash!" Ah, this battle. Bug must have resisted fighting as well, judging by Hala's reluctance to go through with many fighting moves. Masquerain shot its waves of energy first, while Poliwrath bided its time, attempting to move out of the way of the air waves. It successfully dodged one, but the others all connected. Poliwrath staggered but held its ground, charging up a darkly glowing fist. It leapt high in to the air at Masquerain, surprising the Pokémon enough that it failed to dodge. Guzma remembered how Payback worked and realized too late that he'd been stupid. That move hit twice as hard when you went second. Masquerain suffered the consequences as it was slammed into the ground by Poliwhirl's glove-like fist. Guzma panicked a bit on the inside. He was down to two and a half... wait, no, three and a half, counting Bean. "Alright, your turn, Ariados! Beat 'em down!" Guzma's first partner emerged, not at alloff-put by its much taller opponent. Poliwrath looked perpetually angry. "Use Cross Poison!"

"Poliwrath, strike him down with a Waterfall!" Poliwrath approached Ariados at a speed impressive for its size, before uppercutting him with a fist made of water. Wouldn't that be a water climb, not a fall, since it was like, an uppercut? Guzma didn't care, since Ariados had taken the blow extra hard, fainting in one hit. "Oh my," jabbed Hala, "Well? What's the boss's plan now?"  
A good question. Guzma was down to Pinsir, an injured Golisopod, and Bean. Hala was down to Poliwrath and assumedly one more. Technically Guzma had the advantage, but he hated that word. Against a Poliwrath... well, the old phrase was "fight fire with fire". He decided to do exactly that, except, well, the opposite.

"Your time to shine, Bean!" Guzma released the shiny Pyukumuku, still having a hard time wrapping his head around the Pokémon's position on his team. It not being a bug-type still kind of bothered Guzma, but the Pokémon had enough of attitude that he felt it a good fit anyway. Bean glared at its much larger opponent. Guzma remembered the small Pokémon's moves and had a great idea. He hoped Hala would fall into the trap.

He did. "Poliwrath, Brick Break!"

Guzma waited a fleeting second. "Bean, Counter!" He could see Hala's face fall, shocked at being duped. Take that! Bean easily withstood the quick, successive blows of Brick Break, barely being launched by the forceful attacks. It glowed, ready to retaliate, and launched itself using its... tongue-thingy, straight into Poliwrath. The larger Pokémon's trajectory sent in flying horizontally straight towards Hala. Guzma panicked for a second, worrying he'd squished his travelling partner, but Hala deftly sidestepped in a move Guzma wouldn't have thought possible for someone his age.

"Oof. Ouch. Ow. My knees." Hala rubbed at his left knee, looking back at Poliwrath. The Pokémon was totalled. Done for. History. Guzma would never understand the science of it, but Counter packed a punch. He smiled at Bean, who was making a rude gesture with its innards at where its opponent had just stood. "What a bother," said Hala, readying his final team member. This was it. "Let's take this back, Crabominable!" Guzma found this Pokémon species equal parts cool (get it, cause it's an ice-type?) and horrifying, on the rare occassions he encountered one. Come to think of it, Hala was the only person he knew of that owned a Crabominable. It had that funny, small face but with ridiculously long, stubby arms. It just weirded him out. All the more reason to knock it down. Guzma knew not to get cocky now of all times. Hala wasn't some schmuck. There was no beating around the bush; Hala had saved his strongest for last and could pull this off if he was clever enough.

Hala had an intense look of concentration on his face. He rolled up his sleeve, pressing something. "Crabominable, use All-Out Pummeling!"

Crap. Crap. Crap. Guzma hadn't considered that. Nothing at all would let Bean go first. "T-Toxic, Bean!" There was no hope. Utilising a strange, encompassing energy from the world around it, Crabominable surged towards Bean and began pummeling it with its fists, charged with a brown energy. Holy skulls, it never seemed to stop. Geez, the name was accurate. That was, without a doubt, an "all-out" pummeling, as Bean's bruised corpse indicated. Well, not corpse. Pokémon never died in battle, for reasons Guzma didn't understand or care to think about, but his Pokémon looked worse for wear.

Guzma thought it best to exhaust all his options. "Back out, now, Golisopod!" In a practised movement, he recalled the green Bean, sending out a still-somewhat-battered Golisopod, who gave a slightly weak battle cry. "Golisopod, Razor Shell!"

Hala gave his order at the same time. "Stone Edge, Crabominable!" Both Pokémon conjured their temporary weapons to use; Crabominable held a very sharp and nasty looking stone a second before Golisopod. The slight edge in speed caused it to pounce and strike first. Golisopod tried to swing the razor-sharp fell, but found it futile as the stone pierced its midsection. Ouch. There was no hope of coming back from that. If Golisopod had been just a little bit faster...

Guzma cursed under his breath. "Not bad, old man. Not bad."  
"Wel? We're not done yet."  
"Damn right." He'd known in his heart this would come down to a 1v1. In a boss-vs-boss showdown, could it go any other way? "Your turn, Pinsir!" And there it was. Guzma's last Pokémon was the closest to a fighting type he had. In fact... Crabominable was part ice-type, wasn't it? "Pinsir, Storm Throw, now!"  
"One last Stone Edge, Crabominable!" Not if Guzma had his say. Pinsir moved much faster and needed not to charge its attack, so was able to intercept Crabominable before it could ready the pointed stone. Grabbing the crab Pokémon in its... arms? Pincers. It grabbed it and leapt high, before slamming Crabominable into the ground. Guzma had a quick chuckle at how floppy and unwieldy its arms were. It was just... silly-looking. Clearly not weak, though, and that was what mattered in the end. Crabominable sprung to its feet, stone still in hand, before lunging at Pinsir. "Dodge it, Pinsir!" He knew it was a bit of a childish thing to say; obviously Pinsir was going to try and dodge anyway. Perhaps the extra encouragement was what it needed; Pinsir did a stylish roll out of the way of the single lunge. Crabominable had no time to attack a second time before the rock disintegrated into nothing. Guzma didn't let himself celebrate yet. Not yet. "Pinsir, Storm Throw!"

Guzma didn't watch the fatal move as Pinsir executed the down-throw. He glanced at Hala, a smirk on his face, to see the old man had folded his arms and closed his eyes. Guzma turned his attention back to Crabominable, who had been slammed into the ground a second time. It stayed there. And stayed there. It closed its eyes, unconscious.

Guzma laughed maniacally. "Woo! That's how it's done, gramps."

Hala grunted. Slowly, he approached Guzma, saying nothing. Was the old guy angry? Gonna hit him? Guzma wasn't sure what he'd do. Sure, he'd beat down most people, but Hala was a cool old dude... and a hell of a battler. To Guzma's... not surprise at all, actually, Hala held out a hand. "Good game."  
"Hell yeah!" Hala shook his slightly taller partner's hand, then paused, as if waiting for something else. "I still got the beat down, gramps!"

Hala laughed. "Now there's the Guzma I know. Still, you've become so much more of a sport. I was waiting for you to gloat at the end there and screw up."  
"I, uh..." Guzma shook his head, "shut up."

"Well, I can say with reasonable confidence that you'll win this little league here. Shall we head inside?" Guzma nodded, and Hala lead the way. The sliding doors parted. Guzma took a second to wonder why none of the several people inside had heard the commotion of a high-level Pokémon battle outside but didn't feel like wasting his brainpower.

He walked in and sat down, only now noticing how sore his legs were. Well, they weren't that sore, but he had done a lot of walking. Hala sat down opposite, giving a contented sigh. "Well, here we are."

"Here we freakin' are."  
"It's been quite a long road. You have only five challenges left."  
Guzma nodded. "Yeah, four elite whats-er-names and Lance, right?" Hala reached into his bag, rummaging around, appearing to ignore Guzma. "Gramps?"  
"My name is Hala." He produced several discs, holding them in his hand. "TMs."  
"Oh, yeah!"

"I've picked up a few more in addition to the ones I brought when we left. I have a few suggestions for you."  
A faint voice nagged in the back of Guzma's mind to tell Hala to get stuffed. Another said "I know what I'm doing, gramps!" and "don't lecture me, Hala, I see through the lies of the Kahuna!" Guzma ignored them. Y'all voices are stupid. "Go on."

"I have Smart Strike and Leech Life for Ariados, though whether you use them is up to you. I'll explain how they work if you're interested. I also have... a move called Swords Dance for Scizor. It's a bit of a different tactic to what you usually use, but if you use it right..." he leaned in, "...you can sweep the opponent's whole team with one Pokemon."  
"Really?!"

"Well... to tell the truth, that's not usually what happens, but it can. That's the truth." Guzma shrugged. "Anyway... it's great to see we've made it this far. This region follows the "Day Job" way for Pokémon League members."

"Come again?"  
"You see it in movies and the like, but Pokemon League members aren't just sitting here 24 hours a day waiting for challengers to show up. That would be a tad unrealistic."  
"No kidding."  
"Most of them have jobs or other things they occupy themselves with during the daytime. The usual times when they're available to challenge is all the daylight and evening hours of Friday, Saturday and Sunday. The position is well-regarded enough that most employers are willing to compensate. Most people don't want an Elite Four member having a sour opinion of them."

"Huh. Guess I learned something!"

Hala chuckled. "For once."  
Guzma rolled his eyes. "Walked right into that one."

"From my understanding, the Elite Four is almost completely different from the last time I was here. They have a very high turnover. Most times, the roster will change completely every four, five years or so. You get the occasional person that sticks around for a long time, but I think sitting in rooms for a long period of time gets to people. They often move on, except for the quiet, focused types."

"Geez, I know I would! I can't stand standin' around."

"Me too, thank you very much. That's why Alola goes by the "Call" system. You notify the Pokemon League you want to challenge them, and they get back to you within 48 hours to notify you of when you can come in to challenge the members, who must organise a time within a week of the initial challenge. An infinitely superior system, in my opinion. You end up just climbing up a mountain for strong, exhilarating battles a few times each weekend or so. I love few things more."

"Heh, that sounds pretty cool, you know." Guzma wondered. He was that strong, wasn't he? Could he do that?

Maybe the Kanto League would prove a good test for that.

"I don't know if any have a type advantage over you in this league, but you'd have to be quite unlucky. You already faced several of Bug's weaknesses during the gym challenge."  
"Huh. I did, too! I'm a freakin' boss."

"I'd say it's about time for you to prove it."  
Guzma stood, cracking his knuckles and adjusting his neck. "It's time for Lance to say hello to ya boi Guzma!"

"You might want to install these TMs, first."

"Oh. Right."


	18. Chapter 18

**AN: Told ya.**

 **Time to take on the league.**

 **For anyone still reading, I'm nearly there.**

Guzma waved behind him.

"Good luck," said Hala, "be the boss."

The double doors closed behind him. Guzma thought back to what he knew. He needed to have as much brute strength as possible, to never be stupid, and to jump on weak points. Who was in the Elite Four? It didn't matter. He didn't need to know since he'd crush them all anyway. Even so, he hoped a whole lot that they didn't have any fire or flying masters in this place. He was better equipped now than ever before, at least.

Four challenges. Then the _real_ boss fight. He strode confidently down the metallic, echoey hallway, ready to open the sliding doors ahead. This was it. Number one. No chumps here. He wondered what everyone back home would say if he beat the League Champion. Would his dad be happy? Pfft. He pushed the thoughts away. Guzma came to beat down the freakin' world, not to appease his father. Not to appease anyone.

He opened the sliding doors. The room was a dark colour, with brightly coloured blue lights illuminating the area from above. It still seemed... dim. What was the word... atmosphero? Atmos... atmospheric! Heh. The walls lacked pattern, simply being painted in a deep black colour. The floor was patterned with a large, slick-looking purple "R", which covered the entire area. One person, a familiar one, stood in the centre of the room.

"Hey, hey, I know you!" said Guzma, "you're uh... you were there when Team Rocket jumped me! What was your name again, uh..."

The woman chuckled. "Ariana." She appeared to be in her late forties and wore a tight-clinging black top and blue jeans, as well as a snazzy pair of sunglasses. Nice. She'd helped Guzma out in that pinch with Team Rocket, way back.

Hold on, hadn't she been... "you used to be Team Rocket, didn't ya?"  
She held her arms up out, gesturing to the room. "I still like the aesthetic... but otherwise, that part of my life is long behind me."  
Guzma nodded. "Yeah..."

"I like what I've become, challenger... what's your name?"  
"Guzma."

"You seem quite young, still. So, let me give you a piece of advice. Think about what you _really_ want and shoot for it."  
"I've probably heard that before, ya know. Kinda cliched advice."

"You pick up a lot of cliched advice over time. Although I haven't been in this position too long."

"Yeah, I got a question... how'd you even get here?

"Hard work and determination. And because one of the old league members had to leave."

"Really? Who?"  
Ariana smirked, one hand on her hip. "My understanding is he wished to spend time with his family. Expecting a grandchild or some such thing. Such a pain they are, children. Never right for me."  
Guzma remembered this woman. He'd found her very relatable last time as well, despite a good 20-year age difference. Ah, well. Hala was way older. Guzma didn't feel the same way about older people that he used to. "Yeah, I feel ya! Who the hell wants all that... responsibility and stuff?"

"Too right." she nodded, "but I made a good replacement for the man that left. I use the same type, you see. If you're coming from Kanto, I'm sure you've faced it before. Are you ready to suffer the pain of the Poison-type?"

Poison, huh? "Hell yeah. I'm more ready than ever to beat your team down!"

* * *

Ariana picked first. "Time to shine, Nidoking!" Out came an intimidating Pokemon with a large horn. Guzma had seen Nidoking before and faced it once or twice. It was a brilliantly cool Pokemon, he could see that. Would have been an easy choice for him If _he_ used Poison types. Guzma remembered it was also part-ground.

"Go, Golisopod!" He realised, as his coolest Pokemon emerged in a bright light, that First Impression would be a bad choice. In fact, he wasn't in a great position – Bug didn't hit Poison well. Damn. He hoped the entire damn Elite Four didn't resist him. But he still had the situation under control. "Use Razor Shell first, Golisopod!"

"Nidoking, Poison Jab!" Nidoking's horn glowed with a purple energy as Golisopod began to conjure the razor-sharp shell. As usual, Golisopod was too slow without utilising First Impression. The Sharp horn pierced Golisopod, causing a painful-looking wound. Guzma stood in anticipation, hoping Golisopod wasn't injured enough to wimp out. To his joy, it finished conjuring the shell, which Nidoking failed to dodge as Golisopod brought it across the enemy Pokemon's face in a quick slash.

It was a one-hit KO, and Nidoking collapsed with a heavy thud. "Hey, hey, hey!" said Guzma, "what next, yo? You gotta do better than that."

"Always quick to gloat. I was like that once." Ariana readied her Pokemon, and Guzma realised with a flicker of pride that she too used Ultra Balls. Cool people used Ultra Balls. "But can you beat my Vileplume?" she lugged the next ball, releasing Vileplume, a poisonous flower thingy with an oversized hat, head... thing. Pokemon were weird. "Vileplume, strike with Giga Drain!"

"Golisopod, use X-Scissor, now!" Vileplume struck first by a fraction, sapping a green energy out of Golisopod, who began to cower and back away. It grew weaker and weaker, backing toward Guzma, before fainting at his feet. Damn. He thought he'd got an advantage, but Ariana had instantly evened it. He expected nothing less from a boss in the Elite Four.

He considered his options. Poison was weak to Ground and Psychic, but Vileplume was part-grass type. He had no Psychic moves on his team. So that left Grass weaknesses. Like... "Go, Masquerain!" he released the flighty Pokemon, which hovered high above its opponent. Guzma wasn't sure how strong Vileplume's defense was... so he decided to play things safe. "Masquerain, Air Slash!"

"Use Sludge Bomb, Vileplume." commanded Ariana with confidence. Masquerain, like usual, proved faster as it projected the air waves at its stumpy opponent. Vileplume became easily wounded by the waves, all of which it failed to dodge. The attack did not decide the encounter, as Vileplume projected a large ball or "bomb" of sludge. It travelled with surprising velocity, "exploding" on Masquerain before the Pokemon had time to react. Masquerain's wings appeared to flap much slower as it tried to shake all the flecks of sludge off. Yeesh.

The guy needed some revenge. "Finish it off with Bug Buzz, Masquerain!"

"Sludge Bomb once more, Vileplume!" Masquerain, finding energy, began to flap its wings at rapid speed, creating a concussive buzzing noise around Vileplume. As Guzma and Ariana covered their ears, Vileplume quickly fainted. Guzma cheered, clapping for Masquerain, who still looked very worse for wear. Even so, that was two down, not too many to go. "You're pretty good," said Ariana, "but can you handle Ariados?" A Pokemon Guzma knew very well emerged. He realised Masquerain was just as suited to combat an Ariados, cool as it would be to have his Ariados fight hers. "Ariados," commanded Ariana, "use Shadow Sneak!"

"Air Slash, Masquerain!" Ariados moved at high speed, becoming an unreflective black colour. It struck Masquerain with a claw, before moving back to its position in front of Ariana, all in an instant. Masquerain... still hadn't fainted, though it looked to be moments away from doing so. Ariana growled as the "slices" of air impacted her Ariados, knocking it out with only the one attack. Looks like things hadn't quite gone how she wanted.

She gritted her teeth, clutching the next ball. This was a lot easier than Hala. Maybe she had some wildcard up her sleeve. "You're next, Muk!" Ariana released her next Pokemon. Guzma was instantly surprised, though this was hardly a "wildcard".

"Yo, wait," he said, "your Muk's Alolan?"  
Ariana nodded. Her Pokemon bore the vibrant colours of an Alolan Muk. "I've travelled there in the past, trying to find what I wanted to do with myself. It's a very nice place... with very strong Pokemon. Like this one! Muk, Crunch now!"  
Guzma didn't miss a beat. "Bug Buzz, Masquerain!" Masquerain sent out further concussive sound waves, causing Muk to wince, and damaging its... sludge? Bits of its sludge sort of got displaced by the waves and... yeah. Guzma just assumed it was getting damaged. It was a whole lot easier to tell with Masquerain as Muk crunched the Pokemon with its... teeth? The teeth seemed purple and ethereal, as if conjured like Razor Shell. Regardless of how the attack worked, Masquerain now lay on the floor with a weak cry. It fainted.

Guzma stomped his foot. He'd been on such a roll. With only two Pokemon left for him to deal with, he wasn't about to mess up. Next, he released Pinsir. Guzma knew what to do here. "Pinsir, use Earthquake, now!"

"Toxic, Muk!" An odd choice, thought Guzma. Pinsir proved much faster than the sludge pile as it began to direct tremors in the floor towards Muk. Guzma took a moment to wonder how the hell this was still safe inside a building, but the damage done to Muk caused him to stop. The sludgy Pokemon had gone all limp. The "arms" hung at its sides, and Guzma could no longer see its eyes. Ariana let out a string of curses as she recalled the Pokemon. It had fainted? Wow. Guzma couldn't believe how this was going. Right now, it was 4 Pokemon to 1. How could he lose? Although, technically he could.

Nah.

"Go, Arbok." said Ariana with little enthusiasm. Guzma wouldn't put it past her to use some kind of amazing tactic, but in his experience, the person with more Pokemon left at this point won. Honestly, he couldn't remember the last time it had happened the opposite way, with the disadvantaged person winning. Arbok emerged, tall and scary. Another great Pokemon. Guzma had to admit, Poison was probably second or third-coolest behind bug-type. Bug was number one, as always. "Arbok, use Poison Jab!"

"One more Earthquake, Pinsir!" Pinsir obeyed, striking Arbok just as it attempted to jab the bug Pokemon with its tail. Pinsir dodged the attack and landed the shockwave, sending the large cobra Pokemon careening into the wall. It didn't get up.  
Wow. Ariana was shaking her head and looking to the ground. Had Guzma really just...? "Congratulations." she said through gritted teeth, "I guess you're pretty damn good at this."

"Yo, are you saying it's over?"

"Regrettably." She took off her sunglasses with an overdramatic shake of her head. "I can safely say that's the worst defeat I've suffered in a while. Do you have a team of six?"  
"Sure do."  
"Bother." She rubbed at the sunglasses briefly, before slapping them right back on with a swift movement. "Perhaps I'm getting old already. Haha."

"Don't bet on it, yo. You look real good! And you can't be getting old. I travelled with a sixty-something dude to get here."

"Thanks. And who is he...?"  
Guzma snapped his fingers. "Hey, yo, you went to Alola. You ever meet a guy called Hala?"  
There was a glimmer of recognition in her eyes. "The something-or-other of something-unpronounceable island?"

"Yeah, that's about right. He's really freaking good at battles, and he's way older than you. I wouldn't be getting' all worried."

"Easy for you to say. You're young and not currently in terrible defeat." She shook her head, putting the glasses back on. "Regardless. Well done, challenger. If you've defeated me so soundly, you probably won't have tremendous trouble with who's next. He's very unique as far as Elite Four members go. I get the feeling you'd like him."

"Guess I'll see ya." Guzma began to strode forward, giving Ariana a wave, "good fight."

* * *

Reaching the end of the next hallway, Guzma waited for the automatic door to open. The second room of the Pokemon League loomed ahead.

This one was... also mostly black. It overall seemed to have a similar design sense to Ariana, though no affiliation with Team Rocket was evident. Thin, upward jets of red flame occupied the sides of the room, shooting high into the air. They dissipated below the ceiling, creating a sort of carpet around the sides. The floor was patterned in what Guzma recognised as gym badges, sixteen of them in a circle spanning most of the floor. He didn't know of half of them but remembered that there was another region right next to Kanto. Guess it had gyms, too.

Standing in the center of the badge circle appeared to be a man in his early to mid-twenties. Just like Ariana, he had striking, bright red hair. Guzma was reminded he needed to dye his hair again. The man also wore a black shirt with red coloration, and long track pants. Guzma had the fleeting though that he'd be the kind of man who'd like to go for a run.

Guzma faced him, and the man folded his arms. "A challenger. Hmph. I was all prepared with witty remarks for you when you walked in here, but you look tough."

"Damn right I'm tough. Now who the hell are you?"

"My name is... not important. What matters

"No, really, what's your name?"  
"Silver. You challengers always place so much importance on someone's name."

"So uh, do you use, uhhhh, fire-type?" Guzma prayed the answer would be no.

"People also place a lot of importance on specialising in a type."

Guzma took a moment to process that. "Yo, are you saying you don't have a favourite type?"  
"Not one I specialise in, at least." He spoke in an authoritative voice, almost as if he thought he knew better... that he was the _boss._ Guzma could respect that. But this guy wasn't the boss here. "What's your name, challenger?"  
"Guzma. I'm the boss."

"Hmph. Not around here. Here you have to prove you're the boss. I still haven't been able to claim the top position after all these years. Or even the top three. But people recognise me for my strength as a member of the Elite Four. It doesn't matter that I'm ranked second lowest."

Guzma thought about that. "Really..."  
"Either way," Silver drew a Poke Ball, and it was... _another_ Ultra Ball! Guzma smirked, showing teeth. Cool. People. Used. Ultra Balls! "All that matters in the end is the strength you can get from working as one with your partners. Regardless of the type you use, or where you come from. If you've got this far, then I can learn something from beating you in a battle."  
"Or I could... learn something... from beating _you!_ " That didn't really work as comeback. "Ah, hell, whatever. I'ma beat you down, just like I did Ariana."

"You may try. Go, Weavile!"

Guzma thought about how to match that. Golisopod would do. Wasn't Weavile Dark-Type? That meant he was weak to Guzma's whole team. "Golisopod, go!" Out came the familiar, useful Pokemon. "First Impression!"

Silver looked a tad confused. "Weavile, begin with Shadow Claw." Golisopod moved faster than its speedy opponent, striking Weavile upside the jaw. The much smaller Pokemon flew backward, sliding across the floor, directly into the fire jets. Guzma's heart leapt.

"Holy crap! Turn it off!"  
Silver shook his head. "It's purely cosmetic. That flame can't harm a Klefki." He recalled Weavile, "On a separate note, what a disastrous start to this battle. I have not faced this Pokemon before. I knew I'd learn something today. Go, Crobat!" The lightning-fast bat Pokemon burst forth with a grating screech of a battle cry. It fixed Golisopod with a glare. "Use Cross Poison!"

"Razor Shell, Golisopod!" Crobat struck at high-speed, creating an x-shaped wound on Golisopod and causing parts of the wound to glow purple. Guzma gritted his teeth. Poison. Golisopod wouldn't last long. Even so, the bug Pokemon conjured the Razor Shell as usual, and successfully landed the attack on its flying opponent. Crobat seemed visibly shaken, flapping its wings slower in a similar way to how Masquerain did when injured. Golisopod clutched at its midsection, the poison doing its work. Ut began to crouch low to the ground, backing towards Guzma, who stomped his feet. "Why you always gotta be such a freaking _dweeb_ , Golisopod?! Argh!" Guzma would have smacked it, but didn't fancy Golisopod smacking him back harder, like he knew he would. He recalled Golisopod, thinking of what would be best to hit a Crobat. There were an awful lot of Poison-Types for him to deal with here.

Guzma made his decision. "You're next, Scizor!" Scizor was immune to poison and resisted flying. What could go wrong? Plenty of things, of course, but Guzma couldn't see himself failing this fight. He waited for Silver to give an order.

"Crobat, use Confuse Ray!" Aw, great. Cheap tactics. Should one really have expected anything else from the Elite Four? Not that it mattered.

"Scizor, Bullet Punch!" Scizor moved fast as a... bullet? It sure seemed that way with how quickly it struck Crobat with a metallic pincer bunched up into a fist. Crobat fell, now, fainted already. These Elite Four Dudes weren't so bad after all. Did any have a type advantage over him? Guzma admitted, he'd probably be screwed if any of them used fire types. Or, hell no... Flying-Types.

Silver clenched his fist. "I can see how you got here so quickly. You're no weakling, Guzma..." he grabbed his next ball, "Your turn, Alakazam!" Out came the yellow, humanoid Pokemon, holding its two spoons. Now _there_ was a Pokemon that creeped Guzma out. It was also weak to bug moves. Heh. "Alakazam, use Focus Blast!"

"Scizor, use X-Scissor!" Alakazam finished charging the sphere of brown energy, launching it towards Scizor. It impacted in a quick explosion, causing burn-like wounds all over Scizor's front side. Woozy, Scizor staggered forwards, leaping at Alakazam and striking it with the strong bug-type move. It was no surprise that it was a one-hit ko, considering the Pokemon's small frame. Silver recalled it, raising his voice. "This is _not_ over yet!" He readied his next. Guzma honestly expected more solid of a challenge from the strongest trainers in the region. "Your turn, Magnezone! We'll still take this." Out came the metallic Pokemon, renowned for its outstanding defenses and strong attacks. Guzma had known a grunt or two to use a Magneton. But not its slightly creepier evolution. "Discharge!"

"Scizor, use..." Guzma knew the hestitation would cost him, but what could he do? "Use... Night Slash!" He was done for, but not yet. Claws wide open and glowing dark, Scizor brought them across Magnezone's steel body. The Pokemon seemed to sustain little injury, easily finishing its electrical pulse, which shocked Scizor. The bug Pokemon convulsed for a few seconds before collapsing, fainted. Guzma stomped his foot, once and only once, before thinking of what to do next. This battle was still his to win. "Pick it up now, Pinsir!" Pinsir emerged, clacking its teeth. Guzma knew what to do now, against such a powerful opponent. "Earthquake!"

"Magnezone, use Thunder Wave!" For the second time, Guzma knew he'd block the cheap strategies. Pinsir's attack landed, somehow striking the magnetic Pokemon despite its levitation. As Magnezone clattered limply to the floor, Guzma took a moment to think about how the hell that worked, like scientifically. Magnezone levitated but, like... didn't levitate? And Levitate was an ability, but not somethin Pokemon just did? There were other floaty Pokemon you could hit with ground moves, too. He hadn't really done that, but knew it were possible. So weird. Silver looked white in the face at hoe close he was to losing. "I've gotten out of worse positions than this." He drew his final Pokemon, ready. "Get him, Gengar!" The fast, fearsome Ghost-type burst forth, waving its hands around in an attempt to scare Pinsir. Pinsir just looked at it quizzically. "Gengar, use Sludge Bomb!"

Again with that gross attack? "Pinsir, use Earthquake one more time!" Gengar readied its "bomb", which struck Pinsir long before it could probably get the tremors in the Earth going. Pinsir collapsed, trying to hold itself up with its puny arms, only to faint. Damn it. Not that it mattered. Elite Four had only five Pokemon, at least in Kanto. This was still a 3v1. "Ariados, go!" Ariados emerged, ready for trouble. Guzma had the fleeting thought that this was technically a 2v1. Bean, his third Pokemon, could only attack with Toxic – useless against a Gengar. Wait, nevermind. It had Soak. Guzma was wasting brainpower. "Ariados, use... Smart Strike!" Hala's new move. Guzma thanked him right now, since none of the other ones could hit a Gengar.  
"Gengar, take him down with a Shadow Ball!" Gengar swiftly lobbed the ball of dark energy at Ariados, the high-speed projectile breaking on impact. Ariados seemed dazed, but executed its attack, striking Gengar with a steely-charged horn-thing. What was that on Ariados' head anyway? Why was Guzma questioning too many things? There was a goddamn battle to be won! Gengar survived the piercing attack, apparently no worse for wear, though some of its gas seemed to "break away". Or something. Silve commaned it to do the same attack again, as did Guzma for Ariados. The result was as expected; Ariados fainted from the hit. And suddenly, Guzma was backed into a corner.

"Well?" chided Silver, "Are we done yet? Surely you have at least five, if not six?"  
"Masquerain will finish you off, pal!" Guzma lobbed the ball, being sure to keep in style. He wasn't about to lose here, now. He was smarter now than back in Alola, or when he fought Surge. "Masquerain, knock him off with an Air Slash!"

"Gengar, end it with a Shadow Ball!" Guzma waited tensely for Masquerain to ready the "slashes" of air. The Shadow Ball impacted its face, momentarily dazing the Pokemon, but it sent the three waves anyway. Gengar failed to dodge any, dramatically holding its arms up before faceplanting into the ground.

And that was it.

Silver seemed to have trouble containing his reaction. "Unbelievable."  
"Good game, ha! Great beatdown."

"It's... not reassuring to know that even after all these years of training, and fighting weak trainers, strong trainers and stronger trainers, that I still lose to an arrogant twit from who knows where?"  
Guzma laughed. "The _twit_ is the one who loses... twit!"

"Tell me, have you ever heard of Team Rocket?"

Guzma raised an eyebrow. "Yeah, I fought them, actually. Ariana was in 'em. Why do you ask?"  
"Oh, I fought them once, you see. Many times, rather. That was ten years ago, now. I was able to crush them all while still in my early teens... I thought I was unstoppable." He shook his head. "There was one person. A little younger than me. They would... always defeat me, though I never admitted it at first. To this day, I've never won against them. What I'm saying... even though I hate it... is that there will always be people better than me... like you, apparently."  
"Yo, I get that story. There's someone I never beat, back where I'm from. They're like twelve years old, too, if that. It hurts real bad. But all you can do is try and beat 'em sometime."

"Hmph! Too right, challenger, too right." He gestured ahead. "I am something of an outlier as far as Elite Four members go. I still aspire to be champion, and I think it foolish to specialise in only one type when there are eighteen."

"Whatever floats your boat. You gonna challenge him sometime?"  
Silver shrugged. "I have to go through the same process as you. To usurp the Champion, I have to defeat all of the other Elite Four members, then him. None of that is an easy task."

"Whatever. Good fight, ya redhead weirdo. What is it with red hair around here?"  
"Popular choice. Like sunglasses."  
"Pfft, whatever. Have fun, chump."

* * *

Entering the third hallway, Guzma took a moment to reflect on how far he'd come. Could he get this far in the league back in Alola? Well, he'd beat Hala. What about all the ladies in it with him? Heh. Guzma thought about that. He could take over from Hala and be surrounded by babes. They were probably all adults if they were in the Elite Four. Maybe he'd finally get a girlfriend.

Maybe sometime. Geez. Guzma knew he needed to face facts. He'd be thirty in not-too-much-time. It was still a few years away, but geez. Before long he'd be old and gray like Hala.

Actually... he wouldn't have minded being like Hala. Sixty... five, was it? Battling all the time, staying strong, and being surrounded by hot babes (granted, Hala was married). He'd feel like a boss. He'd be on top again. He could still do it when he got old.

Maybe it would be a good idea someday.

But right now, three more chumps needed a beat down.


	19. Chapter 19

**AN: Funny, this is only like 200 words longer than the last chapter. Consistency!  
**

Guzma strode into the next room as the doors closed behind him. Halfway point, no, and he was still going strong. He'd been sure to heal his Pokémon throughout so they were in near-top condition for each battle. He needed to make sure no one lagged behind, which meant keeping his team in shape.

This room felt much brighter, Guzma quickly realised it was because of the lava in low-down pits secluded at the sides. He doubted it was real, though. What was that stuff they used, and it was like, fake lava? It was in gyms, too. Guzma knew himself to not be a history buff, but he remembered something about the gyms, how in ancient times places like them had had actual lava in them, but it had been changed because people kept falling in all the time and dying. Understandable. Lava sure did look cool. Wait, he meant- ugh. Lava looked nice. Yeah.

At the end of a very metallic, tiled floor, stood Guzma's next opponent. He was a man who wore only pants, showing off his impressively toned torso and arms. He had black hair, quite long, tied off at the back, and looked about fifty.

He stared down Guzma. "A worthy challenger approaches."

"You got that right. Big bad Guzma is here!"

"Bad?" he folded his arms. "I wouldn't consider that a way to compliment oneself. Your name is Guzma?"

"Yeah, yo, what's yours?"  
"Hm. A foreigner." he closed his eyes, as if in thought, then opened them again. Guzma admired his piercing gaze. "I am called Bruno. I am the fourth-longest serving member of the Indigo League."

"How long you, uh, served?"

"It'll be twenty years, next Tuesday. I still have some ways to go."

"Ways to go?" Guzma felt curious. Someone who'd been doing the same thing for so long might have something interesting to say.

"Before I am the longest and strongest. The longest-serving Elite Four member was here for fifty-fours years and retired at eighty-three. Having that kind of strength throughout my life, that's all I could ask for."  
"Yeah, I get what you mean, yo."

"Yes. Did you know fighting Pokémon, on average, tend to have roughly the same lifespan as humans? They are the true choice for lifelong partners. Tell me, do you use a particular type, challenger?"  
"I use the biggest and best bugs around."

"Hmm. Unfortunate."

Guzma stared at him, though there was no way he could intimidate someone like this. "You got a problem?"  
"Were you aware that bug Pokémon have among the shortest life spans of all types?"  
"I ain't believing that. You can't get me with your mind games before a battle, that crap doesn't work on big bad Guzma!"

"They are facts."

"Pssh."

"I don't like idle chatter and small talk. I am here to become as strong as possible, and so are you. Why don't we get to the main event?"

Guzma already had his lead ready. "You're on!"

* * *

"Go, Golisopod!" Guzma decided to be confident this time. He'd won all the battles so far and wasn't about to lose now.

Bruno wordlessly released his lead, face stern. Guzma recognised the Pokémon as Hitmon... something. The one with the pointy head.

Fighting's resistance to bug would put him at a disadvantage... wait, no, no it wouldn't. Bug resisted fighting as well! "Golisopod," commanded Guzma, "Razor Shell!"

"Hitmontop, Counter!"

"Wait, no, crap!" Golisopod was already finishing up the attack, slicing the thin midsection of Hitmontop. Guzma always wondered why the wounds never seemed all that severe on a Pokémon. A Razor Shell on a human would cut something right off. Hitmontop charged its fist... things, and struck Golisopod very, very hard. It was enough to send the bug Pokémon crashing into the door Guzma had entered from, crumpling and losing consciousness in one attack. "Not a good start."

"Don't lose your cool, challenger."  
Guzma didn't intend to. "You're next, Scizor!" Scizor buzzed, ready to cut down its much shorter and thinner opponent. "Mega Evolve and use Swords Dance!"

"Close Combat, Hitmontop!" Strategy, that's what it was. Swords Dance made Scizor's already awesome attacks hit even harder, though Guzma slapped himself internally as he realised Scizor had only Bullet Punch to fit fighting types. Scizor finished its tranformation, then did a quite quick movement that could've been called a "dance" but looked a bit more like a series of dodges to Guzma. Weird. Hitmontop came crashing down onto Scizor with a flurry of well-aimed kicks and punches, finishing with a kick to Scizor's face.

The steel Pokémon survived the torrent of blows and awaited Guzma's command. "Bullet Punch!" In less than a second, Scizor soared towards Hitmontop and clocked it upside the face with its large, metallic claw. It was enough of an injury to knock the funny-looking Pokémon out.

Bruno hardly reacted. Guzma took a moment to notice the type of Poké Ball he used. Standard red and white ones. Huh. Odd. "Hitmonlee," commanded Bruno as the oddly-shaped Pokémon emerged, "Use Blaze Kick!"

Blaze? That sounded like... no, no, no. Guzma wasn't losing Scizor this early, no way. He got an idea as he waited for Hitmonlee to charge the move. He swiftly recalled Scizor, switching him out for someone he hadn't utilised so far.

Guzma smirked as Hitmonlee's blazing foot collided not with Scizor, but with Bean. The Pokémon's bizarre, indestructible flesh absorbed the attack easily, and Bean gave an agitated cry with those strange Pyukumuku noises.

Bruno's eyebrows raised, almost imperceptibly. "A shiny Pokémon. Hm. Lucky you. But shininess is nothing more than a rare mutation. Hitmonlee, Close Combat!"

Easy peasy bait. Guzma waited a second for Hitmonlee to approach. "Bean, use Counter!"

Bruno put a palm to his face, looking irritated. Hitmonlee's wave of beatings annoyed the green Pokémon stopped. Bean began to glow a black colour, and in short time, used it's gut-fist thing, striking Hitmonlee with overwhelming force. The brown Pokémon slid across the ground, bumping into a railing near the lava. That was a one-hit kill, but Bean did look worse for wear. Guzma wondered if the small thing could survive another attack. Still, he had the upper hand for a little bit. "I will not back down." said Bruno. "Next up is Hitmonchan!" Geez, the guy had the whole lot of them? "Use Close Combat!" Geez again. Not a lot of variation, thought Guzma. Each fight so far had been Hitmon-something using Close Combat until Guzma took it down.

"Bean, try and use Toxic!" It wasn't going to be any use. The big-fisted Pokémon vastly outsped the sluggish Pyukumuku. Bean tried to withstand the flurry of Close Combat blows, but after all the damage it had already suffered, it was over for Guzma's odd guy out. Bean's eyes closed, fainted. Damn it. Guzma recalled the feisty little Pokémon, considering his next move. So far, this dude had just used normal fighting types, and Guzma hadn't even brought out his best counter to that yet. Alright. Time to get serious. "Masquerain, you're up next." Masquerain emerged. "Air Slash!"

Bruno stroked at his chin. He'd faced a Masquerain only once before, against a challenger from the Hoenn region. He had been taken by surprise then, too. "Hitmonchan, Bullet Punch!" There was nothing he could do. Guzma watched as Hitmonchan executed its move with just as much precision as Scizor always did. While Masquerain faltered briefly, the winner of the encounter was clear seconds later as the razor-sharp airwaves impacted Hitmonchan.

Three down, two to go if the other people Guzma had faced so far were any indication. Bruno seemed... well, he didn't seem anything. He kept his expression totally neutral. He released his next Pokémon. "Lucario," he commanded, "ExtremeSpeed, now!"

Guzma wouldn't let himself be caught off-guard. "Air Slash again, Masquerain!" Lucario was part steel-type... didn't that mean it got rid of its normal fighting-type weaknesses? Guzma wasn't sure and didn't have enough spare moments ot think it properly. Lucario struck fast and hard with a claw, leaving a gash across Masquerain's face. Masquerain's wings began to beat a little slower, now, a sign of its weariness. Even so, it released the three consecutive air waves, which headed straight towards Lucario and-

Completely missed. Masquerain had screwed up. Guzma clutched at his hair and avoided screaming at his Pokémon. You couldn't be screwing up here! That was it for Masquerain too. Bruno quickly sPoké, "One more ExtremeSpeed, Lucario!" Before Guzma could do any sort of reaction, Lucario had struck his Pokémon a second time, causing Masquerain to flutter to the ground. Another one out of action. Guzma grunted. Lucario was a relatively well-known Pokémon for its great battle potential and appearance, but as far as he could remember Guzma had never actually faced one. Steel and Fighting... what would hit that best. Ah. Guzma knew.

"Your turn, Pinsir!" Out came the brown Pokémon, calm and ready. "Use Earthquake!"

"Lucario, hit it with Iron Tail!" Lucario charged the attack swiftly as Pinsir created tremors in the Earth. Earth? Floor. No time to think about it! Lucario launched itself into the air, bringing a steely tail down onto Pinsir. Pinsir, wincing, stood its ground, causing the ground underneath Lucario to shake with enough force to make it stop moving. A one-hit kill again? There were lots of those in this particular fight for some reason. Guzma took a brief second to ask a question.

"Yo, Bruno, uh, this whole building's Earthquake-proof, right?"

"It's everything-proof. The Pokémon league was built for battles. Explosion, Earthquake, fire moves, anything will cause minimal damage at worst. Now, if you don't mind, it's time for me to turn this around." Bruno released the catch on his final Poké Ball, revealing his star player. Machamp flexed its four arms, surely confident from fighting hundreds of challengers. "Machamp, strike it down with a Stone Edge!"

"Pinsir, use Stone Edge as well!" Guzma didn't quite understone- erm, understand, the logistics of it, but Pinsir finished creating the sharp stone first. The piercing item seemed to have unremarkable effect on Machamp's flesh, creating a visible but rather small wound on the muscular Pokémon. Machamp, on the other hand, brought its own down with great force, striking Pinsir in the same place Lucario had. Ouch. Adding more injury to injury. Pinsir collapsed, down for the count. Guzma wouldn't let himself be wrecked stupidly like this. "Ariados, you're up next!" out came Guzma's oldest partner, fangs bared. "Use Cross Poison!"

"Machamp, Stone Edge!" Ariados moved in a way Guzma always thought sluggish for a Pokémon of its size, but it still beat Machamp to the punch, slicing its midsection and leaving a poisonous glow. The attack seemed to impact much harder than usual, causing Machamp to clutch at its midsection with all four hands, unable to tank this attack as it had the first. The muscular Pokémon dropped its rock, which quickly dissipated into dust, before keeling over and fainting.

Guzma gave a slow clap. "Ariados, you are _so_ getting some sweet, sweet poffins when we're done here." That battle had been a little close for Guzma's liking, but at least it was over. Bruno grunted.

"It's not often I lose, nowadays. Congratulations, challenger. You've shown me I still have much to learn. Tell me, where are you from?"

"Alola. It's a neat place most of the time. Plenty of awesome bug Pokémon."

"I am aware. I have travelled there."

"Really?"

"And almost everywhere. I have thus far made multiple travels to Hoenn, Sinnoh, Kalos, and Alola. I'm yet to visit Unova as it is a very great distance away... and my true place is here."

Guzma rubbed at his chin. "So, you stick around here most of the time, but you still get out sometimes?"

"I take leave from my everyday commitments for two separate weeks, each year. Train wel, but allow your boy and mind to recover. Or, as a more simplistic person might say, "work hard, play hard"."

Guzma narrowed his eyes at him. "Hold up. Isn't it your Pokémon that are doing all the like, training? And hard work? And... actual fighting?"

"Go to the next room." Bruno deadpanned.

* * *

This was it. The last room, then Lance. Guzma felt strange. Not nerves, totally not. He of all people wouldn't be _nervous_ , right? Right. Guzma pressed on, striding straight through the fourth door and into-

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whooooa. This room was wildly different from any of the others. Instead of steel or cold, industrial material, the entire floor was grass. A lush, green grass, cut short. It didn't look fake, either. Lining the sides of the room were interspersed trees, like the ones at the sides of roads in the whole region. Simple ones, normally shaped, a little bit taller than Guzma. In the ceiling were... webs? Like something Ariados might spin, high up in the air, on the ceiling, and on the walls.

Hold on a sec. Webs like an Ariados might spin... did that mean...

Guzma approached the sole person standing in the room. He looked to be in his early twenties, with strange, purplish hair and a quite thin physique. He waved, "Hiya, I'm Bugsy!" Guzma didn't know how to react. "Congrats on getting this far, challenger. I'm the last member of the Elite Four, a lifelong expert in bug types."

Guzma took a moment to process that. "You use bug types. And your name is Bugsy."

"Yeah... so?"

"Like... you've literally got your type in your name. Did you change it or something? It'd be like me being called Buzzma."

Bugsy shrugged. "I guess it just-" he paused, "wait... you use bug-types as well?"

"Hell yeah. Same as you. They're the best and most badass of them all."

"Ah, I see you are a man of culture! I prefer them for their elegance and potential for study, while still having many strong and versatile specimens. I've studied them since I could walk."  
Still, though. "Bugsy". What a name. "So, you're the last guy here?" asked Guzma.

"Well, there's the champion, but I'm the highest-ranking member of the Elite Four. My strategy is focused on strong strategy and a sound technical knowledge." Yuck. Guzma couldn't think of a more boring way to fight. "I've perfected my team of awesome bugs in every way I can. Can you match up with your own?"  
"You bet I can, uh... Bugsy." Bizarre. Guzma palmed a Poké Ball. "You ready?"

"Haha, are _you_ ready?"

* * *

"Go, Golisopod!" commanded Bugsy.

Bugsy produced a Poké Ball Guzma couldn't remember the name of. It was painted a greenish-blue colour, with four or five black stripe things along the top of the ball. "Go, Scizor!" Hoo, boy. This was gonna be really, really interesting. Would Bugsy have any of the other same Pokémon as him? Guzma supposed he'd find out. "Scizor, use X-Scissor!"

"Golisopod, try Razor Shell!" Scizor hit first, cutting Golisopod in an x-shape across the face. That looked like it hurt, but Golisopod was no slouch either. It attacked Scizor viciously with the shell before the small object disintegrated, leaving a gash on Scizor's midsection. "Same again, Golisopod!"

"Scizor, same again!" Not a super interesting start, just spamming the same attacks twice. Weird how battles with two of the same type-specialists went. Guzma had fought other exclusive bug-users before, but he suspected Bugsy was going to be the toughest. Indeed, his suspicions were confirmed as Scizor not only struck Golisopod first, but the attack struck harder than usual, sending Golisopod toppling over backward. Wow. A faint already.

Guzma was immediately at a disadvantage. As far as he could remember, he had no proper counter to a Scizor. The closest Pokémon he had was... "Go, Pinsir! Use Stone Edge!"

"Scizor, power yourself up with a Swords Dance!" No way. That cheeky little twerp. Pinsir struck first, thankfully, causing a few flecks of metal to come off of Scizor. Guzma wondered if that hurt. Scizor followed with the empowering "dance", appearing to glow briefly with a red aura upon its completion. Bugsy didn't miss a beat, "Scizor, use X-Scissor once again. Get him!" Scizor slashed Pinsir across the face, causing the brown Pokémon to wail. It keeled over forwards, hitting the ground with a thump. Guzma huffed, irritated at having lost two Pokémon already and being put into a bad position.

He knew better than anyone how well a Scizor could fight, and Bugsy was, as much Guzma hated to admit it, probably as much a master as he was. It wasn't _that_ surprising that he'd gotten the upper hand, but Guzma needed to prove who the real master was here. "Alright," commanded Guzma, "you're up next, Masquerain!" Guzma hadn't wanted to bring out one of his best players for this particular fight so early, but this had got off to a really bad start. "Hit him with an Airslash, quick smart!"

"Scizor, use Bullet Punch!" Damn it! Scizor did exactly what Guzma's one always did, striking with precision and great speed. Masquerain took the blow pretty hard, but recovered quickly, sending the Air Slashes at Scizor. Scizor lurched with each successive blow, before dramatically falling backwards on the third. The red Pokémon clattered onto the floor, down for the count. _Damn_ Scizor was a good Pokémon... Guzma never regretted picking it up, and wished he'd caught it years earlier. Nothing better than being able to dish out damage and take it, too.

Bugsy, with a flick of his wrist, released his next Pokémon. "I have plenty of warriors left, still. Try this on for size!" From the strange, green Poké Ball, out emerged a strange, green Pokémon Guzma had never seen before. It was without question a bug-type, and a particularly large one, with scary, pupil-less red eyes, a long green body and white wings tinted with red. Guzma didn't wait to hear its name.

"Masquerain, one more Air Slash, now!"

"Use _your_ Air Slash, Yanmega." Yan-what? Guzma watched as the long, green Pokémon released its waves much faster than Masquerain. He clutched at his hair as Masquerain failed to dodge any and flittered down to the ground. No, no, no. He couldn't lose the Flying type already. Pinsir had possessed his only rock-type move, too. Guzma would admit it now, he was damn nervous. Right now, this battle was three to four, and Guzma had already lost some of his best players. He was one for crushing opponents, not for desperate comebacks.

Desperate? Nah. He could still do it.

"You next, Scizor!"

Bugsy chuckled. "What a surprise. You are truly a man of culture, challenger. Yanmega, use Bug Buzz!"

"Scizor, mega evolve and Night Slash him!" Yanmega's booming waves of "buzz" sound waves hit first, ending just as Scizor completed its transformation. Scizor followed through with the darkly charged slashing movements, disorienting Yanmega. Yanmega survived, much worse for wear, but still ready to dish out another attack. Guzma hoped Scizor would survive.

"Yanmega, try another Air Slash!" That little... bugger. Yanmega was faster enough than Scizor that Guzma's quickness with the command wasn't going to matter.

"One more Night Slash, Scizor!" He felt like the "strategy" was hardly coming into play here. Even at the highest level of competitive Pokémon battling, all it was coming down to was spamming the same attacks. Bugsy hadn't done too many unexpected things thus far, and while his team was cool and strong, Guzma had expected something a little newer and original. The Yanmega was new, at least. Yanmega did indeed land the attack first; Scizor's current state of injury was clear in the scratches, scrapes and dents in its skin. The big bug still stood, charging and striking Yanmega with a dark claw. This battle went to Scizor; Yanmega hit the ground with an undignified "flop" and stayed there. Bugsy still smiled, for some reason.

"My next player is Shedinja!" Out came a brown husk of a bug Pokémon. "You ever faced a Shedinja before, challenger?"

"I know how to deal with 'em."

"Damn. Was hoping to catch you on that."

"Scizor, use-"

"Shadow Sneak, Shedinja!" In an instant, Shedinja disappeared and reappeared in front of Scizor, slashing it with... something. Guzma wasn't sure. Whatever it was knocked Scizor out. Guzma returned his steel type, stomping his foot. Damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it! A two versus three. Not a good way to be.

Guzma didn't have much choice, "get him, Ariados!" Out came Ariados, ready and willing as always. Guzma already knew how Shedinja worked. He'd done a little bit of reading (yes, reading) a while ago. It was this book about bug types in the Hoenn region. It had went into tons of detail and stuff, and even had a whole section on the biology of Shedinja. Guzma hated to admit he'd found himself fascinated with it. Of course, it had had a fairly extensive section on "Shedinja in Battle." Guzma was pretty sure he remembered something right, here... "Ariados, use Toxic Thread!"

Guzma felt validated in his choice as Bugsy's brow creased. "Use... Shadow Sneak again, Shedinja!" Ariados began positioning itself to shoot a poisonous web substance at Shedinja as the smaller Pokémon struck it with Shadow Sneak. Ariados weathered the blow easily, sticking Shedinja with a purple-glowing substance. Bugsy folded his arms and grunted quietly. After nine, maybe ten seconds, Shedinja abruptly stopped moving, falling to the ground. It sure was a stiff Pokémon. Guzma guessed that came with being a floating corpse-shell-thing.

"You're smart, challenger. I've swept entire teams with this Pokémon, before. Plenty of people don't realise that any status condition is an instant kill on Shedinja. You're clever and strong, aren't you?"  
"Cleverest and strongest, punk!"

"Nah, that'd be _me!_ Your turn, Pinsir!" A Pinsir as well? Ohoho. This was a _really_ interesting fight that Guzma didn't want to lose. "Pinsir, use Rock Tomb!"

"Ariados, hit him with Cross Poison!" Just like Guzma didn't want to admit would happen, Pinsir struck first, throwing a flurry of large rocks that squished Ariados. As all conjured attacks did, the rocks quickly crumbled into dust, as Ariados burst out. It had survived? What a freakin' badass! Ariados looked about to collapse. It found the energy to follow through with Guzma's command, though, striking the enemy Pinsir in the eyes with its two front legs. The attack left a poisonous, glowing wound and forced Pinsir to keep one of its eyes shut. The wound looked nasty. That was poison, wasn't it? The condition... nice.

"Pinsir, finish him off with a quick X-Scissor!" Pinsir complied. What could Guzma do, though? Ariados stood and took the blow, collapsing and fainting. It would have with any damage at all. Guzma returned it. One, two, three, four, five...

Pinsir collapsed face-first as well. Huh. Ariados had really done its job, here. That meant...

A one-versus-one. A very interesting one.

"We're not backing down yet," bellowed Bugsy, "Heracross can win this for the team!"

"Nah, he ain't, cause Bean's gonna win it for us!" Bean the Pyukumuku surprised Guzma every time it came out. His opponents, too.

Bugsy leaned over, eyeing the shiny Pokémon curiously. "A shiny Pyukumuku? That's not a bug-type!"  
"Heh. Guess I trolled ya. Bean, use Toxic on this fool!"

"Heracross, hit that little thing with a Close Combat!" Heracross, miles faster, jumped onto Bean with a mighty cry. It did the same flurry of attacks that Bruno's Pokémon had used several times, and Bean was affected just as much. As Heracross wound down its attack, Bean aimed a spurt of toxic fluid straight into its face. Heracross clawed at its facial area, now badly poisoned. Guzma wondered if it hurt to be poisoned as a Pokémon. "Heracross," commanded Bugsy, "another Close Combat!"

"Recover, Bean!" Heracross repeated its previous attack of pummels and kicks, while Bean charged up energy. When the large bug Pokémon was done, and already looking worse for wear from the poison, Bean began to glow with pretty white energy. All of the bruises on its body disappeared, and it looked good as new. What a sweet move! Guzma wished he could do that.

Bugsy had an expression in his eyes Guzma had seen all too many times. "U-Use Megahorn instead, Heracross!"

"Counter, Bean!" Bugsy cried out. Congratulations, thought Guzma, you played yourself. Heracross stabbed Bean with its glowing horn. Bean gave a string of noises that sounded like a grandma telling someone off, like an "uh uh uh! Don't you dare!" It then flung its own innards at Heracross, striking it in the same place where it had been poisoned. Oof. That would have to hurt, copping toxic poison and a fist of guts to the face. Guzma never thought he'd sound that sentence out in his head.

This continued.

Heracross landed another Close Combat.

Guzma had Bean recover.

Heracross used Megahorn.

Bean recovered again.

Bugsy, now shouting and sounding a bit angry... "Close Combat again!"

Guzma would have none of it. "Bean, Recover again."

Two, three, four turns. Five, six turns...

Heracross swayed back and forth, moving around as if dizzy. Its eyes rolled back into its head as the poison spread to every organ in its body, causing it to faceplant.

Guzma threw his head back and laughed maniacally. He let it roll out and echo in the room, against Bugsy's clear disappointment. The Elite freakin' four was no match for big bad Guzma and his big bad Bean! Guzma congratulated his feisty non-bug type and returned it to its ball.

"That, dude..." said Guzma, "that was a freaking awesome Pokémon battle! You're seriously good at this."  
"And I still lost..." Bugsy closed his eyes and folded his arms, "You know how long it's been since I lost?"

"Surprise me."

"Three months ago. It was to a green-headed guy my age from the Hoenn Region. This battle just now was it, all over again. It came down to his last Pokémon against mine, and I blew it!"

"Nah." Guzma shook his head. "Y'know, I can respect a real tough guy. I reckon you qualify. Anyone who can beat me down to my last Pokémon is pretty good, no matter what strategy they use..."

"It doesn't matter. Well done to you. You have officially defeated the Indigo League Elite Four. Congrats on getting this far but trust me... the champion is leagues stronger than me, no pun intended. You're in for the fight of your life."

"Damn right I am, and I'm still gonna beat him down! Here I come, Lance!" Guzma strode forwards, toward the very final door. He entered it, footsteps clanging against the stairs.

Bugsy moved to say something but shook his head. He moved to the side of his room, feeling slightly amused.


	20. Chapter 20

So, this was it. The last room. Soon they'd all truly see who the boss was, the greatest trainer in Alola... or was it the world, now? An entire Elite Four had just been beaten down by him and his awesome team. Nothing left to do but finish this off.

Climbing the stairs to the final room in the Pokémon League, Guzma cricked his neck from side to side and cracked his knuckles. He felt the weight of his Pokémon, condensed into that weird Poke Ball energy, in his pockets. None were in perfect condition, of course, but he thought they were as good as possible for the current time.

Guzma wouldn't deny it any more, he felt a little on edge. Well, alright, a little nervous. He was _usually_ fearless. He wouldn't admit something like that to anyone, though. Big bad Guzma was fearless. That was all anyone else ever had to know. He rubbed his hands together in anticipation, one more time, then watched as the sliding doors seemed to take an eternity to open.

He strode into the room, opened his eyes and...

Huh?

The hell was this? Guzma stood in a large, open room. He hadn't seen anything like it before, but he thought of, like some kind of nightclub? There were lots of flashy neon lights high up on the ceiling, creating patterns on the floor as the lights moved around. Most of the area was a deep black colour, some kind of tile that felt nice to walk on and looked clean. The whole area gave a sense of polish. The biggest features of the room were, well... really big: giant screens on each of the four walls. Each displayed a high-definition mugshot of the big bad boss himself. Guzma liked how photogenic he was, smiling devilishly. He had a distant memory of someone in Team Skull complaining how they looked in photos... Plumeria. That had been her. She'd always complained that her eyelids were "droopy". Where the hell was this picture from, anyway?

This whole place didn't seem very... draconic.

Guzma felt impressed that he knew that word.

In the centre of the room stood a raised platform, with black stairs leading up to it. Guzma could see several much smaller desktop computers, and a shadowy figure. What the hell was going on here?

"Yo?" called out Guzma. "Lance! Get out here!"

The lights flashed, temporarily blinding Guzma. A male voice Guzma recognised sounded out, and Guzma's stomach dropped. "Agh! Lights, lights, God damn it... how much did I pay for this crap, again? There goes my dramatic entrance. Ruined." Now clearer, walking down the stairs, the figure waved at Guzma. "Hiya, Gym Swimmer."

This guy? "Whut, whut, whut, whut, whut... WHUT?! You... you're that guy from ages ago... you're... Sylveon shirt guy. AND YOU AIN'T LANCE."

He sighed. "It's Randall, Guzma. Not hard to remember."

Guzma clawed at his hair as he faintly heard the door close behind him. "You... you're just a random freakin' guy! How the hell are _you_ the champion? I... I didn't even remember you..."

"The hell is all this about Lance? You talking about the champion before the one before me?" Guzma's jaw dropped. "This job tends to change pretty fast. People tend to get beaten after a while." he waggled a finger, "And the champion is _always_ just some random guy! Or girl. It's pretty much in the code that we just fly under the radar. What did you expect?"

"LANCE!"  
Randall shrugged. "Sorry, Guzma. You got me instead. A "random guy". I guess I can be." He gestured to some of the computer monitors, "Maybe not random so much as... unexpectedly irritating. I was just telling some idiots on the internet how wrong they are about Pokémon." he chuckled, "Well, not really, I don't care either way. I'm just trying to piss them off and make them fight with each other. Works every time."

"This whole thing was a waste of time...?"

Randall rambled. "I mean, the Elite Four almost completely changes every five or six years, save for Bruno. You're looking at some pretty old or fake news, my man. There was a guy after Lance, too, the one I beat, two years back. Hence why I'm standing here in my awesome room, with my awesome, high-speed internet connection and my awesome shirt! I took a look at you while you battled too, occasionally."

"Huh?"

"There are cameras in each room. That's how I got that freaking sweet mugshot of you. I can send that to you if you want." He gestured to the close-up of Guzma on the monitors, "you're going to be quite the challenge, aren't you, Guzma? Not that I won't be, too. Technically I'm meant to be the ultimate challenge."

Guzma stomped his foot. "What the hell are you talking about?! Take me to Lance instead, that's the whole reason I even came to this freaking _region!"_

"You didn't come here to get stronger? To get better? To beat down the world?" Guzma huffed and didn't answer. "Bet you did all that anyway. All eight gym leaders and my entire Pokémon League, completely freaking owned. You beat _fire_ and _rock_ gyms with a team of _bug-types._ You walked in here all confident, Guzma, and I was just like "wow. Now there's a fun-looking guy to tussle with... he looks super strong." You know?" Guzma hated that smart-ass toothy smile.

Guzma turned around. "I'll see ya later."

"Oi, no, no, no, hold it! Objection! Get back." Guzma stopped. "The only way you walk out of here, according to Pokémon League rules, is into the Hall of Fame," he pointed to the doorway on the other side of the room, "or because you've lost."

"Forget it. I'm walking out. You're boring as all hell."  
"Well, I have to consider that a forfeit."

Guzma turned back around slowly, already knowing how this was gonna go. "What?"

"League rules. I know them, you see. Once you begin a Pokémon League challenge, and this is pretty much the same across every region... you must _keep going until you lose._ That includes losing to any of the Elite Four, to me, or forfeiting your challenge. The only other alternative is defeating every opponent."

Guzma held his down. He slowly shook his head. "You... all this way... and it was you. Not Lance."

Randall rolled his eyes and sighed. "Yeah, you've said that already, man. Aren't you supposed to be the boss?"

"Ohoho, buddy, you really know what to say to piss me off."

"It's a gift of mine. Not as much as Pokémon battling is, though. I know you're not one for idle chatter or banter, Guzma. You like to fight, to steamroll anything that challenges you. So?"  
"So." Guzma, slowly moved his hand to his side. He was really gonna do this. Unbelievable. Un-be-freakin'-lievable.

"You ready for the ultimate showdown, Guzma? Of _ultimate destiny_?" Guzma stared at him blankly. Randall scratched at his head. "Yeah, I suppose I should stop using hideously outdated memes in casual conversation."

"What the hell are memes? What are you talking about?"

Randall leaned forward, glowering at Guzma through his sunglasses. With a slow movement, he took the sunglasses off, revealing his plain brown eyes. "I cannot allow your ignorance to stand. I must now fight you for the sake of memes!"

Guzma held his Ultra ball high. "SHUT UP, I'M GONNA DESTROY YOU, YA TWERP!"

* * *

"For the grand opening," began Randall, "I choose you, Tauros!"

"Beat the crap out of this guy, Golisopod!" Guzma had never felt more fired up and prepared. This bastard was going to pay. "First Impression, now!"

"Show off a Thrash, Tauros!' Randall commanded, "uh, that didn't come out right. But yeah, Thrash!" Golisopod struck hard and fast against Tauros, whom Guzma remembered to have the Intimidate ability. Somehow, it made all but a few specific Pokémon hit not-as-hard. Stupid Tauros. Guzma was going to crush it, crush it, _crush it._

Golisopod struck first and hard, determined to never let his master down in such a time of need. Tauros cried out in rage as it suffered injuries to its head and front area. Guzma realised he had no idea what he'd be up against with this team, save for one that was probably obvious.

Tauros then charged at lightning speed towards Golisopod, madly... thrashing about. Golisopod tried to fend off the bull Pokémon, but suffered a series of blows anyway. It came back to Guzma, causing the boss to clutch angrily at his hair. "Really? Here and now, your stupid freaking ability is happening? REALLY?" Guzma, still growling recalled the cowering Golisopod. So intimidating, so scary-looking, yet a freakin' coward, that was Golisopod. Guzma loved it all the same, but anyway...

"Interesting," commented Randall, "can't say I've seen that before. A little disappointing, don't you a think?"

Guzma refused to indulge him. "Your turn, Pinsir!" Pinsir emerged, momentarily surprised by its surroundings. Randall didn't seem to be giving a command as Tauros convulsed a bit. Oh, right. Thrash made Pokémon go nuts and get locked into it. Kind of a bad choice for a champion, no? "Pinsir, use Storm Throw!" Pinsir instantly obeyed, flinging itself towards the wild-acting Tauros. In a fluid movement, it lifted the bull Pokémon up high into the air, jumped, and threw it down to the ground again. A super-effective move that Guzma somehow found himself seldom using.

Indeed, it had been good for the situation. Tauros did not rise again, and that was that. Five versus five-and-a-half, now. Guzma watched Randall intently, as the younger man shook his head. "Really need to get Double-Edge or something. Doesn't matter. We've just begun, after all, Guzma. Lemme think, uhhh... I got it. One of my oldest partners... you're up, Gengar!" Out came a Pokémon that to Guzma was a familiar sight. Gengar made a funny little gesture with its fingers, as if saying "I'm gonna get ya". Gengar, as far as Guzma understood, was a popular choice for trainers all around the world. Looks like that went for Champions, too. "Cook us up a Shadow Ball, Gengar!"

Guzma blanked briefly on what to use. Ghost and Poison, Ghost and Poison... "Pinsir, use Earthquake, quick!"

Shadow Ball impacted well before Pinsir could get the tremors going, but Pinsir wasn't thrown off. The dark energy created a good many bruises on Pinsir's skin, but it soldiered on. Guzma had always liked his Pokémon for that. Pinsir was vicious and tenacious, and it showed right then as it sent tremors to strike Gengar. It never really made sense... how could you send directed freaking vibrations? Maybe he'd ask Kukui. Or maybe he would definitely, definitely not. Gengar collapsed, miraculously unable to avoid the attack despite supposedly being able to float. It was an easy one-hit ko.

"Hot damn," called Randall, folding his arms, "This is not a good start, is it?"

"It's not good, it's freakin' awesome! Now send out your next moron for me to crush."

Randall smiled devillishly. "Alright. Let's try my youngest partner... your turn, Kingdra!" In a flash, out came the blue, part-dragon Pokémon, floating serenely in the air. "Dragon Pulse!"

"Pinsir, hit him with an X-Scissor!" The collision of attacks appeared to be a "self-defense" sort of situation – Pinsir pounced at Kingdra, but a split second before it could actually strike, Kingdra let loose the long, blue pulse of energy from its mouth (?), propelling Pinsir backwards. Guzma stomped his foot as he knew his Pokémon was down for the count. He recalled Pinsir.

"Oof," chided Randall, "you're too slow! Got anything faster?"

Guzma didn't answer. Nothing on his team could hit a Kingdra for supereffective damage. What was he to do? Going through his options, the best one seemed a tad premature... but, oh well. "You're up now, Bean!" Guzma's non-bug-type didn't always have to come out late. Bean shuddered a little, as if warming up the muscles in its oval body. "Hit him with Toxic, Bean!"

"Hmmm, another Dragon Pulse, Kingdra!" Kingdra blasted Bean with the attack, as the small Pokémon toughed out the blue fire, suffering some burns. Bean didn't care, clearly, as it sprayed Kingdra with a well-aimed jet of toxic liquid, striking it in the eye. Wow. Little old Bean had skills. Kingdra flailed around a bit, badly poisoned and right eye now unusable until the next trip to a Pokémon Center. Guzma approved of the tactic. Randall cricked his neck from side to side, concentrating. "Dragon Pulse again, if you please!"

"Bean, Recover from the damage now!" Bean began to charge the yellow energy used for Recover as Kingdra sent another firestorm onto it. The bruises looked worse, momentarily, before Bean's ability to recover rendered most of them useless.

Guzma repeated the tactic he'd used a while ago. Twice, then three times Bean simply eliminated from all the damage that was done to it. Guzma grinned, focused. He had Bean continue to use Recover as Kingdra became worn down by the poison. He was gonna win! He was gonna-

"For Arceus's sake... finish it off, Kingdra, please! Dragon Pulse _again_."

Bean copped twice as many bruises on this Dragon Pulse. "What are you doing, ya moron? Keep Recovering!" Bean's eyes closed, defeated. "What the hell?!"

"Fair and balanced."

"What?"

Randall sniggered. "Nothing. Kingdra got a critical hit, just as I knew he would. Although..." he glanced at Kingdra, who was looking considerably more purple. "Your little shiny bugger did a number on him."

"Go, Masquerain!" Guzma wasn't about to be swept by one Pokémon. "Ice Beam!" He'd just about forgotten Masquerain had the move with how often he used it.

"Kingdra, use Ice Beam as well!" Guzma's stomach dropped. He should have expected that. Water-types often had ice moves. Damn it, damn it, damn-

Oh, wait, Masquerain struck first. Guzma wiped at his forehead in relief as Kingdra collapsed, struck with a freezing beam of energy to the midsection. That, combined with Bean's poison damage was too much to take. Randall suffered his third knockout of the fight. Halfway there. Halfway to being the actual freaking champion? Guzma pushed the thought aside. He didn't come here for any of this, but he also never went anywhere to lose.

"Damn it," said Randall, scratching at his head, "well, I'm not losing yet, don't you worry. Try this on for size... something you might recognise! Heh. Go, Scizor!" Guzma was unsure what to feel. This guy, the champion, the not-Lance, used one of the same Pokémon as him. Geez. "Scizor, mega evolve and use Iron Head!"

No freaking way. Masquerain was screwed. "Air Slash, Masquerain!" Masquerain did still manage to strike first, and the Mega Scizor took some damage from the three quick blasts of sharp energy. Not enough damage, of course. Masquerain was struck quickly with the headbutt movement of Iron Head, sending it crashing into the ground. Masquerain was... down and not getting up. "Masquerain, yo, come on... get up! You can't be down in one hit?!"

"Looks like he's dead. Not a big surprise."

"Shut your trap, "champion". You're damn right I recognise it, 'cause mine's a lot better!" Guzma hurled his fifth Pokémon's ball, sending Scizor out. "Scizor, Mega Evolve and use Night Slash!"

"Scizor," commanded Randall, "use Night Slash also! Keep using it until the inferior steel-type in this room falls! Go, go, go!"

The two mega-evolved Pokémon became locked in a duel of dark, sharp claws. What was there to be done here other than a contest of strength and speed? Clearly, Randall's Scizor had the same predicament as Guzma's, that of having only one move to do any damage to Steel-type Pokémon.

Randall's Scizor swung at Guzma's. It did three quick diagonal slashes, all of which Guzma's one evaded, ducking sideways and clocking its opponent upside the head. Randall's Scizor retaliated with a slash across the midsection, which Guzma's one answered with another forward slash. Unfortunately, Randall's Scizor evaded it. It struck back in four more quick slashes, but Guzma's evaded them all. It then retaliated, landing two quick slashes, one across the face and one around its left shoulder, before missing a third. Randall's Scizor looked like it could take no more. It lunged one more time, trying to slash Guzma's Scizor, but it missed the final attack, allowing Guzma's Scizor to get one last attack in its opponent's already injured midsection. Steel shavings sprayed around, and Randall's Scizor crumpled over forward, clutching its midsection, which didn't help the injury considering Scizor's "hands".

Randall shook his head, recalling his fainted Pokémon. "That was something to watch. Don't get yourself thinking you'll win, though. I've saved the best for last."

"Try me!"

"I choose you, my starter Pokémon, Typhlosion!" Out came a tall, blazing Pokémon Guzma did not recognise. It was, however, a clear, obvious fire-type. Guzma could only assume it was either mono-fire or maybe Fire and Normal. Damn it, now wasn't the time to be making gambles! "use Fire Blast!"

Oh dear. "Scizor, Bullet Punch!" There was no point in trying anything else, thought Guzma as Scizor landed its fast attack. Unless this Typhlosion was slower than it looked (which, by the wheel of flame now flying toward Scizor, it was not) any other attack Guzma would try would be too slow. Regardless, the flame blasted Scizor into oblivion. There was essentially no other attack on the planet that would kill it faster than a damned Fire Blast. Guzma returned his Pokémon. Now this was a two versus... one and a half, since Golisopod was injured. Crap. Crap.

Regardless... "Go, Golisopod!" Golisopod, emerged, ready despite its injuries. "Use Razor Shell!"

"Hit him with a Fire Blast, Typhlosion." Guzma wondered if it was over. There was no way Golisopod could tank a Fire Blast in its state. He watched, feeling doomed, as Typhlosion sent a star of fire straight towards Golisopod...

And Golisopod deftly avoided it, catching only minor burns on its left arm.

Guzma clapped. Randall's jaw dropped. Man, that was pure despair. The dude's first Pokémon, one that probably been with him for ages... had just screwed him over royally. Guzma knew he could literally bring the battle back from that mistake. So did Golisopod, striking Typhlosion's midsection with a razor-sharp shell before the fire-type could move out of the way.

"Really." said Randall, watching his Pokémon fall over with a dull thud. "Really. Really. Really?"

"Whatcha gonna do, now, dumbass?"

Randall rubbed his chin in deep thought. "Yeah, I, uh," he shrugged, "don't have a lot of options. But the one I do may... not surprise you in the slightest. I suppose it's time for my ace Pokémon." Guzma hadn't even noticed what kind of Poke Balls Randall was using until now. Ultra-ones... because of course he did, too. "To victory, _Sylveon!_ "

What else? Sylveon landed gracefully on the ground, pawing at its ear with a pink claw. Guzma wondered what the hell Randall could see in it. It was the least cool, girliest thing... Guzma shook his head. He just knew how it would go If he thought that way. The thing would destroy his Pokémon because he'd underestimate the "ace" Pokémon of the _champion._ "Scizor, use Bullet Punch!"

"Sylveon, Moonblast now!" Scizor still struck first. Bullet Punch always did. Sylveon already seemed to have taken it badly, but it retaliated just fine. It charged a pinkish-white ball of energy, incredibly bright, before sending it straight into Scizor. Even with the ineffective type-damage, Scizor was finally down. Guzma couldn't fault the guy, he'd done well. But this was what _everything_ came down to. Guzma knew that, despite everything, this very final fight would probably be over quickly.

Golisopod, Masquerain, Scizor, Bean and Pinsir, all down for the count. How fitting that Guzma's final Pokémon was his first partner. "Your turn, Ariados!" Guzma released his final, familiar Pokémon, who stared down Sylveon with as much glare as its two eyes could muster. Sylveon stared with a look Guzma could only describe as smug, even with the moderate injuries from Scizor's Bullet Punch. "Ariados, use Cross Poison!" this should be the decider, thought Guzma.

"Sh-Shadow Ball, Sylveon!" Sylveon conjured a ball of dark energy out of the air. Guzma bit his nails, nervous as... as... as something really nervous. The ball of energy flew forward at high speed, colliding with Ariados, whose front legs already glowed purple. Ariados lost its footing from the blue, sustaining several dark bruises around the head and body area. Guzma watched, rapt, as Ariados rose back to its feet and pounced at Sylveon. As if in slow-motion, it raised its front legs, glowing purple with poison, and struck Sylveon with a great "X" across the face. It clutched its face, screeching, before keeling over from the strong, supereffective attack.

Wait, what? That was... all six of his Pokémon. The one on his shirt, Guzma had just killed it in one move. And he was still here, still standing, with one injured Pokémon still left on the battlefield.

Randall smiled, chuckling awkwardly, "hah... hah... wow. Wow. Wow, wow. Seriously?" He clutched at his head, much like Guzma was known to, and raised his voice, "I actually lost. Wow. Wow. Wow."

Guzma rolled his eyes. "Some final boss you are. Stop being such a freakin' baby. You suck, alright? That's just the way it is."

Randall made a few quick motions with his hands, "yeah, yeah, real great sportsmanship there. I'm sorry, but geez, I lost to this? I mean-"

"Look, you can stand here and whine all day," said Guzma, firmly, "I'm done. I'm so, so, _so_ freakin' done. I beat _every_ gym. I faced down those Team Rocket deadbeats. I dealt with all the imbeciles, twerps and morons you have in this _stupid_ region. I beat one of the best Pokémon trainers from Alola, then I crushed all your lackeys in here. And then after I come all this way," Guzma began to yell, "the guy I came to beat has run off to who-the-hell-knows-where!"

"Hold on... I have to enter you into the, uh," Randall was still rubbing at his face, "hall of fame. Congratulations." He muttered something under his breath that sounded a lot like "bitch". "Here's the part where I ask if you intend to succeed me as champion of the Indigo League..."

"What?" Guzma made an exasperated face, throwing his hands out in disgust, "sit around in a room all day and wait for chumps to come along, only to get absolutely wrecked when they do? Except for the getting wrecked part, since I don't suck? Nah. Not a chance."

Randall gave a sigh of relief. "Whew! Oh, okay. That's all I was worried about, honestly. I love doing this. Wouldn't want to go back to doing anything productive with my life. Got to drown myself in Pokémon." He shook his head, muttering, "don't want to get too real, here." He turned around, heading to the narrow door on the other side of the room. "Still, the whole goddamn lot, gone! Tauros, Typhlosion, Sylveon...

"Yeah, yeah. Try not being a sore loser, okay? And that's pretty rich coming from me!" Guzma, exhausted, threw his back and laughed. What else was there to do? This situation was absolutely ridiculous! He'd come all this way and... ah, forget it. He'd said it all already.

And you know what? He didn't _really_ mind that much. He didn't _feel_ as angry as he'd acted. Every win, every triumph... it felt so great to crush them all and satisfy that primal urge to prove he was the best. Nobody could ever beat Big Bad Guzma, because he beat down the entire world. Well, one region, at least. Stupid Kanto and stupid Lance and stupid Randall could stupid off. Screw off. Whatever.

Guzma gave his final opponent a wave, turning to head back through the rooms. Before he could, an unmistakable voice sounded from Randall's directin. "Hello! Congratulations on becoming the... champion..." Hala, coming from the secret back entrance via the Hall of Game, was greeted by the sight of Guzma's retreating backside, down the stairs. "Oh. Um..."  
"Hi." said Randall.

"Hello. Where's he going?"  
"I don't know. He's weirder than I am."

Hala sighed. "I cannot confirm nor deny that."

Randall stretched his back, leaning towards Hala. "Someone should probably tell him the doors lock behind you."

* * *

Guzma gripped the steel railing tightly. Today the sun shone intermittently through the cloud cover, lighting Guzma's skin up. The air temperature felt nice, it reminded Guzma of home. He didn't really need a reminder right now, considering where he was.

Guzma begrudgingly raised one hand to wave at Lt. Surge, and his wife, and his twerp kid, and Ariana, and Silver, and Bruno, and Bugsy, and Randall, and a couple of randoms who wanted to see what the new "champion" looked like. Guzma was not a champion, he just beat the guy.

"Bye, bye, cheerio, and all that!" called Hala, "it was lovely meeting you all!"

Guzma wondered how the S.S Anne looked to the people below. Surge cupped his hands over his mouth, projecting his voice, "see you later, Guzma!"

"No, you won't, ya moron!" Guzma called back. Surge and his family laughed. Why? He wasn't joking about any of that statement. The ship began to move, and Guzma ignored the final cries from his sendoff party.

Hala nudged him. "Wasn't it all worth it?"

"Whatever. I got to beat some morons to death."

"...In a Pokémon battle. Don't forget that important stipulation."

"I am _so_ punching Kukui's face in when I get back." Guzma felt the ship moving awkwardly slow. He heard someone call "see you, gym swimmer."

"I did love to see the sights here. All the nice little countryside Kanto roads."

Yeah, and the city pollution. Guzma rolled his eyes. "Geez. You are _so old,_ Hala."

"Oh, pfft." Hala gave a cheeky grin, "my hair's still a fashionable colour!"

Guzma stared at Kanto one last time. Hala turned around to leave, then stopped, expecting Guzma to follow. "Guzma?"

Guzma leaned as far forward as he could, locking eyes with the far-off Lt. Surge. He cupped his hands around his mouth and took a deep breath, yelling as loudly and forcefully as he could to the small crowd.

"Y'ALL ARE STUPID!"

 **AN: I will specify right here to avoid confusion – this is not the end. One epilogue will follow this chapter.**

 **Also, second clarification, in case you were confused, Gengar does not have Levitate in Generation VII. Yes, it's stupid. No, I can't think of a reasonable reason they did that.  
**


	21. Epilogue

Guzma growled. Too many damn customers. Not that he should be complaining. It just made him real busy was all. The thing about being old and doing what you wanted like Hala was you had to get there. You couldn't just screw around for the forty years in the middle. Or so the old guy said.

The intercom directly to Guzma's "office" buzzed with a familiar voice. Guzma could never get the guy's name right. Always just went by "A". Or was this the guy who went by "B"? Guzma could never tell them apart, despite the lack of blood relation. " _Yo, boss, someone wants to see the manager._ "

Guzma rolled his eyes. As if he didn't have enough crap to do. "Of course they freakin' do. Tell 'em I'll be there in a sec."

" _Gotcha."_ The noise stopped, and Guzma got to his feet. He straightened his stylish but casual black shirt. Guzma had gone shopping with his dad for the first time in a million years to get him some "better" clothes. Yeah, maybe not "better", but apparently the boss of a business had to dress differently to a Team Skull Boss.

Although, wasn't he both of those, now?

Guzma strode down the hallway leading out of his office, past the kitchen, and out into the restaurant area. Everything seemed fine, pretty standard for a Friday evening. He could see some of the "regulars" around. There was a mom and her two kids, all with striking blue hair, sitting together at a table. She was fussing at one of them, probably misbehaving. There was a female teacher and a male teacher from the nearby Trainers' School, whom Guzma had taken to spying on. They made a disgustingly cute couple. Two old men Guzma could never remember the names of sat down chatting jovially. You could probably slot Hala right in there with them, thought Guzma, chuckling. Other than that, there were a few couples still in the restaurant area. Guzma remembered he was single and turned away from them, heading towards the double-door entrance.

"Yo, what's the deal, guys?" Guzma spoke to the guy at the entrance, A... or was he the dude who called himself B? Who the hell cared? Both of the former grunts, dressed in new, skull-design uniforms, began talking over each other. "Calm down, ya morons! Geez." They were pointing behind him. Guzma wheeled around, coming eye to eye with someone he recognised.

Guzma forgot his name; standing in front of him was a man who inherently flew under the radar. He was darkly dressed, but in a look casual enough for Guzma to get behind. He had a red undershirt, matching his droopy eyes, and also wore a pendant with a small, dark crystal on it. He had thick, black eyebrows that looked kind of like bats, and greying hair. He looked to be about fifty, maybe older. Guzma was bad with ages.

"Hey there," he said, in a deep, bored-sounding voice. "you the boss?"

"Yeah, sure am. Ain't you that kahuna? Also, ain't you a policeman? I ain't done nothing."

"Hm." he said, offering no comment, "come sit. I reserved a table in case you were busy. Looks like it was a good call." Nanu moved to a table near the entrance, marked "reserved". Guzma _had_ wondered why its occupant hadn't shown up. He obeyed the kahuna guy, sitting down.

"I'm tellin' ya, my nose is clean."

"My name is Nanu. You've seen me before. I tried to deal with your ilk a while back, until all got steamrolled by a child - the current champion of Alola."

Guzma decided to waste no time. "Chump, did you come here just to annoy me? 'Cos unless you got some crime to accuse me of, I actually got the authority to throw you out."

He grinned, a small, toothy expression. "I'd heard you didn't let people cross you. Hm. I came here to check on you. Nothing more, nothing less."

"Check on me?"

"A friend of mine and yours should be showing up shortly. Late old codger." Nanu leaned forward. "I still know an officer or two who thinks you'd be better off in a prison cell. Fortunately for you, I still beg to differ. Now, tell me, was I right?"

"Hell yeah. I done nothing wrong, I screwed over no one."

"And, if I heard right, you employ exclusively members of Team Skull here? Former ones, rather?"

"Only the ones that ain't got themselves in more trouble. And can actually do a freakin' job."

"I take it many cannot?"

Guzma laughed. "You'd be surprised, officer dude. I ain't got any problems here. All my boys work really hard, and I pay 'em good as I can. Of course, I gotta make some good dough, too, but things work out."

"You don't quite match the image I had of you in my head, you know? Expected you to be more... rambunctious."

Guzma pointed a finger at him. "You're goddamn right I'm rambuncto... whatever. Still, everything here's legit. You got nothin' to worry about. No crime with the restaurant, no crime with the battles, no crime with the music, either. I wouldn't steal a... a music. The guy I got doing that's from Team Skull as well."

Nanu gave a disinterested "mhm." "Well, looks like my work here is done. I'll go tell all the whining nuisances at the station to shut up, and that I was right. _Again."_

"Really... just like that? You're just... done?"

"Look, kid." Kid? Really? "I've been involved with the police for twenty-eight years. How long have you been alive?"

"About twenty-eight years."

"My point is, I've got a lot of experience and a good instinct for these things. I've been highly regarded not because I love the job, or because I'm passionate, but because I have a good instinct. Our mutual friend confirms most of what you've just told me."

"Who the hell's this mutual friend?" asked Guzma.

"Hello!" called a voice from the entrance. Oh, right. Obviously. Hala strode on in, brusquely, the sliding doors closing behind him. He pulled up a chair, occupying the third seat of the table. He offered a hand to Guzma, which Guzma shook, rolling his eyes. "Sorry I'm late!"

"You are. I was just leaving. Everything is fine here." Nanu stood up. "Have a nice time. Don't do any crime. Heh." With a lumbering gait, Nanu plodded on outside and left the area.

Hala looked at the door, then back to Guzma, then back to the door, then back to Guzma again. "He's weird."

"Looks like it."  
"So!" Hala fumbled in one of his coat pockets, producing a folded piece of paper. He unfolded it on the table, facing towards Guzma. "I cannot believe how busy I've been. Six whole months it's taken me to make a trip here!"

"Maybe you're just old and lazy?"

"Oh, begone with that." He pressed his finger onto the paper. "The paper's kept me happily informed, at least." Guzma began to read it, even though he knew the contents very well.

 _RESTAURANT-AND-BATTLE JOINT A ROARING SUCCESS IN HAU'OLI_

 _By Piper Right_

 _September 16th_

 _AFTER its opening in June, the new "Skull Club" has quickly become one of Hau'oli City's most popular attractions._

 _Upon the closure of the Battle Buffet due to bankruptcy, the real estate was purchased by the former leader of "Team Skull", a local man who requested not to be named. The establishment incorporates some elements of the business that stood before it, but has been physically expanded and renovated, widely being seen as "new and improved"._

 _"_ _It's really great," says James, a father of two, "I've taken to eating there with my wife and just letting the kids loose in the battle area. It's always staffed and they do all sorts of different Pokémon battling games, outside of the regular tournaments."_

 _The Club holds battle tournaments every Thursday, Friday and Saturday between 5 and 9pm, with several categories based on age. Winners are given coupons to eat free in the restaurant and given the opportunity to challenge the establishment's owner, who is said to be an accomplished Pokémon Trainer. The tournaments have proven a wildly popular evening activity for city residents, notably attracting school-aged children, local teenagers, and retirees. The restaurant section of the Club specialises in fried or grilled meats and potato fries, with considerable options for a dessert menu. The battle area also holds monthly dance battles in place of tournaments, every third Saturday night._

 _"_ _Yo, it's the best, man!" says Marvin, who works as both a DJ and announcer for the Club's tournaments. "My parents don't think I'm a disappointment any more, they finally think I've got a real job... and I do!"_

 _Though the Club's owner continues to decline interviews and call our reporters "chumps", Marvin has revealed some of the establishment's future plans. "The boss keeps saying he wants to build a playground in the spare room we got. I mean, not for me, not like I'd like that or anything. It's for the preschool kids, the ones that are a bit young to do the battles." Marvin also partakes in Pokémon Battles, and occasionally lets someone else handle his job so he can enter the Adult category of the tournaments. "That's not the next thing on boss's mind, next thing he's gonna do is get a few professional cookers. What? Oh, yeah, I mean chefs. Our fry cookers work fine."_

 _Upon attempting a second interview, the owner directed us to Marvin once again. "The boss is trying to get his act cleaned up, like me. My question, is if we could've got tons o' money and fun legally, why didn't we do it earlier?! Anyway, the boss told me to say he'd consider opening up another store somewhere else if this one keeps raking in so much money. He's listening to his dad, see, he's gonna try and give it a couple of years to, uh, "make sure the success holds"? Yeah, then he was gonna chuck a store in, like, Hehea or Malie City. I dunno, though. I'm just a DJ!"_

 _The Skull Club is open seven days a week, from 8am until late. So far, it has been a fine addition to Hau'oli entertainment and culture._

Hala smiled, a genuine, beaming grin. "Well, well, well, big bad Guzma!"

Guzma leaned back in his chair, putting his feet on the table. He could put his feet on the table whenever he wanted. "Yeah, I guess it's alright. They're damn right I'm an "accomplished Pokémon Trainer"!" Guzma laughed, "Hehehaha! Those reporters sure were chumps, though, I ain't taking that back!"

"I did want to come and try the place out, but perhaps I'm a bit late?"

"Nah. That article didn't tell ya everything. We do the first tournament at 5, then the second one at 7 each night. So, if you want... you can stick around for the second. We got enough people that I made a sixty-five plus category. You could probably walk in there and steamroll them."

"That does sound appealing. I can see why this is popular. How much money are you making?"

Guzma rocked the chair slightly, being careful not to knock it over. "I ain't gonna give you all the numbers, but enough that I get plenty, my boys get plenty, and I got enough to keep this place running real good."

"You're turning a good profit?"

"Yeah, whatever ya call it." Guzma leaned forward. "Good to run into you again, but I need to get back to you know, owning."

"Owning... the place?"

"Yeah."

Hala nodded. "Well, it's great to see someone like you is getting their life in order. No more troubles with the police?"

"That Nanu dude said we're good. Sure, I miss causing trouble sometimes, but I get to beat down some people in the tournaments as well. Not too many people that can actually match me, though." The doors opened again, and Guzma's sentence petered off. He felt suddenly distracted. Someone was walking towards him. He turned.

"Hi there, Guzma! Long time no see."

Guzma growled. "The hell do _you_ want, Professor Tree?" Kukui smiled at Guzma through those idiotic sunglasses. His wife, the one with the cool white hair, stood next to him. What was her name? Burn it?

"Just wanted to come and greet an old friend! Hala, you've met my wife, haven't you?"  
"Yes, yes, I have!" replied Hala, beginning to stand to shake Burnet's hand.

"No, no, we can sit, right?" asked Burnet.

Guzma grunted. "Fine. Don't keep me too long, I got battles to coordinate and a kitchen to run."

Burnet and Kukui sat, taking up the remaining two seats at the round dining table. "We were all gonna come and check the place out, together!" said Kukui. He took a look around. "Where's Nanu?"  
Hala chuckled. "Heh. "Where's Nanu.""

"Don't tell me he's already left?" asked Kukui, looking a tiny bit offended.

"That man's never been one for doing things he doesn't have to or that he thinks aren't quite worth his time."

Kukui rolled his eyes, then turned to Guzma. "It's great to see you're doing so well! Oh, and I don't know if I said it, but congrats on being the Champion of Kanto."

"You _did_ say it, you imbecile. Twice. Once when I got back here, then again, the next day. I didn't even ever find the guy I was looking for, so whatever to the "champion" crap."

"Eh. You did better than I ever did." Oh? Oh, really? Well... honestly, that was all Guzma really needed to hear.

"Too right I did!"  
Kukui moved on. "Burnet and I were thinking we'd join in one of the tournaments. Is that alright with big boss Guzma?"

"It's fine." said Guzma through gritted teeth.

"Oh, it'll be a grand time!" said Hala, clapping his hands together, "don't you think, Guzma?"

"I gotta go _run it,_ Hala."

"Oh, almost forgot," said Kukui, smiling and holding his wife's hand. Eh? Guzma didn't really know relationships too well. "We have some news, as well!"

"Do tell." said Hala, hands on his cheeks like an excited schoolgirl.

"Burnet and I are expecting!" announced the Professor. Expecting wha-… oh, right.

Hala burst into laughter. "Congratulations! Oh, you'd be quite the father, wouldn't you? I can just see you testing Pokémon moves on a little boy or girl."

"Good grief, not on my watch!" cried Burnet.

"Pssh, big deal," said Guzma, "kids are a waste of time. Have fun."

"Oh, you'll change your mind when you're my age!" said Kukui, laughing.

"You're younger than me."

"That was the joke."

Hala sighed. Some people would never change. Well, scratch that. Guzma had changed. "Well, I did want to mention something, before you go. Well, before I go. I'll be heading in to beat down some other old people after I order some dinner and catch up with your dear professor. I'm thinking of getting the delicious fries."

"Damn right they're delicious!" he cleared his throat, "anyway, uh, what'd you want?"

Hala smiled, knowing Guzma would like this. "There's a bit of a shakeup over in the Elite Four. Olivia, our rock-type specialist, is taking a trip overseas to chase some cute young boy she's met online."

"And I need to know this because...?"  
"Guzma, she's a member of the Elite Four. Who'll be unavailable for weeks, maybe months. See what I'm saying?"

"You'll have to get someone to fill in for Kahuna, too, won't you? I still don't get it."

"Nope, nope, I've already got someone doing that. Let me put it this way, Guzma. We have an opening for substitute Elite Four member, and Nanu is a million miles too stubborn to do it."

Guzma snapped his fingers. "Ohhh! I'm freakin' _stupid._ You want me to do it?"

"Actually, a few other people have already expressed interest..." Guzma's jaw dropped. Was this a prank? "...so you'd have to fight them for the position. What the champion, or as you call him, "the twerp" is letting us do is nominate one candidate each to vie for the position. Depending on how things go for Olivia, this could end up a permanent thing."

Guzma cracked his knuckles. He hadn't had an intense, heart-pounding battle since... a damn while ago. Ugh. "Not-Lance" flashbacks. "Heh. I'd get to be surrounded by hot babes, right? That'd be sweet."

Hala chuckled silently. "Well, depends on your definition. You would be replacing one of the "hot babes". One of the other ones is seventeen and, in my experience, almost never talks to anyone else. The other is... thirteen, I think? Actually, I think you and her would get along very well! But yes, she is thirteen."

"Wow. That, uh, kind of dashes all my hopes."

"Well, there is one last hot babe I forgot to mention."

"Really? Who?"

Hala held his arms out wide. "Me!"

Guzma slapped himself on his forehead with the palm of his hand. "A bit too old and male for me, sorry. Anyway, I'll destroy all your stupid "candidates" whenever this thing is happening. Come in when you've got details and ask to see "The Mix". Call him "Marvin" if you want to piss him off. Even if there ain't too many hot babes, sign me up."

Hala chuckled. "Well, Guzma, it's been a thrill chatting with you. I'll er, what is it you say, "hit you up" when I have some details. Farewell.

Guzma turned away. "See ya, Hala." Guzma began to walk towards the kitchen, but stopped and turned around. "Also, Kukui?"

"Yeah?"

"Get better sunglasses." Without another word, Guzma strode towards the kitchen. Thoughts swam in his mind. His life was so different now, but every red-blooded man needed a few things in his life: Money, hot babes, and sweet, sweet Pokémon battles.

Maybe not today or tomorrow, but the Pokémon League was gonna say hello to ya boi Guzma!

* * *

 **AUTHOR'S CLOSING NOTES**

 **Hoo boy. I wrote this bit all in one sitting. Like 2,956 Words.**

 **This is the conclusion to my first story on this website, clocking in at 92,000 words. I have written something effectively of short novel length.**

 **I couldn't write this little note without pointing out how long this took me to write. This story spanned January 6 2017 - July 26 2018. Wow. Guess I can relate to George R. R. Martin (sort of...? I would sure like to have his writing ability. Or money).**

 **I said it a couple of times while writing this - time and time again I have come across a fanfiction on this website, gone, "hey, that's pretty good!", and either kept reading or checked ahead a little to see it hasn't been updated in ages, and is effectively abandoned. It will** ** _never_** **be finished, most likely. That always makes me despair a little bit – so I swore to never do something similar. I am pleased to say I have held myself to exactly that and did not abruptly stop writing this around chapter 11 – 15. There was a several-months long period in there somewhere where I didn't update, though.**

 **The problem is, of course, life. Without giving away too much, I am a university student (or at least, that is true in 2018) and that means I get kind of busy. I'm not in a particularly intensive degree but assignments (usually) take priority over fanfiction ramblings. Which reminds me, I've got to do a bloody assignment due next Thursday and I haven't started. Yuck.**

 **Moving on, I'm surprised at how well this has been received for a debut. I appreciate how the people who gave some criticism did so constructively. It looks like fanfiction has a likable mentality where, unless something is particularly offensive or terrible, people simply do not read if a story doesn't draw them in. They move on and do something else. The fact that essentially all of my X reviews are positive in some way is probably because anyone who wouldn't have liked it quit in the first few chapters.**

 **I would say part of it is of course, Guzma. He ends up easily being one of the most entertaining characters in all of the Pokémon games. He has enough of a personality to make him likeable while still being a "bad guy" and a fearsome opponent. He is fun to write, of course, and not hard to to do so. I liked it.  
**

 **It would be cheesy as hell and a bit of a stretch to say writing this has been a "journey". Might be better to just say I learned a lot. Leveled up my writing, maybe? Nah, also cheesy as hell. I am a sucker for "villainous" protagonists. Guzma, Dexter Morgan, Light Yagami, Walter White. Hell, even** **Bowser in one of the Mario & Luigi games...** **some of my all time favourite fictional things all have a well-executed "villainous" protagonist... to varying degrees, of course. I guess I didn't know it, but I was trying to do that with this story.**

 **Among the things I've learned – it may be best for me to avoid putting in too many original characters. I feel there were a couple that ended up being awkward. It is fanfiction – I have started trying to write some of my own original stories as well (not published anywhere, though I'd hope to someday). Original characters, for me personally, seem to belong in original stories. There's plenty of potential for interesting things to write when you just work with existing characters, so in the future I personally will stick to using them.  
**

 **On that note, I do doubt this would be my only thing on this website. I was struck with an idea while writing chapter 17 of this story. I won't say much in case it never happens – but if you think you'd be interested, follow me as an author on this site. Heck, if you've actually read this far, you probably like what I do. I make zero promises – but the idea was Pokémon, was a little different to this story. As the TV Tropes saying goes, it would be a bit Darker and Edgier, (decent bit more violent, would probably keep other aspects about the same) and would probably have Ya Boi making an appearance. I can't say I am going to get straight to writing a sequel to this story, but it's definitely an idea and not off the table. I made sure of that with the ending.**

 **Fanfiction's beauty is that anyone can do it if they have a keyboard, an internet connection, and an idea. I do not assert that many or most people can do it well, or that I necessarily do it well. It is a goal of mine to try to publish an actual book at some point, which is harder than doing an entire fanfiction story (90,000 words though, oof). On 26th July 2018 I'm still very young, so I've got some time yet, but I'm getting right on that.**

 **Alright, I think I've said everything I want to say. I'll mark this story as complete within the next few days. As a final thing - thank you everyone for 35 reviews. If you haven't dropped one already, feel free to do so. I appreciate all the support. There was a guest reviewer early on who pointed out a major mistake in the story (like "big fail" mistake), so thanks for that also. I also notice one fair criticism by Lebensmude - I tend to focus on dialogue, or as they put it "talking heads". This is a fairly major weakness in my writing; I tend to forego surroundings and just get straight to the point – which is not always great to read. I will attempt (may not succeed) to remedy this in the future.**

 **If you've read the whole story, as I've said, consider following me as an author.  
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 **Destruction in word form, signing out.**


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